My heart aches
for all who
are feeling the pain
who are in shock too--
I wish so much
there was something more
MY heart could do--
all I know to do is pray
and keep believing
in love and hope and light too...

That metaphorical
knife?
Cuts Deep,
So very Sharp
and painful
slicing into my soul
I wish you'd taken it
with you
when you said you had
to go...

finding solace
in reuniting
with my sis
is perhaps
one of the most
amazing gifts
I have ever given
to me.
I hope she and I
will forever
and always
(you know,
til the end of time)...
just BE.

regret and guilt
eat me alive at times
wishing so much
i could undo
all of my crimes--
so many things
from my past it seems
all the huge mistakes i've made
seem to haunt my vivid dreams
and oh the pain, the fear
that constantly encompass me
whenever I think that one day
all in this world will be able to see...
but there is no undoing
that can possibly be done
to mine own undoing
you see, i'm the one
who committed the acts of sin
and no one can help me now
no one can let me go back and begin
to try to undo what's done somehow...
so off i go trodding through
until the end of time
when my days will come to an end
**and all will know my sins, my crime...

Time never stops.
It waits for no one.
It doesn't care
whether it's the moon
or whether it's the sun
time just marches on
and leaves us all feeling robbed
and needing more
but the worst thing about time
is the way it seems to pour
through our fingers
like grains of sand
and no matter how hard we try
seems we can never plan
to have enough
to save it up,
to make it stay
time just keeps slipping, slipping
far far away...

Wandering around this wasteland of my mind
makes me wish I could just leave you/your heart behind
but no matter where I go, no matter what I do
your heart, your love, your being keeps clinging to
this shattered heart of mine and I wonder when
you will stop and realize that your love still lives within
the inside of me and that I can't just stop caring, you see
so please, please, won't you just come back to me???

Not only am I drowning
but so many are going down
along with me--
our hopes, our dreams, our ideals
are being swept out to sea
the man who claims victory
is more than just a man
he embodies evil and greed
like no other in this land--
he cares nothing for AMERICA
unless it brings profit his way
and he will stop at nothing
to rule forever and a day...

So don't bother to save me
as I am falling beneath the sea,
I cannot tread water
for he is determined to drown me
and so many others
who only want what's best
for our beloved U.S.A.
and oh my god
this test
is far too much
and I kneel down and pray
and ask the gods above
to watch over the entire globe
for beware, I see it coming
this man in charge
has not much of a frontal lobe
and we are doomed
not just as a united country
but as a human kind
for we've elected an official
who has literally lost his mind...

Missing in Action--
that would be me--
I hide out in my dark room
sometimes afraid
to leave the gloom
but when I finally
find my way back here
I always find writes
that seem so perfect and dear
and I wonder why
it takes me so long
to come back here to read
when so oftentimes
that I do--
it sparks the hidden need
I feel for connection
for all you amazing poets here
thank you, dear poets
for helping me to clear
a path to a new and improved me
I hope I'll be here more often
and that you all
will be happy, safe, healthy and free...

I had the intention
of just calling it quits
giving up on this life of mine
that's shredded to bits
but oh my, I stopped in
here at this HP site
and met a few folks
who helped set things right
--they listened and gave
a few kind words to me
and suddenly I realized
I could set myself free,
that I could stop wallowing
in the dread and the fear
of what my ex had so long
forced me to hear--

Now--

I've blocked out his cruel words
he threw out at me
and instead replaced them
with words from Hello Poetry!
Since coming here
and finding this place,
I'm slowly learning
that this smile on my face
belongs there now
and it matches the one in my heart!

So

thank you, dear friends here
for helping me start
to appreciate the opportunities
I can now explore
and thank you so much
for opening that new door
of hope and possibilities
that are surely waiting for me--
I'll do my best to stay unbound,
to stay forever free!

"Want to know a secret
Just between you and I?
I am not really living my life
just patiently waiting to die..."*
But I never got an answer
when I sincerely asked her, "Why?"
###

Saw your words last night
on the social media site
you proclaim such happiness now
yet, you refused to keep your vow
of always being there to love, to help me
that's okay--I'm learning it's better to be free.

My
Head is pounding,
heart is thumping,
my tears are flowing
and this of late,
is all I know:
Humanity seems to be
beyond control.
Humanity seems to have
lost its collective soul
and I honestly don't know
where I need to go...
Sometimes I think I might drown
in all the sadness
in all the pain
the torment and inhumanity
that seems to surround
me no matter where I travel to--
no place is safe anymore
nothing is sacred
or respected or revered
Humanity seems to have
truly and completely
disappeared...

