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Time is slowly ticking away
I wish you could hear all I have to say
It's clear to me that you're one of a kind
And I don't plan to leave it all behind
It seems all I do these days is cry
And think of times where we could both fly
I laugh now, because you had me there
What happened, your hearts gone somewhere?
Open your eyes and look up straight
It's me standing there, it's not too late
Maybe you're unsure, maybe even afraid
But my hearts the one your presence invades
It's always been you, who makes it all click
And yea I overthink, I admit it makes me sick
I've walked the line before and have gone on alone
But I've wished for you here, something God's always known
If what you shared was honest and the things you said are true
Then take a leap of faith and let me go with you

-AJT
Some cigarettes
that you have smoked
will tell you;
this is a life
where you must not give up
and keep trying
and hoping
for every good
that grows
from your breath.
Indonesia, 19th October 2021
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
Troy Oct 2021
Thoughts spiraling
Causing tears to fall
Does he want me
Or is it all a facade

Little to no communication
Rarely seeing each other
Hiding things I give him
Spending more time with her than me

These actions speak volumes
And it causes me to wonder
Does he even love me
Does he even want me

Everyday I fight against these thoughts
But the longer this goes on
The more I feel it to be true
And the more heartbroken I become

I’m starting to question
If I should build up walls
Block off my heart again
So it doesn’t hurt as much

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to shake these thoughts
Thoughts of pain and torture
Wishing for someone to shine a light

I swore to myself
I would never be in this spot again
But here I am again
Prepared to have my heart trampled

I’m honestly ready to snap
Needing to talk with him
But it has to be in person
Because I honestly fear his answer

It will be so much easier
To seal myself away
While he’s standing there in front of me
Than if it were over call or text

I can hide my pain
Not let myself collapse
If what I honestly fear
Is the actual truth

My feelings are never wrong
Which just makes matters worse
I lay there and cry
On countless days and nights

Hoping that he’ll talk to me
Hoping it’s not true
Hoping that he loves me
Hoping he chooses me

Because if this continues
The way it’s going
I will end up losing
My will to even try
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