You make a girl realize that a man can actually care
And not everything in love is truth or dare
I could talk with you until forever
You make me feel like someone special

Budding, glowing bulbs. They
are shedding their stemmed leaves,
blown away and bound by nothing.
They are eating themselves alive
from the outside in. They are missing
the train by mere minutes.

Then October came along with its
spindle-like skin, weaving wool and
silk through the fibers of her
fragile life, being. She is nylon,
polyester, a poorly written trope.
She is not bound, not made by the
earth.

I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get married October 3rd, 2020.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk down the aisle in a white gown I picked.  
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk myself because I'm not an object to be "handed off".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get closer and closer but yet it feels so far away.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to see eyes on me I only wished would have given me that much attention growing up.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to vow to the man I love that I will "always be with You".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to cry because life feels like its moving so fast yet the moment's pass so slow.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to pray that people care enough to come.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to hope his family accepts me without a second thought.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to convince myself that "I'm strong enough" to hold it together.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to marry the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm getting married in October.
"I'm going to be his wife."
I'm getting married in October.
I'm getting married.

.

I braced myself for the impact of what the blow would be. Kissing the sleep out of you on that cloudy Saturday morning keeps on running through my mind like the memories are water swirling in a whirlpool, they keep going and going before my eyes and I can't shut it out to sleep. You- God kissing you, feeling one of your arms go under my neck and the other around my waist made me feel like all the harsh silences and sad facts became irrelevant and all that mattered was the way you kissed me by the piano and the way you pulled my body towards you this morning. I'm preparing myself for the blow of you leaving and I don't want to.

The falling rain
Of late October
Fills me with essential dread

As I rush about
And end up here
Wherever here is


The rain outside
Seems like the tears of god


As I sit
Crying over my beer

Thinking of lost love
And failed dreams

Wondering
What went wrong?
And what I can set right

And the rain falls
And the night darkens

The rain is falling
All over this man’s world

And the rain falls
And I sit

Drinking my lonesome drink
Lost in dreams

Dreaming of what
Could never be

Thinking dark thoughts
And so, I sit
And dream the night away

Sunny street
Sky is blue
The leaves are swirling
On the ground
I feel like time stopped and I walk
In a still heavenly cloud of air
That's spreading warm autumn light everywhere

Love will follow you wherever you go
As long as you take it with you
I love you always forever

we used the right words at the wrong time
we were kids, tired of our hometown
cranking the heater and writing poetry with our hands in the humidity on your sunroof
you'd kiss my fingers and talk about us
another us, far from here
where we had already spent mornings in bed that faded into quiet afternoons
I told you I'd miss you and we left the spaces between us as some kind of divine obliteration
I'm forgetting the taste of october
and you are learning how to brave the chill of december without the warmth of me

There was something of October that reminded me to make sure you were still there. In the morning when I woke I rolled to your side to see you breathing softly and slowly like a babies first good nights rest. Something about last October reminded me of when he left without a warning or a note that I could crumple up and burn in a fire full of depression and self doubt. I curled up in the armchair facing you just watching you stay and promise to never let go. I wanted my old lover to be that way too, I wanted him to walk on fall leaves and sip cinnamon tea as the nights grew longer as time went. I wished upon a lonely star that he would be just like you but all the hoping turned into sorrow for nothing but his shoe prints were left upon the bottom stair and a string of his curly hair on my rain jacket.