It's a new year but I'm still the same me
You say you're a new you but I disagree
We both have made changes good and bad
We have aged quite a bit in the short year we had
I may be a little colder but I'm a little wiser too
Yet I find my Kryptonite somehow is still you
You are making an effort like you never did before
But the dope comes first and you always need more
You still feed me the same old tired lines
I still eat them up though I know they're only lies
So how much have we really changed this year?
So much has happened yet we're right back here
Two different people. Too much broken to name
A lot of pain between us but our hearts still feel the same
As much as I tried to get over it, let go of you, and grow
I'm exactly where I was 365 days ago

Those who take a second look
At the inner workings of my mind
Are shocked at the depth of the galaxies
The thoughts drifting through mental space confined
Positive and negative words alike
Twinkle like stars in a cold abyss
Vivid memories of laughter and fun
Images of people I miss
On the surface I may seem dim
But if you take the time to explore
The universe inside my brain
You'll see inside I burn too bright to ignore

I do not know where the last five years went
Cannot explain how time disappeared
I'm not really sure how we got from there
All the way across the atlas to here

Just know I could never forget
How it felt when you would hold me tight
I am so glad we gave it a shot
Found comfort in night after night

I might not know what day of the week
It was when our spirits first met
But I am sure the happy moments you bestowed
Are the best I've encountered yet

I hope we are still made for eachother
Don't think that bond can change
Been a long time since we've been together
I still love you but it somehow feels strange

I wrote a letter explaining my thoughts
Five pages long front AND back
Still haven't mustered strength to hand it to you
Even after a year has nearly passed

Never figured emotions out
Steadily losing sense and sanity
Think of the past and ask myself "If I let go of hope,
Why can't I do the same with memory?"

I am terrified to let you know how I really feel
But time is spinning forward faster than a wheel
Each day that passes is another chance I lose
Cowardly silence is what I always seem to choose
For what if I let my polished surface crack?
Only to discover you don't love me back?
So I act indifferent, like I don't care at all
Determined not to be the first to text or call
I'm safer with you thinking I don't give a ****
You have no idea how badly I'm stuck
Controlled by the fear of getting hurt once more
That's what happened when I shared feelings before
But they keep growing, I have nowhere to hide
They have almos filled me up completely inside
And I start to wonder how much longer
I'm able to pretend these emotions aren't stronger..
I'll admit I'm scared to tell you what is inside my heart
But which am I more afraid of? Being real? Or being apart?

The world may judge you before you say one word
But one word may change the judgement of the world

Every day you are given is a blessing
Whether you crawl through or sprint full speed
Not one single thing is greater than the gift of life

That sounds clique

I know this positive outlook isn't sustainable
Regardless, I will express this significant message because I yearn for it to ring true
Every given day is a blessing

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am so thankful
To know someone like you

I always hurt by caring too much
Expecting similar effort in return
This time thought I could maintain control
Some habits too deeply rooted to unlearn

There seems to be no magic number
Of heartbreaks able to change my ways
Come back to the very thing that destroys me
Resolve weakens in a matter of days

Each time I crash a little harder
The throbbing gets worse, injuries more severe
Plunged into a deep pool of denial
Would rather live a lie than face you not here

Although the agony is somewhat unbearable
Weight of dishonesty too heavy to hold
Know without a doubt it does not compare
To torment of watching our romance unfold

The most difficult decision I have ever made
Has been to give up on what I poured time into
Level the skyscraper that took eons to build
Clear unsalvagable wreckage and begin anew

Though all that remains are tiny pieces and dust
Of love we were so proud to call our home
I desperately scramble for answers in the ruins
Mind broken, I relentlessly comb

Looking like a pitiful fool
Witnesses point, scoff loudly, and stare
They don't understand how it feels to lose your heart
Should be embarrassed but I'm far too unaware

Oblivious to disarrayed surroundings
Aching nerves scorch muscles with greif
Any semblance of time long ago flew away
Have been trapped an eternity in a stupor of disbelief

****** sore palms red from scouring sharp sections
Hunting the same oversifted handfuls of our past for a trace
Of intimacy once lacing our brittle tired bones
Is it the feeling or just familiarity I chase?

All I know is functions halt when I'm on my own
Unsure if I can survive without you by my side
Whether its your soul or simply your presence I need
Or something else all together I can't decide

I was not clingy until you carried me on your back
Was not jealous before I discovered your power
One glance leaves head dizzy, drawing in with your charm
Emotions grow wild, stronger by the hour

So I'm stuck here stumbling mumbling incoherently
Staggering zig-zagging directions soaked
Love left me beaten, too ****** up to form a sane thought  
Mental state disturbed by the lies on which I choked

Conscience becoming numb, withdrawn into my shell
Long to close eyes for a semi-permanent sleep
I've not yet felt such emptiness before
An old hole reopens for each promise you failed to keep

Hopefully this will be enough
To secure chains constricting my heart
Lift the veil so my stubborn eyes can see next time
Stop the flood of high-pressure emotions before they can start

You did not leave like I thought you would
Each hard time by my side you've stood
Truthfully, I owe you this;
An explanation for how it feels when we kiss
You were quick to believe I didn't care
You were not seeing what was really there
I did not fall for some other man
You say I gave up one day and ran
You do not know how hard it was to let you go
Fact is I was no longer helping you grow
Doesn't mean I wasn't still haunted by your face
I wished daily to feel your embrace
The most beautiful longing ever felt
Within body control began to melt
Stalked by memories of what we were
Hidden feelings started to stir
Realized I couldn't live that way
Without your touch brightening each day
Guess that brings me to where we are now
Standing before you and I don't know how
We arrived at this point but here we are
Close yet still so very far
Reaching out to grab your hand
Hoping we don't waste this one last chance

We always argued about who was more amazing
I believed it was you, you swore it was me
But now I see that perhaps we are equals
Two perfect halves truly meant to be

I spent all night attempting to take
Care of you even after you said
I was needy, I stayed awake
Sober while I put you to bed.

I covered you in blankets we shared
Wiped puke off of your face
I did not mind having to stay there
(Boots weren't that hard to unlace)

Helping makes me feel good
If I was the one passed out by two
I know without doubt you would
Take care of me the same way too

Some people see light in me
Fire inside that I don't see
Burning bulb of a spirit sweet
Expectations I fail to meet

Some people think I am great
Love the pieces I create
Only imperfections there
A decent work is oh-so-rare

Some people know the things that I have done
Battles fought but never won
Yet they love me despite my wrong
Believing it made me strong

Some people wish I would try
Push myself until I cry
They don't realize that I do
The fire in me just won't shine through

Some people see grief inside
One I so carefully hide
Because I understand but they don't see
Some people cannot be what you want them to be

If there are other
Dimensions that means we are
Together somewhere

Sometimes think of happier days
How the sun shines brighter with your touch
All the desire sworn to me
Within confines of your clutch

As brain climbs up and down memories
Performing astounding acrobatics midair
What I want above anything else
For you to prove you care

This is my mind's obsession
Realize there's no turning back
Pills improve mood until effects fade
Then I am forced to deal with what I lack