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MsRobota Mar 13
I swear I-I never wanted to trap a butterfly

It's all my fault
shards of ceramic scattered in disarray
It's so surreal
scattered soil, cautious footsteps
an unsettling sight, distorted situation
The roots' exposed

I have no right to cry
After all
I broke your heart
didn't I?

I tried to get past the past, but
all I know is loss
all I do is grieve
All I hear is ambient noise
Ringing through my head
all I know is violence
all I do is parkour

And avoid the feeling

Checked out
found the exit
and chose
To grieve you today
Cause I can't bare the thought of losing you sometime down the road
When you hate me
And regret me
and we'll be screaming about all your wasted time

I can't be what you want me to be
And I know I'm not what you need
I don't know the person in your head
But I know it's a concept I can't complete
And you can't handle the person I am

I swear I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

Please, believe me
I swear it wasn't my intention
I didn't mean anything by it
I only wanted to escape
For a moment
See all the colors before I go blind
No worries, no responsibilities
Fill my lungs at the top of the world

Running through
crowded places
And you grab my hand

I don't understand
how did you get me laughing

It must've been the caffeine
For a moment
the geranium almost thrived

Now I'm too old to be
Drinking alone at noon
Pretty pink drinks
As pretty as Dianthus in spring  
Is that what you meant
When you were explaining your feelings?

Well, the bartender is adorable
But I can't bare to look at brown eyes full of pity
Like they can see right through me

I swear I-I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

So I leave
loud and angry
almost hit me
If only
then I could
finally escape
and I can
finally feel...
It doesn't matter

Poison slips into the cracks and crevices
Under the skin
Down the throat
Into the lungs
Behind the ribs
Irreversible structural damage
nectar of dissolution
Dissolve the heart

You know who you are

I swear I never wanted to **** a butterfly

Venus flytrap
It takes so much self-awareness, inner strength, and confidence
to recognize, accept, and embrace your insecurities.

And when you finally do,
fear and self-hate have nothing on you;
it paves the path toward self-love
and personal growth without the fear of others judging.
I'm neither the mirror nor the reflection
I'm neither the presence nor the absence  
I'm neither the fool nor the sage
I'm neither the seeker nor the finder
I'm neither the sky nor the cage

I am someone I haven't been
I am somewhere in between and something unseen
But if I do know a thing
is that
I am sewing what I am with the not's that I keep clean
Lawrence Hall Nov 2023
Lawrence Hall, HSG

                                             Decaying Orbits

Wild vultures swirl in distant elegance
Circling gracefully in the high, cold blue
Wings beating the downdrafts into place and space
Then orbiting down, a narrowing decay

And landing lumpishly upon the dead
Their distant grace was but foul deceit
Up close they know only ***** and filth
Their orbits have decayed into decay

Perhaps at a distance we seem beautiful
But would we want to know ourselves up close?
Self awareness
It's been years since I actually missed her
And its a surprise because I thought I was done dreaming of her forever
Not only did she break my heart
But I grew to hate the things we both shared, like a broken handle on a cart.
At one point during these 7 years I became delusional
Creating a fake relationship for her and I, utterly insane, no?
I wanted her and I to be a thing once upon a time
I considered myself to be a nickel and her a dime
Embarrassingly enough to say, but even before we became friends I had set my sights on becoming her man
Unfortunately, I was too hasty in my confession resulting in my unused plan.
I tried to not let it bother me and I was able to move on eventually
Until of course I found out she was interested in my best friend, not surprisingly.
He was pretty popular unlike me
I, however, wanted to be useful to her so I listened to her "gush" over him because that's what a friendzoned 'nice guy' does ,right?
His feelings don't matter so there's no point putting up a fight.
If she's actually interested in you she'll make those feelings known.
I couldn't understand that back then, but I can now since I've grown.
It's been 7 years since she released me from her life.
I became so jaded and bitter from all that strife.
The nickel that wanted to be with a dime
Can't believe I dreamt about her after all this time.
I had a dream about Giovanna last night. I decided to include more in this poem about the friendship I had with her at the time so maybe someone would understand why I get so triggered thinking about her.
Saudia R Jun 2022
I'm enjoying every moment of my magic

