Take me to the Leonardo and Dance with me in the rain and Come with me to Costco just for fun and Read with me in a library with your hand in mine and Drive me to the aquarium just for you to complain about the smell and tell me I look like the ugliest fish there
Bring me to the biggest puddle you saw today so I can jump in it and Tell me when you’re going to run away to California so I can come with you and Let me listen to the sound of your voice vibrating in your sternum while I lay on your chest, enjoying the tune of your heartbeat and Bring me fireworks from your friend in Wyoming and Take me to your place you go to think and Send me every meme that makes you smile and Sing your favorite song with me at the top of your lungs
Tell me of your fears and your guilt and your joy and Tell me why you use a double bladed razor and your favorite color is yellow but sometimes green and which brother that scar above your eye came from and Let me walk with you through your pain And allow me pull you close when you feel like sobbing Walk with me on rocky roads even though every instinct in you wants to run away Let me be warm and be gentle and be healing when you need me to be
Trust me to hold your needs Trust me to bandaid your battered heart
I am learning to respect a boundary and to hold true despite my shaken peace
"i love you !" i say as i tear myself open with how much i still think you don't love me back like i do what a clown i make, what a sad excuse for a friend not to tell you i was so insecure about us, that i'd rather cry on the way home than in your house. i won't apologize for feeling, but i'm sorry for lying.
coming to the realization that if i could let myself die slowly, i would, was the worst christmas present i could give myself. there comes a moment where you are so miserable that you can't even pity your own **** self, self hate is so stupid, so time consuming and egotistical, and yet i cant stop it. i can't shut it up. i am an ugly child, and i don't remember how to live like an adult when the world around me crumbles and cannot hold me up anymore.
i only love the kindness i give to you and i hate all the rest, what do i offer the world day after day except the bitterness of someone who can't be bothered to live for real, what good am i, for myself. i don't know. i don't know and i'm tired of trying.
please don't leave your absence is unbearably hard to swallow difficult to stomach painful to digest but you force me to eat every bite on the plate filled with static it tastes like blood it is so confusing shocking and metallic stinging my tongue and hurting burning my throat
please please baby i don't want this but you left and so i have no choice but to choke on this empty breakfast this is not nourishment this is poison you fed me poison every kiss every laugh every touch that i will never have again only serves to **** me further my insides are torn and my guts are bleeding where the **** did you go?
and why did you do it? i would have never let you hold me so tightly if i had known you were giving me venom if i had known you only came to leave
i eat this loss for breakfast every morning every exhausting morning
You tasted like sandy sugar, I was never sure which granules would hurt to bite. The mixture of edible and inedible became your alibi, the reason you didn’t come home. “There just wasn’t enough sugar in the mix.” I wonder what baker believed you. What bread-kneading girl let you into her dough, let you rise and puff out, only to find the end result was more inedible than edible that day. I wonder when I stopped believing you. When I learned to pick apart each grain and test it in hopes of finding some hidden sweetness. There was never enough. Never any at all. My dishes lost their flavor. I gave up on spices and sweeteners, on yeast in my baking, I let everything fall flat at your feet. I let you taste what it meant to love you. Bitterness flooded your tongue night after night, and yet you started coming home more often. Convinced somehow that would change things. That our teenage romance would outlast the centuries. You lost your sweetness and mine, well I’m not sure it was ever there to begin with.
huffed you’re fumes sang the blues ran through a light blue twilight i lose cause i always choose your misery over a good night lifeless in the body of 20 year old the sun is rising but my bones are cold i wilted like a rose at your toes decomposed