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The smell of a cigarette will always bring me comfort
And soon enough
That taste that entered my lips
Bought me comfort too
The melancholy feeling of inhaling that smoke
Exhaling it slowly
As if it’s an unhealthy breathing technique I need when I’m panicking
Breathe in, Breathe out
The sadistic flavour lingers in your mouth for hours
Reminding you of your relapse
Your mistakes
Reminding you that he will no longer love you if he smells the cancerous aroma on your breath
You ******* up
No matter how much it helps to inhale and exhale that smoke
Taste that bitter flavour of tobacco
Breathe in, Breathe out
You quit once before to improve your health
But here you are
Breathing it in and out
Until the guilt eats you alive
And that smell of cigarette
No longer reminds you of a simpler time
But rather that you’re forever going to disappoint those you love
The light on the cigarette goes out
Just like the light inside of you
You’re both dead
And soon
You’ll be discarded too.
Hawley Anne Mar 2023
Tattered wings,
now all that remains,
cradled her body,
in her own personal chains.

Trapped and tormented,
her sharp thoughts inside,
remind her she's nothing,
self hate intensified.

Where once she saw beauty,
only blackness remaind,
in the dead of the night,
shadows called her by name.

Whispers surround her,
they beckon from darkness,
she longs to go with them,
but she must remain cautious.

She knows who they are,
and just what they want.
She fought hard to escape them,
she knew they would taunt.

She had washed her hands clean,
and turned her back on them.
She had never wanted,
to see them again.  

With one small misstep,
she will be tumbling down,
no one to catch her,
before she hits the ground.

Laying broken and ******,
and all out of hope,
she wishes for death,
and reaches out for the rope.

Her demons have claimed her,
they have taken her whole.
She tried and she failed,
Crystal **** stole her soul.
Every morning I wake up blind.
Bask in my reflection, I feel like hot **** I feel like fresh hell
I feel fine.
I want to strip my skin clean;
Tear off tissue like toilet paper spill blood red like wine
I want to stop this beating heart every
Every night but ohh
I just haven't got the ******* time.
Instead, I smother myself in your covers,
And you watch as I try and pick ants,
One by one
by one by one
Out my spine
And there are none to be found nothing to find.
I could've sworn I put them there myself, but who knows?
Every morning
I wake up blind.
M Jul 2022
Faking it til I make it,
but there's a monkey on my back.
This normal way, I have to say,
is starting to show cracks.

Turn up to work and get boring **** done,
be nice to the ******* who think they are fun.

Clean up my jokes and censor my speech,
**** corporate blood like a well behaved leech.

I'm dying inside and I know this ****'s killing me.
I feel the old poisonous tentacles pulling me.

Just get ****** up,
and **** it all off,
live your worst life,
the one that you love.
Neal Emanuelson Apr 2022
You keep crossing lines that I divide
The surface reeks of emotional drought
The constants are bleeding through the needling
The mind snaps as the lights go out
******* only numbs the stings
Doubt festering on darkened lines
Taken for granted on the fraying strings
When all the demons have come alive

So sparse were the days, self-inflicted
Where my liNes could do no wrong
Greater were the internal razing of thoughts
Self induced, it never felt so raw
Sordid reality and reaper of flesh
All here is temporary, the pain is reset
Sparse were the days, they compact, compress
Where the eyes could only see the wrong

In mismanagement, the intent is pushing through
Dissecting the body of fate that held us rusted
Give more to take as we break all that we knew
As our feet stampede unknown paths we trusted
In the face of the one who never tries
I cut myself for the sloth that you harbor
And as I lie here in truth dripping from my eyes
While you watch on, desensitized to the horror

So sparse are the days, self-praising
Where my mind could do no wrong
Greater now the internal razing of thoughts
Self infliction, it wouldn't feel so wrong
Replace boundaries, scar the flesh
It's all temporary, the relief is rest
Sparse are the days, they reverb, contract
Where the eyes could see no wrong

I Am Still
A Lost Mind
Looking Through
The Wrong Eyes
To Undo
The Past Times
I Went Through
Thousand Smiles
All That Hide
The Same Lies
The Same Lies
The Same Lies
WickedHope Feb 2022
if i had the room to breathe
i'd tell you what i really think
if i had the sense to leave
i'd run away before you blink
but i'm not in charge
haven't been for a while
i let you back in
greeted with my smile
you make me into nothing
just a puppet to be worn
pull my strings or cut them
make me wish i wasn't born
they all think i'm crazy
what you do to me
feels better when it's hazy
when i'm numb and can't see
i'm itching begging screaming
with need for sweet release
let the dead things spill out
let them leave me please
i'm shakey sickly scared
to be back here again
addict trembling holding
the beginning of the end
i miss the feeling of clarity
of acute euphoric lust
the bitter sting of reality
making all the noise hush
a sticky sweet sadistic lullaby
calming all my bones
the one time you don't touch me
the one time i'm alone
i will always lose
with you i cannot win
red rivers run high
with the tide of sin
i cannot live like this
i can't i can't i can't
please please make them stop
i need them to stop i don't want to stop and that's worst part
i want to fall of the cliff so my body matches my heart
its unbearable and i cannot tell a soul
if they really knew me they'd all turn and go
Caosín Jan 2022
Oh the guilt I felt, I don't think you understand how it
                                                               ­                        e
me apart, left me s ha  k in g,
begging for something to help you.
Because I couldn't.
And I will
never forgive myself.
jaden Nov 2021
there’s a rush of something to my mind that drags it’s calming palms down the back of my brain.
now i can hear the rushing of blood in and out of my aorta warming up on my cardiovascular walls.
this is what summer suns leaving final kisses to foreheads before a cool moonlight makes way.
something kind of like end of autumn when leaves transition to dust and dusk feels like the first brushes of winter winds.
i am dragging cool, calm, collected, metal across
hot, heavy, hesitant flesh and i feel
nothing until blood starts pumping and then i feel
this unabashed bliss and this unbearable shame.
it’s akin to knowing without having the knowledge the way i crave a humiliating high.
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