I worry
that we have fallen so deep
that should we ever
fall out
we would be
too absorbed
to climb out.
I worry
that you have
fallen out and
just don't know how
to tell me.
What if you've let
your doubt overcome you
and you simply
just don't know how
to tell me.

sometimes I write poems about emotions
that I have no first-hand experience with
simply because I can sympathize with how they may feel
to you
or you
or you
I can understand how your stomach can turn and twist and sink
how you can despise yourself will all of your being
and cry in silence because of something I can't hear
In hopes that some of you can understand what it might feel like
for me
or him
or her
Empathy is so rare today, that all I can search for, is sincerity in strangers
and how lucky I am to have found a stranger to love, a lover to understand
and how lucky you could be if you found empathy in strangers
and if strangers could understand it all.

So you've found my hidden treasure chest
of all my buried fantasies.
All my secrets and my dreams.
I hope you can relate
to honesty this pure.

remember all those words I wrote
begging you to look my way,
to open up and let me catch you.
I remember thinking how I just
had to have you or I'd die
but death would be a promise
cause I never thought you'd fall.
Then all the sudden, in a moments notice
We were falling
though galaxies and shooting stars
so incredibly fast and so incredibly hard
and now I can honestly tell you
how much I love to hear you tell me
how much you love me.

there's no way that anybody else in world feels the way I do. I love you more than anyone could possibly love anyone else. our love is special and original and better than anyone else's. we're so in love and it's so magical and this is our world. everyone else is just living in it

There are so many poems out there
so many **** poems about the same
**** thing.
It makes me sick to my stomach
thinking about all these ******* poems
and ******* poets
sitting around on their *****
pouring their feelings onto a page
that no body gives a **** about.
Suckers.
It's a suckers game, really.
What poor, pathetic poets we all are.
Sitting around on our ******* ***** writing stupid poetry
for no one but ourselves.
Well I'll tell you something -
if you like this stupid ******* poem,
I'm sure I'll like your stupid ******* poem.

Yours truly.

"I've been having trouble sleeping"
I explain.
"I get headaches.
I'm nauseous. I can't eat.
I've lost weight.
A lot of weight."
He nods, still staring at the computer.
"Here hurts"
I point to my rib cage, poking out through my t-shirt.
He glances at me and types some more.
All the while my head is spinning
And I can feel the blood rushing up to my head
then back down again.
I feel weak.
"I think I may need to change my dosage."
"Mhm, mhm."
He nods again.
The printer roars to life.
"Take this twice every morning and once at night. These are for the headaches, don't take more than one every 8 hours, and only when necessary. Take this before bed, it should help with the - "
And then, just as he held up the fourth piece of paper,
I saw the carpeted floor rush up to meet me.
And just like that,
I was gone.
And the worst of it all,
is that I did this to myself.
And he knew it.

if pretty people
can be this miserable,
I can only imagine
how broken up
the uglies must be.
I am so sorry
that we live so
differently.

I'm sorry for writing a mean poem about you when I was mad.

You stupid girl.
What did you expect?

those wretched words you said to me
the twisted approach you took
how innocently you tore me apart,
limb by throbbing limb.
with every word, I nearly shattered.
the aches that came from within
were close to unbearable, as I felt my insides
falling out.
crushed by the weight of every sentence,
suffering and gasping for air, beneath the
elephant sitting on my chest
I crippled and cringed.
I couldn't bare to look
as you poured your mind onto the table,
and watched me drown.

I searched and snatched for any inch
of sanity I could find and finally
I took hold of my soul and held on for dear life.
The waves of brutality rushing over me
every time you opened your mouth
were not enough to weaken me.
I found my legs and stood taller than you,
and I picked my heart up off the floor and
trapped it behind my rib cage.
Inhaling and expanding, I am still breathing.
You will not break me.

All the times you roll over in the middle of the night and whisper the sweetest words I'll ever listen to.
The waking-up smirks, yawns, and hand-holding.
The scent of your plaid shirts draped over my shoulders on all the walks back from the ice cream parlour.
Each beer can that was tossed away, and clammered onto the kitchen floor.
I have bad aim.
The growing pile of shared space and objects and gifts, exchanged for no reason at all, other than our love, also shared.
The time I fell asleep with my finger in between your lips, comforted by the closeness that one finger had with your heart.
The hours spent driving to and from and circling seemingly endless parking lots.
The cigarettes shared, second-hand while holding hands.
The second glances,
"what" "what?"
"nothing, I just love you so much."

