I take a whole week to celebrate my birthday,

Just to make sure I don't sweep it under the rug.

And I've worn a mask what feels like my whole life,

But October is, by far, my least favorite holiday.

I was a menace
out in the dark, out in the rain, out with the black candy canes

I was a taunter
hidden behind my laughter, my wounds, my obscene gestures ... oh no, were they too cruel?

One look is all it took,
to strike a match with your eyes
inflamed memories through burnt fingertips
deceased flashbacks floating down to the bottom of the river
I galavant thru alleyways with gloved hands
purely my gaze should make you shiver

this life form has left me half torn
laying underneath the stars right next to the gutter
more noble gentlemen have risked their romances for your my dear

what would you take me for?
I ride the dead night upon my black horse in circles
among the empty hills and through the startled trees
enveloping and twisting before the moon herself
carefully eying those who've permanently plagued me
beheading several in rows like collapsed flowers on a grave

NEIGH!!!

Don't stay out too long
I'd run if I were you
it's getting a little too late.

i don't see tonight
october moon in dark sky
squirrels run rampant

It calls to you across the parking lot, past the shorting-out street lamps and the trees.
You ask your friend if he hears screaming. He does not.
You need to make a choice. Fall together or break apart?
You know exactly what will happen if you stay put- nothing at all,just the same few weeks of work and dishes and sleepless nights and not being able to even tell if your eyes are closed because you know exactly what will happen next.
You know and do not know what will happen if you follow it.
It beckons.
You both do not care at all and care immensely about your current life.
You both care and do not care about the consequences.
You are a creature of many parts, and you need to make a choice sometime soon.
They’ll be waiting.

i miss loving you; i miss the calm and easy and content way of just kissing in the blue hour — clothes, falling out of flushing skin; mine was a map of scars named after estranged people, and yours, an anomaly of carnelians breaking at the softest touch.

and yet, nothing hurt enough. not the fading autumn days leaving us to fall apart in october. not the poems that painted this love to be more beautiful than it actually was. not the carnelians, breaking everywhere.

and i miss loving you, but this october rain isn't cleansing — it just falls cruelly on a heart too eager to break itself.  i miss loving you, but all these blue hours have corrupted what's left of your first tainted kiss. i miss loving you, but betrayal still rests comfortably on my skin: a map of scars named after people. a map of scars cut by carnelians. a map of scars named after you.

and this october rain isn't healing; it's just cruel.

it's just cold.

— fray narte

I can't tell you the time I fell in love with love
Where I became crazed and I started to send wishes above
Where my heart first cracked, and I felt it's first attack
Where the walls that grew from the floor caved in and pressed up against my back

Oh, and I can't really remember where I actually felt free
Where I reached that lift off my shoulders and I met serenity

It's really hard to pinpoint these moments, and there's more that I haven't mentioned, but that doesn't mean they didn't happen, and that if they didn't they wouldn't.

Hopefully I one day can pinpoint my first real relationship
One that's mutual, forgiving, full of love, intimacy, and friendship
Where my wishes came true, at least the ones that matter most
And the wounds I suffered so, that they heal, or He'll turn me into a ghost

That the walls fall, and I finally feel my space expand
So that I can fill it with memories and things I love, making it a new land

That is what I would like to pinpoint.
I hope to see it manifest into reality.