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1.5k · Apr 2018
11-04-18
Asonna Apr 2018
Say Love
Easy Love
Mad Love
Wild Love.

We are the ones
In the morning
All stars
Let it go.

If this is it
I need something
Too high
Off she goes.

Beautiful Trauma
Lips on you
**** ***** love
Thick skin
Give it up.

Consume
Crazy
Fever
Scars
Silence speaks
Feel it still.

Would you be so kind
That's what I like
True
I like me better
Can it be you?

Out of the woods
Chivalry is dead
Hold me down
I think I love you.
1.0k · Oct 2018
Nothing changes.
Asonna Oct 2018
I thought I found you..
I was wrong.
I really wanted to believe,
believe in us..
Yet i was ready for it this time.
The inevitable..
777 · Aug 2017
The Tinder Series - #1
Asonna Aug 2017
Nerves are running wild,
my breath is slightly hitched.
Anxiety's creeping up on me,
I can barely think.

Afraid of disappointment.
Afraid to disappoint.
One step before the other,
prepared for someone new.

He charms me with a smile,
then extends a hand.
My palms are getting clammy,
and my pulse is racing too.

The breeze flows in from the door,
the sun is shining bright.
Currawong's singing in the trees,
With the aroma of bitter coffee.

We breeze through introductions,
sit and chat for a while.
There I thought it was going well,
until he developed a temper.

With no good reason he seemed to snap,
started causing a scene.
Sinked so low into my chair,
of course this happened to me.

Some time passed, he calmed himself,
but i think i'd made my decision.
got to the end and he turned to me,
"We should do this again".

"I don't think this is going to work",
I said sorry then took my leave.
I sure know how to pick em.
584 · Aug 2017
Bottles.
Asonna Aug 2017
A sea of brown and green lay at my feet,
with subtle movement i can hear them clink.
Some are empty, some are unfinished.
But for right now it doesn't even matter.

Stained cheeks of watered ink,
Salt that's mixed with sadness.
A heart of pain, a lifetime's worth.
Filled with remorse and regret.

Embers burn your words of love,
it's right there in the fire.
with a broken trust, pages are torn,
like I never even mattered.

My fingers, cold, only at the tips
as I clutch the final letter.
turns out you were no good for me,
and I was no good for you.

the spaces where things used to be,
all silhouetted from dust.
this place that once belonged to us
is now home to me and my bottles.
520 · Feb 2018
The Tinder series - #3
Asonna Feb 2018
Days went by where electricity flies,
he makes my heart grow weak.
ping. ping. Constant response.
How bad could he be?

Date 1, my nerves are chilling.
How am I going to trust him?
Been hurt so deeply times before,
guard's kept up real high.

He's awkward and cute,
a little bit shy.
but he's got that charm.
Makes me swoon real deep.

Lunch was had, bowling after
competitive nature rose.
he hugged from behind and there it was.
Butterflies.

Date 2, at his home.
pizza, movies and cuddling.
This boy is sweet, kind, tender.
But i'm still on the fence to trust him.

I go to leave at the end of the night,
he stops me in my tracks.
His lips to mine, full of desire
I think i'm in trouble now.

He introduces me to his friends,
he's told them so much about me.
i heard his feelings were strong and true
I could barely hold my excitement.

That just maybe.

A month goes by, abnormal for me,
spent the night at his place.
passion, emotions, high not dry
I gave myself over. Hesitantly.

the next day i make my way home
there's a message on my phone
"i'm sorry i'm just not ready for this,
But you're great just know that"

My heart now crushed and on the floor,
I knew i shouldn't have trusted.
I feel so empty and dead inside,
He played and broke my emotions.

And once again i'm alone.
449 · Sep 2017
Oblivious.
Asonna Sep 2017
Drowning.
Drowning in silence.
I'm lost.
So terribly Lost.
In a crowd of people
I feel like nothing more than just a ghost.

You're oblivious.
Oblivious to me.

Help.
Help me.
Help me to help you.
What do I have to do?

*****.
***** the sheet.
Bare my soul to you?
Not good enough.
Probably.

Body.
Fine.
That's not mine.

Stay.
Stay anyway.
I know I'm not a 10.
But my arms are open.

Attention.
Attention.
Please look at me.
Help me.
Let me help you.

Sigh.
Fine.
Nevermind.
I tried anyway.
432 · Aug 2017
Missing.
Asonna Aug 2017
The window pane leaves morning chills,
Dew fogs up the glass.
Little bumps across my skin,
Winter's coming in.