Running freely through an
open field of daisies
She leaped and rose and soared
and she flew.
Outstretched arms that grew into wings,
she ****** every last bit of gas
from those stars in the night sky.
She was finally alive.
And suddenly, as she inhaled her last fiery breath,
she crashed.
Falling heavily, suddenly, faster than she had ever risen,
she fell through the clouds that she once had danced with.
And as she saw the daisies falling with her,
she collided with the depths of Hell.

You ever wonder,
how long it takes to change your life?
What measure of time is enough to be
life-altering?
Is it four years, like high school,
one year,
an eight-year rock tour?
Do changes only occur over periods of time?
Or can your entire life change within a month, a week, or even a single day?
We are always in a hurry to grow,
to go places,
to get ahead,
but when you're young,
one hour
can change everything.

Her presence stole rooms,
and she knew it.
She walked the streets
with the moon in her pocket
and the stars in her eyes.
She had everyone on their knees
before her,
and she owned it.
She loved her lovers and she loved her haters.
Heels higher than New York skyscrapers
and standards to match.
She was no good,
but my god,
she was beautiful.

We are ****** into this world
naked and squawking
Shielding, the best that we can,
from the unknown.

We work and we strive
for things we don't need
and we wait for the day
we are flung into a hole.

I didn't ask for this.
This was not my plan
Nor my intentions.
But some things
Just cannot be stopped.
Often, I find,
You fall into them -
These somethings.
Stumbling blindly,
Forward, into
Unexpected chaos
Or order, whichever.
It was accidental,
This thing I found.
I wasn't looking
But it rushed to find me.
And here I am,
Missing you.

I used to think that the worst feeling in the world
was wanting somebody who doesn't want you back.
But I've come to realize that the worst feeling in the world
is something much much more,
the worst feeling in the world is missing someone.
It's so much worse because you've had something with them that will
never ever go away.
No matter how many times you try to forget them
you have all the memories.
You had that person and now they're gone.
You've lost them, and there's nothing you can do that to change it.
Not being able to change that can change you.
It can turn you hollow and empty.
Because the one thing that made you feel complete was the one thing you took for granted.
And you can't even go back and prevent it from happening,
it just is.
And it can destroy you, absolutely and entirely.
But then I realized that this "it",
this thing
this something that I'm blaming...
was nothing but myself.

Life consists of nothing but
coincidences.
Loud rushes of connections
that seem completely
unconnected.
Beneath all the nonsense,
the non-sensible,
there is order.
A system so tight and meticulous
there is no room for
chaos.

Rolling over in the waves of white sheets
I find you, swimming in this ocean of
messy hair and searching fingers.
Mine find yours and we intertwine,
as close as we can come to one,
we merge.
Wrestling with these feelings and
urging to be closer than this close,
You pull me onto you and I melt.
Your strong hands wandering,
desperate for me.
Two people matched more perfectly
is impossible.
Two become one and one is all we need.

I feel like a fish
out of water

Or a bird
in the sea

I'm certain
I'm drowning

In a place
I was never meant to be.

Come on
Say something
Say everything
I'm giving up
I can't wait
any longer
I'm giving up
Come on
Tell me
Say something
Say everything
Say anything
I'm giving up.

I don't know how hard it's been
for you to learn to cope.
I cannot see the scars beneath
your skin, your flesh, your bones.

I will never feel the wretched feelings
that made you so ****** up,
nor will I ever bear the beating
you still feel in your gut.

I know that all you've made it through
has made you who you are
no matter how much pain you knew,
I'm here to heal your heart.

Stop over thinking it.

Stop analyzing each
and every doubt
that crosses your mind.
Forget about the
hesitations that linger
with every word.
They are nothings.
They are irrelevant -
minor technicalities;
balanced by society
but can they be
dismissed by love?

I know I am a failure.
As I cannot, for one second,
forget these minor technicalities
theses irrelevant maybes.
They weigh down every kiss
every look and every smirk
Nestled in the back of my mind,
I cannot stop,
I cannot forget.
I cannot overlook society.
I can merely hope that you will have the
courage to do so enough for the both of us
to be happy.

