Many stand on the side lines
Take the small steps and get left behind
Others seem to rush through life
They have every moment planned
But never take a moment to hit the pause
And see the beautiful unfolding of
Who they’ve come to be

With a new age, comes new page to wake up in
And I can only hope I get to wake up in yours
Till we’re 97, sitting on a park bench
Feeding the birds on a Monday morning
Complaining it’s too cold & we’re too cold
Saying all the little things we’ve said a million times
And all the things we didn’t say
Because we don’t have much time before we run out of pages
And you need to know all the little things I didn’t say
These 365 days

Like everything inside you
That you can’t see
I see

Like how I should know you by now
But I know nothing about you
Because you’re always changing
But that only makes you
That much more interesting


Because I cherish all these small moments
These 365 days with you

I’m sure there have been days you wish to erase
I only ask you never erase me from your life
Because I’m sure someday we’ll be fighting
Coming undone in a wildfire
But I have no doubt that
We’ll get home safely
Cause there’s always an exit on the highway
And if you can’t drive
I’ll drive us home

Because I don’t want to be
365 days without you

As people we live in a broken world
There is no denying that
And we're looking for something
We're empty and we try to fill ourselves with money and cars and *** and happiness...
If someone is hungry enough they'll try to eat their own shoes
If someone is hungry enough they'll eat their own heart
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by giving gifts and cards...
For those who have been forgotten and underappreciated
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by drawing silly faces on post-it notes and giving away our hearts...
Waiting on a thank you
A smile
Waiting to be held
To feel like someone cared
But we refuse to accept a touch of love
Would it even satisfy the hunger?
It's not what we need
Maybe we don't even know what we need
Maybe all we need is a friend to sit with us in silence
As it tries to split us in two
Because we know we need something
It’s why we eat our shoes
Even though they are worn and scuffed and covered in muck
We eat our shoes
Anything that will give us a temporary relief
The sensation of chewing
Swallowing
But it's killing us
And we think we're solving the problem but it just makes it worse
Because the silence splits us in two
Drags us further away from the warmth we desire
We try to feel loved
We try to feel important
But people are temporary
They leave, we leave, they leave, we leave
But if we remember one thing about each other
Let it be the day we were born into this broken world
And not the day we leave forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Because we can't find what we are searching for in others
Or their products
What am I hungry for?
Love
Belonging
People can't offer that
They let you down
Even the best people die
And in the end everyone will let you down
Every single time
Because they steal and lie and cheat and whisper things to sculpt our opinions of each other
And Jesus I stopped calling out your name a long time ago
I have to accept you’re gone
And my heart shattered into a million pieces a long time ago
But if they remember one thing about me
Let it be the day I was born into a broken world
And not the day I leave them forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Let them remember the simple days
When I made them laugh
When being my friend was the best choice they ever made
When choosing to keep me was the best choice they ever made
When loving me was the best choice they ever made
In this broken world
Was being my friend the best choice you ever made?
Was choosing to keep me the best choice you ever made?
Was loving me the best choice you ever made?
In this broken world

I saw a boy walk between the bodies
Wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
He made them a promise to send the letters
Empty promises they will never keep
They’re not coming home
But they said they would

I saw soldiers
Run towards death on shaky legs
When they stepped off the boats
Out of the trenches
Fly up and down the line
Determination in their eyes
To protect a boy and a girl

I saw a girl walk between the bodies
Placing flowers on their eyes
And a hand beneath their heads
As she took away their screams
Hers shatter the sky
She wiped away their tears
Hers caused a flood
She took away their cold
Her body is painted purple & blue & black
She no longer feels

Abandoned by the world
I saw a veteran fall
At their graves is where he lays
Where he replays the horrors

But we won the war

He saw his friends walk between the graves
They’re wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
Determination in their eyes
As they fall and drown in a sea of blood

But we won the war

He sees his friends walk between the graves
Following a boy and a girl

But we won the war

They place flowers on his eyes
And a hand beneath his head
As they take away his screams
Theirs shatter the sky
They wipe away his tears
Theirs cause a flood
They take away his cold
His body is painted purple & blue & black
He no longer feels loss and pain and hurt

They won the war
At the graves

Have you known? Awhile

In coffee shops I sit for hours
Trying to compose a symphony  
As eloquent as the words on the pages of the novels I’ve read
But nothing comes
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

I’ve seen the way the light hit the maple
Small delicate bites across the table
I’ve been waiting for summer days like this
Hoping to be inspired
But nothing comes
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

She smiled at me
I smiled back
The words echoed through
A slap to the face and I woke up
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away