A crochet blanket, hand-stitched with love,
Strewn across my Duvet.
But when head turned left, there's vacancy
of someone right beside me.

The touch of another human,
This kiss from another soul.
Warmth that would be inside me,
Isn't there anymore.

Somedays I wonder how long it'll take,
till I meet the perfect balance
But until that day comes, i'll sink into my sheets
And let the mornings pass me over.
430 · Aug 2017
The Tinder Series - #2
Asonna Aug 2017
It's been a while, but you're recognized
from when we went to school.
You and I have hooked up before,
nothing of ****** relations.
But when you popped up on my screen,
I'll admit there was hesitation.

You push and push then suddenly pull,
don't know if it's a game.
but against my better judgement,
I swiped right anyway.
there you instantly shot a message,
and picked up where we left off.

Before i know it I'm in a car,
the windows are all fogged up.
Hands to my *******, I'm in your lap,
your lips leeched to my neck.
mind screams "No, what are you doing?"
But my body says "Pleasure me."

If that night wasn't enough,
we met the very next day.
Went back to his and like before
He had his way with me.
Guilty conscience plays repeat,
to this day I probably shouldn't have done it.

He pushed for plans where I didn't have time,
It was either work or moving.
Eventually told me he was done playing around,
but i thought *** was all he wanted.
Told him I was moving 6 hours away
That I couldn't hold that type of connection.

I haven't heard from him
nor have I seen him since
But now that I'm 6 hours away
I've lost all form's of connection
In a new town, filled with new people
It was crazy, but I felt lonely.
413 · Feb 2018
Let love.
Asonna Feb 2018
Let Love be gone, wave goodbye
it's not what you wanted.
with solemn regret you made your bed,
and prepare to lie in the bushes.

A thorn stabbed your precious heart.
I can see it bleed.
tormented feelings once stored away,
they're forced a verbal debut.
Tears are cried about things you would change
but you knew it'd be the same.

Let Love pass you by complete surprise
it's not how it's supposed to happen.
open up and bleed me dry,
That's how you're making them feel.

closed up walls cemented with angst,
your heart feels so numb.
so impervious to loving breath,
you're a beautiful disaster.
They trusted you, believed in you still.
and you choked, you threw it away.

Let love become hate, it's the only way,
It's something you never wanted.
But it's probably best they stay away,
You're no good to anybody.
I'm Sorry. but I'm really no good to anybody.
372 · Feb 2018
disappoint.
Asonna Feb 2018
With every breath my heart hurts
i'm the queen of disappointment.
people build me to bring me down
only to be disappointed again.

I let people into my heart,
one that feels love for another.
When they walk away the hurt is numb
and i'm left cold and empty in pain.

they say its not you its me,
that's always what they say.
paranoia builds more each lie,
but what's wrong with me anyway?

Nobody stays to tell me.
357 · Oct 2017
Pain.
Asonna Oct 2017
Feeling something that was once happiness
is now nothing but a memory.
Wretched with grief and anxiety,
Pain in my chest swallows me whole.

Caverns of black and purple,
my heart lies deep within
expelling inks in tones of red,
yet my body feels no lighter still.

I close my eyes, there's darkness there.
But there's darkness everywhere.

Water pours over head,
steam fills up the room.
Crossed legs upon the floor,
tears fall down my face.
difference to water is between my sobs,
the salt lays thick on my tongue.

Fatigued in life, not just my breath
each day begins to drag.
Challenge myself to leave it still,
because harming helps no one.
348 · Mar 2018
Burned out.
Asonna Mar 2018
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Please stop staring at the hole.
With magic i could be one once more,
But fairytales aren't standing tall.
Ruby shoes run out of wishes
I'm sculpted, carved. just like pumpkin.
There's just no light inside. It's gone.
345 · Apr 2018
Boy.
Asonna Apr 2018
I know you, I've seen you before
Why are you seated in front of me?
Your hazel eyes, so warm and calm,
but they're screaming of depression.

Pale skin, your cheeks are flushed,
your lips all worn and cracked.
I see you there all dressed in black,
but do you know you matter?

Your hand reaches out for mine,
it feels so cold, yet tender.
Graze my thumb over your knuckle
just to know you're not alone.

Not a person for miles, not in sight
It's just you and me.

Your hair in curls, so dark and chic
I can see it matches your eyes.
Why is it that you take away,
the loneliness and the pain?

Daylight breaks, the day is new
a wall is fogged in the distance.
I suddenly realise where I am,
then the heaviness resides within me.