While trying to decide if ever I can confide
my deepest of secrets to the one I love--
                      even
beyond the depth of the ocean
or the awesome blue skies above...

I shyly gaze into eyes that make me realize
that never before have I known this joy--
                      and I ask,
who on this amazing, green, beautiful earth
ever dreamed that my true love is  not  even a boy?!

Wondering if ever I will be brave and endeavor
to spill my heart to the one I love...
                     if only
I could know that she cares as much for me too--
then my heart would soar to the heavens above!

A moment in time
that can never be retrieved--
regret and guilt
are its boundaries
forever holding it in place
as if the moment
can never fade
not even to a fair shade of grey
for the regret and guilt
hold it tight
and forever it will stay...

...can describe the pain
of what so many are going through
no words can give back
the lives lost
all I know to do
is hope hope hope
each and every day
that somehow our world
will find a better way
than to maim and ****
when things are not what we agree upon
if we don't find better ways of coping
one day soon, our world will just be gone
(and then there really will be
NO WORDS)...

tried to save you that one last time--
you told me it would be in vain,
but i stubbornly refused to believe
that i couldn't erase your pain.

did every thing i knew to do--
held you in my arms all night long
and still i just couldn't win --
seems all my efforts were so wrong

but now that you're gone and no longer with me
i sit and weep my heartfelt tears
and i cannot help but wonder what if
we'd just had a few more good years...?

I heard her calling out to me
tried to ignore her,
begged her to set me free
but her scent, her taste
kept calling to me
I ached so
for her to just let me be
but the lure, the pull
her enticing ways
kept gnawing and eating at me
for days
and finally I gave in to her call
and drank in her aroma, her scent
tasted the essence of her elixir from hell
and I sit here now
trying to tell
which way is up--
is the room spinning (or is it me?)
I should have insisted
she let me be,
but I'm weak and her taste and lure is strong--
I should have known better--
giving into brandy
has always been wrong...

So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of my every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...
©Amy Shae 2015

If trust is so sacred to you
why are you so stingy with it?
Why, I wonder can you not
forgive and move on
and allow the future
to unfold as it is meant to unfold
instead of constantly searching
for reasons to chase the past?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why will you not give it freely
and allow it to shine forth
and become a real part
of who you are
instead of placing it
crumb by crumb?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why not give truly from your heart
and let all who know you feel and see
that you carry such beauty
inside of you
instead of wearing that hateful fear
that eats you up inside?

Trust.
You say you want to trust me,
yet you refuse to really try.
Always searching for tidbits
to prove that you cannot have
peace of mind--
yet too, you are always, always
looking behind--

If trust is so sacred--
then allow the future to unfold
without strings knotted up
from the past.
No one can trust when they refuse
to look forward
rather than looking back...

tiny dancers
came swirling by
in the form of leaves
falling from the sky
and as I watched them
twist and turn
falling down
so light and free
I couldn't help but feel
they were performing
just for me.

tiny dancers
garbed in autumn's array
of gold and oranges and reds
on this windy day--
and all I could think
as they kept coming down
was that I wanted to join in
to dance around
and feel as beautiful,
light and free
as all these tiny dancers
surrounding me...

None can ever say
that I did not try
to find my way--
I traveled all the way here
to start a new life
to escape the fear
of living with a monster
that never stayed under the bed--
instead he lashed out daily
and bashed in my head
and when I ran with all my might
to escape the abuse, the fear
he somehow found his way
and discovered me here--
so I had to resort to legalities
begging the law
to just take him away--Please.

He's in jail now
for quite a long time--
you see he finally committed
a heinous crime
of killing someone
with his bought and paid for gun
and I hope he does many years
so I will no longer have to run--

none can ever say
that I didn't try
to find my way
to make a real life
right here...
so that I won't have to hide
and live in fear
of monsters that don't stay under the bed
and of wondering  when it will be me
who they find lying dead...

I met up with Time
and had quite a talk with her--
she keeps stealing my minutes & hours
making my life
an absolute blur--
so I told her in no uncertain terms
that she'd better give back
all those minutes & hours
I worked so hard to earn
and she reluctantly shook her head
so woefully
and without much of an apology,
she looks at me,
saying that what she steals
she does NOT return--
And as for all those minutes she stole?
She said she let them burn...
(****!)