So underneath a chandelier of forgotten hours is where I’ll be
Surrounded by open windows staring through me
Dancing on a cloud of thorns and bleeding ashes on my tattered pink dress
Wondering “Does it make a difference?”
After all, I was promised your undivided attention
As soon as you walked through those doors and took your seat
The lights dimmed, the curtains rose
I came out, ready
Yet my movements were ignored
My voice forgotten
My masterpiece shattered;
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

The feeling inside is that of a broken clock
The second hand isn’t ticking
Time has your lungs paralyzed
But even so, at least twice a day you feel like yourself
And you can breathe for a second
Before you lose it all, again

Most would throw a broken clock away
Upgrade to a digital with a million other uses
Instead of replacing the batteries
Or taking it to the horologist
It’s rare that anyone who would pass it on the road
Would turn around to spare it a second glance
No one has time for a broken clock

It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re busy;
When you’re having fun; when you’re in love;
When you feel something other than a roller coaster of emotions
In your mind you wonder how did the screws fall loose?
Nothing makes sense in nightmares
Where images of pink one-eyed monsters chase you down the hall
But time never seems to pass
And somehow you find yourself falling through an hourglass
But the ending always finds you waking up
Broken, staring at a clock

Sent a ******* note calling it an apology
And a phone with a promise that if I needed you all I had to do was call
And I’d be tempted
If your shield never came crashing down on my chest

This is a Civil War
The moment I realize what I’ve always known
I was never your friend
This is the part of the story where you abandon me
In the middle of nowhere
But it’s not like you were ever there  

Shattered my armor, made of iron, into a million pieces
They said engineers could fix anything
Create a brighter, better, brand new future
So I’ll spend the rest of my life fixing my broken heart

This is a Civil War
The moment we disregard peace negotiations
No compromises, it’s all your fault
This is where I stop following orders and take control
I’ll take my chances with the guilt
As it swallows me alive

The longest hours of my life
Waiting in a hospital room
Playing with the lighter,
You gave to me,
As everything you ever said and everything I never said
Came crashing down like that shield on my chest

This is a Civil War
I woke up shouting in the best way
Trembling limbs, anxious heart
But I won’t back down
This is the end of the story
This time I refuse kneel before your monarchy
This Civil War is mine

On a wooden table nested between purple flowers
A little cup of coffee sits
By a window perched on a bar stool
Fiddling with the cup, in the palms of her hands, sits a girl

She woke up this morning in a hurry to meet you
Took 3 buses to get to you
Because you made plans weeks ago, but you never showed up
And now this girl is left hopelessly thinking
“What’s the rush to being rejected?”

The barista came by, asked her if she was waiting on someone
No one important
because waiting on you is like reading the same paragraph three times
And never understanding a single word
They asked her if she’d like another cup, anything to eat
She can see the pity in their eyes
They can see past her faux smile
She doesn’t have an appetite, but accepts another cup

They filled it to the brim
Maybe its warmth will fill the cold inside her chest

People don't die alone
They only die lonely

The memories of you
Scream louder than their weapons
Pointed at me
Saying I should erase you from this life
They bring back the words you spoke
Just before you left me sitting alone in a theater
Watching a movie

I can follow the plot, but cannot pause
I watch the ****** stuck on repeat
And it won’t slow down

I feel the promise we shared
In the tides along the beach
It bring back the words I spoke

I promise I will never forget to remember you
Driving on the bridge watching the sun
Warm the Ireland moor
We survived the ghosts that night

The windows shattered when you woke up beside me
The gates opened and we’re moving into our new home
I know you’ll come home
Because I feel your presence as gentle as a hummingbird
Your bare feet walking through the door everyday
You walk straight through me
My eyes flash open

I never packed up your things
Never closed the gate
Never fixed the shattered windows
Because you promised you’d do it when you came home

But nothing makes sense
Am I a hostage of hopeless thinking?
But I feel your fire consume my heart
Was I too occupied by the warmth of your arms
When you pulled me in, sat me down, I lost my breath
You gave it back
Soft like the English rain tapping on my windshield
As I drive towards the station where we never should’ve said goodbye
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome

Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “Where you going?”
I got to get off this planet before I fall intoxicated by your lips
This armor’s not enough to protect me from your…
Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “What’s your name”
Take a seat, enjoy the show
But I know this armor’s not enough to protect me from
Falling into your vortex

I know I shouldn’t take a chance, sneak a peek at you
From my side of the couch
But I find myself wanting all your attention
Guess I’m just selfish, jealous
This must be how it feels to be in love
Think I like that I won your favor by just being myself
Tear off my armor, Unlock my chest?

