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Amanda Apr 24
Earthlings live and lose
Standard human protocol
No one is exempt
I wonder what the protocol on Pluto is
ConnectHook Feb 2017
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ConnectHook Feb 2017
In a panic, having lost control of the vehicle at high speed and swerving off the Data Highway, I assessed the impending impact and made quick mental notes for a feasibility study as the stationary tree moved closer rapidly. In a flash, ultimate outcomes passed before my eyes, like the newest edition of a celestial Clearslide/PowerPoint/Prezi presentation tool:

• Data drives performance as winter wind whips the data-driven snow.

• Real-time numbers are to outcomes what God is to Heaven.

• Data supersedes Life as Christ supersedes the angels.

• Vigorous data collection enhances and informs rigorous data selection.

• Data is to outcomes as outcomes are to income.

• Objectives tied to measurable outcomes bring numbers back into the game, turning benchwarmers into real-time benchmarks.

• Data quality ensures accountability, facilitates transparency, reducing redundancy.

• Performance indicators are ultimate vindicators, turning competitors into partners and sustaining creative growth by creating sustainable change.

• Data are plural – but only to the Brits…

These bulleted staff-development phantasms surged into my mind right before the massive, jarring crunch when my vehicle smashed into the Tree of Life that grows just off the Data-Driven Highway. I cannot recall the moment of collision, nor the impact assessment study that preceded it. It seemed many, many Continuing Staff Improvement sessions later when I awoke to the soothing pastel shades and muted color scheme of a projected graphic full of squiggly arrows, cyber-hieroglyphics and professionally-presented slides filled with corporate jargon. I was finally in Data Heaven where the numbers never lie but rise to live forever.  

    **I had achieved my final measurable objective!
Duck the Fata !
ConnectHook Feb 2017
The­ Adverse Event was not so much a breach of transparency or mere data deviation as much as it was, in retrospect, a full-blown protocol violation. The control group, although they were not informed, still perceived challenges to their collective self-esteem therefore the entire collaboration was assessed as globally unsustainable. Results-driven outcomes will enhance and further inform best practices with reference to the emerging metric.
Duck the Fata and duck the femocrats too!
Elephant seals
gross and flabby
ignorant of protocol
ponderously scratch.

Uniformed unicorns
tame peacocks
wearing pink petticoats.

Fluted columns fade
at twilight
into the secrecy
of a passing thought.

Toy soldiers
on parade
fragile, glittering

— The End —