Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Dance like we were
Tom Hiddleston & Tilda Swinton
In Only Lovers Left Alive
You made me feel alive
Like a bright red vinyl record
You had me spinning
Like a carousel
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to dance?
One last time
For old times’ sake
Our movements
An explosion, an expression
A supernova
Of Love

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Talk about the most interesting things
The way Kenneth Branagh talks about Hamlet
Passionate and Adventurous
And I hate Shakespeare, but I’d recite every line
So that you never lose that passion
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to go watch Keegan Michael Key play Horatio?
Opposite Oscar Isaac.
I’ll be confused, but I’ll try to understand it all
To see that smile reach your eyes

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I’ve missed you
I’ve fought my demons
And through the frustration
Through the anguish
I found my balance

Lover! I will always love you

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
A time out in the corner flashes before my eyes
When my first grade teacher forbade me from going outside
But wouldn’t tell me what I had done wrong
What had I done wrong?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
I snuck out of bed at midnight
A soft carpet welcomed my feet
Promising a silence that wouldn’t disturb sweet lullabies
I was watching with wide eyes, screaming within crowds
Till it was over
Why did it have to be over?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Loneliness is my greatest tragedy
A malicious motivator
Second place didn’t matter as long as I had a place
You granted me moments
But left me on the swing
I walked home while the emptiness within my chest
Mirrored the gray winter days
Why did you leave me?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Umbrella abandoned by the ocean
Little children collecting seashells
An elderly batch are playing chess
Until the sun sets
But I’ll be sitting by the ocean
As days like this hold my mind

It’s raining red letters
And it’s not slowing down
Hitting the pavement
Draining the color in the earth
And it reminds me of my reflection in your eyes
Because you were the thorn in the side of my heart,
You were a rose with teeth
And your bite stung like a scraped knee
You locked me out as I banged on your door
The sound pierced the air
And I wish I was strong enough to rip through
To get to you
But I’m left out in the cold with a broken umbrella
I’m drenched, swallowed whole
And part of me wants to stay here forever
Standing on your porch
Because I feel like I can breathe when I’m actually suffocating
In raining red letters

Not a day goes by
That love bugs don't invade my mind
And butterflies flutter like fireworks in the sky
Not a day goes by
When my heart isn't hammering
And I want to tease you like we're in grade school
On the play ground
Not a day goes by
Where I'm not hoping you
Cho-cho-chose me because I can't get over
Everything you are

I can't get over
You kissing me
I can't get over
You picking me
I can't get over
You loving me
I can't get over
You
The reason I am
Me

We stood together quietly
Staring at the painting of a woman with olive eyes
I hear myself say I wish mine were as beautiful as hers
And find myself engulfed in light-blue skies
He says they’re darker…repeats the word
Darker
At times he pauses as if trying to find another word to describe my eyes
….but he doesn’t say it
I’m wondering does he want to say Beautiful
Or is it just that I want him to say beautiful
But he continues to smile as he says
Darker
And continues to get closer as he says
Darker
I wonder if this would be the part of a movie where the characters kissed
But this isn’t a movie
And I turn to walk past him
Across wooden floors
Towards anything else that catches my eyes
I can feel his stare
And the space between us feels
Darker
...Beautiful

I know a boy
With eyes like mine
He is breathtaking, refreshing like the ocean
When the tide comes in
He is extraordinary, radiant like fields of amber
When the harvest begins

I know a boy
Who loves Java as much as I do
My favorite pass time is when we’re coding
He is teaching me theories
We’re experimenting
Seeing what works best
Efficient, Effective solutions  
We’re engineering the simplest algorithms
It’s a practical approach
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
He knows me better than I know myself
He understand the explanations I cannot give
The result isn’t a misunderstanding
I don’t have to scream, but I want to
I want to argue with him
Even though I’m running out of air
My face is about to break
My heart is about to explode
And my mind is moving a mile a minute
But when the war is done
In the silence I find familiarity  
I’m falling asleep to affectionate lullabies
I’m waking up to inside jokes
This warmth has me leaking like a faucet
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
He blows my mind
The conversations are weird
Slow and Sweet
Anxious and Calm
I’m rambling without a filter
Swearing and Laughing
I just want time to stop
Just hit the pause for a moment
So I can memorize the moment  
Save the conversation
So we can live it together later
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
With eyes like mine
And it’s the best **** thing

Woke up early this morning
To discover you weren’t lying beside me
Ran to the kitchen hoping to find you
Ready with pancakes, pouring my coffee
But it’s empty.

I’ve spent a lot of time warring with myself
To make a change, leave you behind
Start new because you’re always late
And I’ve noticed your eyes wander
I’m feeling betrayed,
Wondering, “Shouldn’t they be on me?”

I used to be able to read your mind
Now there’s only vacant stares
Fake smiles exchanged across the room
Arrogant laughter tickling my ears
I’m feeling insecure
Wondering, “Is this a phase?”

