Ami Shae 4d

Seems every time I come here I see
another change to my beloved HP--
oh well, I guess I'll try to stick around
and hope my writes don't sink or drown
in this abyss of the unknown --
(which seems to be the here and now) --
I hope all my peeps are still here somehow
and hope too that everyone knows I still care
it's just so disconcerting to come here and stare
and wonder what the heck is going on here
Perhaps in time it will all become clear?# Ami

I just don't feel as inspired as I used to when I come here. It's kinda depressing. I hope I get the hang of this place again before long. It's late...I'm going to try to come back when I'm more alert and read and comment when I feel a little more coherent. I hope each of you are doing okay. (((hugs)))
 6d Ami
Pamela Rae 

I come here for solace and relief
hoping to somehow end the grief
that plagues so many in my life these days--
my world has been a foggy haze
but of late it seems fate has smiled on me
and the love of my life, you see--
he's made it through his surgery on his lung
and though his healing has barely begun
we're both of the mind that he will win
when the chemo rounds (#2) will begin
so please keep the prayers, and positive thoughts
coming that you always send
and my gratitude to each of you
will never end...
:)
Love and (((hugs)))
~~~Pamela~~~
©Pamela Rae 04.18.2017

Sorry, not one of my better poems, but just wanted you all to know that we're slowly recovering from this latest surgery and beginning to see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Yes, he still will have to do chemo starting in May, but we're determined that he will come out of this in great shape and finally have this damn Cancer on the run once and for all!!!
Thank you so very much for ALL of the support, the good vibes and prayers you've sent our way. Blessings and much love to each and every one of you!
❤️
Ami Shae Apr 13

This is so unusual
so explicitly unreal
I'm not sure I like this lay out
this site--
can I be free to say how I feel?
Some how it just doesn't feel right
Is it okay to wonder
if ever I will again
feel at home here?
I hope someone can help me
to overcome my fear...

I've been away and even when I tried to come back here, I couldn't get onsite and now I can get on and everything is so different!
What happened?
Just curious if anyone else
feels like they've found themselves on the wrong road? lol. Eeek! I'm so confused!

What do you all think? Is it better? Worse? Indifferent?
Just curious.
Should I stay?
 Apr 4 Ami
Pamela Rae 

Life is our gift. We are given this time to share, to learn, to grow and to expand while we are here and in the process of all this learning, we are entrusted with passing along whatever knowledge that is helpful to others in this realm. Our task is to connect with any and all who are seeking further knowledge for the greater good of not only mankind, but for all living creatures, all species, on this wondrous planet in our realm. 

So let us all move forward with the joy of knowing that each of us has a very special and important mission that not only will enlighten and enliven us, but will aide all who we share our hearts with:

Love and help one another. Teach and learn. Share your abundant gifts of knowledge and your desire to find happiness both within yourself as an individual and as a collective force of mankind. USE YOUR INNER GOD as the gift that it is and allow the goodness, the love, the joy and sense of awareness to shine and to bathe all those you meet with the light that is god! We each and every one of us have the power. Never lose sight of this amazing power!
©Pamela Rae 04.02.2017

I hope I never lose sight of the amazing power that lives inside of me. Sometimes it's hard to remember that this life truly is a gift. Thank you to each and every one here who help  me to remember how precious this gift really is. Blessings to one and all and much, much love! ♥
 Mar 30 Ami
Pamela Rae 

Oftentimes I feel imminently lost and alone
wandering through the thick of this place (my heart)
that I used to think of as home--
but then so much of late has been happening around me--
illness and death and politics I don't understand at all, you see
and sometimes the enormity of all which encompasses
my heart, my mind, my soul
tries to engulf, to suffocate to not let me go
and I find that my fears, my aches, my pain within
may devour every inch of my heart --
I hear the unending din
of white noise screaming all around, inside of me
and I catch a glimpse of seeing myself flee
and hiding in some quiet, dark, uninhabited space
my body crumpled in a heap, my hands covering my face
and I wonder ... what would become of me then?
If I ran away to hide, who then would win?
Giving up, running away truly is not a choice, I know
but now and then I wonder why all this pain won't just go
and leave me to live a life of joy and smiles and love again?
But stay it must, I suppose, and haunt me til the end
so I'll buck up and remember why I'm truly here
to give and share and to banish fear
and to share this love I carry inside of me each and every day
so, no, I won't be going far, far away--
but perhaps someday when the pain and suffering are all through
I will grasp the meaning of my life and be able to share it with you...
©Pamela Rae 03.30.2017

I try so hard to be positive, to not let it all get me down...but in quiet times it seems my heart feels like it's lost in a storm and I'm fighting to find my way to understanding and to grasp the meaning of it all... thank you for all your kind thoughts  and prayers through this journey as I share it with you.
Ami Shae Mar 26

Dropping to my knees in prayer to a god
who might or might not be listening--
hoping somehow the ache in my heart
will reverberate far enough along
as my tears are streaming, glistening
and find their way through
the silent waves of grief and worry
that envelop and grip my heart
to find god's undivided attention
for just a moment or two--
"dear god, I beg of you--
stop all the pain that has its clutches
upon many of our throats in this land
and swipe away all tears
with your mighty hand
and please, please if you can see through
to the core of me now
do the magic that they say you can do
and heal not just myself
but the many many others too
who are in pain, bereft and alone,
who are in dire need of your love, in need of You."
Amen.

My heart just feels so heavy for so many who are suffering/worried/hurt/living in pain. If god is real, then why doesn't he heal? (No offense meant to anyone, I just wish things were better for those in our world, for ALL those here on HP).
 Mar 26 Ami
Jamadhi Verse 

It is through music alone
that I allow myself to weep,
that I allow myself to think
clearly about that which hurts,
about that which I am always averse to.

It is through music alone
that I allow myself to see
the broken, neglected parts of me,
the relationships that need to be
remembered and so mended.

It is through music alone
that I am finally set free
from thoughts that circle incessantly,
long enough to glimpse the rest of me
and feel life flowering within my body.

It is through music alone
that I become a conduit for bliss --
filled with all the joy that I so often remiss.
Wishing to fall to my knees and gently kiss
the beautiful earth that forever holds me.

It is music notes alone
that have always truly known me --
never failing to show me how to be myself.
Collectively, they breach the depths I've so rarely felt
without the help of their warm waves of resonance.

Music is reverence.
It is worship, love, and peace.
And it rolls and unfolds inside of me
with a tremendous, holy ease.

It is then that I cease to be anything,
but a feeling within a song
as I reach a crescendo inside of me
that carries me straight along
through every birth, death, and rest
between each and every note played.
Until at last I grasp the vastness of me --
finding the music has shook me
awake.

J.M. 2017

I do not create my own music,
but in listening, I worship.
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