I don't miss you
your condescending advice
your height
your words of

I'm just lonely.

lay your head, my darling.
sink deep into the down fillings
and listen to the moments pacing by.
as they slow to match your steady heart rate, you shall become
one with the clouds.
trickles of dreams will welcome you into your subconscious -
where reality may fall to pieces and the worries of the day
will perish.
sprout wings, sweet dreamer.
soar to the furthest corners of your imagination.
find peace.
swim with the stars and collect all of your wishes. count the red ones and the blue ones and the yellow ones and the green ones, for I have sent prayers to each one in hopes for your sweet return.

two cars stuck in
traffic turning
left blinking in
opposite harmony
in time with the
beating hearts of
fellow hurried
drivers at rush
hour in the heart
of the city just get
me home to my
bed alone where
I can mope until
dinner comes a
calling caught that
yellow light I'm
finally on my
way and there it
is again that
******
yellow
light.

an angry argument thrown at an opponent as arrows shoot across the battlefield over an expensive bottle of Cabernet.

walls and borders mapped out in thick pencil lines, they hastily marked their territory before it all drowned in earthy blood-red.

Fresh pepper, sir?

sometimes
after dark
in the lonely hours
i can see the mark you've left
hovering over that side of the bed
and i hate this feeling that you've left mad.

can you see yourself?

the dull acid dripping
off your tongue with every word you murmur -
merely allusions of misery.

and that storm cloud you carry around with you on such a
short leash - as if being struck by a single sun beam would burn you
to the ground in an instant

but you are bright enough to put the stars out on the street and
send the moon running.

and in a race with the galaxies, you could surely win
if you wanted to.


true agony
is watching you put out your own light.

you were last night's essence
captured in between the sheets

the flutters in your stomach may
leave a sparkle in your eye which
will dance to the beat of your heart
and the slipper may fit but will it give you blisters when you walk so
think about that tingle and if that is all you need since
all that matters first to you is you so
first you've got to lose your mind before you ever truly fall for someone else's.

stupid people asking the same
  stupid questions
thriving on the electricity of being so full of **** they were probably
born into it

faces buried deep beneath the fluorescents just barely listening to the wires falling from their
brains with mundane expressions smeared instinctively across the ridges on their skulls and their hands
fiddling rigidly with the space between their thumbs and I wonder if they ever miss their
stops?

I know we aren't "meant to be"
we never were.
and still
I search for you in everyone I see.

I woke in the middle of the night
to take note of this poem that came to mind -
a poem of all the poems I've written
of love and demise
our ups and downs, the fall-outs,
the make up ***, the up-rise.

Angels and raindrops have fallen among us
Among the tallest of trees and the smallest of memories.

Swaying together
colliding with the rhythm of our oceans
and the patterns of our stars.

The current of a blood stream;
liquid electricity in the gutters of our core
throbbing with every vital blow to the heart.

Dancing, rhyming with every striking, agonizing pulse.

waves and waves of
crushed ice
rolling over
tumbling
scarring.
more wine
please
over my crushed
ice
please.

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xoxo

leave your wrinkled white t-shirts scattered on my bedroom floor.

leave your scent and your records and all your rough edges.

abandon your heavy breath in between my bed sheets,
an eyelash and your hand-written notes and your self-esteem.

leave the curve of your lips on the edge of my desk,
along with your pen and your empty cigarettes.

leave all of you behind for me to swallow and choke on.
leave it all, for the moment that I begin to miss you.

oh, and please do not forget to leave me
your spark and your spectral light.

I think about how breathtakingly beautiful our world truly is
how many angles and raindrops have fallen among us
how the tallest of trees and smallest of pedals
sway together
colliding with the rhythym of our oceans
all of our oceans
all of our forests
all of our heartbeats
pulsing, colliding, swaying
I think about the rhythm of our planet and how lucky I am to rhyme
with all of it.

I often dream of running, I dream of fleeing
but every time I try to leave
they drag me back to this place they’ve deemed
reality.

I often find I’m lost in their uncertainty –
but I'm certain that I’m dying
in this place that I was never meant to
be.

leave your t-shirt on my bedroom floor.
leave all your flannels and your socks and all your rough edges
abandon your breath in my bed sheets
your eyelashes and hand-written notes and your self-esteem
leave it all behind for me to swallow and choke on
when I start to miss you.

what a funny concept
learning life through the teachings of others

who are you to teach
me about your interests

who are you to tell me
to buy your book and memorize it.

who the **** are you
to test me on it.

school is not my forté
nor should it be yours

because school is for the weak
I learn through experience.

not mid-terms.

so sick of wasting words
on these formalities

honesty and truth is
I'll never be the same again

please never leave my side.

nothing quite like it
so crisp and pure
angelic, almost.

sent from the heavens
drifting every so slowly
white solitude.

a vow for no more love poems
no more searching for you in song lyrics
never again will I fall asleep thinking of you
and if I dream of you, god help me.

like the burst of livelihood just before a soul escapes
or the ignition of the ocean just before the sun collapses
my mind flashes an iridescent scope of ultraviolet colours
just before my mind slips into slumber.
a panicked array of worries and memories shooting through the canals of my brain
faster than lightening bolts    in every direction
and then
dreamland

how do you let someone go
when you were the one who convinced him to love you?

how do you break his heart
after you were the one who picked up the pieces?

