bob 11h

not even noon and I'm sloon
I relapsed I guess collapsed
falling down and wearing a frown
numb as can be but no vision to see
I messed up but medicated
am I stressed up or vindicated
shit I don't know
just let it go
it overwhelms and drowns you
it takes over and surrounds you
the pain from a man yet only 21
of course booze is the one
lashing and screaming
clashing and gleaming
blurry lines with blurry faces
I hide away all the slurry traces
I don't feel better I don't feel worse
shit you could probably throw me in a hearse
I know you don't care what I have to say
I know you don't share what I have and pray
I don't care I'm no poet and I know it
talk your shit and run your gums
but take it spit and shun your numbs
  it may not mean shit to someone who never knew
it may not mean shit to someone who never blew
but if you hang the crowd and drink the nights
you've survived the wild and you brink  the fights
mentally you're gone but physically youre calm
now you sit and wonder what went wrong
fuck it another drink before you think
yeah let write maybe then it'll sink
naw jus another feeling of doubt
pour another drink and sit and pout
I'm sorry if I collapse
I feel like shit and I'm sorry for this my relapse

Wyatt 1d

So the words came to a close
and my lips stopped moving.
I felt an impending doom,
another relapse looming.
I sat motionless
at the end of the bed
with a sharp thought
and my hands to my head.

There is nothing left to do.

I made the initiative
to board the train
got left with nothing
only pain

I tried to fly
and fell a great height
maybe that's why
I can't put up the fight

I hide away
I sit at home
maybe that's why
I'm all alone

until the next life
I carry this weight
the darkness is now
my natural state

fuuuuuuuuck

Sometimes I find
It's like the monsters
Are starting to creep in
Through the windows again

Before they get in
They watch me
Closely
So they know exactly when
To come in and attack
But I'm smarter than that

They should know by now
That I've learnt
How to make them go away
Except maybe they know
That I'm questioning
Not chasing them anymore

Perhaps they think
I'm lonely
So they thought I'd
Welcome them back in
Truth be told
I'm not always sure
Which one of us I
Want to win

Come and take me,
My misery's attacking me,
You don't have to save it,
Just destroy it so it's gone.
I look at myself and think,
I should just purposely screw up more.
If it's easy for life to fuck me up,
Then surely I get to go further.

Nothing's okay,
There's just always a facade,
To satisfy the rules,
Because the world will keep turning either way.
Of course I'm not going to sit and complain,
Vocally every second of the day.
When I'm socially active around others,
What they see is normal,
For me at least,
Even if in the background I hear screaming,
Of my thoughts never sorting themselves out,
So instead I welcome more:
Everything that eventually "left me",
Why don't you come back for some more?
If destruction's where life is taking me,
Then why shouldn't I join in,
Just another bad habit,
Won't bring the end that closer,
If anything it will make myself see,
How much I know this is getting,
Too tough for me to be.

I know how I'm acting,
Even if you do not,
I know I contradict myself,
I can't just tell you the truth,
I need to do what it is I want to prove,
Although that disproves what I assure you,
By about a thousand degrees,
From before I hear my own last screams,
As I once again ignore my very own beliefs.

Never going back,
They're so sure that's the truth,
Most of the time I have been too,
I know how to convince,
After I finally gained trust back.
The issues are almost irrelevant to me,
Because I've taken to just concentrating,
On exactly what I'm doing now,
Because I gave up the effort of relying on the aftermath.
I know the next time,
That this comes to light,
It will probably just be even worse,
Maybe it's half why I need my secrets,
To pretend they don't happen,
That they don't matter,
Because I'm back to believing that's true.

Don't save it,
Just take it.
I'm finished with trying to preserve it,
I've found there's no use,
While looking for something else without a clue,
Because everything's just impossible,
And I don't want to have to,
Get to where I cannot reach,
Maybe other people do see things in me,
Although I'm often self-positive,
In general terms,
I still don't see the point in being,
When I show up places,
It's not like I have a choice,
I've just always mostly been obedient,
If you dismiss the scratches I have made,
They won't forget the indentations,
Because they felt it too,
They felt me drop, crack, break and watched me,
Pick myself back up again,
So going back downstairs is silent,
Avoiding the inevitable from happening a second time:
Prolonging my pain,
Deafening this angry silence from them,
To lengthen out the disappointment,
They must one day receive.

The cement is covered in unwanted glass
The ceiling looks as though it may collapse
Suddenly I fall into an unwanted relapse
Where my mind floats in empty halls
Behind plaster and thin walls
Then the ground shakes
And falls apart
You cannot make
Anything of it
Or you're right back at the start

Daisy Rae Jun 16

lessons are learned
and hatred hurts
but i'll slip away from your grip
just to feel the burn
on my lips
down my throat
in my lungs
overdose
i might not live
my body could reject this poison
boys &
booze &
smoke filled rooms
where'd you go my girl?
overdose
don't get too close
recovery only lasts for a time
but then times up &
it's back to the bottle &
drunken kisses &
rolled up death notes
overdose
no one knows
i can't help it
relapse many times in a row
third times a charm  
that's how life goes
you get real high &
then down you go
overdose

Eva Jun 13

"I'm better now"
I say, as I stare at a black screen,
Alone, numb.

"I'm better now"
I declare, as I sit on the floor of my room,
Too scared to go outside.

"I'm better now"
I mutter, as little cuts slowly appear
Along the side of my arm.

"I'm better now"
I scream, as I push my body
Off the floor and into the sky.

"I'm so happy, I'm better now"

We worked so hard to get me to stop cutting
Did you not notice that once I stopped I started lashing out
You tell me you hate that I'm always angry
I tell you I don't know what that's about
I search for a blade every now and then but give up before I can ever find one
Today it became too much so I grabbed the scissors and I make a slit
I know you'll get mad but what else can I do? I either hurt myself or I hurt you
I know this is bad but it felt so good, I'm not angry anymore
I know it's unfair but you have to choose one.

Original
Sandoval Jun 8

Love is a drug,

distance is rehab.

One look from you eyes,

and I'll relapse.

Sandoval

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