One minute fine,
The next minute not,
It may be freezing cold,
But my brain is boiling hot.
The tingling sensation,
And then the trembling starts,
I cannot feel my legs,
Yet how I feel my heart!
The environment is spinning,
The air is getting thin,
No matter how fast I breathe,
I cant get enough oxygen in.
Things enter my mind,
I try to force them out,
But the harder I try,
The more they come back and shout.
I feel im going to faint,
Im feeling so sick,
I cannot run away,
All my legs let me do is sit.
My legs get weak and heavy,
My brain doesnt know whats going on,
Everything becomes something to fear,
The floor, my clothes, hair... and so on.
My mouth is dry like paper,
My body is sweating yet cold,
Where did all of this come from?
Is this what its like to get old?
My body feels frozen,
But my brain is running around,
Playing tricks on me,
Where there is no danger to be found.
Breathing exercises dont work
Though they make sense normally,
In the moment of panic -
You lose all sense of reality.
The images enter your mind,
You try to force them out,
But the harder you try,
The more they refuse to get out.
Everything becomes a danger,
I will say one more time,
Every object becomes a weapon,
And slices through your mind.
The nausea causes more panic,
The panic responds with more nausea,
What a horrific cycle,
How to stop it I have no idea.
****** functions fail,
The digestive system especially,
But now your afraid of the toilet (!)
Though you need it in a hurry.
The trembling is so intense,
The fear so intense,
You struggle to make a call,
Your mind and body losing control.
Diazepam becomes your best friend,
You'd worship it if you could,
Its often there to save the day,
..Although at other times you just wish it would...
The adrenal glands are to blame,
Im not the Adrenalin rush kind,
My adrenal glands are evil,
How can they be so cruel and unkind?!
I dont like my adrenal glands,
Im an ***** donar - but if I die please be warned,
DO NOT TAKE THE ADRENAL GLANDS,
...then again, with the right brain, they could be your friends?
Its the "brain- adrenal gland" combination,
Which is of the ******* kind,
Perhaps if brain sent out the right signals,
My adrenal glands might understand.
There is a time and place for adrenalin,
I have sampled many myself,
But this is just not one of them...
Yet - subconcious brain fears itself...
That is it.....the brain "fears itself"...
Well, I tried to put words to the panic...
Not sure if i did it justice. I could have written more. So much more. Anyway...didnt really know / plan on writing it at all! :/