I see how broken you've been
I can tell that you have fallen
Pieces of your heart are scattered
amongst the women that you've loved
and lost
And yet, here I am, with open arms
asking you to trust me
Let me pick up the pieces, I'm waiting for you
Just say the word, tell me you want it
you need it
I know you do, I can see it in your cracked smile
Those eyes are oceans of stories that I am
dying to hear, I'm dying to care
So I will wait.
I can wait until the next one walks away,
as did the one before and the one before
and I will watch as they walk all over your
fragile heart.
Give yourself to me and I promise not to leave
I want to be your queen and I want to see you shine
brighter than any moon they'll ever see,
you will rise and you will blossom
and I will love you
and I will love you
and I will love you.
So please,
just let me love you.

We are all flowers
of different kinds
We water ourselves
with love and sunshine
But the saddest people
are tired and wilted
and who would water
a damaged flower?
I must be insane
for believing in you,
convincing myself,
thinking you'd stay.

apologizing for the hint of cigarette on your breath,
I smile and inhale your fumes
teasing my lips with the subtle taste of your neck
kiss me harder
the corners of your mouth are so alluring
I can't help but to stare
grip my hair as my neck tilts back
kiss me all over
close your eyes and give me your body
take mine and make it yours
running your fingers through my hair
kiss me slowly

Have you ever wanted so badly to just
collapse and cry forever
but are unable to shed a single tear
and so you sit and you stare in silence
for what seems like forever
dreaming up possibilities that seem realistic
but really, you know they'll never happen
he'll never walk through that door
he'll never pick you up off of this floor
he'll never understand or accept you like this
and so you just sit, and you just stare, and you're silent.
and he will never know.

In your eyes,
in your smirk,
in that distant glare you sometimes get in the brief silences between our conversations.

In your bed sheets,
throughout your tattoos,
in this passenger seat that was once her throne.

She is still a part of you.
I see her in the way I look at you,
in the way I adore you and caress you and desire you..

All I see is her.
and the worst of it all
is that you still see her, too.

You know that moment,
that brutally honest and crushing moment,
when you realize
you have absolutely no idea
where you stand?
You know that moment,
when your heart sinks deep into your chest
and you realize
you are lost?
That moment when you begin to question
everything he's ever said
and you wonder
what am I,
to you?

And yet, you find yourself speechless
over and over again.
You stifle all of the gnawing questions,
time and time again,
waiting for the perfect time
that you know will never come.
You find yourself resisting the urge to simply ask,
because you are too afraid to hear
the answer.
What happens when there are too many
unspoken worries and unanswered questions
that you cannot go on.
Will you know?
Will you realize that there is no perfect time
because is there is no good time to ask?
That your questions all have inevitable answers
but that one tiny speck of hope keeps overcoming
the brutally honest and crushing realization
that the answer is no where.

Do you ask anyway?

I'm feeling creative
I don't know what it is
that is softly pushing my mind
against my heart,
but it is strong.
Gently but firmly,
urging the words from my
tongue to my arm to my fingers.
Maybe this poem
is not a poem at all,
or maybe it is a
terrible one,
at that.
A poem, such a vague
definition.
Just words.
My words.
Her words.
Strangers words,
so beautifully put together
or so wretchedly.
Words that make you feel
feel anything
when you're feeling empty.

What is this crap?

Sorry for wasting your time
if you read this
poem.

are you alright* they ask
are you feeling better
urging me to let on that
I am no longer a problem
how are things
what things.
I have no things, I have nothingness.
what does it mean, *alright
there is no all right, there is no
b e t t e r .
there is simply
n u m b .
you look tired
I am tired.
you look better
what does it mean, better
there is no
b e t t e r .
there is no
w o r s e
either.
there is nothingness, numbness.
what did you do last night
trying to make conversation.
I can't remember last night
it was too mundane
nothing
nothing can silence them.
nothing can't silence them.
they pry on.
*I - *
and then I stop listening.

