it's been raining
like waves crashing on the sidewalk
i've been avoiding the puddles
waiting on the dawn of something i can hold
to come along and make me feel alive
again?

but the days never come easy
the morning rush only brings silence
the loneliness drags on
i've been wondering if the strangers on the bus
feel the same way
i do
are they breathing?

sleep won't come
affectionate offerings mean nothing
it could get better
but all it is
is getting worse
and all i to know
is i want to know
what it feels like
to feel hurt again
because all i feel
is nothing

so if this happens to be a rare situation
a bad dream where i'm running
a sweet dream where i cut
off everything i hate
about myself
maybe it'll turn out alright
and i'll find the feeling
to feel alive
again

i've been fighting a long time
i can't save him now
i've been fighting a long time
she can't save me now
i've been fighting a long time
i can't save me now

I don’t know how to love you. I’m not going to love you.
I won’t love you.
But I can kiss you
I can hold you when thunder yells.
I’ll reach deep down inside of you and rip out the knife that’s embedded just under your heart, that knife that has been causing you agony all your life.
I’ll take care of you
I’ll whisper the secrets the butterflies keep
I’ll touch you like you’re a fragile glass rose, but I won’t keep you behind glass walls.
I’ll destroy the mirror spitting Red all over your skin.
I’ll make you breakfast in bed
I’ll make you laugh, just don’t ask me to love you.
Don’t ask me to make you happy.
I don’t know how to do those things.
I can’t love you like you want me to.
I don’t know how to love you.

For 64 days I played a game of "Truth or Dare"
Cross my heart, beg to die
This is the confession of a broken heart
That sacrificed it's sanity for a steamy love affair

Now, I sit by the window wishing I had had a crystal ball
because it'd  have saved me a century of torment
Knowing I wasn't your knight in shining armour
It'd have saved me a century of screaming
Instead I watched Atlantis vanish
My pretty, perfect, paradise turned to ash

In my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope, so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

Hello, unhappily ever after
Thoughts that refuse me to let me sleep
I remember when I first saw you
I ran out of words
I lost my breathe as butterflies erupted
I couldn’t resist entering the maelstrom despite the warnings
This is my odyssey
I couldn't resist the enchanting music
I thought I could take it
I wanted to be imprisoned
I never knew something so beautiful could be so dangerous

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

I still want to be your ***** little secret
The thing you write your love songs about
But I'm nothing more than a wilting February song
Lost in the bitter, biting, bleak winter air
Because you were never mine
And every day I woke up alone, lying to myself
That I could live with empty arms
Instead of a soft lullaby
I scream words of a banshee

Inject me with your love, baby
Give me your love, honey
Fill me with lush tender dreams
Make cotton, candy, clouds rain sweet sugars of incandescent ecstasy
Just give me what I need because underneath I’m breaking

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

You need to tell me if you feel the things I do
Your hard exterior, your indecisions are making me wonder
If it’s worth staying up until 3 am
To meet you for our  little rendezvous
But I'm tired of sleeping with the enemy
A person I can't recognize  
Take off the mask, end this façade
Stop blaming me for losing yourself
When you got caught up in someone you invented

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

I admit
It's over
Our masterpiece has crumbled beneath your feet
Turned to ash, you left the remains in my chest
Because none of it was real
It was just a game of "Truth or Dare"
But I was never given the truth
So I dare you to tell me the truth
But you refuse
But that won't stop me from sleeping tonight
Without nightmares, without shadows
In my fantasies

Coffee...
You're...well...anyways
I just wanted to say hi
and ask you, if you
would, maybe, consider...Uhm
would you have coffee with me?
sometime..?

She spends her days knitting the ocean
Where the waves crash against the docks
And tides sweep her away

I wonder if she would
Knit me a collarbone of gypsophila
How I would love for those long fingers
To make me tremble underneath their touch
I’ve tried not to think about
What it would feel like if she painted my spine
An explosion of hues like galaxies
But here I lie
Thinking of her warm breath caressing my thighs

Flushed skin and swollen lips
Prends-moi et ne me laisse pas partir
White shirts and boxer shorts
Fais-moi rire entre les draps

Woke up without her again
Every passing day is like the red scarf she knit just for me
Unraveling like ice cubes melting on the pavement
And I can’t take this heat
If only we could rewind a moment
Then could we rewrite a moment?
Then could I keep her instead of saying goodbye?

