I wonder if you'll miss the way I would stop for turtles in the road,
Or the way the tears would roll down my cheeks,
Maybe when I would choke on the silence while you slept beside me.
I wonder if the words that would fall out of my mouth,
Trip over my lips,
Spill out into the space between us,
Would ever reach your ears.
I suffer every night because of these thoughts,
The thoughts you will never hear.
Every argument we get into I give up almost immediately,
Tired of the same anger that plagues me,
The same thoughts that unwind themselves like lost twine.
I do not know whether to give up on myself,
To tell you I want more from his turmoil,
I want the reassurance you cannot give me.
I torture myself over you.
Why must I write like a madman,
Desperate to release frustration,
To release anything.
I am tired,
So very tired,
Of doubting myself,
Of doubting you.
Unfortunately, this is what I do.