That boy i knew wasn't there,
A figment of my imagination.
Reflecting moments, dreams all fade
And a sigh escapes my lips.

Open a wardrobe filled of black
It's time to continue the memory.
331 · Oct 2017
Skin.
Asonna Oct 2017
Two bears lie on my arm.
They show my mother and me.
The love for her is permanent,
It's tattooed on my skin.

A whale sits on my foot.
It has no loving feeling.
It's a funny little story,
Impulse control got the best of me.
so now that sad whale,
is tattooed to my skin.

Little croc, he rides my shoulder
He's holding a balloon.
First piece in colour, but i need more
tattoo 3 is a permaddition to my skin.

My next piece will ride my side.
the story is a little sadder,
Traditional style in blacks and blues,
An iceberg to show my secrets.
An iceberg to show pain and sorrow,
Hidden deep below.
That tattoo inspires,
to make me wanna be better.
So I think it's a fine addition,
A new tattoo to add to my skin.
315 · Dec 2017
Unlucky.
Asonna Dec 2017
Building walls to break them down
but sometimes they're forced.
find a penny, pick it up
and all day long you'll have good luck
unless you won't..

3 is the number of shatters i hear
all within different times.
if only pieces i picked were like that penny,
I could really use some luck.

Rivers bound around the pores,
slopes below the cheek.
waterfalls placed at the chin
where it pools onto my skin.

Kindness I have too much of
It's slowly becoming fault
advantage taken where feelings are broken
my walls come crumbling down.

I should have learned my lesson now
it's only happened twice before
I guess I'll know better now
and keep my feelings to myself.

Pain thumps loud and hard.
i can barely breathe.
Instead of lucky pennies,
i've only got shattered glass instead.
308 · May 2018
Apology to you.
Asonna May 2018
How did we get here?, how did we fall?
Plummeting through the universe.
Taking each other down with the ship,
trapped and drowning in silence.

Damaged pieces welded shut,
we're empty on the inside.
Suffocating in hatred feeling,
turns out we were not good to each other.

You used to say hi with hurried goodbye,
the black bird jets its wings.
Decayed trees linger the walls,
and leaves entrap the heart.

Hurting bares a mark to each,
Souls escaped in breath.
Innocence once pure and pledged,
has darkened and hardened in edge.

Molded, shaped. Nothing new.
Neither one can change.
though I can try hard each day,
I'm sorry I wasn't good to you.

Black bird flies through the night,
Perched itself to the tree.
While the tree is sad and decayed
The heart still feels like home.
307 · Aug 2017
Intoxicated.
Asonna Aug 2017
Skin bare, touching sheets,
his shirt covering my chest.
Pull it close to breathe him in
Inhaling his sweet scent.

I could do this forever.
286 · Feb 2018
Old friend.
Asonna Feb 2018
Change.
I've changed.
I know I have,
but not for the better.

Burdened.
That's me.
Burdened by the past,
burdened by the pain.

Friend.
you.
or what used to be you,
I don't know how i feel.

Beaten.
Beaten down.
mentally, physically, emotionally..
Nothing but a shell.

Family.
Fights.
all the time, never quiet,
Just be gone.

Me.
Nothing.
Worth and valued,
I'm nothing.

Anxiety.
breathe.
I can't breathe,
suffocated by feelings.

Cry.
Niagara falls.
water falls,
Yet everything is bare.

Friend.
you.
I'm so mad at you,
triggered memories of insensitivity.

Father.
Love me.
I've achieved so much,
yet i'm still never enough.

Music.
Loud.
Drown out the yelling,
I can't take it anymore.

Food.
Comfort.
Let me hide my pain,
i'll just eat to fill the void.

Sleep.
Just sleep.
that's all I need,
yet my voice screams in my mind.

Friend.
you.
or what used to be you,
Cut me some slack because i'm drowning too.
276 · Aug 2017
Piece
Asonna Aug 2017
Somewhere I lost a piece in me.
It’s all covered in the past.
Fog and smoke surround my mind,
The voices they echo inside.

What have I become?

Feelings of none I’m only numb,
A shiver lingers down my spine.
That piece once me now empty,
Not free

What has happened to me?

Days I cry a river like Nile,
But nothing soothes my pain.
The echoes inside are now in screams,
Between people bound to rings.
Pressured chest and clutched breath

This never use to be me.

I’m so lost in pain, like stitches pulled
I can kick and claw for a better tomorrow,
But I just don’t feel like it today.

Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.
276 · Aug 2018
Cold.
Asonna Aug 2018
How does someone love you,
When the love for yourself is so numb?
248 · Aug 2017
Letter to you.
Asonna Aug 2017
Dear lover,

I know you'll never see this,
So I'm hoping it's okay,
to say these words out in the open
Because I can't say them to you.

Every day we talk,
always from wake to sleep.
with each day that comes by
the connection I feel is deep.
I know what we talked about,
everything we discussed.
This was only casual,
but I want to take it back.

I'm so scared of relationships,
I'm so scared to trust.
I know that you're the same as me,
but I want us to make it work.
I know I can't say this to you,
because once i do, we're gone.

I'll pen this letter to an end,
But let me just say this.
J'ai des sentiments pour toi ma douce

Now let the casual roll on.
248 · Aug 2017
Heartstrings.
Asonna Aug 2017
Fingers play along as my mind wanders.
Sat up on the deck, the night air pooling in
this position's natural, my back's against the rail
jumper zipped three-quarter way,
knee bent to rest the body.

Fingers line along the frets, as the others sit rosette,
play whatever comes to mind
or they just simply do the walking.
Hum a tune, sing a little ditty
As waves crash in my mind.

Close my eyes, I see it there,
tones of blue flood through.
Stunning rocks they push against
to develop the perfect arch.
Fingers start to slow.

Eyes open, the sun is gone
It's time to go inside.
Off the deck and to my feet
when I noticed you've been listening.
flashed a grin and leaned over
"Can you please play on for me?"
244 · Sep 2017
Mama
Asonna Sep 2017
Hallow and Empty
I'm feeling alone
Knowing that you're in danger.
Hospital beds with so many meds
It's like you're not there anymore.

I fear that one day you'll leave me
I'm all cut up and broken inside.
So mama, Please stay with me.
I need you to be alright.

Never a person for friends
But i always had you in the end
true form of support
with unconditional love
I don't know how I'll cope without you.

I've been in this place before.
the one where you've almost died.
i'll take those moments with me
it makes me cherish you deep inside.

Mama please know that I love you
I can't lose you at age 41
It's much too soon for the both of us
so take my hand and please hold it tight.
but mama, i know you're strong
Hopefully everything will be alright.
My mum is in hospital at the moment and she's pretty sick, I've been trying to process everything but thinking about it only makes me cry. I love you mama.
238 · Aug 2018
Please, Don't hurt me.
Asonna Aug 2018
Feelings of new, not witnessed before
it churns, makes the heart ache.
Feelings experienced within a new light,
yet fear is all that can be swallowed.
Months have passed and fall is gone,
and yet the feelings are somewhat whole.

Leap of faith, right off the cliff,
Potentially catastrophic.
Doubt constantly anew in mind
Yet it can't think of a reason why?
why not to do this?  They're here, no?
But for how long..

Communications are sparse with distance,
Is this really what they want?
It's doubtful.. Nobody really wants this..
Doomed to isolation of a stilled heartbeat,
they don't want it.. they don't want it.
do they? I don't know.. Fearful.

Hope is wanted, faith be achieved.
Happily ever after, that's the goal
Please forgive the hallowed belief,
it's all that's ever been known.
Give your hand, interlace it with mine
and please just never let go.
231 · Nov 2017
Death.
Asonna Nov 2017
Death is too common,
it floats around me.
with family and friends,
so many near misses too.
It haunts me.

People with strokes
wrapped my car to a tree
Cancer
Pnuemonia
Pleurisy too.

Attempted suicide
make that times 2.

Ketoacidosis
overdose
some of old age
someone nearly lost a hand
oh, and my dog died too.

Yet somehow i'm selfish,
because I ran from you.

My heart bleeds with every thought,
for every person i've ever lost
including you.
but i won't play a villain,
i'm protecting myself

so yes i ran.

Because death haunts me.
And i won't have you in that vision of death too.
229 · Feb 2018
Meteor Showers.
Asonna Feb 2018
Tell me that it's love that i'm feeling.
if it's not I fear my heart can't take much more.
I can't take my eyes off you,
yet i know the reason I won't leave is in your eyes.

I know it's love that I'm feeling,
even though we haven't been together in so long.
Your eyes still sparkle the same,
like watching a meteor shower

I'm caught in awe.

I swear you've never looked so good
so much better than anyone should,
after they tore away my heart.
I can't take my eyes away from you still.