So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...

in the twilight
i saw your shadow
lurking
as if waiting
to capture me
and in my fear
and anxious state of mind
all I could do was flee.

i wonder now
what if you were someone
i could have shared a moment or two
what if i had stayed
and got acquainted
with you?

fear eats at me,
rules my world
so many times
each and every day
and oh, i wish, i wish, i wish
i knew how to just stay

and be a part of this life
that so many others
seem to so easily do
but reaching out,
touching, talking to others
just makes me
shiver and tremble all the way through...

This club I'm in is so mundane
it's the lonely hearts club
and makes me insane--
No one to listen,
no one to really care
all I have of late
is my lonely heart to share--
but I'm not giving up
I know my day will dawn
and when it does
I'll put my best dress on
and go out on the town
to find someone real
someone who can walk
into my heart
without having to steal
all the joy they find there
and yet, they'll gladly receive
the joy, the love I would willingly give
if they'll only believe--
you see--all I want,
all I really even need
is someone to care, to love
it sure would be nice
if it came at godspeed
and rescued me
from this club I'm in
and help my lonely heart
to find a real and true friend...

I tapped into a magic realm
I didn't even know was there--
found a phantom ghost
with firelight and embers
glowing in its hair--

                                was this a spirit
                                coming for me
                                                              ­someone who might
                                                           ­   somehow set me free
and bring me along
to another life
away from this hell I'm in?

                                                            ­ OR what if this is a monster
                                                              (n­ow that I see its evil grin)
                                                   and it wants to torture me even more?

What if I can't escape this spirit
through an open door...
and I become trapped for all of time?
oh dear, dreams are haunting me again
in this crazy realm of mine!

I painted your portrait today
your yellow hair suddenly
turned gray--
your green eyes went black
your smile
went slack
and the paint ran
down the canvas
in rivulets of what looked like
discolored blood
pooled  there on the floor
--formed it's own kind of mud
I stood there
not at all proud
of my rendition of you
yet--knowing your portrait
was something
I was compelled to do
and if ever you come by
to see me again
I'll let you have it
(the painting)
minus your evil grin.
(it's lying there on the floor)
Oh, you won't miss it, I assure you--
it's right here just inside
what used to be
our front door...

Forgive me my envy
of your amazing lives--
you who have children
you who have husbands
or you who have wives--
I left a life of torture and pain
so long ago, you see--
and now all I have left
is living alone --
yep, just me.

So, forgive me my envy
of your amazing lives
for I know that what I lived
was not right or good
even though I tried--
I saw I could not survive
the pain and anguish
heaped on top of me
I had to run, to leave
the intense torture, you see...

but still I envy those
who have loves and lives to share
who know that they come home
to someone who will
truly love and care
and perhaps in time
I'll have that one day too--
but for now, please...
forgive me for having
such envy of those like you...

Spinning like a red rubber ball
that bounces and careens
off a hard, brick wall--
I land on the floor
and spin and spin
for hell hath wrought
the fury without and within
and the danger lurks
just around the bend
I hope and pray
the world doesn't end...
(but I doubt that it will--
so I'll continue to spin)...

I so often wish I could find a cottage garden home
and hang just the right curtains,
plant beautiful flowers
take leisurely hot, steaming baths and showers
never again leave to go work in the grind
of dealing with customers
who have seemingly lost their minds...
just give me a cottage garden home
a few books to read
where my mind can roam
and allow me the quietness and solitude
just some peace and quiet -- shhh!!!
no, I'm not trying to be rude--
it's just that all day long I hear grumbling
I hear complaints galore
and my job is such that I can't ignore
the craziness of the public tis all too true--
so I really do NEED that garden cottage home
to escape and run away to...

adrift in an endless sea
of doubt and uncertainty--
but I know the day will come
when somehow
i will once again
find me.

There is something magical
yet frightening
about awakening
to a new day--
on the one hand
I'm alive
and ready to
go in search of a way
to make it through
to live
to survive
until tomorrow
finally comes
but on the other hand
I ache at times
to just hear
the beating, the rhythm
of the death toll drums--

why am I here?
keeps droning on and on
through my soul
and everywhere I look
I search others' eyes
hoping that if they know
they will fill me in,
give me a clue
so that perhaps one day
something will come through
instead of dread and fear
whenever I look off in the distance
or even gaze at what's near--
perhaps today life will give to me
a brand new way
to open my eyes and really see?
by Ami Shae

I awoke with a start
to the silence of no beating heart
lying there underneath my ear!
I wanted to choke down my fear
yet a scream was about to unleash from me
when suddenly your beating heart broke free
and made me realize it had never really stopped--
my ears were all plugged up and when they popped
the sound came through at last so loud and clear--
"lub dub lub dub lub dub"... sigh...so precious to be able to hear!