none 10m
emotion is the sea
and not for me-
a creek at most,
to wade in shallow water
but if I drown in a bottle
I am then
the ocean of highest depth
Sometimes I miss it
But I know it's a bad thing,
Destructive, deceitful and sometimes even
Deadly

And I've secretly been planning,
All of this time,
To go back to it,
In a way that no one will notice,
So that I can get away with it
Without hurting anyone for a little bit,
Only that can't happen now.
Plans have changed so that
I'll never be able to hide it,
And I don't want to feel the shame
When people find out.

More still,
They'll send me to more counselling,
Maybe they'll be more intense this time,
If I did it properly, perhaps they'd send me away,
Sometimes I think I don't
want to ever leave my house again.

I know what they would all be thinking,
See we knew it,
She's completely screwed up there,
That's why her body doesn't work properly,
We told you there is nothing physically!

I shouldn't be admitting it.
None of this,
But really it started with a question
To myself:
Is this a relapse?
Of course not!
You see, I don't do that!
Although, I'm not sure if you're aware,
But I never really tell myself
That I've had a relapse,
Unless it's the good kind.

And that makes me sound sick.
There is no good kind,
It's just the one I'd rather be found doing,
Except I wouldn't.
I never want you to hear me gagging, crying, frantically getting rid of the evidence in the bathroom.
And if you insinuate this at any other time,
I'll sound surprised and maybe even offended,
It's all a lie.
No one knows about all those times,
Not too many, but still,
It is still my secret,
That sometimes I wonder if I'll accidentally take to
The grave, my eventual grave.
I use the word sin here in the sense that it's something bad and damaging that should be avoided, not that it's worthy of God's punishment.
Manny 2d
I had a relapse
Last night I stayed awake
Staring at the ceiling
Seconds felt like hours
Half consciousness
was messing with my feelings
As hours did pass, all I saw
Were the shadows mimicking your features
A war broke out inside my heart
I was fighting my own creatures
I had a relapse
Just when I gathered enough strength
To stop thinking about you
Thinking of your eyes, so cold...so blue
Imagining your voice screeching out my name
Pulling at my hair knowing it's all inside my brain
I had a relapse
When I finally resolved myself to hate you so
To hate your eyes and hate your voice
The hours bled out and And all I felt
Was your absence made a hole inside my soul
And how I feared that I'd never once again
be fully whole.
I had a relapse.
I love you, and I always will
I love your eyes, your smile and voice
Your laugh still gives me chills
And I'm afraid that I cant run away
No matter where..I'll hear your name
And tomorrow I'll relapse again
And while I stay awake
Nothing will take away the ache
I'll spend every second wondering
if you knew
That I'd spend every night
For the Rest of my life
Still thinking about you
Once you fall in love you really can't forget that perosn
clem turner Jul 8
they told you to strip the paint off of the walls
and mend.
so you threw his key away again,
like you said you would,
but like promises,
you're barely ever held.
Shay Callow Jul 2
Once again I fall backwards into the abyss,
all by lifting the silken poison to my lips in the search for bliss.
The burning liquor has become my 'tonic' and my 'cure',
and it makes the reality of life so much easier to endure...

But the days are a haze and the nights are obliterated from my mind;
could this poison be my enemy that has me confined?
It's killing me slowly; its toxins flowing within my veins -
yet I am addicted and I'm tied up and held within its reins.
Geanna Jun 28
I feel like i'm alone
I feel like i'm a lost soul

As if no one will dare
to show me that they truly care

I have an urge to relapse
I wonder if that'll pass

It's like no one can see
that i'm not really free

I want to be at at peace
will that be ease?

I want to hold up my white flag
when I should be playing tag

Maybe one day i'll look up at the sky
and say my final goodbye
~ G.P.O
I made this last year, the day after my birthday
J Valle Jun 27
I must say that it got me fooled
The road seemed straight
The scars had cooled
And the obstacles had strained

But the turn eventually came
And now I'm coming back
To the spinning hail
To my self attack

Further self,
I know you will get us there.

Former self,
Forgive me for getting us here.
dina Jun 22
there will always be
someone who picks up
a cigarette
after eight years of hiding them
locked up in the bottom drawer

there will always be
someone who uncaps
a beer
after four months of listening
to the words of their daughter

there will always be
someone who goes back
to a lover
after a time they thought was an eternity
of forgetting them, moving on from them,
when really nothing has changed
and the progress they thought they had made
was nothing
miki Jun 21
how wonderful it was to walk through life
thinking everything was flowers and daisies
when in reality it was not
everything was thunderstorms and poisoned rain

and it still is.
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