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12.6k · Aug 2018
Saudia R Aug 2018
We sit in this room
across from one another
in silence

I try to look at everything
but you

I feel your eyes on me

I feel them roaming
as if your hands are on my body

how is that even possible

it's as if you're right beside me
grazing your fingers where they please

Your lips following their trail

lingering here and there
exploring every dip and hollow

The room feels so tight
this tension is something I can't explain
this silence so deep

I feel so restless
I want to burn something
break something

I chance a glance
and our eyes collide


what is this feeling
how can something feel so hot

I try to look away
but I'm frozen

I wait
But your eyes are still on mine

A silent challenge

You get up and leave the room


And I follow
7.8k · Jul 2018
Saudia R Jul 2018
You said to me

Your tears are like diamonds

I want to catch them all
And cherish them away

So that one day
When I have enough

I can give you back a crown
Befitting a Queen.
7.1k · Dec 2011
Last Sunset
Saudia R Dec 2011
He came out, out of nowhere,

as I watched the sun set.

He took a seat beside me and asked,

"Are you ready yet?"

I kept on gazing forward,

as he waited for my reply.

Then I put my hand in his one,

"Yes Death, I think it's time."
3.8k · Jan 2014
Odd Slice
Saudia R Jan 2014
I'm weird because I like it.
I'm weird because I'm cool.
In my novel, movie and musical,
I am both the Stars and the Moon.
The only outcast present,
is your attitude and you.
So when you try to judge me,
the world is judging you.
3.6k · Aug 2013
Saudia R Aug 2013
To you my dear,
this song I sing,
to show my hearts desire.
I swirl each line,
as sweet as wine,
until the day I tire.
I sit and wait,
for our first date,
to see if you do love me.
For if you show,
I’ll surely know,
that God is up there smiling.
But if you’re late,
and make me wait,
until the early morning…
I’ll get my gun,
and shoot you down,
and find another darling.
2.9k · Aug 2013
Friend Zone
Saudia R Aug 2013
The friend zone; A place I truly detest.
I've never been here before, it’s hard.
I laugh at your jokes until tears fall from my eyes!
I want to know,
do you share my feelings?
I graze your arm and my heartbeat quickens;
The electricity takes me so high!
I look into your eyes and feel the ground shift,
I want to know,
do you share my feelings?
You make me feel like you do,
and then you change the way you act!
But the very next day we are back at the start,
tell me!
Do you share my feelings!?
An endless circle we weave,
I just can’t catch my breath.
do you share my feelings?
2.4k · Dec 2011
Saudia R Dec 2011
Her fingers trail my arm with cold calculation,

her laughter as sweet as the deadliest sin.

She looks into my eyes with nothing but determination,

bites my lip and gives a sigh.

She takes what she wants without hesitation,

weaving her magic into the air.

At last I am told that my time is over,

she ***** my soul out without a care.
1.8k · Mar 2016
Saudia R Mar 2016
I am an Inspiration.
By being,
I am paving a pathway.
For some to follow,
to duplicate,
to improve.
But overtime,
pathways erode.
The cracks slowly become noticeable.
And the path, not as even as it once was,
breaks away,
piece by piece.
What was reliability,
is now uncertainty.
Do I step,
unsure of sound ground?
Questioning, yet I continue down this path.
Because I learn,
I learn everyday.
A path is imperfect.
There are no two alike.
Similarities maybe,
but an individual path,
for a single walker.
What once was,
will never be again.
and learned inspiration
springs determination.
To not let an eroding path,
erode the soul that forged it.
1.4k · Aug 2013
Blind Artist
Saudia R Aug 2013
Knowing how to paint is key, so they say,
When to brush and stroke, or erase it away.
But some painters out there just cannot paint,
They keep adding and adding; makes me faint!
Without knowledge or a care for the rest,
These women slather on makeup with zest!
Some demonic possession is at work;
Like some creature in the dark on the lurk,
Waiting for a victim who they can jump,
To ****** and caress and um, ****…
But enough of these victims, these lost men,
It is these creatures of “virtue,” these women!
Who capture the eye of peers with disdain,
Who then suffer in agony and pain!
Let us look at this process at it’s core;
But not to the point where it is a bore!
How the blank canvas of a womans face,
Is slowly and precisely won through race,
Of multiple brushes dabbing at paint,
Trying to turn a sinner to a saint!
The fine brush used to paint plump lips bright red,
And pale powders of primer of the dead.
To seize the image of porcelain death,
To mimic the perfection of Queen Beth.
The slight graze of the check with some faint pink,
And the strong tracing of the blackest ink!
On the lids and the lash of the blind eye,
Who fails to see that their face is a lie.
But for me that is surely not the case,
For in the mirror that is not my face!
1.4k · Dec 2018
Saudia R Dec 2018
Let my silence teach you

