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8.7k · Nov 2015
My Heart aches
Ami Shae Nov 2015
My heart aches
for all who
are feeling the pain
who are in shock too--
I wish so much
there was something more
MY heart could do--
all I know to do is pray
and keep believing
in love and hope and light too...
Pamela Rae's poem, (http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1465329/paris-is-bleeding-as-are-we/) inspired me...sorry this is not better, but since Friday, all I've felt like doing is crying and wondering why?
6.8k · May 2016
Cuts Deep
Ami Shae May 2016
That metaphorical
knife?
Cuts Deep,
So very Sharp
and painful
slicing into my soul
I wish you'd taken it
with you
when you said you had
to go...
relationships ****.
6.7k · Jul 2015
Sisters
Ami Shae Jul 2015
finding solace
in reuniting
with my sis
is perhaps
one of the most
amazing gifts
I have ever given
to me.
I hope she and I
will forever
and always
(you know,
til the end of time)...
just BE.
I am so glad my sister and I have found our bond once again. She rocks more than I know how to say! :D
3.9k · Nov 2016
regret and guilt
Ami Shae Nov 2016
regret and guilt
eat me alive at times
wishing so much
i could undo
all of my crimes--
so many things
from my past it seems
all the huge mistakes i've made
seem to haunt my vivid dreams
and oh the pain, the fear
that constantly encompass me
whenever I think that one day
all in this world will be able to see...
but there is no undoing
that can possibly be done
to mine own undoing
you see, i'm the one
who committed the acts of sin
and no one can help me now
no one can let me go back and begin
to try to undo what's done somehow...
so off i go trodding through
until the end of time
when my days will come to an end
**and all will know my sins, my crime...
so many mistakes from my past keep haunting me...
3.6k · Mar 2016
Dancing Trees
Ami Shae Mar 2016
I watched the trees dance tonight
and oh what a lovely sight--
seeing their limbs sway in the breeze
watching the caresses of the leaves
as the trees swayed to and fro
their undulating movements made me know
that the wind is music for the trees
as they dance to the melody of this unrelenting breeze
and--
While watching this strong, insistent southern wind
I had no idea how far down a tree could bend--
but as I watched it occurred to me
these trees were dancing just so I could see
the beauty and grace and splendor too
of the joyful life in nature pure and true.
#
It really did feel like the trees were performing just for me.
I loved watching them dance in the wind...
Ami Shae Jul 2015
I had the intention
of just calling it quits
giving up on this life of mine
that's shredded to bits
but oh my, I stopped in
here at this HP site
and met a few folks
who helped set things right
--they listened and gave
a few kind words to me
and suddenly I realized
I could set myself free,
that I could stop wallowing
in the dread and the fear
of what my ex had so long
forced me to hear--

Now--

I've blocked out his cruel words
he threw out at me
and instead replaced them
with words from Hello Poetry!
Since coming here
and finding this place,
I'm slowly learning
that this smile on my face
belongs there now
and it matches the one in my heart!