I see the way you look at them
The warmth in your eyes
Used to be directed at me
Instead, I receive shallow waves of insincerity

I’m looking down from the edge of no-turning-back
I tipped over the hourglass  
I can feel each grain passing through the pinched center
I can see time running out
For you and I

Woke up early this morning
You weren’t lying beside me
Walked to the kitchen knowing I wouldn’t find you
Readied the pancakes, poured my coffee
Feeling content
I’m ready for the conquest

You got this way about you
I can't figure out
All that I said remains true:
I want to see where life takes you

Your gentle hands, unspoken brush strokes—
Why mask your portrait in shades of gray?
Give yourself the same grace

Why is your worth a foreign concept?
You're the epitome of the green and gold

What can I do?
Certainly can't argue—
Just accept a—

simple truth:
you're the green and gold inside the gray

Mrs. Styles, who sits by the window
Leaning back in her chair
Reading the future in the crystal ball
Coffee cup in hand
Taking sinful sips with sinful lips
I can't help, but breathe in the brim of your demeanor
You're nursing a dreamer's addiction

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Presumably, Mrs. Styles you are  death twisting my tapestry
Tearing at the thread, hovering above me
Engulfing my bright skies with paranoia,
Anxiety, overwhelmed by overcasts
Calling a storm that screams like the shadows on the walls
When the lights are off
I'm trapped in a choke-hold like a dog trapped in a cage howling at the moon
The beast inside can't be tamed Mrs. Styles

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Mrs. Styles, this future is a panic attack
Stop writing, erase the ink and listen to my pleas
I'm lost in an empty theater with velvet chairs and silk curtains
Waiting for someone to sit down and listen
As I eagerly try to play a piano that makes no sound
I don't want to come down from the clouds
Why is my world trying to pull me down?
I've had enough

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

I'd rather die
Knowing I tried
To fix myself
As I ate myself
From the inside

It's an acquired taste
I don't like it

Bitter

I can hear you beg for it

But I'll never write you a love song

This isn’t a physiological thriller

I’m not Betty Davis

Still, I'm wondering

Whatever happened to "Ever ever after"?

I’d rather be Singing in the Rain

Than holding back tears waiting for a key

To unlock my chest



Convince me I need this too

Because I never thought the hardest thing I’d ever do

Would be hating you



I try avoiding slipping through the cracks

Into the trenches, but anchors pull me under

I try to dream outside of war, but memories haunt my days

I had no intention of staying

But I feel your hands around my waist

And it begins again

I stood at the station waiting for you
but you never came

For the longest time
I was attached to the notion
I could count on you
but paper planes never fly like rocket ships
when you're not there

I gazed at the hourglass sitting on the counter
Waiting for you
It mocked me with each grain that fell
so did the memories
flooding back like a never ending rainstorm
15 months gone, 15 months since
Love abandoned me on the battlefield

I remember how
I lost my breath as butterflies got lost in
Sweet Secret Strawberry
Kisses

I didn't know death had a shadow
I didn't know he was watching

I've run out of words, no more excuses
this love is silent

but it finally stopped being complicated
and I can dream outside of war
because I'm done waiting for you

Intelligent life floating nearly three decades towards unification
With unsuccessful progression, just stressful aggression
That is preached on the mountaintop waiting for the wild beast to unlock its secretes
When underneath lies a labyrinth of tunnels
Full of issues spinning on a cursed wheel;
On the streets, there is no silver-lining
And ethnic cleansing, is a political approach to coax society
With an insurmountable wire full of electrons
Trying to tranquilize a foundation of "modernity"
That is drenched in red Beryl molasses
Causing another martyr to die in cold blood;
Sick with a plague that runs deeper than the cyanide in our veins
What a shame that these flowers wilt away
Not even rain can break down these red dreams mixed with criminal themes
No matter how hard we try, no gust of wind is strong enough
To fight off the spiders bloated with poison
That lurk in the shadows, at a quarter to midnight
They light the cigarettes like the patient wolves
Watching the calm night from the rooftop
The moonlight magnifies their grotesque facade
Baring their teeth at a lingering silhouette cast out of paradise
Into a void where sober logic is drowned by clinking wine glasses

Maria
tells me
to come to Madrid

Sit in the pews
de la Real de la Almudena
with shadows
and ghosts

Maria,
lighting candles—
Extinguished souls:
done begging,
just burning through the skin.
Aching
in the bone.

Maria,
Santa Maria—
can’t save
you
or me
or us

I'm just trying my best
To hold it together...
But—

Maria—
persecute the saints,
    I'll be in the Moulin Rouge—
free the sinners

Maria
tells me
to come to Madrid

Santa Maria—

Maria...