what my words

did not
This year, do not explain yourself (especially repeatedly) to someone who does not listen. Let your silence be your response.
1.2k · May 2019
Saudia R May 2019
You ever just look at an old photograph

One where you were bright eyed

Toothy grin from ear to ear

And you just stare at it

Really stare at it

and can't help but think


How the hell

Were you ever that young
Couldn't believe the way I used to think. The things I would say to myself. I really wish I could go back in time, not even to change anything, but to give younger me a glimpse of why she has to go through all her hardships and why it was the best thing to ever happen. #strongerforit #thankfulformysupport
1.2k · Aug 2013
One Night Stand
Saudia R Aug 2013
I tiptoe across the wooden floor avoiding all the creaks.
Moonlight streaming through open windows of a silent summer night,
casting shadows over rumpled sheets of a well-used king size bed.
I hear the water running in the bathroom across the hall,
grabbing clothing strewed around the room I move with ninja speed.
Hunting for the elusive pair of ******* I just can’t seem to find.
Forget it, time is almost running out, I need to leave before that door opens.
Rushing now I grab my stash and head for the front door,
lightly hopping, stealthily propping as I pull on piece by piece.
Last, my shoes, I grab as I unlock the front door,
grab my keys, leave the note and run out barefoot.
“It was fun, I had to run, see you again someday,”
get in my car, start the engine, drive, drive away.
1.2k · Dec 2013
Saudia R Dec 2013
Pounding, pounding,
gravel, grass.
my path.
Where should I go?
I am alone, there is time.
My body says left so left I go.
My goal in mind, pick up the pace,
concentrate, relax,
1.2k · Apr 28
Saudia R Apr 28
And so I rest

as if every dream that has been

never was to begin with
1.1k · Dec 2011
Saudia R Dec 2011
When you fall in love you feel as if your heart is about to explode,

as if it can't take another moment in your chest.

You feel as if the world is more vivid, colours sharper, tastes sweeter,

anything is possible if you just try.

You feel as if your skin is tight, your heart racing, mouth dry,

waiting for a look or a touch.

The panic you feel is indescribable, incomprehensible,

because he is the One.

But when you see him with someone else,

it's as if your heart is about to shatter,

not able to withstand the constant tearing and breaking that has begun.

You feel as if darkness has surrounded your world, making you dumb,

blind and deaf,

nothing left, no sun.

You feel your body crumble, heart stop, mouth quiver,

on a heartbreaking, convulsing cry.

The pain you feel is unbearable, undeniable,

because he was the One.
1.1k · Aug 2018
Says, Love
Saudia R Aug 2018
Have you eaten yet?
When are you getting home?
Where are you going?
I thought that we...
How long will it take?
Whose with you?
Can I come?
I'm worried.

Says, Love
How so many of the, "annoying" questions we get, are how someone in our life says love.
991 · May 2016
Until our Path
Saudia R May 2016
May we meet again.
Someday not too far.
To give us time to heal,
and feel once again.
On a sunny day with wet grass.
By lakes of crystal and trees of brass.
Through burrowed Mountains we shall run,
to reach peaks of power and fortitude.
Where we two will be one,
once again whole and full,
and no longer looking to the shadows
for food.
But until that time...
let us wander a bit more,
until we are ready to come home.
979 · Mar 2019
A Haunting
Saudia R Mar 2019
I hope my words haunt you

Because when they do

You'll know I'm right
875 · Dec 2013
Is There Room?
Saudia R Dec 2013
Let me ask what your heart truly desires.