So

thank you, dear friends here
for helping me start
to appreciate the opportunities
I can now explore
and thank you so much
for opening that new door
of hope and possibilities
that are surely waiting for me--
I'll do my best to stay unbound,
to stay forever free!
So many here have reached out when they could read through my words and "feel" my pain and I am so grateful. One very special soul reached out and made me know that there is always HOPE. Thank you, John so much. I know things won't be perfect, but at least they don't seem so bleak and frightening now. Hello Poetry might have just saved my life and my sanity. Thank you to all here who took time to read and help me through by just your kind words and your awesome writes too! This is an AWESOME SITE!
2.6k · Jun 2015
Sleep = Relief!
Ami Shae Jun 2015
music has been my salvation
of late it seems
i go to sleep listening
and the melody
gently wafts through my dreams
and lulls me into
a deep and relaxing sleep
one that I hope and pray
I'll get to keep!
I can't begin to explain my relief
from getting a break
from the constant grief
of waking to screams
(that are my own)
and feeling like
I'm forever alone--
but whenever I drift off to her voice
and the beautiful melodies she sings
it's like nothing can harm me
or interrupt my sleep with those nightmare dreams...
it's been ages since I've been able to sleep through the night without tortured dreams...then I started listening to Joanne Shenandoah cd's at night as I fall asleep and not only do I go to sleep faster than ever before, but I get to stay asleep! Loving it!
Joanne Shenandoah
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OPDRUKt0dQ
2.6k · Mar 2016
It's Better
Ami Shae Mar 2016
Saw your words last night
on the social media site
you proclaim such happiness now
yet, you refused to keep your vow
of always being there to love, to help me
that's okay--I'm learning it's better to be free.
Seems I would have this all figured out by now, but each day brings new awareness and yes, some roadblocks too, but slowly figuring out I don't need him (or anyone) to find me. I have to do that on my own...
2.6k · Jun 2017
Time...
Ami Shae Jun 2017
Time never stops.
It waits for no one.
It doesn't care
whether it's the moon
or whether it's the sun
time just marches on
and leaves us all feeling robbed
and needing more
but the worst thing about time
is the way it seems to pour
through our fingers
like grains of sand
and no matter how hard we try
seems we can never plan
to have enough
to save it up,
to make it stay
time just keeps slipping, slipping
far far away...
makes me crazy how little time I have to come here, to do so many things I want to do...
2.4k · Jan 2017
Doomed to Drown...
Ami Shae Jan 2017
Not only am I drowning
but so many are going down
along with me--
our hopes, our dreams, our ideals
are being swept out to sea
the man who claims victory
is more than just a man
he embodies evil and greed
like no other in this land--
he cares nothing for AMERICA
unless it brings profit his way
and he will stop at nothing
to rule forever and a day...

So don't bother to save me
as I am falling beneath the sea,
I cannot tread water
for he is determined to drown me
and so many others
who only want what's best
for our beloved U.S.A.
and oh my god
this test
is far too much
and I kneel down and pray
and ask the gods above
to watch over the entire globe
for beware, I see it coming
this man in charge
has not much of a frontal lobe
and we are doomed
not just as a united country
but as a human kind
for we've elected an official
who has literally lost his mind...
I feel such despair and fear. I hope I am wrong. :(   :(   :(
2.3k · Jul 2016
Humanity is No More
Ami Shae Jul 2016
My
Head is pounding,
heart is thumping,
my tears are flowing
and this of late,
is all I know:
Humanity seems to be
beyond control.
Humanity seems to have
lost its collective soul
and I honestly don't know
where I need to go...
Sometimes I think I might drown
in all the sadness
in all the pain
the torment and inhumanity
that seems to surround
me no matter where I travel to--
no place is safe anymore
nothing is sacred
or respected or revered
Humanity seems to have
truly and completely
disappeared...
noun; humanity:

1. all human beings collectively; the human race; humankind.
2. the quality or condition of being human; human nature.
3. the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence.

{I guess I'm just sad}  :(
2.2k · May 2017
Come Back
Ami Shae May 2017
Wandering around this wasteland of my mind
makes me wish I could just leave you/your heart behind
but no matter where I go, no matter what I do
your heart, your love, your being keeps clinging to
this shattered heart of mine and I wonder when
you will stop and realize that your love still lives within
the inside of me and that I can't just stop caring, you see
so please, please, won't you just come back to me???
2.2k · Jan 2017
Confession...
Ami Shae Jan 2017
While trying to decide if ever I can confide
my deepest of secrets to the one I love--
                      even
beyond the depth of the ocean
or the awesome blue skies above...

I shyly gaze into eyes that make me realize
that never before have I known this joy--
                      and I ask,
who on this amazing, green, beautiful earth
ever dreamed that my true love is  not  even a boy?!