Maybe I could live with an empty chest
Would that be so bad?
Maybe my heart could just follow me around like a ball and chain
Until I found a new one
I’m starting to wonder
Would a new heart even fit?

it's been raining
like waves crashing on the sidewalk
i've been avoiding the puddles
waiting on the dawn of something i can hold
to come along and make me feel alive
again?

but the days never come easy
the morning rush only brings silence
the loneliness drags on
i've been wondering if the strangers on the bus
feel the same way
i do
are they breathing?

sleep won't come
affectionate offerings mean nothing
it could get better
but all it is
is getting worse
and all i to know
is i want to know
what it feels like
to feel hurt again
because all i feel
is nothing

so if this happens to be a rare situation
a bad dream where i'm running
a sweet dream where i cut
off everything i hate
about myself
maybe it'll turn out alright
and i'll find the feeling
to feel alive
again

i've been fighting a long time
i can't save him now
i've been fighting a long time
she can't save me now
i've been fighting a long time
i can't save me now

I don’t know how to love you. I’m not going to love you.
I won’t love you.
But I can kiss you
I can hold you when thunder yells.
I’ll reach deep down inside of you and rip out the knife that’s embedded just under your heart, that knife that has been causing you agony all your life.
I’ll take care of you
I’ll whisper the secrets the butterflies keep
I’ll touch you like you’re a fragile glass rose, but I won’t keep you behind glass walls.
I’ll destroy the mirror spitting Red all over your skin.
I’ll make you breakfast in bed
I’ll make you laugh, just don’t ask me to love you.
Don’t ask me to make you happy.
I don’t know how to do those things.
I can’t love you like you want me to.
I don’t know how to love you.

For 64 days I played a game of "Truth or Dare"
Cross my heart, beg to die
This is the confession of a broken heart
That sacrificed it's sanity for a steamy love affair

Now, I sit by the window wishing I had had a crystal ball
because it'd  have saved me a century of torment
Knowing I wasn't your knight in shining armour
It'd have saved me a century of screaming
Instead I watched Atlantis vanish
My pretty, perfect, paradise turned to ash

In my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope, so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

Hello, unhappily ever after
Thoughts that refuse me to let me sleep
I remember when I first saw you
I ran out of words
I lost my breathe as butterflies erupted
I couldn’t resist entering the maelstrom despite the warnings
This is my odyssey
I couldn't resist the enchanting music
I thought I could take it
I wanted to be imprisoned
I never knew something so beautiful could be so dangerous

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

I still want to be your ***** little secret
The thing you write your love songs about
But I'm nothing more than a wilting February song
Lost in the bitter, biting, bleak winter air
Because you were never mine
And every day I woke up alone, lying to myself
That I could live with empty arms
Instead of a soft lullaby
I scream words of a banshee

Inject me with your love, baby
Give me your love, honey
Fill me with lush tender dreams
Make cotton, candy, clouds rain sweet sugars of incandescent ecstasy
Just give me what I need because underneath I’m breaking

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

You need to tell me if you feel the things I do
Your hard exterior, your indecisions are making me wonder
If it’s worth staying up until 3 am
To meet you for our  little rendezvous
But I'm tired of sleeping with the enemy
A person I can't recognize  
Take off the mask, end this façade
Stop blaming me for losing yourself
When you got caught up in someone you invented

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

I admit
It's over
Our masterpiece has crumbled beneath your feet
Turned to ash, you left the remains in my chest
Because none of it was real
It was just a game of "Truth or Dare"
But I was never given the truth
So I dare you to tell me the truth
But you refuse
But that won't stop me from sleeping tonight
Without nightmares, without shadows
In my fantasies

Coffee...
You're...well...anyways
I just wanted to say hi
and ask you, if you
would, maybe, consider...Uhm
would you have coffee with me?
sometime..?

She spends her days knitting the ocean
Where the waves crash against the docks
And tides sweep her away

I wonder if she would
Knit me a collarbone of gypsophila
How I would love for those long fingers
To make me tremble underneath their touch
I’ve tried not to think about
What it would feel like if she painted my spine
An explosion of hues like galaxies
But here I lie
Thinking of her warm breath caressing my thighs

Flushed skin and swollen lips
Prends-moi et ne me laisse pas partir
White shirts and boxer shorts
Fais-moi rire entre les draps

Woke up without her again
Every passing day is like the red scarf she knit just for me
Unraveling like ice cubes melting on the pavement
And I can’t take this heat
If only we could rewind a moment
Then could we rewrite a moment?
Then could I keep her instead of saying goodbye?

I can’t decide if she was dusk or dawn
All I know is
She was beautiful when she smiled
And I forgot how to be sad
When she made grilled cheese sandwiches
And I couldn’t help but fall more in love
When she danced around the kitchen in her underwear

I miss bad jokes
I miss cold feet
I miss needing a reason…

I miss the way she knit me love