I'm so ******* unhappy
and I wish somebody could sit here
and tell me tomorrow will be better
but truthfully
I've been through so many tomorrows
and so many last nights
that no matter how many pretty words they whisper
nothing will change.
So close your eyes, my love, and I promise you
nothing will change.
And I'll keep walking slower
and not listening
because I've got nowhere to be and nothing to hear
in this god forsaken, obscurely dark world.

words exploding
for only you to read

thoughts and worries enveloping
that only I can see

I wonder
do you ever read them

do you ever wonder?

Is this what depression feels like?
Is depression something you can feel like
or is it just       as is?
I'm not hungry and I'm always tired
and I can't pinpoint it.
Everything is barreling down on top of me
and I can't surface for a even minute of air.
I quit my job.
Drowning and collapsing
I feel like the world around me is getting smaller
and I only have
so much time to do so many things
but I can't      there's nothing
and yet           there's everything all at once.
Help me.
Guide me.
Show me the light
so I can run towards it      full speed
and never return.

Waking to feel the weight of the void
you left when you left me behind.
Searching restlessly for any remaining
sense of you in these god forsaken sheets.
Plowing mindlessly through the memories
scorched into my mind - branded forever yours.
Will there be an ever after?

I said I never leave you but its
4am and I'm out here alone and
its freezing and I'm shaking and I'm
sorry that I lied.

In French,
you don't actually say
I miss you
you say
you are missing from me
- you are essential to my being.
you are like an *****, a limb, my bloodstream.
I cannot be without you.


how incredibly poetic.

you never truly belonged to me.

each and every night you cried in my arms
they were her tears
for her arms.
each and every time you whispered love
it was her love left over
for her ears.
you were always hers.
you've always been hers
and tomorrow
you'll be hers again.

I'm too ashamed of what I feel to utter the words aloud
So I smother the feelings and bury the hope
In hopes that you'll be okay.

I've noticed
a tingling sensation
a slight blur of vision
and a simplistic way of
looking at things.

I've come to terms
with the fact that a glass of wine
a day keeps the monsters away
and a few more will send them
running.

So buy me a bottle
of your cheapest Pinot Grigio
then ask me about my problems
and I'll gladly spill them out for you.

I've got only one reply
I know not what to say
but I talk and talk and slur
the words that mean just one.

I watch the water tumble into my class, swirling and rocking
You're speaking but I can't understand a word that's coming out
Like wind on a beach, their meanings are lost
I'm drowning with every syllable
like the waves you made in my glass of water.

I came across a letter I never sent,
hidden somewhere I had forgotten.

I'm sorry I never gave it to you
I think it would have helped.

It read out all the memories
I'd forgotten we'd ever made.

But I'm glad I never sent it and
I'm glad you never read it.

emerging from this bottomless darkness
I can see the rays of light just yonder
stretching the furthest stretch my arms will allow
grasping for anything lighter than black
hues of dimness or even a hint of shimmer
get me out of this dark I've been living in
let me see the light, let me in.

I think about the number of faces I see each day
and the number of faces I forget.
and the number of strangers who see my face each day
and the number of strangers who forget me.

I think about how easy it is to literally just pass by
and how many people live their lives simply
passing by one another, passing one after another
and how many people forget and how many remember.

I think about how many faces there are in this world
and how many faces I can sincerely say I know

I can't
breathe and my palms are sweaty and my
legs have gone numb but I can see my knees
trembling and I can feel my cheeks getting
hot as the blood in my veins pours into my
sterile heart and back out into my stream of
unconsciousness and I'm screaming but the
noise just won't come out and I'm screaming and
I'm screaming and I'm screaming but I'm silent.

there is a world unknown out there
begging and pleading for me to
play with it for a little while

but how can I turn one familiar one away
for thousands of unknown ones that may
or may not be disappointing or fantastic

suppose one other one was fantastic
more fantastic than this familiar one
I would never know because I would never stray

so now I confide in you, stranger
I ask you with hopeful ears
should I go or should I stay?

I can't fathom what it would be like
to loose someone to death.

it's such an inconceivable concept if you've
never experienced it.

and yet, so incredibly real and heart-wrenching
for those who have.

i can't imagine missing you and never being able
to satisfy the urge.

it's like an itch you'll never scratch or a breath you'll never
exhale.

how do people cope with a never ending burn?
i can only imagine.

building in the distance
toppling over one another
growing and stretching
rolling and tumbling
washing away and towards
crash
burying me
tossing me around
like a fly in the wind
reaching and flailing
with all my might
sinking.

get out
run fast
time is not your friend

You were broken and I tried to fix you and for a while there, I honestly thought I had.
But here we are and now I’m the broken one and maybe it’s time to let it pass me by.
But baby, we swing so good together and baby, your kisses are so addictive.

I've read all my readings and
I'm watching an episode of
Skins and I'm trying to settle
the copious amounts of vino
I've consumed over the last
5 hours while I lie in bed waiting for
you to reply with an answer of
whether I should leave my bed to
meet you so that I can be in your
bed or if I should just keep lying
here watching this episode of
Skins and consume a little bit more
vino before I fall nervously into a
lonely slumber

he assigned a reading
on a book
that hasn't even been
released yet
at the god forsaken bookstore
he recommended.

how am i supposed to read
a book
that hasn't even been
released yet?

inferior
insignificant
petty
small
naive
stupid
annoyed
angry
dis­appointed
nervous
anxious
deceived
lonely
betrayed
fooled
manipul­ated
lost
confused
broken.

bliss. is often blind
to any sort of
complications.

bliss. is often mistaken
for something far more
mundane.

bliss. can be broken
in an instant
with a single word.