I can still remember the couch. The way I cried in my friend's arms when I thought of that couch. Pinned down. Abused. Forcefully used. On the couch.
I still remember going into my apartment alone after. The way my body shaked for nights spent crying in my bed after. At my friend's apartment after. In the hospital after. Years after.
They say the mind can forget sometimes, but what always remembers the trauma is the body. The one that kicked and fought off the body. The one that layed under the body. The violated body. The tortured body. The unsafe body.
was never the same. Not for me to blame.
I know that now.
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An untold tale hides behind her dreary eyes Of how he betrayed her innocence with beautiful lies Forlorn words attempting to escape at the tip of her tongue But even her mouth bleeds his name out Her tiny voice could reach nothing They'll just say, 'She's just a girl so young' Even she screams at the top of her lungs.
For her story is just another folklore you'll ever hear It could be passed on but never believed.
Your claws They sank into flesh Leaving scars so deep They will never be healed A cornfield Somewhere you wanted to go To take a part of me That I would never get back That room The intense feeling of worthlessness Panic attack going back Down the tunnel
Suddenly nothing else mattered You were there Your charm and humor Suddenly I was ok I used to watch as they walked all over me Now I realize I don’t deserve to be used I am worth sacrifice You give me your time You call me yours You aren’t ashamed To be seen with me To hold me Out in the open You stand up for me When they stare and laugh I feel safe next to you I don’t know how long this will last But I have issues and I have to ask That you don’t use them against me I don’t wanna jump all over you But please don’t use it against me I hope you see I’m just scared Hurt by way to many I trust you Don’t abuse that I love you Please don’t try to use that My wrists are healed I don’t want to reopen it You fixed me If you ever wanna leave Let me down easy I’m sorry if this scares you I don’t wanna hurt you I just want you to know what you’re getting into Because what happens When hands get put on me More than you know This is a warning
A boy I used to love... a boy I gave my all to... a boy who broke all of his promises to me.
you thought it wouldn’t hurt anymore it wasn’t supposed to when they took advantage of you again or stabbed you in the back but no matter how many times you built up your wall it was never thick enough to stop the knife
i cried rivers of salt thinking it would change things that perhaps they would hear and comfort me in the end nothing changed but my expectations i no longer expected good from people who had no good left to give.