Sand, sand and dust, dust
These stones you thought
You built unbreakable, no
These in turn will turn into
Sand, sand and dust, dust
And all towers and castles
With time, become ruins so -
The cycle is a cycle for ages
What stops the destruction
Or what delays it, resets it,
Though futile, so to extend it,
Is love; palaces and hovels
fragile letters and trinkets -
Statues young, statues old,
They all stay preserved with
They all last longer long with
A little bit, or a lot, of love -
I'm no one to judge, give it
All or little of the love you can
to watch it stick, to watch it stand
Or slowly crumble in the end,
Dust, dust and sand, sand.

I ask my self:
Was I the only one
to ever love you?
Between us two?
No, no, you loved
Yourself too, all the while
leaving me unloved
Both by you and
As it happens, by me too -
All this would not have
Changed had you not left
And now I slowly
After  breaking saw too
That I can love my self so.
Even after you after all.

Frigid fire and scorching cold
blue from such happiness -
one's youth found in the old,
clinging onto letting go, such paradoxes.

Changes and grows and bores -
The seasons, as fall does spring,
Wishing for adventure and fun
When life is repetitive boring,
Wishing for dull and familiar
When life is fast unpredictable,
Discontent with the old taken
New is wished for, thus craving
This will be the human heart -
Always wanting, always depart
Of contentment, and always it
Finds change and changing, yet
Stills for a time enough to rest
Makes way for the new but does
Forget not the old and rusted,
It finds, it claims, it renews, and
It outgrows, rots, buries for new,
This will be its gifted curse living
Until its last very beat breathing
Fickle, want, and sentimental,
Human hearts as molten metal
As forever shifting unto death
Accursed gift of everlasting unrest.

Nerves fulminate, fissuring skin
As bones crackle, to weary tear,
Volcanic face, pooling hot tears,
Gaia weeps, her world despairs,
All of land's flora, and all of seas,
Erupt, displeasure at man's villainy.

A disaster, written in
old English script,
flourished with dreams
and colorful ink
when all that's needed
was pencil and paper to think,

"all that was wished for
was a lover, or maybe
just another drink."

Drowning in words,
senseless and pale pink
on a glass table of dust
and faculties on the brink
of breaking to shards
pieces - this disaster of a being
is me, needing more than sleep -

Vanilla lingering, scenting the bed,
fairy lights enchant dreary nights
dancing and still the dreamer sleepless,
restless - dream catcher by the door
guarding, keeping wily dreams in
little does the little dreamer know
resentment and nightmares are what
he is keeping, and demons
in the shadows, born of his mind
loud secretly living in his abode.

A demon who remembers
how white wings once felt,
how heavenly light caressed once,
how angelic song sounded,
in silent rebellion of
what this demon is now -
a war waged against himself
for a chance to find light,
and fly feathers once again.

A disaster,
A dreamer,
A demon,
all in one,
all from
one life -
Mine.

Come sleep, lay by me, close
Rest, draw those eyes of yours,
Yet wake and spend your dreams
With me, in each other's, savoring
Each secret wish, each theme of
Want and buried desires, wide
my yearning, my plain designs
For us, for you, my prosaic ways
To dream all our togethers away
And only in dreams did you stay.

A page filled with nonsense
in a book of standard things,
How's one to get lost in a jungle
lush and teeming with all these
mind boggles and heartstrings?

You're in for a surprise, splendor
Forget-me-nots by the ardent river,
Babbling, waiting, plucked to give
Placed on a grave of your spring,
Winter is coming, as fall retiring,
Set in for your rude awakening -

You're meant to outgrow within
The child dies, but the man refuses
To go out and start - he fears to begin.

Comet, aim for the heart
For long it has believed in
The shooting of stars, it
Has been deceived, no star
Wishes it anything, only
The moon wants it to exist.

Would it really have mattered if
still, today, every day,
I told you you're in my
Hopes and Dreams? Unending
Even if I was the one who ended it?
Even if I was the one who walked
away and set you all free? No,
I didn't let you go, I never did
But you can't have me, and have you
tethered to me; no, my reasoning so
I could tell you only if you'd ask
Nevermind - that's all in the past
it doesn't matter now, that was years
ages ago in Love's time, the 'us' that's
just you and him now, and me alone
Stuck, but you know, I had to let you go
You deserved so much more than just
an every day disappointment such as
myself - yes, you deserve life, I only
Ever offer a small and slow death.

