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J Dec 2020
she came up behind me,
curled her long fingers into my scalp
****** in air through her teeth,
and lowly she said,
"How long has it been since you've showered?"
embarrassment is an understatement.
I laugh, shuffling nervously in my seat,
feeling beyond disgusting
replying with
"sad."
she repeats the word back, tasting it
as if it were a question,
as if she didn't know
then she said it quieter.
"sad. i get sad too. try to take one tonight, okay?
do it for me?"
i hold back tears
for reasons I'm not yet sure of
and breathe.
I want to be strong enough to do it
but I'm not sure that I am
Celestial Dec 2020
I was in my dreamland.
The safe place I had made,
In childhood, to keep myself.
Disturbed I barely woke.

Impaired I thought,
If I go back I'll wake,
It will be over and I won't remember.
I don't remember much.

It continued,
I felt more come off.
More words were spoken.
People, "She can take it, I asked."

No such question was answered,
From me at least.
My limp body positioned upward.
My place gone, coherence erupted.

I was screaming at me,
NO! Move do something.
A soft "no" was whispered, and I fell.
Fully exposed now, I walked.

"Are you ok?" "I'm going to take a shower."
The water softened my skin.
The door opened. "Could you not?"
"It doesn't matter. Does it."
Worst parts of my life.
Evie G Oct 2020
Aloof in the wind, perfectly poised to the sun.
Dressed in the disguise of men he’d seen in movies.
Waiting, in the wrinkles of leather jackets
Waiting, intoxicating scent of cigarettes
Hiding with teeth infested vines
Hiding, fingers meshed into the roots
Cowering, it can’t hide from a mind so sharp it wounds him
A disgusting entity , suffering.
Oozing, contorting to fit the eye of the beholder
Repulsive vines splutter bitter sap that once seemed so sweet to me
Yeah so this was some vent poetry, I think we’ve all unfortunately met someone like this. Any comments are much appreciated.
LeV3e Sep 2020
Oh god...
Please no, not this
Just breathe slowly and
Hopefully it'll go away, then
SHIVERS spark beads of sweat
The pain inside you'll never forget
Hot and cold, breathe in and out, then
LURCH
   Oh God Why?? I'm
CH...Oking on my
       I n s i d e s
CO....UGH I can't FU....Cking breathe
My God is it ove.... Rrrrrrr...

Breathe... Just breathe
Spit and wipe the tears from your face
Sweat in my eyes burns like
The acid in my throat but
At least it's done...
At least I hope
Cattatonicat Jul 2020
Disgusting
Unpleasant
Rotting
Selfish
Materialistic
Disrespectful­
Weak
Desperate
Rude
Arrogant
Controlling
Racist
Deceitful
Vermin­ous
XslyfoxX May 2020
Nothing ever seems to change.
Prayer after prayer and I'm exactly the same.
Scoffing at the idea that I'll ever be holy.

Ive emptied the contents of my stomach
while kneeling on the floor
As many times as I've been at the foot of a pulpit
But I'm still ******* up and my remorse just doesn't do it.

It's never been enough for me to change.

I confess,
I'm selfish and abusive
to my soul for my amusement.
Nothing ever seems to change.

Burn me alive for ten thousand years
and I'll never change.
My regrets haven't meant a thing.

I can't accept that I'm this selfish
but my heart isn't whole again.

Each person affected for my brief moment of pleasure.
Not joy, not love, not need. - Just pleasure.

I want to be better.
I swear I just don't know how.
Someone please show me how.
Because my prayers are bouncing off the shower walls.
the past couple years since I've written anything Ive been really testing my wife and her limits. Ive been accused of awful things and lost my job based on both correct and incorrect information. I'm spiraling and I'm ashamed of they way I've acted and treated loved ones and total strangers simply because I am selfish. This poem isn't necessarily intended to be my best work or even to be "good" by anyones opinion. It's the best way I know how to communicate the fact that I realize my past mistakes over the last 4 years and can't seem to shake the immaturity or the just awful, sinful, and evil nature in my heart. I wish I was a normal man with normal issues that I could hide, but being exposed and judged by people who used to respect me and I long to have a relationship with again has destroyed me. I don't want to be known for the things I'm known for by people I used to look at as brothers. I also don't want to be thought of the way I am by total strangers and people who I haven't spoken with in years. This is unfortunately what happens when I acted out in disgusting ways without considering the consequences it would have on my life and more importantly the people who I involved.
I don't think I even know what love is but:
I love you.
Clay Face Apr 2020
Third and complacent, viewing without frustration.
Repugnant observation, of known endangerment.

Your satisfaction of viewing pain,
Not halting someone of vain.
It’s simply interesting.
It entices me due to its sick nature.

Such a person, comes across as an animal.
Animals are beautiful behind glass.
But up close with no such division, animals are vile.
The smell, brutality, and just their nature, disgusts civilized people.

Just like you.

You sat behind that glass. Watching me. Till the end. Through glass like an animal.
Now the glass is gone and you’ve revealed yourself.
You should realize you’ve been the animal all along.
Clay Face Mar 2020
The hate you keep inside won’t help you float.
But you cling to it, so below you.

Push it under you, to get above the waves.
But eventually the swell will drag you to hell.

Cling to it so below you.
It’s weight will stretch your arms.
Drag you down.

Down into the undertow. Against progress.
So vile, repugnant and insipid. You rot.
Your fingernails leave scars on hate.
You cling to it so.
But shout opposed to such accusation.

Now low enough the crash of the waves blind you.
Squinting through their spray, you struggle.
Treading in denial as you try to pull your hate to breast.

I’d reach out to you, if your hate wouldn’t drag us down together.
And we’d be clinging to something so below you.
A Jan 2020
I am:
Disturbed
Cheap
Narcissistic
Selfish
Lost
Stupid
Worthless
Un­attractive
Inadequate
Boring
A mistake
Ugly
Useless
Dreadful

Maybe. But I'm still your wife. And I DO love you.
It's effortless.
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