Wondering if ever I will be brave and endeavor
to spill my heart to the one I love...
                     if only
I could know that she cares as much for me too--
then my heart would soar to the heavens above!
it just slipped out, but has been a long time coming...sigh...
2.0k · Jan 2017
MIA
Ami Shae Jan 2017
MIA
Missing in Action--
that would be me--
I hide out in my dark room
sometimes afraid
to leave the gloom
but when I finally
find my way back here
I always find writes
that seem so perfect and dear
and I wonder why
it takes me so long
to come back here to read
when so oftentimes
that I do--
it sparks the hidden need
I feel for connection
for all you amazing poets here
thank you, dear poets
for helping me to clear
a path to a new and improved me
I hope I'll be here more often
and that you all
will be happy, safe, healthy and free...
I hesitate to confess that sometimes I am afraid to write. What if the huge pain and fear that lives inside me comes pouring out? But when I read the writes here, I see such beauty and talent and just wanted to let you all know I truly appreciate each of you.
2.0k · Jun 2015
Swimming (10w)
Ami Shae Jun 2015
Swimming out to sea
hoping
the waves will
swallow me.
well, maybe for just a short time
could use a break from this weary
brain of mine...
1.9k · Dec 2016
Grandma's words...
Ami Shae Dec 2016
"Want to know a secret
Just between you and I?
I am not really living my life
just patiently waiting to die..."*
But I never got an answer
when I sincerely asked her, "Why?"
###
I still wonder...was her life that bad? Sigh...
She died young (only 61) :(
1.7k · Nov 2015
Tiny Dancers
Ami Shae Nov 2015
tiny dancers
came swirling by
in the form of leaves
falling from the sky
and as I watched them
twist and turn
falling down
so light and free
I couldn't help but feel
they were performing
just for me.

tiny dancers
garbed in autumn's array
of gold and oranges and reds
on this windy day--
and all I could think
as they kept coming down
was that I wanted to join in
to dance around
and feel as beautiful,
light and free
as all these tiny dancers
surrounding me...
So many leaves cascading down and it made me think of little fairies dancing for joy on this windy autumn day...
1.6k · Jun 2015
i tried
Ami Shae Jun 2015
tried to save you that one last time--
you told me it would be in vain,
but i stubbornly refused to believe
that i couldn't erase your pain.

did every thing i knew to do--
held you in my arms all night long
and still i just couldn't win --
seems all my efforts were so wrong

but now that you're gone and no longer with me
i sit and weep my heartfelt tears
and i cannot help but wonder what if
we'd just had a few more good years...?
1.6k · Jun 2015
Options
Ami Shae Jun 2015
I wanted to crawl back underneath the bed
and hide my aching swollen head
never allow the light to find my eyes
just lay here forever til I die
and forget that I have a life waiting for me
cause this pain is just too brutal -- it's all I can see...

BUT!

hiding from the pain underneath the bed
is not an option, so what I'll do instead
is get my *** up off this cold hard floor
and put my clothes on, walk out that door
and make the best of this so called new day
and hope that I can at least smile along my way...
some days it's just hard to get moving and face the fact that I have to be a part of the real world...oh well...here I go...
1.6k · May 2015
Withdrawal
Ami Shae May 2015
So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of my every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...
©Amy Shae 2015
Sometimes it feels like it will never get better...
I hope it makes sense...
1.6k · Jan 2016
Realization
Ami Shae Jan 2016
I looked out over the lake today
the wind whipping the water into a froth
of whitecaps and waves that I thought
only an ocean could own--
and suddenly it dawned on me...
As long as I have this beautiful lake,
the land and trees and the sky above--
I'll never really be alone.#
1.5k · May 2015
I Hate The Night
Ami Shae May 2015
sensations of eery and genuine fright
woke me out of my uneasy slumber
this past night--
I sat up straight
and looked around
and emptiness and blackness
was all I found--
so went back into my dream
and then awoke again
to a violent scream
my eyes flew open wide in fright
and I realized then
I hate the night.
1.5k · Apr 2016
Struggling
Ami Shae Apr 2016
Life is a struggle
a never ending challenge
that demands
constant participation.
Sometimes
I truly want to resign,
but **** it all--
my mother always told me
that if you start something
you have to commit to it
and see it through
til the end.
So I'm in it
for the long haul
I suppose
even through all
the tears
the sorrows
the *** holes
the brick walls
and the broken fences
I cannot mend--
I'll hang tight
with it mom,
and see you when
I reach my
natural end...
Missing my mom so much. She's been gone for 25 years and I miss the sound of her laugh. She always told me to hang tight, to never give up.
1.4k · Jun 2016
No words...
Ami Shae Jun 2016
...can describe the pain
of what so many are going through
no words can give back
the lives lost
all I know to do
is hope hope hope
each and every day
that somehow our world
will find a better way
than to maim and ****
when things are not what we agree upon
if we don't find better ways of coping
one day soon, our world will just be gone
(and then there really will be
NO WORDS)...
it's just so sad... :(
1.3k · May 2015
my fear
Ami Shae May 2015
in the twilight
i saw your shadow
lurking
as if waiting
to capture me
and in my fear
and anxious state of mind
all I could do was flee.