A question you've never been asked.

Take a minute, don’t rush your answer.

I can wait forever if you can't.

But all I want to know,

one thing before I go,


can you see me in your future?

Sharing things you've never shared before?

Loving like you’ll never love again?

Wanting like you've never wanted more?

Can you see me in your future?

Selfish me, wanting all your answers,

desires you've hid away from the world,

a world where you feel all alone.

But even though you've sealed your heart up tight,

locked the doors and threw away the keys,

still I’ll ask you,

can you see me in your future?

Even with my own battered heart,

shattered from several tossed remarks,

I ask, will I be enough?

Enough to start your heart again?

To unlock your doors and open wide,

the heart you hide away inside?

What could it hurt?

The thought of you and I?

Because for me,

I can see you in my future.
Wrote this after spending the whole night watching a really sad/thrilling/romantic Korean Drama. Not sure what spurred me to dance away over my keyboard. Even the topic came out of nowhere, but not one to question random inspiration, I took to key and let my thoughts run wild. Hopefully it doesn't just sound great to me because I'm going crazy from lack of sleep >.<
740 · Jun 2016
Saudia R Jun 2016
I string up my hammock for two,
and lay in it alone,
listening to the trees whisper to one another.
How I long to hear their songs
and giggle to their stories
of centuries past and times forgotten.
The wind rocks me close to her *****
while the sun shines down on the children
hoping from flower to flower and between blades of grass.
But my eyes grow heavy, and I struggle to stay.
Then I hear them,
laughingly say,
rest now child;
all is well.
730 · Apr 2016
Saudia R Apr 2016
Before my time is up,
and this moment in life passes,
I want you in every fiber of my being.
So when this body withers,
and ash is dust once more,
I want my soul to be
slowly consumed by yours.
708 · Nov 2018
Saudia R Nov 2018
All waves

turn to smooth waters

Time can and will heal everything
699 · Dec 2011
Weeping Willow
Saudia R Dec 2011
Sweet scents, on a drifting wind of nothing but dreams.

                                                        ­         Swift motions, of a strong current flowing through your soul.

                                  Grazing fingers, breaking skin with a fiery touch.

    Soft moans, whispering silent promises throughout the night.

                                                         ­                            Leaving only pleasure in the Weeping Willow of our love.
641 · Aug 2015
Saudia R Aug 2015
I'm stuck, and I can't get out of this glass box I've put myself in.
My destination is so clear, yet the steps I take lead me no where.
I can see, but I can't touch.
I can move, but I can't step forward.
Always in the same place, no matter how much time passes.
I am still, in an ever moving moment.
And I am scared.
Because in this glass box I am safe.
I do not move so I do not change.
Nothing can touch me when I am out of touch with the World.
For in my own Space,
my own Universe,
my own World,
I am both rich and poor, Ruler and subject.
I make my own Laws and I break them.
I see all, yet, I don't see nearly enough.
I can fly, but only so high,
and for this reason I am free within my own prison.
A prison I can shatter with a pin, but can't even crack with a hammer.
A prison that if I so choose, can unlock, with a single key.
A key, I've had in the palm of my hand, since it's creation.
And yet, I still stand in this glass box,
that someone will come save me,
because I can't seem to save myself...
623 · Sep 2018
Saudia R Sep 2018
I am a Queen

who looked to a Prince
for the respect of a King

Never again

shall I take this crown off
to appease a man

who wont stand beside me
while I wear it
September has been a rough month. I fell for someone and had my heart broken. And for a while there I placed the blame solely on my shoulders, which I`m still struggling with, but it`s getting easier and easier to remember my value. This one is for those who have experienced the same. Queens and Kings alike. We can get through this, it gets better!
569 · Jan 2018
Saudia R Jan 2018
Let me build you

