I will not let my
Sobriety define me.
I am more than that.

She was darting through thoughts
I dart through hers
My brain tied in knots
Kicking with spurs
Her eyes darker than night
A bottle in her hand
Tearing down with words polite
Meaning hidden I understand
Pack of smokes in pocket
A state of misery
Launching like a rocket
No reason I can see
In foggy haze of confusion
Rain quit falling down
Bars closing in conclusion
Remained dimly lit around
Resting back against wall
Bricks of the front of our wet home
Could hear the substances call
In back of her mind to roam
Let in with welcome arms
Turn off lights one by one
It's about how want disarms
Forfeit to them almost none
In a day will return
Finding you the same place
Or someone better takes their turn
Does not matter
Just a different face
She falls asleep eventually
Giving her dreams attention
Call names and she will be
All things you mentioned

One more sleepless night for me
Haunted by every mistake
I'd rather be in dreams, asleep
My mind forces me to stay awake.

My eyes wide open against my will
The hours tick slowly away
I anxiously wait to drift off
So I won't have to suffer the next day.

My brain races, wonders, explodes
Wandering beast of demise
Meandering along its determined path
Despite loud echoing cries.

Each wretched nightmare I undertake
Is while sleep provides no relief
I lie in silence hoping for
A bit of rest, no matter how breif.

At last, my head breaks free from chains
Dozing, I'm happy I win
Dreams only last for so long
Until the next miserable day can begin.

You swear you really mean it
I'm pretty sure you don't
Too often I have let you slide
Counting on the fact you won't

I've asked you to try my shoes on
You don't hear a word I say
Too busy ranting while you stomp
Storming the opposite way

I'll succeed with or without your help
Slowly dying with stubborn pride
Opinions don't control me anymore
Or cut me inside

I do not care if you revoke support
You'll be my Mama no matter what
Is it hard to accept me for who I am?
Hiding behind a door tightly shut

It is tiring attempting to make you proud
Sad thing to see you cry
I disappear for I can't bear your tears
Unable to handle the disappointment in your eyes

A long time ago was the reason you smiled
Old photograph serves as proof
Held me through the years
Held me down
Handed out name slurred with *****

Now we do not even sit down to eat dinner
On steps I lay my dreams
A broken home empty of potential
Collecting on dusty beams

Drinking from your water bottle
That's not what's actually inside
Wind tipping you off balance
Alone as guilt you hide

At grey clouds I shudder
Foundation of our fears
Still true to trust and time
Detached demeanor clears

Wish I had courage to call you out
Call your bluff
Admit I know
When you tell me to get out
You really mean "please do not go"

Don't tell lies
Don't play tricks

Not possible to do bad and be a good person

I am not God
It is not my place to judge
I am speaking from experience

I lie
I am being 100% honest

Sometimes I lie in bed at night

Unexpectedly, my ship started to sink,
Sea pushing from all sides,
I didn't care until it was too late,
Was always moving with the tides.

Wish I was a good swimmer,
Not herded around by the moon,
A mess, drowning in my muddy flaws,
Fear I'll be at the bottom of the ocean soon.

My family threw a lifevest,
No longer have strength to hold on,
Will I completely lose myself at sea?
Where has happiness gone?

Saw her standing on the tracks
Dressed head to toe in black
A smile sat upon her lips
Eyes were sad like sinking ships

Sometimes lungs take air for granted
Same with skin, only sun
I suppose pain has turned me bitter
Still bleed though fighting is done.

Heal from the inside out
Help find myself buried deep in the ground
Life has lost significant meaning
My eyes not picking up beauty around.

Everyone waiting for me to return
To the former friend known before
What they don't realize is that girl
Does not live inside me anymore.

Back in summers of naive wonder
Woke up with a smile on my face
Not happy for more than an instant
That spark vanished, is tough to replace.

Taking day by day too hard
Wonder when things will change
Focused on gratitude every step of my journey
Yet happiness is always out of range.