Such is the magic of my moment
There is so much to you that when you finally lose your way to being found, there is nothing left but to be grateful for the magic that is you in a world born of weaponized sadness. Be magic. Be magic for you.
Ryan Seth Cole Apr 2022
I hurried up to the window. It was all the way down stairs. The exhaust was at crescendo. By the time I arrived, you were not there. The exhaust fumes that plumed had left a trail in the air. It was cold that morning, I had walked out to the driveway in my underwear.

I came back inside and put some clothes on and tried to move on with my day. But it wasn’t that easy once the argument was there. Any task I would do would compose in the background like the noise of the county fair. Any stranger could become a target should my fuse were to despair.

I try to have more control than that but this morning I did not care. I made everyone around me; suffer with me at the cost of what you bared. It was your fault in the grief we shared  but I won’t admit it. Plus, you don’t care. You hurt me and now I hold the world hostage. Give me my heart back or I will.

I already lost it. And at what point is the damage I received Justified by the pain I inflict upon others? At what point do I look in the mirror and find the fault upon me?
Well if you have read this far you can already see.

Self infliction and escalation we pay to hurry our death.
gray rain Mar 2022
Sadness became a part of me
taking everything I know
making it all gray
That's what I am

Trying to think of a new way to live
falling into old traps
spitting fire on my old life
trying to forget how to go back

Looking for a way to love
find a way to pick myself back up
gray isn't all I was meant to be
Trying to move on from my past in a new environment, with new people. I am happier than I have ever been but plagued with insecurity and depression. Struggling to show how I really feel.
M Salinger Feb 2022
I think there's something about youth that a lot of 'adults' forget:
those years between 20-25, might as well be 15,
they are long and arduous
and will test your will more times than  you think possible.

But it is here where your character is forged.
Where your soul picks a path,
an identity in relation to this world.

Because what is the self if not in relation to another?

And from there, the current of this identity takes you along to 30, 35, 40, 50, 60 and onwards.

Some people buckle under this pressure,
it is intense and cutting.
And takes both rigidity in one's persistence
softness in one's heart.

Because a hardened heart cannot be imprinted on.

And that might just be the point of existence.
To be imprinted by love and to spread the same.

Kindness is a choice.

We choose in the pressure chambers of our 20s if we are nice,
or kind,
or neither.

I hope when you look in the mirror, you are as proud of your choice as I am.

It is this kindness within you
that you have nourished and grown,
with intent, and through a labour of love,
that will always carry you forward.

Kindness is a choice, but we were also lucky to be gifted this by Mom and Dad,
and from them ever since.

Their commitment to kindness
to keeping this softness in their hearts,
reminds me to do the same.

They have this inherently within them because of the communities they grew up in.
We are removed from these parts of our roots,
and that particular cultural piece
is not the same for us.

As such,
it will be our life's work to keep this knowing at the forefront of our minds.
And hearts.

However, this is still not a weight we must bear alone.
We do this in communities just the same.

It will not be easy
and will take both hard work and dedication,
but it does get easier.

The current picks up with time.

I feel fortunate to have you
on my team for this task ahead.

We have our work cut out for us,
and at this particular moment, we must go at it alone.

But that does not mean we are ever alone.

That community.
That safety net.
Those hearts imprinted with  yours,
of past, present and future,
always remain.

This is my hope for you
as you go into this next chapter: that even when you are alone, you are never lonely
with this knowing.

My heart always remains soft and open to yours,
To my babysister,
on the other side of 25: it only gets better from here.
Charles Leonard Jan 2022
I cast a shadow most clearly
In the light.
Better though this shadow
Then hiding in the night.

(C) - 2003
A debt of gratitude to Sheldon Kopp who wrote from many angles about the importance of owning our disowned selves, the wolf within, the victim, the shame.
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