Let me build you
brick by brick

Let me layer the concrete
and add the stone

Strong and sure and beautiful

Let me give you foundation

A place to stand

to hold your own against rain
and snow

wind and storms

To house your own and be a home

Let me give you fire
and warmth

power and purpose

Let me do this for you

and lets name it love.
569 · Feb 2018
Saudia R Feb 2018
Today I told you how I felt
How stupid I was to show you my heart
How I wish I could turn back time
and the worst part
you didn't even know I was talking about you.
538 · Sep 2018
Saudia R Sep 2018
Must be nice

to pick and choose
when Im worthy enough

to be a part of your life

Too bad
Im not an option
489 · Apr 2018
Saudia R Apr 2018
Today was a bit easier
I realized that I didn't cry when I thought about you

Instead I was laughing at something stupid that I did
Remembering that moment I spilt my drink everywhere
and all you said was


And even though I rushed to clean it up
you were right there beside me mopping up my mess

Laughing and commenting on my cleaning abilities

I felt bad that I made you wait
but you didn't care
cause that's just the type of guy you were

An easy smile and an open hand
ready at any moment to reach out
and help

I wish we could have helped you
I wish we saw something sooner
I wish I had the power to give you some of my years
cause Lord knows you would have used them wiser

But I know I shouldn't say that
think that
because it wont make the hurt go away

It wont bring you back
but that hope that you'll walk through the door is still there

I don't think it will ever go away
Today we did a tribute piece for Paolo, he was a dancer, and they redid some of the pieces he choreographed. It was...soothing, happy. The pain is still there, but it's not as sharp.
453 · Apr 2018
Saudia R Apr 2018
You lied
and said
you were the Sun

How foolish I was
to keep you
in my Sky
448 · Apr 2016
Saudia R Apr 2016
I am ashamed.
I have failed so many times.
I no longer believe.
Believe in myself,
in my world,
in my dreams.
This weight on my heart,
so deep and dark,
slowly crushing me from within.
It's so hard to escape,
to breathe.
So frustrating.
Sleepless nights,
Second guessing everything;
Feelings I can't control...
or defeat.
A drop away from drowning;
I need help.
So many hands extended,
but some wither; some fake.
Unsure of who to trust,
which hand to take.
Head pounding,
heart racing,
four am panic attacks.
I don't want to let my parents down,
but I already have.
They haven't said it,
but I can see it,
feel it.
No explanations needed.
It's not all in my head!
It can't be.
But what if it is?
What do I do?
I'm lost.
But not all those who wander are lost...
I've been wandering for so long,
When will I be found?
445 · Jun 2019
Saudia R Jun 2019
And with Silence
we learn

the true meaning of Death
437 · Dec 2013
What am I?
Saudia R Dec 2013
Nature is my mother, my father man,
together or apart my life in their hands.
Each owns thought shape my being,
deciding, deciding, am I ready yet?
To face the world and reflect it’s thoughts.
Why am I here? Who am I? What is this box?
Never knowing the answer, but seeing through my soul.
How do they know? Why can they see me? Will I ever be told?
Then they decide who I will finally be.
Whether to hurt or protect? We shall finally see.
But I warn you,
you decide that you can,
define me, refine me, change me by hand.
That I am you and you are me,
and without due care,
you might untimely see,
us shatter.
435 · Aug 2019
Saudia R Aug 2019
Never again
will I define
beauty through your eyes

I've learned

mine are enough
427 · Dec 2011
A Thousand Words
Saudia R Dec 2011
A thousand words are in my soul,

a thousand words I can't control.

A thousand words I ache to say,

a thousand words I locked away.

A thousand words that are true,

a thousand words just for you.

A thousand words I can't deny,

a thousand words that make me cry.

A thousand words that lay in wait,

a thousand words a day too late.

A thousand words never said,

a thousand words from the dead.
406 · Sep 2018
Saudia R Sep 2018
You were right for my soul

But not for my head
Or my heart

That's what makes this so hard
387 · Aug 2016
Saudia R Aug 2016
It is only until Death comes knocking at our door
that we realize we have never left the house.
384 · Apr 2016
Saudia R Apr 2016
Two halves of a whole
but never the whole of a half.
what to do now?
363 · May 5
Saudia R May 5
I've only lived so many years

Only lived in so many places

Have only met so many people
And have only experienced so many things

But I've lived more than one life through every connection

Lived in all of the places they have been

Felt every feeling one feels with their loved ones

And have seen time as they have seen


And though it may seem impossible

through their eyes I see me

the world

in their reflection
see yourself in this as you see it. and then ask why.
356 · Mar 2018
Saudia R Mar 2018
I lost a friend last week.