Working myself to live a life
Impactful and without fear
Fufillment seems so far out of reach
With every "Thank you" becomes more near.

I am aware each breath might be my last
I'm careless with them though
If tragedy strikes and I die today
There are a few things I need you to know

You are the best I've ever had
You are not mine anymore
Better than highs from any drug
Ever readily ingested before

You changed me completely inside
The way I think; how my heart beats
I lost my confidence somewhere
Amidst folds of your tangled sheets.

I will always treasure moments
Spent together the most
I screenshotted every sentimental
Romantic Instagram post

I kept every present you bestowed
My tie-dyed hoodie and stuffed bear
Cherish each gift, though they make it
Impossible to pretend you did not care

You taught me to understand
The broken, fallen, and dark
By helping me to become that myself
A lesson that left a substantial mark

You showed me how to laugh through fear
I remember that tip every other day
You knew there was happiness to find
Even when skies were cloudy and grey

In your arms I learned to open up
Gave my secrets, shadows, and scars to you
Unlocked the door to vulnerable parts
Of my soul. That took courage to do

Thank you for being there to care
Loving me despite my worst
Most of the time I was put second
I could tell you wanted me to come first

Betrayal made me understand
How brave it is to forgive
Holding tight to bitter resentment
Is not the way to peacefully live

You proved to me it is possible
To overcome certain defeat
If two people put forth 100%
They will get up when knocked off their feet

The most profound thing discovered
Thanks to memories you left in my brain
Is when you meet the right person
The love you feel is worth every bit of pain

Plenty of people
Pour their opinions on me
Find pressure pointless

I am missing a large portion of my heart
A lot inside that's been slashed apart
Forfeited innocence in order to get high
Need to understand it
Need to know why

Need a magnifying glass to see the clues
I'm free to find all the ways that before I did lose
Thoughts kept me on the brink of drowning every day
In the nightmare failing to take me away

I ate and overgorged on rich fantasies
Like colored candy ingested impossibilities
Needed more than temporary flavor
Needed a taste I could always savor

Feed my demons with an abundance of doubt
Awakened in body inside and out
Infestation of insecurity
Like plankton multiplying
Blooming in sea

Floor barely visible underneath clustered stuff
Ask myself why I don't care enough
Brain needs rewiring in the worst kind of way
Stopped feeling human
Instead a statue made of clay

To fix all that is broken is an unrealistic concept
Dance around things I'm not ready to accept
Cloak my open wounds
Hide pain that's only mine to know
Pretend underneath is as undamaged as the parts that show

I am difficult most days
I'm guessing because I'm a mess
Eats me up to know I'm damaging
People close get hurt and I am distressed

I cannot take their advice
Or tell the truth so instead
I silently float in a pool of omission
At the bottom scribbled words unsaid

Desperately trying to hide and deny
Dysfunction under a thin cloak of happiness
Like fireflies in the cool evening wind
Each smile fizzles out giving way to darkness

You can take selfish reasons
Inflated ego and and your pride
Keep trying in vain to convince yourself
What you did was justified

You can have your version of right and wrong
Can keep your judgmental attitude
You think you are better off alone
I hope you enjoy your solitude

I do not need your conceited point of view
Your condescending advice
All you do is make me cry
Don't want to repeat the same story twice

I wish I understood what happened
You once loved me but that was before
You were my entire universe
Now you aren't worth my time anymore

I spent my last birthday in tears
I won't make that mistake again

Walking in the woods to clear my thoughts
With birds keeping me melodic company

I give a round of applause after their impromptu performance

The attention they receive from me is the attention I hope for on my special day this year
The way they they make their exit is the way I wish I could make my entrance
On wings
Landing from an elegant flight fashionably late

But bones are not quite hollow enough yet

Tomorrow is another day, new as all the rest,
Leave worries to settle in the past,
Frightened dreams plague your sleeping mind,
Time, the enemy, always seems to go too fast.

