I'm glad you're my friend

A shoulder to lean
A crutch to stand
A dwelling of respite
And the dawn's first break of light

I hope to give as much as I take
Laugh with you and cherish
To face what comes side by side
To be silent comfortably on those long car rides

I can never be angry at you
No matter my efforts
A smile from you is all it takes
A cure to my recurrent mental aches

In an unfulfilled life, your company is contentful

But

Like a poisonous nightshade blossoms
The fruit of friendship ferments
Forms into an intoxicating sweet wine
Drunk from it, my mind is realigned

I don't want to be friends with you
"Friend" is such an evil word
It brings so much yet restricts all I care for
A false comfort when one longs for more

So perhaps I must go
To some distant desolate escape
To myself, I must be true
I have to save myself from my love for you

I hate that you're my friend

i can only collect clues
my hypothesis is i have no chance with you
so i withdrew
but i hope it doesn't feel okay for you
i hope deep down you desired me too

Read the palm of my hand,
Analyse the lines and see that it maps a highway with no destination
You became a long highway with high speeds and good music but as the driver, I knew it were to go nowhere
But as the passenger, you anticipated us to go everywhere  

And for that I’m sorry
You became a best friend that I resented
And I became the best friend that you had to learn to resent

Long car talks became our lingo and daily messages was our travel snack that we would crunch like a pass time
But as you found another, our cars collided
Inertia was met by fastening seatbelts and an accident we both denied had occurred  
And it's not that I’m jealous or realised I love you

But I am now met with suburbia,
With corners and cafe small talk,
Stop signs and round a bouts,

And I am to know that I can no longer rely on you like a country road but instead give way to another
I wish all the best for you
I know you once looked at my hands as a destination for yours
And honestly, sometimes I wish it were
But instead, they are creased maps leading to the nowhere for you
And everywhere for someone else

Although, I really hope you enjoyed the trip home

I feel you
I understand you
I like you
but I still don't want
to be with you

-
She said she had a lot of baggage
Running from things she's been avoiding
Since a young age
I told her we were in the same boat
I'm also trying to stay afloat
-
Few days later I was her favourite
Late night calls and early texts
Those park dates were best
Surrounded by a crowd but it feel like
It was just the two of us
We would bearly notice the rest
-
I said with you I don't feel alone
And that my feelings for came like a cyclone
Maybe I came in too strong
But I felt weak after she said
I feel like that too
But we should keep it in the friendzone
-
Lowkie ®

I've never told you,
But I've loved you for years.
I know you don't feel the same,
But I always hoped that somehow
You would fall in love with me too.

I never minded waiting
Just being around you was enough,
But these days, you've become so distant
I wonder if you even care at all.
Even when I was drowning in my own darkness,
I answered your calls and listened to every problem you had.
And then, when I needed someone, I reached out to you,
But you ignored every single plea for help.

Now, my heart is slowly dying
And I don't know how to stop it or who to tell.
With its final fading beats it clings to my love for you,
But even that is slowly fading.
And somehow, I feel it's all my fault.

Does your boyfriend do all these thing that I do for you?
Treat you the way I treat you ?"
It was clear why he was asking,
Everyone wants to look better than their opponent.

Then a moment of silence slipped in,
And a flash back of nothing swept by...
Those were all the memories I had with my boyfriend.

"He probably will also change when he has me,
right now he just wants to be the better man"...
I told myself.

"Of course!
He treats me well...
He even does more than I could ever ask for"... I lie.

If he had paid more attention,
He could have spotted my hesitation.
If he had paid more attention,
He could have known I needed a hug.

He could have notice the cry for help
Behind my smile.
That I wanted him to try harder.
I wanted him to convince me...
So I could know i was worth a fight.

But sadly he backed down,
Turn his back away,
And has never looked.
And I can't run after him.
All am left with is the promise I made to my lover.
And the thought of "what could have been"

he met her at a very strange time in his life. no, scratch that. that was basically a quote from fight club.

i.
but frankly, he did meet her at his lowest lows
when he wanted the vortex to **** him in so he could vanish and rest and maybe find peace-
for his girl was gone and left him to fend for himself in this chaotic world, scattering the past, present and future they’ve dreamt of in a hurricane before she did, one that ****** the life out of him
his girl, the girl of his dreams, the girl he dreamt with, the girl he dreamt for, the girl who shattered his dreams gone

ii.
he slowly opens up to her
and she slowly gets to know him
well mostly, his love story left to die with its tragic ending, another tale of an unrequited- now one sided- love
she doesn’t really mind for she’s known pain and misery,
known them enough to last almost half of her lifetime
she knows how having them as company turns living into the art of merely breathing
and so she refuses to take flight from this almost stranger who, because of the way circumstances have rolled she’s stuck with
misery loves company doesn’t it?

iii.
he has turned her into his shoulder to cry on
changes taking toll with time’s passing,
yet their connection remains constant,
their unexpected friendship unfazed
two people with the same wavelength, gliding with the same frequency,
relatively similar to soulmates
and they could end up together in the snap of a finger, voila
as easy as how random they picked up
but nothing easy is ever worth having

and try as they, she might,
it seems like it can’t be


iv.
she’s always there for him
she’s seen him cry, beat himself up enough times
she’s aware that he could be quite a handful
perhaps ignoring his constant “i need you’s”
and “please don’t give up on me’s”
and evaporating one day into the air and blocking his number would be the best option;
letting go could be her salvation
before she chooses drowning over keeping her head up for one particular boy-
she’s the one consistently found on his side
she’s the one with the 2am jokes when the world decides to act as his shadow
and the one with the random spur of the moment topics that never fail to amuse him

v.
sometimes he’s left wanting to lose the remaining sliver of hope he has for humans
so he makes her out to be just like everybody else
on those occasions when he wants nothing more than bottles of ice cold whiskey and packs of cigarettes from dawn to the late night hours, to cease existence
he expects her to appear and announce her leaving
and he’s left with this internal satisfaction all the time when she lets down his morbid expectation that she’s given up on him
she remains on her place in his life

vi.
but maybe she’ll never be the girl

even if she’s always with him,
always nagging him to get out of bed
and live this ******* up thing disguised as life
even when she becomes this bright light trying so hardly to outshine her darkness and his darkness
even when she manages to see the good in him
even after she lets out her “i’m here for you’s”
and “i won’t leave you’s”
and “i got you’s”

she’s still not the girl
there’ll always be this wall,
barricading the distance
no matter how little between them
all the while the lines get blurrier

vii.
she confuses him enough for him to get a grip
and even feel in the state of denial he’s locked in,
really looking through her remains his failure
even after it all, majority of her is still invisible
somehow she’s still a stranger,
just strangers who because of their own messed up loneliness,
bared their souls out to each other
and their needs and attachment
get in the way too soon blinding them,
thinking it could be something more,
something it’s not

viii.
strangers.
maybe that’s all they’re meant for