I'm out here searching for something more
it's something that is in front of me
but it's something that I can't see
I'm trapped behind the chances I had
I'm stuck behind the dirty glass
peering through the broken cracks
because I'm stuck
in the past
thinking of what I could've had.
when you find yourself entangled in your own empty bed sheets
9 pm on a Tuesday and thinking of my velvet skin
when you begin to miss me and my wild thoughts and the way I never knew better than to speak them
keep it to yourself
don't you dare tell me about the way you turn over at 4 am and forget I'm not there to pull closer
don't call and say you wish you would've done things differently because God knows I gave you that chance
don't be selfish anymore
just let me be and let me believe you didn't care the way I always thought you did
One day in a dream
I talked my brother into
swimming in the ocean
A long shot
He doesn't swim anywhere
And seldom speaks to anyone
But he agreed
And because he did
Its my belief
We were rewarded with treasure
We swam for miles
To washed up boats attached to tired docks of the homes of greedy folks
while pushing limits
Touching what wasn't ours
From there to an island
Where no one lived
But as I look back
He was somewhere else
On his own quest
I climbed a hill to see him
And at my feet
Pulled out of the rocks
Just what was needed
My own personal treasure chest
with a microphone attached
I think there's no way it works
Washed for years in countless tides
But Im always wrong
The universe always provides
Flipping it on I dont hesitate
Clear my throat
And proudly sing like a fool
He tells me what he had found
I found a voice
Making our way back to town
And very loudly thank my brother
to that vacant beach
with me that day
The day we met I completely dismissed you.
I gave the idea no second chances.
You seemed like train wreck that I needed to fix
But I just didnt have the time.
Thats a common trend with me.
Not enough time...
It always ticks and ticks
and annoys and annoys
Like a needy dog that pesters you for attention...
Thats how you make me feel.
I wanted him to hold me as I cried an ocean and wept a sea.
I wanted so desperately to feel something other than this loneliness clutching and clawing at my chest but,
I lost it.
I lost the voice within me that made sense and the one that didn't and now I am all alone in this godforsaken darkness that continues to stab at me with all the memories I can't seem to shake off.
Am I as much of a burden to you, as I am to myself?
I wanted him to tell me everything was Okay. I wanted that so badly,
but he's not mine.
You're not mine, either.
The words are all I have and I can't seem to translate them into anything other than heartbreak.
I'm unsure as to how I could possibly trust, when all the pieces I handed you were left on the ground, neglected.
I wanted him to hold me, because he seemed like the type of safety that I looked for.
He looked like safety and everything that could possibly pull me out of my own sadness.
I hope he's nothing like you.
He's a breath of fresh air in this polluted, corrupt world.
He's so much more than all I am.
I think if he ever let me near him, I'd graze his skin with whatever poison resides in me.
I lost it all, even myself, I hope I don't lose him.
Seems like just yesterday,
You begged me for another chance yet you waste it away.
I shouldn’t put my trust in you,
Knowing that you'd never cherish everything that we’ve been through.
How could I be so blind?
Oh you played me;
Like a fool, I had been falling for your lies.
Not gonna be your toy no more
I’m done playing with your games, now I’m walking out that door.
Boy, I don’t need your love no more because it was never once true
And now, I’m already over you.
I’ve had enough this time, I’m walking away.
Have you ever given yourself a second chance?
Not every mistake you make has to result in a Donna Summer.
A Donna Summer?
Yeah another self imposed last dance.
You'll never get anywhere flawless My friend.
So allow yourself those screw ups because the most important thing from them is the lessons
I realize know ive been living with ine hand behind my back
So from now I'll make peace with the things i lack
And use my strengths to make an even greater comeback!