Why tell me this?
I'm not even good
You'd easily find someone better
And you say now I'm the best?
Don't even jest, if that were true
Why then when I let go of you
Did you not at least try
To say 'no' you'll choose me
Still -
Why do I ask?
Because believe it or not
I did it for you, because
In the long run I know
I'll only be a disappointment
You deserve happiness
Of which I can't give,
Ever
My question is this
If I were the one truly for you
Why wait decades
I spent time forgetting
Numbing my self of you
And you break me
Apparently this fast
Now, when I thought
I was rid of you at last
That was my measure
My act of love,
To let you go, so
You can find someone above
And beyond me, who would
Truly, fully, equally deserve you
Between us two, when we
Were together
Maybe you were happy,
But I felt my self getting lesser
I never liked who I was
When I was with you
I'm telling you now at least
You deserve to know
So please just go
Don't let me spoil
All this time forgetting you
And how you feel
Maybe our love was strong
Maybe our love was real
But that kind of love would have
Broken us, fazed you,
And destroyed me
And you taught me as much
To care for and love
My self, like you did
So let me have this,
Miserable but loving my self
Not somehow happy with you
But slowly decaying, disappointing
I want you to be happy
With someone who can actually give it
The way you'd deserve it
Believe me, I beat my self a lot with it
Admitting finally that that happiness
Won't come from, won't be with
Me.

Engineer -
Building towers,
Building walls,
Building keeps,
Are you -
Reaching for the sky?
Trying to guard something in?
Trying to fortify?
Building towers to mimic flight,
Building walls to keep them out
Or keep something, someone, in
Building keeps to keep,
But to keep what?
I might ask,
Hamlet, what are you building
In that kingdom of yours?
What are you trying to achieve?

Compose with me here
Lyrics oozing honey
Enchanted sweetly words
All light and sunny, stars and moon;
Orchestrate with me here
Winds tinged harmony
Melody and tune, heard
All along the fields gold of noon;
Sing with me here
This love song we wrote
That we keep writing on
Come lows and highs the notes
Together - in duet.

O Prince Charming - O so young
There with lyre, just horsing around,
Maidens sought and maidens fair,
(Or prance along stable boys, I don't care)
Glowing sunlit golden hair, kept well,
Yet have at me an Alexander though,
great conqueror and builder hold,
Prince be ******, give me a king
Give me an emperor to so tempt,
Not an inexperienced boy on slights
but a battle-hardened man, a ruler instead.

Romance is distraction -
Romance is elaborating saga,
Romance is invention,
and not at all Love's dogma.

Love is discovery -
Love is devotion,
Love is creativity,
It evolved as we evolved,

Love is center, in all kinds
in the pure and the complex,
Love expressed in all the fines
the beauty in finding is yet -

Losing oneself in the find
or finding oneself in a loss,
unset from stone your searching mind
come morning, midnight, sun rise or set -

Love will find you as much as
Love willingly let's you beget.

Your warmth, shining halo,
Makes light of the weight of the world,
And they hold me up, hoping
I'll be able to stand on my own -
grounded, but flying,
And just as, if not, warmer.

I will not warrant kingdoms
My name wants no crown
My garbs need no insignia
My shield is strong -
without a crest and banner
I stand on my own two feet
but I will allow my self to
Rest upon a shoulder
and let my heart beat
entwine it with another's
I wish not for kings -
I wish not to be a king
just be a pauper with me.

You live to be gold -
your blood, veins, nerves, heart, thoughts, deeds -
or just gold-plated.

Lion you are,
All dressed in
sheep's garbs
fooling no one
but your own,
Mirror, mirror,
In woolen comb
a bleating roar
Trying to blend
when you were
made to hunt -
as the pride is
out waiting for
It's Tsar, to rule.

Instincts shrink
when love is on the table
for instincts are for survival
And love is for a dying
in the grandest ritual possible
And although as my gut tells me
Warns me to be on my guard
Cautioning, my brain is mush
And so is my own heart -
Dampen my instincts then,
Love, have me be ******,
Take all of my very existence,
Sacrificing survival on insistence.

