Health is stuffy and boring
I cannot focus at all
Not one task better to do
Than stare at blank wall

Droning on and on
That door far away
Is it bad that I do not understand
A single word or phrase you say?

Zoning off into distance
Mind up in the sky
I am not paying attention
And I'm not gonna try

Torture is a waste of time
And I am not the only one
Who is waiting for the bell to ring
And class to be done

Time goes by slowly
My brain wearing down
This madness so dulling
I would rather drown

Wait and hope silently
Anxious shuffle in my weary head
Still the teacher carries on
I do not know what's being said

It is cold and I am tired
Wish I could get out
Outside sit patient, quietly
Inside I scream and shout

This poem ***** I know
What can I say?
I am just wasting time
Til the school bell rings today

Sometimes feels overwhelming
Adrenaline begins flowing
I hate having anxiety
Fear and uncertainty growing

I lay trust in your consuming arms
Tears fall
You have broken my heart once again
I hear another empty apology
Bury it in this teeming cemetery of promises dead

A thousand aging tombstones
In marble we carved regrets
Your name occupies my mind
Can't remove it or forget

Release me from chains of grief
Know you carry your own
You know it is not easy
Say that you've been alone

I cannot believe your dead blank eyes
Your desperate but familiar voice
I may have decided to allow you inside
Loving you was not my choice

You find yourself forgetting who I am
What about those nights wasted chasing a gram?
Do you keep memories by the side of regret?
Amongst expectations you never met

I was aching, you never seemed concerned
For a long time thought indifference was what I'd earned
Then you crushed every important dream and hope
You proved how much more you care about dope

This is the end, grey clouds are rolling coolly in
Reality stings, makes my head spin
Silent destruction I try to ignore
Can't make you go forward anymore

I, Amanda Kay Burke, on this day (April 5th, 2019), declare myself to all of you.

I declare no belief in what we refer to as "God."

I don't own enough luck to find four-leaf clovers.

I love those rare moments in time when bliss lays its roots so deep in my mind I become one of those people who cannot stop smiling.

Waking in time to catch the sunrise.

I love catching frogs too.
Yet I suspect I enjoy releasing them even more.

I love watching the rain crash down from above
Like tears from aliens we'll never encounter
On a distant moon in my skull
Or some astrophysical realm I saw in a dream.

I love bleeding
It reminds me I am actually still a breathing human being
I hate the pain as much as any undomesticated animal does though

I love sweets.
Maybe because I am sour like vinegar.
How I long to instead be cake, honey, or even peach-like in nature.
I want to be caramel melting into buttery rich folds
For a day or perhaps two at most.

I love surprises.

I declare I love showers.
They make me feel okay.i

I love my family.
I love my friends.

I love being the reason someone laughs

Love the freckle on the end of my nose.

The shape of my fingernails.

I love that my limbs all work the way they were designed.
That I have ten fingers, two eyes, and one heart.

I love that I only have the best intentions.
It makes up for the ideas I try that fail.

I declare I hate running
Or any exercise really..

I shrug off those who believe they know me when they don't.

Not a fan of classical music

Or boys who treat love like a joke.

I despise the white shreds of paper leftover when you rip pages out of a notebook.

I hate cigarettes, but you can vape around me.

I hate my completely pathetic lack of willpower.

I hate how the most trivial things make me angry.

I declare my hatred towards rising stress.

Hate how I cry over geometry.

I hate my nose, teeth, and thighs.

In each and every last form
I hate all types of goodbyes.

I hate my voice when I complain a tad too much.

How unathletic and clumsy I am.

I hate how I can keep everyone else's secrets
Not my own

When I can't grasp concepts the rest of the room understands.

I declare I'm quite surprised to learn
Not all creatures are as shallow as I presume.

I was not expecting my junior year to be like this.
People I grew up with aren't there anymore.

I'm frightened I'll be torn apart by society.