It inducea slowly-consuming fatigue,
The sun lowered eyelids, sight gone,
Slowly sinking like hopes for change,
Daily ritual of comfort continuing on.

Joining edges of morning horizon,
In a still serene escape,
Shifting Earth carries sky into darkness,
Without sound, color, or definite shape.

Amplified moments, night takes form,
Fear fixates frantic thoughts on future mistakes,
Daybreak will come regardless of your worry,
Stop fretting over potential heartaches.

Expect tears and pain
Nothing good is free of hurt
Appreciate scars

I said I would not let you back in
Here I stand exposed
Heart holds on despite the hurt
I am not blind-my eyes are just closed

I knew it was a long shot
Knew I'd end up with another broken heart
But despite the risk I let you back in
After almost a year apart
Because I couldn't get you off my mind
Not for a day or even an hour or two
And if you were so deeply stuck in my thoughts
That meant it was worth starting over new
Now we are here trying our best
But it's not quite what we hoped it would be
The love I feel for you is stronger than ever
But I can't seem to make you see

I just want you to smile once more
And make you happy like I did before

I am sorry if I've turned into a mess
You're so strong, you cannot break
I have my fair share of sins to admit
My well-being is at stake.

Your girl was all I wanted to be
Do I ever let you down?
I am not sure if I have it in me
To turn that beautiful smile into a frown.

You say all the special things I wanna hear
Words I've never been told
But it is time to admit I fear
This romance is starting to grow..

old

Cross my heart, hope I die,
I will always be there to love you,
Offering kisses, taking your trembling hand,
I know you will be there for me too.

Baby I have been drunkenly thinking,
Think I have you to thank,
For giving irreplacable moments
To store inside my memory bank.

I love late nights we waste,
Spilling hearts in the dark,
All the laughter, the tears,
Have left a cherished mark.

I promise I won't ever take you for granted,
Your actions, as well as words you say,
Cross my heart, hope I die,
By your side I will forever stay.

Poor people have different perception than rich people

A big understanding of value of things
We are affected by the cost of things

Rich people pay for cable TV
HBO
TIVO
Etc.
Watch only three channels a couple times a week

Have pools maintained year-round so it can be swam in twice
Laid next to bikini-clad Barbies on the handful of days their social calendar falls empty
With a temperature range of 68°-72°F
Bragged about in casual conversations just enough
So that every ear in a five-mile radius knows the cute Puerto Rican pool boys name

A mistake to them nothing more than an apology with a price tag attached
No problem is too big to bribe away

But less privileged folk know all too well how cause and effect work
Because we face the consequences of our actions
Big
Small

We go to libraries for entertainment

We do not cook more than we can eat
Because groceries cost too much money to waste

Wealth does not necessarily make you an ignorant or bad person
I think poverty does help make you a more conscientious person

You play your wicked games with me,
Why do you treat my heart like a toy?
It's beginning to feel like my
Pain is something you enjoy.

I love the color of your eyes,
And running my hands through your hair,
and when you wear nothing but boxers,
I cant help but stare.

I love your stomach and your arms,
and the familiar smell of your skin,
I love your neck and the fact that you,
Can barely grow hair on your chin.

I love the way you laugh and smile,
and the rise and fall of your chest at night,
And when were lying close together,
I love how our bodies fit just right.

I love it when you hold my hand,
And sit beside me on your bed,
and I love watching movies with your
Shoulder resting behind my head.

I love riding in your car,
Singing along to the radio,
and I know that you love me,
Because your eyes tell me so.

This is my life now
There is no going back
All of my problems
Are getting hard to stack

Mistakes are catching up
I have nowhere to run
Stuck against a wall
It's clear drugs have won

I give up, give in
Crying in the pouring rain
**** me so i dont
Have to drown in this pain

You aggravate an array of ways
Not listening to anyone
Have to correct everyone always
To you fight is never done