If I survive another night,
I know that I can get over you.
I once had that lovin' feeling from you,
but now I'm gone still dreaming...

still dreaming of those meteor showers.
228 · Mar 3
Caged.
Asonna Mar 3
Warm on the outside.
Cold on the in.
Walls that develop enclosure.
Segregation of a compassionate soul
Torn to a mind set of old.
Aches beat still of a damaged heart,
Effort isnt in control.
Motivation at wonderland speed
supressed by depression and tolls.
220 · Feb 19
Dread.
Asonna Feb 19
Fields of the evening, Long grass in the breeze
and a river down her face.
Dark flecks in the sky, it's all a blur,
the magpies all fly home.
Black trails linger down her arms,
Smudged and damp to the touch.
Hyperventilisation with every scarse breath,
And realisation begins to creep in.
She can't go home..
She can't go home...

         ... I can't go home.
216 · Jul 2018
Scared.
Asonna Jul 2018
Scared.
Moments are scary.
The moments that catch your breath,
Paused.
Motionless time.
Feel the air in your lungs.

Love.
Love is scary.
Consuming potential destruction.
Breathe.
They love you.
Let yourself give in.

Words.
Words are terrifying.
They're either nothing or everything.
analyse.
They mean it, don't they?
Don't take it to heart.
They're broken..

Faith.
It's not always there.
We search for hope in something higher,
but only when we believe.
Hold on, give it time.
even if it's not there.

Me.
I'm scared.
I don't believe, I bail.
when things get rough it's better to run.
Protect myself of oncoming damage.
I'm broken..

Sorry.
moments are scary.
feel the air in my lungs
but when i breathe, it's trauma.
Unbearable pain.
Suffocation.
...
I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately without an element of venting it out. I'm just terrified of everything, all the time and i can't help that. I'm scared of breaking a shell to get hurt in the end because the damage over time is so significant i cant breathe without experiencing pain anymore.

It hurts.
209 · Aug 2017
Slander.
Asonna Aug 2017
Smear my name through the dirt,
I know it's what you do.
Told me I had to learn how to trust,
but tell me, why trust you?

The inconsistency in details.
The straight up blatant lies.
What stories must you tell
to make them see your side.

I don't think you realise,
how much your actions hurt.
I've been here in this place before,
more than you probably think.

I never told you all my stories,
I kept them to myself.
So to you i must seem like a *****
But I promise that I'm not.

2 years goes by and I still wonder
what your life is like.
But then I remember the slander
and suddenly I'm alright.
209 · Aug 2017
Country.
Asonna Aug 2017
Colours of pink and orange
smeared together with yellow,
couple touches of pretty lilac.

Lavender sponged through the sky,
A splash of burnt sienna.
highlights, white, up in the clouds
floating to the distance.

Fields below, full of wheat,
a godsend for the farmers.
their crisp, clean lines flow with the wind
despite the land that's dry and bare.

Fences keep the people out,
It's classed as private land.
The tractor, red. Ahead the sun
looks like a shadow standing tall.

One more ****** across the line,
then left to breathe some air.
Placed on a wall for many eyes,
so they can all see beauty within.
206 · Feb 2018
Keys.
Asonna Feb 2018
Piano keys all chipped and worn,
candle light sits before her.
Composition that's tattered and torn,
within a room of darkness.

goosebumps lay across her skin
as the night air creeps slowly in.
strands of brunette blur a vision
as fingers slay the keys.

Delicate, intricate moments at first,
Passion wells up inside.
from end to end, she can't contain it,
keys are beaten with concupiscent desire.

The melody she carries makes her hot,
the chords that ring hit her sweet.
Even within a room so dark,
she can really turn up the heat.
204 · Aug 2017
L.O.V.E
Asonna Aug 2017
Love is not something I can handle well
Over fear and experience, it’s dread to my soul
Vacant emotions force me to disconnect
Eternal love seems well and truly dead.
187 · Aug 2017
Her.
Asonna Aug 2017
Her eyes to me, they glisten sweet
Like 800 metres below.
In caverns deep, sapphire clean
Highlights of wave and shore.

Carnation petals in the sand,
Delicate, untouched.
Wind come by and blend them in,
To match her sun kissed skin.

Those beach wave curls that light the sky
Bounced perfectly at the waist.
Of blonde and brown with slight pink flicks
They set her eyes on fire.

Those eyes to me, spread kindness and see
The beauty that life desires.
With those lips that twitch, although flaked and dry
It's her soul that's content with mine.
183 · Mar 2018
Hi-jinx
Asonna Mar 2018
Healthy heart hurts, hesitantly.
Her hollow home hears him. Horrific.
How her heart Hi-jinxed her happiness,
He hoaxed her, heckled her.
How homely.