I am terrified by spiders
But I think their webs are beautiful.

I love food
But hate how it makes me feel.

I'm unsure of where life will take me
I have a feeling that's part of the deal.

I declare sometimes I am a hypocrite.
A good actress but a ****** liar.

Wear my heart on my sleeve.

To be perfectly honest
When it comes to sad films
I'm a big emotional cried.

I am human.
I have plenty of flaws.
The worst at moving on and letting go.

Every ordeal I've been through on this Earth had made me strong.

If there's one thing life has taught me
It is to take it day by day and go with the flow.

You are the thing that still gives me hope
Reincarnation of an angel sent to help me cope
Don't know what I did to deserve your love
If this place is not heaven I don't wanna fly above

This dream better than anything known before
Breathing as warmth spreads throughout core
So happy to share same air as your skin
Surroundings are hazy as head starts to spin

Transparent emotions force to bare all
Hear the words you say chisel away at my wall
Across the room move and feel an invisible nudge
Going to assume when reversed you also budge

Take my hands and let electricity flow
Only you alone will ever really know
How ****** and flawed I truly am
Sincerely not giving a ****

Despite hurting you a plethora of times
Forgiven me for the array of past crimes
When we fall asleep holding each other tight
Look to the future knowing it will be alright

I feel lost, sinking deep,
You are moving further away,
And there is nothing I can do
To make you happy enough to stay.

I am no longer what you want,
I see it when you look at me,
There is something more you're craving,
I will never be.

I try not to let it hurt too bad,
My feelings are only so tough,
I give my heart every day
But my love will never be enough.

A silent ghost trapped in the home
I built inside your familiar memory
Forced to watch dream-like moments play out
In an endless loop of pain and misery

One moment everything was fine
We could laugh and life was good
You took my picture while I sat
Cross-legged on your truck hood

Yesterday we snuggled close
Watching Breaking Bad in bed
Away from the harsh Autumn chill
Your chest a cushion for my head

But now you have left me all alone
There was no warning, no flashing sign
Not one single red flag was waved
To let me know you were no longer mine

I had nothing but the bitter truth
When you touched my cheek and said goodbye
But I wasn't ready to let you go
Or watch our relationship crumble and die

It's been so long since I've seen you
I can't believe youve really moved on
But what other explanation is there
For the fact that I'm still here and you're gone?

Sky is grey every long hour
It's a depressing shade
Listening to floorboards creak
Reminding of mistakes made

Ever-fleeting happiness comes to my face
Ending shortly after joy arrives
Beginning with a small smile
That only a short while survives

I spend nights in bed wide awake
Thinking about each past foolish mistake

I wish you were here
Instead you are there
We belong together
And it is not fair

A weekend never ends
When I am all alone
You are somewhere far away
And cannot get to a phone

I am going dancing tonight
But I will miss you the whole time
And while I am spinning around
You will be on my mind

I truly am in love with you
I would not break your heart
Mine is at the fracture point
Whenever we are apart

After a long battle with tempting addiction
I came to senses about
The destroyed mess I made of my life
Fumbled through dark until I got out

To see my face happy now is a blessing
Is there any gift greater than to live?
When grass tickles bare stumbling feet
Today content with what Earth has to give

Cannot imagine a future with ****** in it
Rather be dead than go through thaf one more time
It is a road leading to no gain
Only desolation; a steep hill to climb.

Those days will always be etched in mind
Reminder not to be engulfed, to stay strong
Because of ever-present marks on both arms
Have no difficulty living right instead of wrong.

Catch your fleeing breath
I am thankful for shared air
Need your exhaled love

Do you understand the immense love I have for you?
I must fight my feelings each day
Oh how I'd share your suffering if I could
Take it from you if there was a way

I just do not know if you get it
Wish I could explain better
Finding it hard to capture the expanse of my emotions
With punctuation marks and letters

I cannot love you a little
Don't hold the ability to shrink my heart
More desire fills beds each passing night
Increasing with the number of miles apart

You cannot be all the things I want you to be

How could I expect you to?

