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Remember that have to nurture your own light
before it can shine
Even if you are empty
even if there is no one to hold your hand
You'll find that a different kind of strength
comes from what you go through
You are strong. You are brave. You are here. It will be over soon.
Hold yourself until the tears dry.
Hold yourself until you feel your soul gain some of the weight
it lost.
Esther Krenzin Nov 2018
A fragile shell of what once was,
decimated beyond comprehension.
Shards of a old life slipping away,
into the silent empty space.

Memories of loved ones,
eluding desperate hands that reach and seek--
For what is buried beneath the dust.

Submerged in perpetual darkness,
the stars have lost their light,
the moon has lost its glow.
Every infinitesimal shard of your very essence,
is engulfed in the empty space.

The empty space that exists outside time,
and matter;
Hides in the desolate corners of your mind.

A invisible fog covers your soul,
stealing it away like a thief in the night.
And you are left unreachable,
a blank page in a book full of blotted ink.

The ones who loved you with every breath in their lungs,
surround and overwhelm with tear filled eyes.
Utterly helpless as you disappear.

Years pass,
Evaporate into the empty sky.
Dead to yourself.
Dead to the world.
Dead to the ones who loved you most.

And though your gone, an empty space lingers in your wake.

-Esther Krenzin-
For Grandpa, who was diagnosed with dementia when I was five. He has disappeared and I cannot see anything but a broken shell.
Drowning in waters of storm
I flail desperately to keep my head
above the glimmering
Invisible to the ones I need the most
my plea for help leaves my lips unheard
And so I drown with no company save my
I want to get drunk on the stars
to have their luminescent light fill my being
and fill in the cracks left by my
So I swallow shards of glass
in a futile attempt to end the pain
I close my eyes and let them shred who  I am
who I used to be.
But when the stained slivers fill my gut
all I feel is cold numbness
All I hear are their words so carefully cruel
slashing into me like
So I curl up in a ball on the bottom of the lake
and let myself drown
Into darkness
Into oblivion.
-Esther Krenzin-
Sometimes what we think might save us from ourselves, only harms us further.
The pain of loss
Is so unbearable
I can't ignore
This empty feeling
This big hole
Now that you have gone.
I never hear your voice again.
I feel devasted
And all alone
JARC Dec 2018
are you ****** ?
CGW Nov 2018
Death came down from the clouds.
So quietly.
So very softly.
He landed like a dragonfly on a flower.

Death is all of us.
Is in all of us.

I cried by your side as your breath blew away.
So now I'll wait for what feels like an eternity to be back with you.

The more I push away Death the harder he pushes back.
In the end we all die.

We all fall victim to the unavoidable.
Death is already here just look in the mirror.

We are Death.
We are the thing we fear.
We are what we strive not to be.
We are death.

RIP Smudge. My sweet kitten Smudge passed today from FIP.
Amanda Nov 2018
Some people see light in me
Fire inside that I don't see
Burning bulb of a spirit sweet
Expectations I fail to meet

Some people think I am great
Love the pieces I create
Only imperfections there
A decent work is oh-so-rare

Some people know the things that I have done
Battles fought but never won
Yet they love me despite my wrong
Believing it made me strong

Some people wish I would try
Push myself until I cry
They don't realize that I do
The fire in me just won't shine through

Some people see grief inside
One I so carefully hide
Because I understand but they don't see
Some people cannot be what you want them to be
Written 1/31/11
I am, a wee bird bird.
Whispering secrets
through the trees.
Iam, a bird with a song.
singing through a storm.
The sun sets before me
before I fly home.

Iam, a bird that rises
with the early dawn
Plucks out feathers
feasting on Heather.
I am, a bird that roams over land and sea
saying goodbye to the summer skies.
Smiling down at the Autumn trees.
Sean M O'Kane Nov 2018
When great aunt Maggie passed away years ago, the one thing I really missed was her angelic voice.
The swaggering, sing-song lilt of the mid-Derry accent was as sweet as the confections she used to pass out to us as kids:
The inflection, the intonation, and the slight lisp she brought to it was so gloriously unique but was never heard again.
I often wish I could go back with a tape recorder to capture it in all its glory and relive how wonderful she was.
Now all I have is a untranslatable memory that can't be brought back to even vaguely approximate what it meant to me.

And now here I am again with the same obstacle.
The same tones, the same inflections albeit through a different light have just been extinguished before me.
This time there was no digital device rushing in to capture our time before it ran out.
No instinct for preservation was forthcoming - we were too busy having fun & 'being here now'.
No, once again I am bereft:
All I I have is here (in my heart) and and here (in my head)
The loved sounds I miss will always resound there albeit without backup
Voices lost but not forgotten.
Go to sleep,
my love,
and find your happy place.
Go to sleep,
my love,
i'm sure I'll be okay.

Rest your head,
And darling stop panicking,
I can feel your whole body shaking.
Rest your head,
And know,
That my heart is truly breaking.

My darling,
let me handle all thats coming.
My darling,
While my heart is numbing.

Close your eyes,
My dear,
And let the light carry you away.
Close your eyes,
My dear,
No need to be afraid.

Drift away,
I promise you'll feel nothing.
Drift away,
We both knew this was coming.

My angel,
My beginning and my end.
My angel,
Until we meet again.

Sweet dreams,
Just know,
I love you more than life.
Sweet dreams,
Just know,
T'was an honour to have been your wife.
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