Rear women to
be warriors
And men to
be princes again.
Teach them to be kind
without requirement,
no other reason
than for kindness,
Solely to just be -
Little girls to
want superpowers,
Little boys
to be gentle,
And it to be
okay if they wish to,
To judge not how
any other person looks,
But to consider by
Another's deeds,
And both to
dream to be any
Or the other, with
no restricting, and
to be allowed to,
Unconditionally,
To love whoever,
whatever, whenever,
And for us to love
Them for their choices,
We stand by
Their side;
Let them all be
as well what they -
And not what
you, we, force them,
to be, what they
do want to be.
For themselves.

All I have,
All I can give,
is my time,
and my poetry,
I can give you
all my hours,
I can immortalize you
with my words,
and have you run
miles in my mind,
making you my world,
leaving me -
hopelessly hoping that
that would be enough.
It never is though,
is that really enough
to afford love?

How many times
have my lips touched
Another's?
How many parts
have I given
Of my soul?
How many pieces of me
Have I subjected
to breaking? How many
More years 'til I
get back up,
and be whole?
Or will I
never
be whole
ever
again?

Curious, mind, core -
Tell me, not with words
I wish to know, so enlighten
Look at me, and tame my eyes
And let your soul speak to mine
And if you cannot understand
Or if I do see yours there that
Yours wouldn't care to know
that you are not mine, then
At least the truth is so set
By eyes, they don't lie
As do this, my heart
Half yours, of mine
Let seeing blind
And blind see
If I, you can't
Then let be,
To bid bye
O eyes,
try.

The other may be taller -
The other may be older -
The other may be more,
but that doesn't mean
that you are any less -
S/he loving you? All that
means that s/he sees more
so much more, in you too
so stop questioning the love
and just love, love them to death,
and so much more so beyond.

Hold onto my string
Tug on me, don't let me go
Little balloon full of wishing
That I may stay by your side
Come winds high and low
And when I lose all my bounce
All my air and floaty sense
Take me, tie me down still
Until I fully deflate, by then
Let me be held, never freed
Teach you how to grasp, show me how
much my insignificance matters at least.

Then there were three pairs of eyes -
The head's, the mind's, the heart's,
All seek to sort, learn, to find out
The roles surrounding, play part -
Each stone, each breath, each soul
Each entwining and leaving whole,
Doors open, doors close, windows
exciting, terrifying, intriguing you;
Will you find, or raise your barriers?
Will you go out, or stay still within?
All this in a day in the life of being,
All this seeing, sighting, being human.

Timeless joys -
Colors, occasions, fields,
Of grass and trees, rocks and creaks,
Sunlit mornings and early rain,
Moonlight and beaches,
All these things that no-
amount of gold and paper
can ever, by joy, duplicate.
Where have they gone?
Will they ever come back?
Timeless they may be but
I am, as of now, have a lack
of these - around me, by me
to feel, to have, to share,
And even when I notice these
I feel no sense of warmth,
no sense of happiness,
Is it truly timeless, or
am I just, inside, dead?

The Sun only knows how to shine
Furiously, intensely so and so
Why would that version of love
and loving be wrong?
The Earth only knows how to dance
to the tune of set and rise,
It revolves, all her life, around
her lover, spinning around him, her star
And, yet, to each other, that is
more than enough that they give
that they take from, to, one another
to them that is love, to them
that is living, that is life.

In quiet cessation of lauding
the lover bows his head, seeks
his simple lover's skin, meek
Wants only to touch, body to body
After a long and gruelling day, by
rain or by sunny shine, needing
only him, not what the lover has
or can bring but what he is - his lover
Dim, as night approaches but the day
Has just started for these two, awake
Taking each second, taking the other
in, slowly in, laughter, smile, causes
As the food cools, they sit, in jest
talk of the happenings, while away
Now cradling each other, by eyes
Meeting, glancing, not shy, wanting
The day is fast but their hearts beat
In sync, slowly, but fast, then slowly
Again, beat as lovers' hearts beat
Quiet noise, excited, longing
But impatiently patient, needy
But knows no need to rush
They have their whole lives
To spend, on tired, on busy,
On lazy, on happy, on rainy days
As today, as tonight, as every day
So long as him and his lover love
One another, and by work's end
Come home to catch up, and on
Each other, lay their day, start to rest.