How hopeless...
Today is brought to you by the letter 'H'.
177 · Mar 5
Music.
Asonna Mar 5
Music, she soothes me. Keeping my calm before any storm.
Her swerves and curves to the melody enchants me,
Keeps a hurting heart to a hum.
Eyes closed to a still composure, inhaling sweet composition.
She listens to how I feel, when I feel it.
Touching my body and soul.
Music, she knows me. Tailored to emotional perfection.
Tell me about your broken heart, the things you have lost
because I know I've lost it all too.
Eyes open, living in slow motion, everything's lightning around me.
But when i listen to her story, her journey to tell
She takes me away, breath and all.
165 · Aug 2017
Gone.
Asonna Aug 2017
Rain,
Pure.
Sea,
Pure.
Tears.
.. Broken

Ring,
Fight.
Hands,
Fight.
Passion.
.. Empty

Tree,
Life.
Air,
Life.
Breath.

.. Gone
162 · Feb 6
Lady?
Asonna Feb 6
Baby, you're a lady.
you're meant to be dainty,
swimming in seas of purity.
Baby, be a lady
Perfect, trim & proper.

Baby, what's a lady?
no really, what's a lady?
Consumed by rivers of **** and sultry.
Baby, i'm not your "baby"
but let me tell you i'm **** well perfect.
160 · Feb 13
13/02/19
Asonna Feb 13
Pick up a pen, spell your words
line your ink with temper.
Tear out the page and burn it still,
Happily ever after.
157 · Apr 2018
New&Improved.
Asonna Apr 2018
Breathe in, breathe out
the pain is all the same.
Faith stained, i'm not the same
Yet people choose to believe in me.
Why?
Meaner, Darker
Could care less about the feelings.
You let the past get in the way,
critique for the way I recover.
So?
Am i void and empty?
Simply because i'm not pretty inside
have I disappointed your old reflection?
I'm actually good. I can't help it if you're tilted.
Before.
bright and bold, Loved by everybody.
Made mistakes that penetrated deep
but now standing before you
redesign, a newer model.
Cold.
Me. You. It's still the same
Hard times, times are troubled
Shield themselves to save the truth
Run. Gun.
Metaphorically.
Strong and confident, in and out
Bare and hallow leaves a mark
With every breath I still hurt
don't toy with it.
I'm done.
142 · Dec 2018
Paranoid.
Asonna Dec 2018
Paranoia..
You've got me figured out.

Paranoia..
Come now, you're much too loud.

Paranoia..
Too hard to live without.

Paranoia..
Spelled out with capital letters.

Imagine..
It starts to get louder.

Imagine..
Your body talks.

Imagine..
It shakes, it rattles your bones.

King..
You're Methodical, sleuthed in silence.

King..
You've got me figured out.

King..
Check mate.
Asonna Mar 24
Today I thought of you.
The memories, the laughter,
true moments we shared.
Today I think of you,
knowing that I lost you, maybe forever.
2 years is a long time.
cut-throat to communication.
I wish i could see how you are,
knowing what you're feeling,
but are you alive?
I don't know.

I started a master's degree.
Are you proud?
I hope so.
Even though i'm pushing through life,
I'm so cold and hallow, baring in mind.
Baring in mind everything that's happened
there's been so much more since then.
Yet I can't tell you, open my soul.
I ran. afraid of pain.
Afraid of being damaged more.
I can't take it.
Unbearable.

Today is the day i thought of you.
the first year was hard,
to not think about you.
I was so devestated and mad,
placed in a position i couldn't handle.
why did you do that to me?
why?
I know you were hurting, but i was dying too.
I'm not mad anymore, I promise.
Just disappointed and sad.

I wonder if you think of me.
Then I laugh at how absurd it is.
You were so mad when I left,
I don't blame you.
But I don't think you realised
What was going on inside.
2 years of depression meds, to fill a void.
Development of eating disorders,
consuming everything to hide the numb.
so damaged and alone, nothing helped
Yet you know i would never commit suicide.
2 years of emotionless limbo.
now I'm not bubbly anymore.

I hope you're happy.
Still breathing,
alive.
I'd talk to you again if i could.
Lost touch,
can't find you anymore.
But I atleast hope that you're happier than I.

In this day, I think of you.
I'm sorry, And I miss you.
x

— The End —