i wonder now
what if you were someone
i could have shared a moment or two
what if i had stayed
and got acquainted
with you?

fear eats at me,
rules my world
so many times
each and every day
and oh, i wish, i wish, i wish
i knew how to just stay

and be a part of this life
that so many others
seem to so easily do
but reaching out,
touching, talking to others
just makes me
shiver and tremble all the way through...
how do others do it? how do people make friends and find others who care? i constantly seem to live in fear... :(
guess i will have to keep trying though...(wish me luck!)
1.3k · Dec 2015
Sacred Trust
Ami Shae Dec 2015
If trust is so sacred to you
why are you so stingy with it?
Why, I wonder can you not
forgive and move on
and allow the future
to unfold as it is meant to unfold
instead of constantly searching
for reasons to chase the past?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why will you not give it freely
and allow it to shine forth
and become a real part
of who you are
instead of placing it
crumb by crumb?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why not give truly from your heart
and let all who know you feel and see
that you carry such beauty
inside of you
instead of wearing that hateful fear
that eats you up inside?

Trust.
You say you want to trust me,
yet you refuse to really try.
Always searching for tidbits
to prove that you cannot have
peace of mind--
yet too, you are always, always
looking behind--

If trust is so sacred--
then allow the future to unfold
without strings knotted up
from the past.
No one can trust when they refuse
to look forward
rather than looking back...
Ami Shae Jan 2016
None can ever say
that I did not try
to find my way--
I traveled all the way here
to start a new life
to escape the fear
of living with a monster
that never stayed under the bed--
instead he lashed out daily
and bashed in my head
and when I ran with all my might
to escape the abuse, the fear
he somehow found his way
and discovered me here--
so I had to resort to legalities
begging the law
to just take him away--Please.

He's in jail now
for quite a long time--
you see he finally committed
a heinous crime
of killing someone
with his bought and paid for gun
and I hope he does many years
so I will no longer have to run--

none can ever say
that I didn't try
to find my way
to make a real life
right here...
so that I won't have to hide
and live in fear
of monsters that don't stay under the bed
and of wondering  when it will be me
who they find lying dead...
1.2k · Aug 2016
Just Sayin'
Ami Shae Aug 2016
If, after the sun dies
you cannot stop
telling your evil lies--
just know that when
the moon shines on you
all of mankind
will know what's really true.
No more will anyone
listen to you
for the moonlight will reveal
the real truth that will shine through
and all who used to listen
will be DONE with YOU.
just a note to my ex...
1.2k · Apr 2016
Lonely Hearts (Club)
Ami Shae Apr 2016
This club I'm in is so mundane
it's the lonely hearts club
and makes me insane--
No one to listen,
no one to really care
all I have of late
is my lonely heart to share--
but I'm not giving up
I know my day will dawn
and when it does
I'll put my best dress on
and go out on the town
to find someone real
someone who can walk
into my heart
without having to steal
all the joy they find there
and yet, they'll gladly receive
the joy, the love I would willingly give
if they'll only believe--
you see--all I want,
all I really even need
is someone to care, to love
it sure would be nice
if it came at godspeed
and rescued me
from this club I'm in
and help my lonely heart
to find a real and true friend...
sigh...maybe I'm just not ready to find that right someone, but I sure wish I had someone who would love and care and want to share some laughs and fun...(without bringing harm to anyone)...
1.2k · Jun 2015
Haunted Dreams
Ami Shae Jun 2015
I tapped into a magic realm
I didn't even know was there--
found a phantom ghost
with firelight and embers
glowing in its hair--

                                was this a spirit
                                coming for me
                                                              ­someone who might
                                                           ­   somehow set me free
and bring me along
to another life
away from this hell I'm in?

