The wind blows,
I hold steady.
The waves tug,
I refuse to budge.
The flames ignite,
I'll withstand the burns.
The earth shakes,
I'll find my balance.

I will never yield
To the forces that try to bring me down.
Noone ever won,
Without standing their ground.

Dang,
it feels like you all want me to lose,
I thought you’d be relieved,
to know that I emerged victorious from the abuse,

it’s as if just surviving wasn’t enough,
but I also have to be humbled even more,
is having guns in your face and being beaten to a pulp,
not enough I need to be humiliated some more,

but that’s okay,

because sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me,
and I’ve been through a lot worse than some words,
so your opinions written in literary form will never hurt me,

don’t confuse my confidence with cockiness,
because if you do then it’s you that’s confused,
I should be celebrated not player hated,
it wasn’t easy and still isn’t easy getting through the abuse,

but many claim it’s ego,
like I should stay depressed just because I’ve been depressed,
as if I should lay over and give up,
as if I should curse everything for which I’ve been blessed,

what is it that disgusts you so much about success?

You don’t know what I’ve been through,
don’t confuse my being resilient as me being a Narcissist,
honestly I am more humble than you might think,
plus I know any moment I could go off into eternity,

nothing is permanent,
especially not the moment we are in currently,

so please stop throwing stones at my head,
because of some pre-conceived notions you red,
of some words that I said,
that were the result of some cuts that were bled,

I mean seriously what do you want me to do,
would you rather I just die in defeat than live in my truth,
would you rather I allow myself to be pushed of the edge,
than find a way to persevere and pull though?

See I’m as depressed as you I hurt too,
but the difference is I don’t want you to lose,
I want you to be victorious and write yourself into the light,
because Love over Hate is what I every time choose to choose,

Dang,
it feels like you all want me to lose,
I thought you’d be relieved,
to know that I emerged victorious from the abuse…

∆ LaLux ∆

Alive, alone, derided through and through

You know you get me
But when I'm alone.. I become sane, again
troubled with the mess of realizing
reality isn't my forte, it's the dreams I live in
and the hopes I'm not given

Disdained, begetting songs of true fortune
You know it's crazy to think of anything before you
and even then, I realized I didn't have anything planned

I know you didn't want to see this coming
and neither did I
The silver linings are once in a lifetime
we get the chance to divine upon;
But there's never a greater time to behold except right very much now

I know you said you couldn't do it alone, but look at you now
stoic, yet holding your own
Tattered and barren but never too far from the hope we knew we needed
And it's a mystery why things never stay the same no matter how much
In the end everything seems to be
Invariably never changing

old habits dying with the wishes we had yesterday
But it's cool
I see you there and all I could ask of you is
Simply you

There's no defeat that is what we ultimately asked for
But I'll never presume what I have, what I want, what I know
It's all only what you care to choose
Your smile begets my own

By now, I feel, the notion has gotten a little overboard
the motion of it all being
Self defeating
Just as these words drip from my fingers
I can't stop seeing..

But they'll never change, unlike the rest..
And no, I'm not saying I'm anywhere damn near being the best
For you, or anyone
But what I can purvey is all the trust that's been given thus far
It's not natural unless it comes deep within our own hearts to convey
And I appreciate it, like cherishing a perfect day you can't forget

Because it came from somewhere knowing you well enough; deep down, among all the stricken dusty irony
Designed in purgatory, awaiting, sophisticated
the drudgery seems to fall away when we're just speaking at or especially with each other

But I still know, even in all of this, I am alone to think of such inspiring bliss
It comes off as moronic banter
Meaningless and disgusting just like the rest before me
But that's not me at all, and just maybe with time you'll get to know that best

You were afraid, then..
You'll be afraid tomorrow
and even then, I'll know never to impose
That's not what I want to do
That's not any sole truth
I just want to hear and know you're having a good day

All I could ever ask is simply you; and I'll be right here
Where we both fell in plight
Singing all the empty little things
We call life's, little, circumstances
Let's take chances, and leap into the unknown