I cannot be them myself

I gave into love's feelings easily
Wish I would have stood my ground
Instead of letting you fall for me, and asleep
For your feelings sake should have turned around.

I knew I was too late, broken, and lost,
To give all myself to you
You deserve more than affection I show
And a heart turned black and blue.

I am emotionally wounded from
The lies and alibis I have been dealt Betrayal cuts deeper than a dagger
A feistier pain I have not yet felt.

I chose to believe, let you in, let you see
My damaged parts though they were sore
Tried to give you all my pieces but failed
Once I reached the ghastly bits at my core.

I could not stand the idea of letting you down
Or the image of hurt read in your revolving eyes
When you discovered devils housed within
As the truth left my mouth it turned to lies.

To deceive was not my intention
Lips parted but words would not come out
I have taken treasured trust you hold close
Replaced it with anger, longing, and doubt.

Somehow you are still here, second chance in hand
Wearing forgiveness like heavy cologne
I selfishly accept knowing you would
Definitely be better off on your own.

I do not know if I am strong enough
To overcome ghosts haunting my mind
Maybe the anxious shadows and I
Will in darkness forever stay entwined.

Your light heart is guiding me along a new path
I harbor hope for happier tomorrows
With you my friendly smile comes easily
Your kiss slowly silences still sorrows.

Take my familiar hand, lead me to a place
Where laughter, joy, and kindness never cease
I am going to let true love and your wisdom
Show the way to heal and find internal peace.

I remember decembers spent together

Friends say we do not work
The same from family
Many different people think
With you I should not be

You will not let me push you away
We grow a little closer each night
I worry about detrimental deficiencies
Constantly causing us to fight

My mood and mind change like a stoplight
Screaming red to calming green
Trying to outrun sporadic thoughts
I see demons repeat a ****** routine

Scared that perhaps these devils will win
I am learning that I have zero control
Chaotic wild wind in my chest
Leads to unhealthy sin; takes quite a toll

I try to withstand temptation
There is no faithful way
I give in to dark selfishness
Let failure take my drive away

Love to act crazy, that's how it seems
I am impulsive, naughty and nice
When I am upset do what I want
Turn colder than a block of ice

I might be rash, but your warmth teaches
Consideration early in the breezy morning
Persuading me to pursue patience
When I start unraveling with no warning

You swear not to suddenly quit on me
And you have shown me you are a fighter
I yell at you to leave me alone
You respond by squeezing me tighter

Fear you will not get over me
Tip-toeing around things you don't want to see
It is the truth you need to discover
No longer am I your devoted lover
I can pretend but that doesn't seem fair
You deserve a person who shows they care
All I do is bring you pain
Make decisions that puzzle your brain
I change like pennies, quarters, and dimes
Break promises in a matter of time
This is who I have become and will be
You have to move on so you can be free

Our friendship is still fragile
Treat it like glass
I am still a little scared
Doubt loves to harass

There is a piece missing
Easy to overlook
It is hard to say
Which one you took

My heart feels
Like it is gonna bust
The most important thing is broken;
Our eggshell thin trust

No matter how years go by
Still catch me when I fail to fly
Fixing wounds so I mend
Until the very end
You encourage to work hard and succeed
Providing for my every need
Feeding a hot meal at least once a day
Shelter with zero rent to pay
Ensuring I am comfortable and at ease
Letting me do whatever I please
Helping put down bad habits I hold
And leave behind so I can grow old
Reminding me to brush teeth and hair
You overdo it only because you care
I am lucky to have a mother like you
Devoted
Affectionate
And nurturing too
I know 'thank you' are words I should say much more
I promise I am very grateful for
All the time sacrificed not getting rest
In order for me to live the best
Thank you Mom
I am blessed

I think the reason so many of us hide
We are a little ****** up inside