The wintry coldest cold is but a fan
To this frying frigid heart of mine
Can't thaw, be it by any fiery sun
Let alone fair weather Summer fine,
Flowers bloom but the garden's
Overflowing with seeds, unopened,
Birds soon in unison sing, harken -
Does judgment day come unnoticed?
Will I ever wake to bid, see my end?

I built these walls in
The shape of mountains
With rivers on the inside
Settled with gardens, lush
That I dug and watered
Myself - climb, hike it thus
And you'll be surprised
That it's a much better trek
Than wrecking foundation
Destroying battlements,
These walls were not made
To keep out but to see
Who wishes to peek in
And find and know and
Maybe even care for and
Love me, so much more
Of what's within is just a
Town willing to be lived in
A heart just afraid to be
Stepped on but willing still
To be held, beat for and
In time, bloom and build
And climb some more,
It's just here, I'm just here
Waiting for any curious hiker
Waiting for a mountain high thrill
Of a kind of love affair, or -
I'm not picky at all -
A great kind of friendship true
Maybe though see what's within?

What did we do wrong?
I greet you good in the mornings
And wait for you to sleep by night
I ask if you've eaten, if drinking
And make sure your health's right
I kiss you when you want (need) it
And hug you even when you're sour
Sing you all these sugary nothings
Tell you you're all mine, and that
I'm all yours, even on busy noon times
You invade my mind by the second
All I think of is you, and I tell you
You tell me it's the same with you too
Make our hands touch whenever they can
Then again, all this is in a span of weeks
And by the month we were 'us'
I thought we were the happiest, I thought
And then I come again to ask -
What went wrong? What did we do wrong?
Or maybe I'm asking the wrong question
and maybe it's "What did we do right?

Born of ironwood and oak -
raised amidst fields of gold,
though rust tried to take you hold,
You mold your self to diamond hope.

You are salt and sweet of the Earth,
Honey and sweat and wine and seas -
The kindling wood, fires of hearths,
The rush, sway, and rustle of trees,
You are thirst and quench of lands,
A forest and a desert rolled into one,
You are warmth and scorching hands,
My darkness, my light, void and sun.

A smile that glistens wide,
and rivals that of the sun,
You shine more golden bright,
than horizons by the thousand.
Beat the drums that do wake
sleeping, bled, timid heart,
Pump my soul back into shape
bring back life once depart.
You turn to hallow graying ground
and collapse pillars that belittle,
You fill hollow bones of holy sound
temper the brittle to solid metal.
So stand and whittle them down with
strength found within inside of you,
You are a miracle and a curse that
You choose to give with all of you.

Fairy godfather and godmother,
I wish, this, my bleeding plea
To take me back to who I was
Before I was brought to my knees
I wish to become again, innocent
The child I was back before him
I wish to be departed of moments
memories of me and him in my head,
-
The winged guardians say in duet
A reply the loveless lover would get
Not a consolation, yet one awakening:
~
My dear darling son, we know of it -
Your pain deep within, you so keep
Feel, after the flame has been cast
And taken out the coal that made it last
Yes, it is true, he has forever left, but
Have you really been unchanged before
Before he gave his heart to you, and
You gave yours to him too, to be held?
Every hour, every minute, every second
That has passed has changed you ever so
For good, or for bad, they have grown you
Why should we take what has made you you
Why destroy a beautiful canvass true?
You will wither this pain, realize that
True, the lover has left and love cut,
But none of the love shared has rot,
He may have stopped giving it to you
But what you've had with him was true
And what you were before him even so
But has, even during and without him
You'd still have changed, do notice that
It's not that his loss was a marring of self
Just muster the courage to be used to it
It takes time to get used to a withered love
We'll give you instead strength and fortitude
To wither this loneliness, heartbreak, and
To find that what had happened and left
Has made you much better, with no regrets
We'll give you patience and understanding
To see that you are hurting, but growing
And that in time this pain will subside
You will find a greatest lesson behind
That you are you, no matter who with
That you will stand sturdier and through
Undaunted but still loving heart forthwith.