Walked along a dusty dirt road
hoping to find a place
where I could just unload
this heavy burden of grief
that weighs down on me
and before long
I found myself
perched under a huge shade tree--
the wind blew strong
tossing the branches and leaves about
and I kept hoping somehow
this tree so huge and stout
would look inside of me
and somehow help
to just set me free.

Trees know far more
than we humans do, you know--
so often trees stand tall and proud
and continue to leaf out and grow
while we humans stupidly
continue to destroy and wreck the land
and all the while the trees
just keep standing so proud and grand
--so is it any wonder that I dare
to hope this huge tree will help
that it will somehow care
about all the burdens I carry now?
I suppose it's too much to ask
of this sacred gift of nature right now...

I found myself wandering along the path
in the woods the other day--
I was alone (or so I thought)
when I began to pray
and as I stood next to a tall and aging tree
I thought I heard an angel
calling out to me--
I didn't realize tears were falling down my face
all I wanted was a caring embrace--
someone to tell me that all will be okay
and then this angel came to me to say,
"do not shed tears, my dear one--
the day will come when you will know
just where it is
you're supposed to go.
Until then, relax and allow
your heart to smile
and be ready for whatever comes your way
and allow your soul to rest awhile

hiding inside the darkness
peering out into the light
only to find
that my soul hates the bright--
too much to comprehend
too much to grasp
the dark seems safer for me
and I keep wanting just to clasp
its safety and its comfort
for darkness brings only quiet
and light brings all the sound
'make it stop!', my inner voice screams
as I fall in a heap onto the cold, hard ground...

I think I'm starting to wake up now--
the nightmares have finally stopped
and memories of before
come flooding in--
I used to have a good life
(way back when)
before the monster came
and stole me away
from the one who loved me true
I didn't realize then
what all leaving would put us through--
I let lies and deceit
take the place of my love for you
and found out too late that I was being used
to fill his needs to spew out his hate
to be someone that he lived to abuse--
he had such charm in the beginning
making me feel like a queen, a divine love
but then when the slightest thing went wrong
he would hit, push and shove
and tear into me like an animal after his prey
and if I dared to leave afterwards
he'd always find a way
to lure me back in and beguile me again
til finally one day, beaten and bruised
I knew I couldn't let him win--
I ran far far away and started life anew
and I wanted so much to find you again
and beg forgiveness from you--
but when finally I did make that call
to let you know I was now free
you told me that it was too late--
you no longer want me.
So, I sit here now knowing above all
that this life lesson I've learned
is like the world's worst wake up call...

Someone once told me a secret.
It was supposed to help to set me free--
but this secret has yet to reveal
what I've been hoping I would see--
All I've gained so far
is the uncanny sense of awareness
that no matter what I say or do
this secret that someone once gave me
will never lead me back to you.
And thus, the realization hits me hard--
Secrets aren't always real or true...

The iciness of his words
couldn't have hurt more
had he taken the icicle from
the overhang of my roof
and stabbed me
clean through to
this heart of mine.

Rigid and unforgiving
his breath spewed from his tongued mouth
forcing me to step back and wince
for so often the stench he breathes
brings harm to my soul
and wrecks havoc on the pieces of me
that once were whole.

'Tis only a memory now--
but still,
late at night
it comes back,
haunting me
taunting my senses
making me feel
as though
I should flee--
but where to go?
who to turn to now?
he's locked away--
but still...
those words, his evil
has a grip on me
somehow...

So unlike me.
I stepped on toes today--
didn't mean to,
but I couldn't help it
when they asked me
what I had to say--
I simply replied
that if things were up to me,
I'd set this whole **** world on fire
and send a note to god above
to start all over
and this time fill it with REAL LOVE--
no hate and no mean, unkind creatures
to rule the new, universal world
just LOVE and CARE and HOPE
should be unfurled--

and then once it all begins again
to reap the gifts of this love
and make sure love always conquers
over meanness, over sin...

Perhaps if I go back to sleep
I'll find that on the morrow
I will still be alive
and can wash this nightmare
from my soul
and begin anew--
I keep thinking...
perhaps in the morning
I can just let it all go...
morning comes in only an hour or two...