No body ever cries over never being over
never never dies or breaks, it never shatters
never never hides or disguises itself
it is simple and explicit and real
No body ever has their hopes crushed over never
people believe in never, they can trust it
Never is honest and straightforward
as blunt as blunt can be, it's never shadowed

Forever is as useless as it gets
because it is never kept.
Forever will flash before your eyes in a heartbeat,
but never
is a mighty long time.

penetrate me.
invade my thoughts with yours
bestow upon me all of your ideas, your opinions
wrap my mind around yours and cradle my memories
touch me.
share everything of yours with everything of mine
give me all of you and all of your past
engrave me into your future
ingest me.
understand all of my perceptions
my view points elaborate on your point of view
account for every flaw and every inconsistency
love me*.

daddy's little girl
forever by his side
sitting on his shoulders
she's so incredibly high

ribbons in her curls
with rosy cheeks to match
so giddy and playful
with daddy, playing catch

she's sweet sixteen today
diamonds round her neck
surrounded by friends and
daddy, trying so hard to protect

graduation day is big
medal and diploma in hand
she steps onto the stage
and winks at her old man

that ring around her finger
as golden as her heart
will never replace the love he has
for baby daughter jas

the world woke up silent today.
no whispers on the pavement, nor
a whistle of wind between branches.
even the train rolled by in silence.
it's like the entire world had been hushed by the
snowfall.

she's moved on, and I feel sorry
that you have to watch her love
and be loved by another
she thought you were the most
amazing boy
in the world and if she could pick
one boy
in the world she would have picked
you.
but sadly, you are just another part of her past
more and more faded each day, with every sunset
and someday, she will find him
the one she deserves
and he will see that she is the most
amazing girl
in the world and that you should have picked
her
when you had the chance.

what is it
that drives you
what do you seek
what urges you
what encourages you
what makes you twist and gag
what agonizes you
tortures you and
terrorizes you
what builds you
what strengthens you
what pushes you to
reach higher, farther
what is it
that makes you cry
what tears into you
what speaks to you
what reminds you
of yourself
what colour are you
what time of day
do you shine your
loudest
what is your melody
what breaks you
what puts you to sleep
what feeds you
what shakes you
what shade are you
what is it that
makes you

welcome to sin city
where the lord, himself
will allow it all
anything goes
***** out
knees deep
take your hair down
******* and bellhops and
lust
welcome to sin city
where the faucets
run blood
you can have it all
or you can loose it all
risk takers and money makers
screams and shrieks and
moans
welcome to sin city

isn't it funny how I laugh so
hysterically and that the harder I
laugh and the longer I smile
the louder I can hear myself crying inside

isn't it silly that I wear this much
makeup and heels this high but
when I wipe it all off and take it all
down I am merely just plain

isn't it crazy that I do all of these things
because society has told me that I
have to and I want to and I need to if
I want to be adored and I do

isn't it frightful that secretly
I hate myself for conforming to
their guidelines but I love myself for
being so ******* adored

to travel the world
seems like awfully big
accomplishment

to see every sight there is
every spice and every sunset
how cultured you would be
if you had seen it all
how knowledgeable and wise

well-traveled

you could run the world
if you had to

to travel the world
will be my biggest and brightest
accomplishment

I looked around this world,
unfolding before my eyes
endless layers of wonderment
one by one, drawing back the curtains of reality,
revealing the the
magic
of my dreams.
Golden ideas scatter the parks like
Autumns past, blossoming in early Spring
I looked around this world,
invisible to all eyes but mine
and realized
it was all just
w h i t e  s p a c e

I've packed my suitcase of memories and tossed it out the window
this is no longer a part of me.
I've accepted your words, your reasons and your absence
you are no longer a part of me.
The right side of the bed is now just an extension of the left,
this is not where you belong.
Your clothes are gathered and in the mail
they too have forgotten your scent.
I have carved out the thoughts that once consumed my mind
and I have long overcome the heartbreak.
You are just you
and I, just I.
We are each others' pasts, left behind in a brown paper package of dreams and night terrors.

like the first sip of a scolding hot tea
you get used to it, you learn to enjoy
the sting of the frosted white winter
for a while, at least
but soon enough, crisp turns to cold
cold air, cold parks, cold house.
the warmth of his heart
I once knew, so well,
has left to let me freeze
shivering in the lack of
shared body heat
cold hands, cold feet, cold heart.
so I bundle up in strangers arms,
praying to find warmth   in
something else
failing to find warmth    in
anything else


You left me **cold

I hope one day
many years from now
you find this website
you find my poetry
you remember all these
******* Love Stories
you wrote me
and I hope you see how broken I am
how lonely I am
because you said forever and always
then left.
Sincerely yours,

"Good morning, Gorgeous,
Remember to love everyone today
Especially me!
Yours Truly,"

"Thank you for a wonderful day
I'm sorry I couldn't spend the night. I'll come pick
you up for lunch tomorrow.
Sleep sweet, Angel
Love,"