                                                            ­ OR what if this is a monster
                                                              (n­ow that I see its evil grin)
                                                   and it wants to torture me even more?

What if I can't escape this spirit
through an open door...
and I become trapped for all of time?
oh dear, dreams are haunting me again
in this crazy realm of mine!
This was inspired by a bad dream...believe me, it is rather mild compared to the nightmares I used to have...
1.2k · Jan 2016
Need/Want
Ami Shae Jan 2016
Need: to feel to love to care to give to take
Want: to feel to love to care to give to take
Have: to feel to love to care to give to take
Gone: no feeling no love no caring no giving no taking
you see, my heart is literally breaking.
Love just plain is not real. It's NOT.
Sad :(
1.2k · Jun 2015
Goodbyes
Ami Shae Jun 2015
So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...
each time someone gets too close anymore, I have to pull back. This was one of my best friends, then romantic love got in the way and I couldn't handle it and had to say goodbye. I wish I weren't so **** broken inside.
Ami Shae Jun 2016
I painted your portrait today
your yellow hair suddenly
turned gray--
your green eyes went black
your smile
went slack
and the paint ran
down the canvas
in rivulets of what looked like
discolored blood
pooled  there on the floor
--formed it's own kind of mud
I stood there
not at all proud
of my rendition of you
yet--knowing your portrait
was something
I was compelled to do
and if ever you come by
to see me again
I'll let you have it
(the painting)
minus your evil grin.
(it's lying there on the floor)
Oh, you won't miss it, I assure you--
it's right here just inside
what used to be
our front door...
sorry. guess I'm still ******. done, but still ******...
1.2k · Sep 2016
Its Done
Ami Shae Sep 2016
A moment in time
that can never be retrieved--
regret and guilt
are its boundaries
forever holding it in place
as if the moment
can never fade
not even to a fair shade of grey
for the regret and guilt
hold it tight
and forever it will stay...
1.2k · Aug 2016
Temptation Wins
Ami Shae Aug 2016
I heard her calling out to me
tried to ignore her,
begged her to set me free
but her scent, her taste
kept calling to me
I ached so
for her to just let me be
but the lure, the pull
her enticing ways
kept gnawing and eating at me
for days
and finally I gave in to her call
and drank in her aroma, her scent
tasted the essence of her elixir from hell
and I sit here now
trying to tell
which way is up--
is the room spinning (or is it me?)
I should have insisted
she let me be,
but I'm weak and her taste and lure is strong--
I should have known better--
giving into brandy
has always been wrong...
I'll probably have one hell of a hangover tomorrow... :(
1.1k · Feb 2016
Makes NO Sense (Nothing)
Ami Shae Feb 2016
I'm having a really hard time
understanding our world these days.
I feel like I am just losing my way.
I keep thinking I'll get it together,
that my mind is stronger than this,
that soon, very soon
I will somehow overcome
the overwhelming desire
to just
LEAVE.
!!!!!
BUT--
Honestly--I am just so tired
and so fed up with life.
It seems that the human race
has for the most part
lost its collective mind
and the morals of mankind
are falling into the toilet.
I would just hit the handle
and flush it down,
but the **** thing is so full
that it's blocked
and the sludge
just swirls endlessly
--nothing is being accomplished
except to keep people churned up
and fighting against one another.

Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing.
The cruelty, the stupidity of the campaign for Presidency (***, if Trump gets elected, our country is DOOMED) his hatred and
the uncaring hearts that follow him all swirl about this land &
are enough to make me want to just give up...
1.1k · Jan 2017
Wishes...
Ami Shae Jan 2017
If wishes could come true
I'd wish complete healing
to come to you.