I can’t decide if she was dusk or dawn
All I know is
She was beautiful when she smiled
And I forgot how to be sad
When she made grilled cheese sandwiches
And I couldn’t help but fall more in love
When she danced around the kitchen in her underwear

I miss bad jokes
I miss cold feet
I miss needing a reason…

I miss the way she knit me love

There is a black line between the page and the words.
When the line smudges
I get anxious
'Cause it makes the page ugly,
Feels out of control
And I'm wondering do I rip out the page
Or continue the line
What would you do?

Got Tupac in my ear
Singing “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I feel it
Cause it was my fault
I ****** up again
but all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Yeah I know you're tired of hearing it
The excuses and sorry's
But it's all I have
and all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Got Tupac in my ear
Singing, “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I need it
Cause I know I don't deserve forgiveness
And all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

One day I'll make it all right
But for now
all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
So don’t be mad at me

I ain't mad at cha

“What do you want?”

I am
the double braids;
the sunshine in the tutu dress
The linear path
The yellow line
Didn't lead where it was supposed to
(where I thought it would)
I was just trying to catch up

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

I am
An ever-changing labyrinth; A sunflower
Caught in the dead of winter
Suffocating in a sea of strangers
Home isn't where it's supposed to be

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

I know
I can't afford to;
I know
It's best I don't:
Lose my ears
Lose my head;
Lose my feet;
Lose my breath;
But they're not where they're supposed to be
And I can feel myself lose my eyes;
What happened to the linear path?
Where is the yellow line?

Third time’s the golden ticket
Get me out of here
Please

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

Ears heard you call my name
Head spun
Feet pushed against marble
Deep breath

Into your warm, comforting embrace
Lift me off the path
Show me the yellow line
Take me where I'm supposed to be

I am
The path less traveled
The yellow line unwinding

“A Happy Meal”

Epilogue
______

Little Miss Sunshine
Sit awhile
Happy Meals turn into ice coffees
We'll wait
No need to worry
We'll be found
Eventually

"Can I steal a fry?"

A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back

I don't understand why I'm so broken

A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back

Snowflakes melt in the palm of my hand
No matter how hard I try to prevent it
Droplets slip through my fingers

This is New York in the Fall

Could I have a snow globe to store this feeling - awhile?
I’d like to hold on a moment longer
Could I have a flicker of warmth to duel this cold – awhile?
When dark days crash through

This is New York in the Fall

I stand at a crossroad
Fearful of being left behind
I don’t want to be stranded on the side of the road
Waiting for time to stop
Wishing snowflakes would Freeze!
As if I was 10 again playing a game of wax museum
I’m not ready to give up
When I’m certain I’ll win
In time

This is New York in the Fall

Walked in, showed up out of the blue
wait, waIT,WAIT!
Black feathers fall on marble floor
Elegant, the way he wants to end it all
get out, get OUT, GET OUT!
We fell to the floor
Held on tight as he sobbed
Wanting to forget it all
Held on tight to the enemy

This is New York in the Fall

Said he knew of unrequited love
But he knew nothing
Of impossible things
So, don’t bother with breakfast
If you can’t be bothered to return these feelings
Open-Close-Door

This is New York in the Fall

The shower was running
When he entered the room dripping wet
Caught by surprise and exposed
Well? Kisses on my lips left me startled
Why is it he can’t return this unrequited love?