None can ever say
that I did not try
to find my way--
I traveled all the way here
to start a new life
to escape the fear
of living with a monster
that never stayed under the bed--
instead he lashed out daily
and bashed in my head
and when I ran with all my might
to escape the abuse, the fear
he somehow found his way
and discovered me here--
so I had to resort to legalities
begging the law
to just take him away--Please.

He's in jail now
for quite a long time--
you see he finally committed
a heinous crime
of killing someone
with his bought and paid for gun
and I hope he does many years
so I will no longer have to run--

none can ever say
that I didn't try
to find my way
to make a real life
right here...
so that I won't have to hide
and live in fear
of monsters that don't stay under the bed
and of wondering  when it will be me
who they find lying dead...

If trust is so sacred to you
why are you so stingy with it?
Why, I wonder can you not
forgive and move on
and allow the future
to unfold as it is meant to unfold
instead of constantly searching
for reasons to chase the past?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why will you not give it freely
and allow it to shine forth
and become a real part
of who you are
instead of placing it
crumb by crumb?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why not give truly from your heart
and let all who know you feel and see
that you carry such beauty
inside of you
instead of wearing that hateful fear
that eats you up inside?

Trust.
You say you want to trust me,
yet you refuse to really try.
Always searching for tidbits
to prove that you cannot have
peace of mind--
yet too, you are always, always
looking behind--

If trust is so sacred--
then allow the future to unfold
without strings knotted up
from the past.
No one can trust when they refuse
to look forward
rather than looking back...

Awaiting the moment
when peace will return
when somehow
my mind, my body
will learn
that this life is not
my enemy
but instead
my vessel
for finding my way.

Those messages you sent
to me in the dark of night
mean no more now
than they did
when we used to fight.
Just stay out of my life
and leave me alone!--
I don't want you anymore
and no, I won't come home--
I have no home
with you anymore
and I wish somehow
you'd just ignore
that we ever were a couple
for any length of time--
you hit me, you spat on me
you committed a crime
and NO, I will not take you back
and give you ONE MORE CHANCE
you see, I've already done that;
already danced that Dance--
and I don't need a repeat
of what I considered a living hell
so get the eff out of my life
and know this:
I do NOT wish you well!

Love crept up on me
and knocked at my heart
and I tried hard
to open it --
but the key
broke off in the lock
and now
I helplessly watch
as love is swiftly
moving far
                                                       away
from me.

My heart aches
for all who
are feeling the pain
who are in shock too--
I wish so much
there was something more
MY heart could do--
all I know to do is pray
and keep believing
in love and hope and light too...

tiny dancers
came swirling by
in the form of leaves
falling from the sky
and as I watched them
twist and turn
falling down
so light and free
I couldn't help but feel
they were performing
just for me.

tiny dancers
garbed in autumn's array
of gold and oranges and reds
on this windy day--
and all I could think
as they kept coming down
was that I wanted to join in
to dance around
and feel as beautiful,
light and free
as all these tiny dancers
surrounding me...

spent and worn and
tattered and torn
is what i feel
this particular day.
i hope and wish
and mourn
that my muse
has temporarily
gone away...
wondering when
if ever (I hope)
i will feel like
writing it all out
once again
hoping soon
my words will come back
and that the silence
and darkness
will not win.

listening to the harmony
as I walked into the forest today
I could hear the birds singing
and was so impressed
with what they had to say--
it felt like a genuine welcome
almost as if they were truly glad
to see the likes of me
and I didn't even feel alone
deep in those dense woods--
just felt so alive, so incredibly free...

I'm slowly coming to know
that I belong on this great earth of ours
and no matter what happens in life
I can lean on my amazing and magical powers
and know that as long as I stay moving ahead
and stop looking back all the time
somehow all will work out for me
and one day, yes one awesome day
things will be truly awesome and fine!

totally alone again
but for once,
that's okay--
i needed this time
to just pull away
to reflect and decide
who it is
i really want to be
and to find out too
if you'll even miss
that woman
i used to be...

doesn't really matter tho
for if there
is one certain thing
i most definitely know
it's that no one cares
as much as you think and hope
they do--
and least of all not those
who are the likes of you--

so never mind--
loneliness can be my new name
and all will work out fine
as i learn this new game
and i won't allow my heart
to fall for you
ever again
so keep on hopin'
(if you want)
-but-
*you will NOT win.

Even though life seems to be teaching me
sometimes I wonder if ever
I will truly and without doubt
feel like I am really free...