If wishes could come true
I'd wish eternal joy
to find and comfort you.

If wishes could come true
I'd wish all love you feel
to multiply tenfold back to you.

Someday all these wishes
I wish for you
truly WILL
all come true...
just wishes for one and all here and beyond...
1.1k · Jan 2017
Four Years?
Ami Shae Jan 2017
In the impending days ahead
I hope to face them with awe
and not with dread.
Not a moment goes by
that I am unaware
of tears so many cry
and my heart breaks in two
as I realize with huge regret
that there is nothing
absolutely nothing
that we can do...
However this one thought is true:

I wish the best to happen,
I
really* do...
1.1k · Dec 2015
No Sleep For Me...
Ami Shae Dec 2015
wandering and wondering
through this long
drawn out night,
my body screams
for sleep
my mind yearns
for peace
my heart aches
for love~~
wondering
aching
yearning
would that I could fly
away from here
to find eternal peace
perhaps to transition
into a most serene
and beautiful
mourning dove...
thank goodness I have the day off...now if I could just get some rest. Nightmares  have  jolted me awake
over and over again. I gave up
trying to sleep...
1.1k · Dec 2016
Escape...
Ami Shae Dec 2016
I so often wish I could find a cottage garden home
and hang just the right curtains,
plant beautiful flowers
take leisurely hot, steaming baths and showers
never again leave to go work in the grind
of dealing with customers
who have seemingly lost their minds...
just give me a cottage garden home
a few books to read
where my mind can roam
and allow me the quietness and solitude
just some peace and quiet -- shhh!!!
no, I'm not trying to be rude--
it's just that all day long I hear grumbling
I hear complaints galore
and my job is such that I can't ignore
the craziness of the public tis all too true--
so I really do NEED that garden cottage home
to escape and run away to...
This time of year retail really bites (well, on most days...)
1.1k · Feb 2016
Amazed
Ami Shae Feb 2016
I fell into the depths of despair
looked around me
and to my amazement,
you were still there.
I guess I can no longer assume
that you don't even care
so, thanks for not giving up
on me
Perhaps one day
I'll figure out
how to swim out to sea
and then you can
come in your boat
and rescue me...
inspired by Pamela Rae's poem and by my sis who never gives up on me (even though she probably should).
Thanks, sis. I love you too.
1.0k · Nov 2016
Spinning
Ami Shae Nov 2016
Spinning like a red rubber ball
that bounces and careens
off a hard, brick wall--
I land on the floor
and spin and spin
for hell hath wrought
the fury without and within
and the danger lurks
just around the bend
I hope and pray
the world doesn't end...
(but I doubt that it will--
so I'll continue to spin)...
1.0k · Feb 2016
Poison Illusions
Ami Shae Feb 2016
I've been poisoned.
Tried not to drink it,
this liquidity of hate--
but it seduced me
called my name
cajoled me
enticing me to try
to be the same
as all the others
who were surrounding me--
I fell victim
to believing the lies
that somehow their
'espouted truth'
would set me free--
but what the hell?
How could I not know?
There are no truths
in lies
only pain and sorrow
that so often don't show
until much later
when you look around to see
that you're totally alone
no one to hug, no one to help,
to set you free.

So let this poison do its job--
let it work and destroy
all of me!
I am not needed or wanted
nor am I free--
I am merely someone
others use for their fun
I am no longer human
I cannot claim I belong
for this poison I drank
is far too strong.
life is just an illusion. People are NOT real. No one really cares. There is no god, no entity who cares. I'm done with trying to believe I belong anywhere. It's all LIES. All.Of.It.
oh  well...
1.0k · Apr 2016
Time
Ami Shae Apr 2016
I met up with Time
and had quite a talk with her--
she keeps stealing my minutes & hours
making my life
an absolute blur--
so I told her in no uncertain terms
that she'd better give back
all those minutes & hours
I worked so hard to earn
and she reluctantly shook her head
so woefully
and without much of an apology,
she looks at me,
saying that what she steals
she does NOT return--
And as for all those minutes she stole?
She said she let them burn...
(****!)
1.0k · Jun 2015
Why Am I here?
Ami Shae Jun 2015
There is something magical
yet frightening
about awakening
to a new day--
on the one hand
I'm alive
and ready to
go in search of a way
to make it through
to live
to survive
until tomorrow
finally comes
but on the other hand
I ache at times
to just hear
the beating, the rhythm
of the death toll drums--