He is New York in the Fall

It starts out as a simple day
With a raining symphony playing around me
I walk to the bus stop and meet a stranger
Tell her how I’d love to buy a pair of bright blue rain boots
And though others quicken their pace
I find tranquility in the rain
Because she works the pavement like a runway
I find charisma in her words
They hit me the way the rain throws pebbles at my umbrella
I find fulfillment with her by my side
Like the rain collecting in my gutters
Washing away the muck

And on this fine August day
All I see is summertime smiles, bright red umbrellas
Loud noises from cars passing by
On this fine August day
I watch fireflies light up my heart
I watch the twinkle, twinkle of her character
Brighten this fine August day

All I wanted this year
was a little bit of fun
All I've gotten is pain
I don't know what that means

Clear
1
A second became an eternity
Never had I thought you’d betray my trust
So I decided a second ago
To step out on the docks
Find a solution to this divide
Because I hadn’t known eons ago
I’d be swallowed by darkness in the curliest way
Never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black


Clear
2
I lived in a glass house
An estate many did covet
But never did I see greed resonate within you
You were not born to hate
I was drenched in naïve-ignorance
I believed you to be a friend
It was innocence that sought you out
Instead you sold my heart
For a fortune of your own
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
3

I never knew what it meant to fly
When they handed me a plane
Said go up and down the line
Shoot at everything that is not ours
Till red rivers cover green grass
Trees fall unheard and the clouds turn
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
4

Stripped of a name, of a family, of a life
Never did I imagine I’d bath in sin
Make a deal with the devil
But we were fighting
To get back what is rightfully ours
I lost what is rightfully mine
When I ignored their pleas to spare their life
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
5

Just the other day we made a promise
To save the broken souls
Just the other day I zipped my mouth
Defied orders because I never saw a thing
Just the other day I saw her body sleeping in the snow
I buried her where the poppies grow
Because I never want to see anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Love will stay Red
Where the poppies grow

I could hide within my own screams
because you can't hear them
and you can't see them
or maybe you just like ignoring them

An empty frame
is not a window
is not a door
is not a mirror
so how do I see
behind the scene?

Part 1
______

September is not kind
Barging in  
Brash and bold
RED, RED, RED  

Leaves  
Falling fires
Taking everything
Unapologetically

Ashes
Shattered souls
dark, dark, dark  

That which is truly lost
Can never be found
Again

September is never kind


Part 2
______

September on my mind,
Colors tangled in my hair.
Should’ve made it through,
But time moves on
Without you.

And it'll never be quite right—

September love,
Delicate, fleeting, pure,
Colors rushing through our veins.
A gentle reminder of passing time—
Devastation

And nothing will ever be the same.

September fading,
Resilience endures—
The beauty of your memory
As colors fade in the fall.

September exists—
Without you.

September always ends the same-

Leaving us
Devastated.


Part 3
______

Promise
You won't leave
When
September
Comes
Knocking

Promise
And I'll do the same


Part 4
______

I don’t need to know the language
Or the intricate details
To know the pain—
It's passed down
Through the bone

When life serves burned bread;
Savor the flavors of Turkish Delight

Like sitting with a couple of good friends
A cup of coffee
A bit of chocolate
A few tears
And a lot of laughs

In September
When life serves burned bread;
Savor the flavors of Turkish Delight

I prefer silence
because I am shy and awkward
but I hope you stay

because I like
the sound of your voice
it's sweet and strong

Best not to ask why...
Silly, silly people say silly, silly things
Like how they're glad you appeared in their life, beautiful

If they only knew... right?

Best not to ask why...
Funny, funny people say funny, funny things
Like how they want to keep you in their life, somehow

If they only knew...right?

It's just another day
of showing you weren't a waste of time
It's just another day
of struggling to catch a good vibe
but all you are is black and blue... inside...
It's just another day
of nothing's gonna stand in your way
It's just another day
of trying to fix all that's not right
so close, but it's not enough
It's just another day
of pushing all your limits trying to prove...that...you...
It's just another day
of failure and "I'm sorry"
and struggling to get out of bed

If they only knew... right?

Take it from a silly, silly person
Best not to ask why
Silly, silly people say silly, silly things

If they only knew... right?

Take it from a funny, funny person
Best not to ask why
Funny, funny people say funny, funny things

Do me a favor?
Don't ask me why...
I wouldn't know what to say

Please
Don't ask me why
I'm just glad you appeared in my life
Don't ask me why
I just want to keep you in my life

if freedom is a
state of mind
then I am a prisoner
trying to find peace
by avoiding life;
pretending
the things I can't have
aren't worth having,
but I want
You