today it rained I thought of you and how you might feel alone and how I feel alone even though you’d never think it I’m surrounded by so much love and I can’t get my thoughts away from the person I lost and I hope you’re not still pretending to love the emptiness beside you and the spaces I once filled you don’t have to like your solace as much as you pretend to today it rained and I wondered how I’ll feel when you fall for someone new I hope you give her the chance you never gave me to show you intimacy and warmth and the kind of passion you keep searching for I hope you stop looking the way you should've when you had me
Someone walks by and calls me beautiful Beautiful because I am sitting alone at this bright red picnic table
I am surprised It is such an unexpected and lovely occasion To wonder if I am a melody of an unsung song
Something familiar to passers by Yet entirely unique
Like an art form that is effortless Simply because of my place in that moment of life Surrounded by a cacophony of college students Some of whom are my friends
This was my moment of solace Of solitude
"Click" School photographer takes a picture of me tearing into my hamburger Piled high
Once the party is over I am gone Like a shooting star
He looks up in the sky and sees me And while I want the one to join me ablaze I feel the fear in his heart Fear I will never be the fireball I once was If I am suddenly plucked from the sky
Having this unsung Effortless Imperfect type of beauty I smile as I think of the one The actual one Knowing it is him Always and forever And walking up to the big bright picnic table Hoping to stay awhile We lift off ablaze into the night sky
I stepped pass my reason As it writhed on the ground And from it oozed All the past voices Howling with so many how’s How to Love, how to Live How to Dress, how to Deceive How to tailor the parts of me for Society But as it sounded I wondered Why such reason Ever was ever part of me For I heard not a single note of mine Being played from it
My memories become Motionless in midnight Adept to freeze frames Still seconds of past scenes Linger on auditory loops Repeat, remix, replay Motionless my memories Become in midnight And at some point The Spielberg center of my soul Screams cut
when I am far away from my body, I like to imagine that I am running in a field. The air is warm and gentle, the grass is tall and soft. The sun is warming the top of my head. And I am running. I have no place to get to, but I run like it’s the destination of a lifetime.
I run because that’s what I want to do. I run because that’s where I want to be.
Finding solace with troubling thoughts and feelings