why am I here?
keeps droning on and on
through my soul
and everywhere I look
I search others' eyes
hoping that if they know
they will fill me in,
give me a clue
so that perhaps one day
something will come through
instead of dread and fear
whenever I look off in the distance
or even gaze at what's near--
perhaps today life will give to me
a brand new way
to open my eyes and really see?
by Ami Shae
will i ever figure this "living thing" out? here's hoping...
1.0k · Nov 2016
just floating
Ami Shae Nov 2016
adrift in an endless sea
of doubt and uncertainty--
but I know the day will come
when somehow
i will once again
find me.
I'm not giving up hope, just not a great swimmer. I'll learn tho...
1.0k · Aug 2015
Witness
Ami Shae Aug 2015
I watched them
they were awkward at first
but finally they connected
for a time
and neither of them
seemed to notice the climb
nor did they seem to be aware
of falling into a rapid decline--
perhaps the idea was simply to be;
he was who he was
and she was just simply She.
I saw it happen
and will attest in court
that these two were indeed meant to be--
if they need a witness--
I hope they'll call on me.
idk, just people watching of late...
1.0k · Mar 2016
It's Pulling Me...
Ami Shae Mar 2016
It's pulling me
this need
this ache
this grinding
all consuming addiction
that I thought I had overcome
only to find
that it's slowly
causing me to be
quite undone.

I crawl, literally crawl
to move away
to stop myself
from trying to say
please, just please
come back to me--
I used to hold you close
used to always have you
at my beck and call
and oh, my god,
what I would give
for just one more draw,
one more puff
a long, slow, lingering
inhale of your taste,
and yes, your scent--

too bad I'm broke
have not a dime
cause I spent
every penny I had left
on wine and bread
you see, I truly thought
my love for you was dead--
but now that you're not available at all--
I find myself wishing I could just
answer your lingering call...
Sometimes I just miss smoking those ****
cancer sticks, you know?
I hope I can stay strong and not give in...
it's been years, but somehow
the urge hits me again and again...
does it ever just STOP? (the urge to smoke?)
990 · May 2017
3 Wishes
Ami Shae May 2017
Three wishes I was given
but they were not to be used on me
I had to wish for something special
for other eyes to see--
so I wished for a rainbow to shine
on every dear family member
and friend of mine--
and then I wished for them to follow
the rainbow all the way through
and discover a *** of gold (yes, real gold!)
for them to use or hold onto--
But wish number three was the easiest of all
I wished for good health and blessings to befall
all of those I love so dear and true
and I hope you know, that these 3 wishes
are all wished for you!
Sorry I've been gone so long. Life has been crazy chaotic, but good. I hope all of you are well and that good things are happening for you! :D
979 · Jun 2015
Envy
Ami Shae Jun 2015
Forgive me my envy
of your amazing lives--
you who have children
you who have husbands
or you who have wives--
I left a life of torture and pain
so long ago, you see--
and now all I have left
is living alone --
yep, just me.

So, forgive me my envy
of your amazing lives
for I know that what I lived
was not right or good
even though I tried--
I saw I could not survive
the pain and anguish
heaped on top of me
I had to run, to leave
the intense torture, you see...

but still I envy those
who have loves and lives to share
who know that they come home
to someone who will
truly love and care
and perhaps in time
I'll have that one day too--
but for now, please...
forgive me for having
such envy of those like you...
I wish someday I could find someone to love me and care the way that I know is possible with two happy, healthy, caring individuals...someday perhaps it will happen for me...
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