I don't even know what to write
but I have to
If I don't, I will feel too much
and I wont know what to do with myself

I cry every night because of how much it hurts
If you ask me though, I can't even tell you why

because that's what I cry


he was only 22.

so much life! so much everything
and like that

The only peace I have
is that I was lucky enough to say goodbye

but even that
is no peace

I cried to his mom
his mom

and with a huge smile she tells me to stop crying
a smile just like his and she says it's okay
this is only a see you again, not a goodbye

we wrote all over your coffin
with colorful markers
all the memories we shared

the hopes we have for you
the dreams we will live for you

I hope you read them
I hope you watch us

walk with us
while we walk for you

until that day
until we meet again

I love you

September 18th 1995 - March 18th 2018
349 · May 2016
Child of Loss
Saudia R May 2016
A road less traveled
is one I follow
as a child of loss
and sorrow.
I weave a path
of smoke and ash
to burn the memories
of days past.
Something I wrote about 6 years ago that I just found in one of my old journals.
342 · Oct 2019
Saudia R Oct 2019
Discipline is not taught in a day
I've been on a vibe. Happiness is everything.
341 · Apr 2016
Saudia R Apr 2016
And even though our moment has passed,
like a photograph stopping time for all eternity,
the sweet pain of the memory will stay with me,
336 · Jan 2018
Saudia R Jan 2018
I sit and watch
as the stain slowly seeps
into the fibers of our white carpet

You stand and watch
as the stain of red
deepens on the hand print on my cheek

The silence in the house
grows heavy
with the stillness
of the moment

Waiting on the edge of patience
to see
who will explode first

But the silence
will be disappointed
to know that this time
will be different

You stare in shock
at the outcome of your actions
but I wait no longer to reply

I slip off the shackle
of metal and rock
and place it carefully on the table

And leave my seat
for today
and the day after that

I head for the door
ignoring your please
and calls
that you'll change

It's over
I'm done
I'm never coming back
331 · Apr 2016
Saudia R Apr 2016
I wish you said yes.
I'm glad you said no.
296 · Aug 2018
Saudia R Aug 2018
Do you sometimes feel like a pillar

Like you are the last thing holding everything and everyone up

Like you are the last thread preventing everything from unraveling

So much so that you are not allowed to rest

That if you do
The hairline fractures in your foundation might widen

Might become cracks that are no longer safe

That anymore pressure will cause it all to collapse

And that at the end of the day
You are the only one eroding

The only one who no longer can stand tall and true

Can no longer be a pillar for you

To slowly become dust

Picked up by the wind
Swept away and forgotten
You can only support those around you for so long. Be selfish; care for yourself as well.
295 · Dec 2019
Saudia R Dec 2019
there are some days when it's the headache and you, not you and the headache.

just pound after pound, the core of your brain. the beat you never intended to dance to. and look at us, puppets.

like a ball on a string, our heads rattling around, unaware that heads don't rattle.

trying to push away the push of pain through pills that we pop to pop this pressure point.

but figuring out where to place the pin is the pause.

you don't want to make it worse, but if you can't make it better, best to just...not.

how do normal people function? what is this magical nirvana of blissful calm state? how does one close their eyes and sleep?

when headache likes to play, you can only hope they don't pull the string too hard.
sometime you want to drink the coffee and say **** it.
294 · Apr 2016
Saudia R Apr 2016
What once was,
will never be again,
but maybe that is how
it was always meant to be.
291 · Dec 2018
Saudia R Dec 2018
A moment

That's all it takes

A single moment

The touch of a loved one
The laugh of a stranger
The shy smile from the little boy
hiding behind his mother's leg

There and then not

Did you savour it
Lean into it
Let it sink deep

Or did it pass you
Did you let it slip away
Unaware of its purpose

One moment

That's all it takes
For Paolo ❤. Missing you alot today. September 18th 1995 - March 18th 2018
283 · Nov 2019
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