People say he doesn't say much
they offer words to fill the silence
condolences between the aisles
but they don't understand
they don't understand

He wants everything
or nothing
offer him death
offer him life
but never love

People say he doesn’t look too good...these days
they offer words to describe his pain
he looks sad, he looks exhausted...these days
but they don't understand

It is what it is
we both know how the story goes
you'll never be happy
but you'd be satisfied
seeing where life takes me
but my road leads back to you

offer me death
offer me life
but all I want is your love
nothing else
nothing more
but you don’t understand
you don’t understand

He’s skateboarding over a million petals
As if he was skating on water
And it’s so, so beautiful
She snaps a picture on her phone
But the moment she saw him
She was sure she’d never forget him
He’s just so, so beautiful

I know I'm a terrible baker
You don’t have to eat it
It's not a big deal
he explains

It was his first time trying to make something
So, so beautiful

Strawberry Shortcake is nothing more
than sweet biscuits with sweet cream and strawberries
Serve it with a little tea
Serve it with a little coffee
And that's enough for her
Because she thinks people who try are
So, so beautiful

She explains
yeah, it doesn't look pretty
but I appreciate the effort
So, let's clean up the kitchen

His only midnight customer
Keeps the shop open late just for her
It’s a slow love
It’s a colorful love
And it’s so, so beautiful
But they don’t say a word to the other
about feelings falling like a million petals
over the city
She snapped a picture
and he was sure he'd never forget her
She’s just so, so beautiful

They were laughing
And it was
So, so beautiful
They were laughing
And it was
So, so beautiful

So, so beautiful

My friend is in my pocket
though she is many miles away
before we met... time just spent
and today was just a day

but now I know and can't forget
it's special because the one I met
19 years ago this day
was destined to type in all caps: "YAY!"

Lured to a fake wonderland
I grew jealous when you kissed the falling snow
Gliding along the ice, sinking between the cracks
It was a platonic toxin coursing through our veins
A beautiful creature of despair


Wake up in spring, lying in a grave
Lost in a dark forest unfolding our imagination
Obviate the worst night of our life
Surrounded by a million white coats crunching numbers
Watching experiments smouldering behind the glass
Strapped to tables, trapped by a colorful mind
I hardly recognize the reflection lost inside
When lurid collisions entertain these nightmares
The only thing left is scars

By summer, it's a world of tragedy
Giving into hate, accepting lies
Another roller coaster meant for a thrill
Bleeding through the neck of the hourglass
Slipping oozing black silk said to be medicine
Faceless, heartless breathing machine
Simulating numbers for accurate results
When there are no accurate answers
It's simply a beautiful stream of cold cases

Autumn floats away
Love closed the door
Left, an empty house
Not an echo, not a whisper, not a scream
Not a mutter, an apology
Just a bite of stone
Buried underneath a river of memories
Lost in a broken clock, still ticking
Forgotten in shattered words
A masterpiece disappeared in four seasons

How are you?
I don't know...
                                                     Are you okay?
I don't know...
                             please, i'm worried
                             say something?

i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

I don’t feel like myself
                    
            Who do you feel like?
I keep letting you down                        
           You know best
I never wanted to let you down
                                                 what you understand
                                                 what you don't.
                                                          ­                  You have to choose
                                                 what you want to do about it.
I don’t know......

                                           Leave anxiety aside
                                 what do you want to do with your life?
what sort of person will you be?


i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

                                          i think you hate yourself
                         i understand, i hate myself too
                                   but you have to stop hating yourself. 
                           you spend so much energy on it it's absurd

I'm worried that you'd take such ******* seriously and get hurt…


Why?

self pity and self hatred are pointless.

You have a yearning you can't deny

                                  No matter how much you want to

Please don't forget me
Please don't....
Please don't forget me....

I don't hope for anything
But I hope you get your dreams

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

I'm trapped inside a house with spiders
Surrounded by canary-colored walls
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
and all the words she ever wrote
I don't want to feel such things anymore

You call me up
But don't say a thing
What's there to say?
Would it change your mind?
Would it make a difference?

I'm too old to pretend
On the midnight train
I know we won't make it
I'm too old to believe
In words and young hearts
I'm too old to feel like a child
On the midnight train
We'll go our separate ways
At the end of the line

When I say, when I say, when I say...
I'm met with silence

My whispers could never be louder than all the politics (Suicidal thoughts)

What you mean, what you mean, what you mean...
Will always be,"Goodbye"

What do I know?
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
What was I thinking?
and all the words she ever wrote

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

i hate people more than
i hate myself...expect you
you're a good one

i don't understand
why you hate the person you...
are my golden hour

how'd I end up at the edge
you said you'd never let me fall
then quickly changed your mind
you said you'd push me off

here's your ******* chance
why don't you go ahead
and do it?

these edges—
another flashback,
another ****-up,
a little messed up.
a bad person: me—
forcing my apologies,
a true comedian,
always performing.
but who's watching?

always peering over that edge
edges that wait
for you to push me off.
I don’t know if I’ve survived ****,
if edges still bleed
all over the side of my high-rise,
rising.

one step
off this edge
and you get your wish.

****

I saw you dancing with fairies in the forest
You gave me a book of spells
But I cast you away
I heard you sing lullabies for only my ears
You taught me to dance with knives
I stabbed you in the heart

I was trapped inside a white room
You could see me through the glass
While I was blinded by bright lights
We shared a visit
I tried to hold your hand
But it passed right through
An illusion of my grief disguised as you
You vanished
Leaving me to regret the last words I said

It must be summer where you are
Because it’s a dark world here without you
I hold onto anger for my mistakes
You must know I did it for you
Because I never got that last goodbye
I seek revenge, but I'm the one to blame

Everything
I
Do
And
Everything
I
Am
Is
Wrong