For once, for good, for now; all spared meanings
Serving nothing and nobody proud, but rather still
Emotionless, soulless, deep and profoundly undertaken  
Shaken, wreaking havoc on their own flightless, droll, uncured soul

Sometimes we fall for the things we think are good for us
It echoes in the past as pain and regret
When, truthful, ironically
We tend to fall just trying to make a leap of faith on any first thing that brings us any hope to know "I'm okay" when in reality it's just false truths that bestow wrongdoing


And when something good actually happens upon our doorstep
The only way we seem to go is back, taken, breathless with deceit
Convinced what's here and now isn't anything that's good or worth our time
Irony seethes there, cold and barren
You never know, until you just know..
I'm talking about a true leap, in the right direction

Not desperate, or disparaging
Not profoundly meaningless or unshaken
Something bold enough to cover the scars and defeat with a kindness, a goodness, a righteousness strong enough to say
"hey, I think I'm going to be okay" and nothing more simple or complex as that

And if you want to get up and walk around, we'll so do I; and I could never want for more than to simply have the pleasure of spending that time together
Against all odds and defying all the redundant nuance

Derided, through and through.. Lost but never alone
Gone but never too far
And all I could every truly, simply, kind ask for is..

Yea, I did make a mistake
Does it have to halt me like a brake?
Do I have to let it feed on me like steak?
Will I dwell on it till my life is at risk?

You said I failed
Well, that doesn't mean I'm frail
You can't get me off this rail
My goal is to accomplish this holy grail

I didn't get it right the first time
I'll do it one more time
Not right? One more time
I won't stop until I say,
"I got it right this time!"

Theres a lingering cloud when we conversate
An awkward vibe we never mention
Long gone are our banters and cute debates
Keeping feelings minimal, avoiding questions

The adorable messsages we used to send
Are they ever coming back or was that it?
Loving like we used to, is that real or just pretend
Keep my broken heart if we ever do split

You're slowly fading away from me
I don't even think you realise
All i can do is let you be
And let me deal with all the cries.

Perhaps it was the distance
Or maybe it was just the time
All of this gives me grievance
I just want you to remain mine.

Can you lend me a pound of your strength
maybe give me a slice of your chi.
I could do with a dose of your vim
and a dab of your vibrant esprit.

So give me whatever you're having,
let me follow your daily routine.
So long as you allow strong coffee
within your wholesome regime.

She sings herself swan songs
But she needs a lullaby
Her hips sway beneath her tired shoulders
Her feet her foundation
But they do not sit still
Simultaneously running towards her courage and away from her fears
Despite her deep breaths
Her lungs are not full
Her belly rises and falls persistently anyway

Her resilience keeps her company by the lakeshore
Sings to her softly
Cradles her heart in its hand
"You are safe here"

Noticing her determination, the wind carries her along
Towards the horizon
Towards her courage
Spills into the corners of her insides
Warms the garden her mother never tended to
Never sang to
The leaves become her chorus
The moon her lullaby
Her resilience smiles
Takes root in her temples
Lines her walls with forgiveness
Patience
Ingredients for her garden
Waters it with celebration
After all, she has survived.

Sunflowers tickle her ears as they sprout
Stretching and yawning in the daylight
"My flowers!" She cries
"I have been waiting for you"

Her feet grow still
They had been searching for the sunflowers
Never knowing they were inside her
Deep in the soil of her garden
"We knew you would come for us,"
They beam
She breathes in
Down to her toes

Her lungs press into her ribcage
They are full
They
are full.

i kept anticipating
blocked off entrances and
handwritten out-of-order signs
over gas station bathroom doors
that are rusting at the corners

because each time i got in my car
that smells like sweaty dog
and lavender
i found a reason to turn around
i convinced myself that
the green lights were not meant for me
only backroads and passenger seats

the sun was not there
when i kept going
the sky was full of grey
and i could feel the rain in my chest;
i didn’t need it to be a perfect summer day
i just needed to believe
that i had enough light within me
to make it through