                                        (for you see, sometimes
                                        the fears, the nightmares
                                        come back in the dark of night
                                        and I lay there shivering with absolute fright!)
                  
and then I think if I close my eyes tight
they (the monsters in my head)
will not be able to see
just how much they're frightening me--
but still, the darkness lurks
at the end of every single day
and I have to manage somehow
to keep the fears/monsters/my pain at bay...

                                         So, even though life seems to be teaching me
                                         sometimes I wonder if ever
                                         I will truly and without doubt
                                         feel like I am really free...

finding solace
in reuniting
with my sis
is perhaps
one of the most
amazing gifts
I have ever given
to me.
I hope she and I
will forever
and always
(you know,
til the end of time)...
just BE.

I had the intention
of just calling it quits
giving up on this life of mine
that's shredded to bits
but oh my, I stopped in
here at this HP site
and met a few folks
who helped set things right
--they listened and gave
a few kind words to me
and suddenly I realized
I could set myself free,
that I could stop wallowing
in the dread and the fear
of what my ex had so long
forced me to hear--

Now--

I've blocked out his cruel words
he threw out at me
and instead replaced them
with words from Hello Poetry!
Since coming here
and finding this place,
I'm slowly learning
that this smile on my face
belongs there now
and it matches the one in my heart!

So

thank you, dear friends here
for helping me start
to appreciate the opportunities
I can now explore
and thank you so much
for opening that new door
of hope and possibilities
that are surely waiting for me--
I'll do my best to stay unbound,
to stay forever free!

So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...

There is something magical
yet frightening
about awakening
to a new day--
on the one hand
I'm alive
and ready to
go in search of a way
to make it through
to live
to survive
until tomorrow
finally comes
but on the other hand
I ache at times
to just hear
the beating, the rhythm
of the death toll drums--

why am I here?
keeps droning on and on
through my soul
and everywhere I look
I search others' eyes
hoping that if they know
they will fill me in,
give me a clue
so that perhaps one day
something will come through
instead of dread and fear
whenever I look off in the distance
or even gaze at what's near--
perhaps today life will give to me
a brand new way
to open my eyes and really see?
by Ami Shae

I tapped into a magic realm
I didn't even know was there--
found a phantom ghost
with firelight and embers
glowing in its hair--

                                was this a spirit
                                coming for me
                                                              ­someone who might
                                                           ­   somehow set me free
and bring me along
to another life
away from this hell I'm in?

                                                            ­ OR what if this is a monster
                                                              (n­ow that I see its evil grin)
                                                   and it wants to torture me even more?

What if I can't escape this spirit
through an open door...
and I become trapped for all of time?
oh dear, dreams are haunting me again
in this crazy realm of mine!

Forgive me my envy
of your amazing lives--
you who have children
you who have husbands
or you who have wives--
I left a life of torture and pain
so long ago, you see--
and now all I have left
is living alone --
yep, just me.

So, forgive me my envy
of your amazing lives
for I know that what I lived
was not right or good
even though I tried--
I saw I could not survive
the pain and anguish
heaped on top of me
I had to run, to leave
the intense torture, you see...

but still I envy those
who have loves and lives to share
who know that they come home
to someone who will
truly love and care
and perhaps in time
I'll have that one day too--
but for now, please...
forgive me for having
such envy of those like you...

upon this land I travel along
wondering who it is
that will hear my song--
I have to sing always, you see
because without song
there is no life within me
and when music
surrounds my heart and soul
there is no where that
I am afraid to go.

                                                            ­     oh how I

wish so that someone could be
as in love with song as I
(as I go floating on notes of melodies
while passing by)
and then find that their love for song
brings them to know (and see)
that they are just as in love
with me...

I couldn't help it.
I saw the open door
saw you were asleep
grabbed my clothes
from off the floor
and tried hard not
to weep
as I took my leave
trying so hard
not to look back
at you there
wondering why
I should even care--
but knowing the truth
will always follow me--
I cannot love you
or care or stay ever--
I have to be free.
So I hurriedly dressed
and quietly took my leave
and I ran,
yes, I ran
and left you to grieve
and wonder why--
but better to have you wondering
than you having to watch
as I slowly die...

If upon awakening
you happen to call out my name
and get no answer
it's because
Nothing,
Absolutely Nothing
ever stays the same...