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Asonna 12h
Today I thought of you.
The memories, the laughter,
true moments we shared.
Today I think of you,
knowing that I lost you, maybe forever.
2 years is a long time.
cut-throat to communication.
I wish i could see how you are,
knowing what you're feeling,
but are you alive?
I don't know.

I started a master's degree.
Are you proud?
I hope so.
Even though i'm pushing through life,
I'm so cold and hallow, baring in mind.
Baring in mind everything that's happened
there's been so much more since then.
Yet I can't tell you, open my soul.
I ran. afraid of pain.
Afraid of being damaged more.
I can't take it.
Unbearable.

Today is the day i thought of you.
the first year was hard,
to not think about you.
I was so devestated and mad,
placed in a position i couldn't handle.
why did you do that to me?
why?
I know you were hurting, but i was dying too.
I'm not mad anymore, I promise.
Just disappointed and sad.

I wonder if you think of me.
Then I laugh at how absurd it is.
You were so mad when I left,
I don't blame you.
But I don't think you realised
What was going on inside.
2 years of depression meds, to fill a void.
Development of eating disorders,
consuming everything to hide the numb.
so damaged and alone, nothing helped
Yet you know i would never commit suicide.
2 years of emotionless limbo.
now I'm not bubbly anymore.

I hope you're happy.
Still breathing,
alive.
I'd talk to you again if i could.
Lost touch,
can't find you anymore.
But I atleast hope that you're happier than I.

In this day, I think of you.
I'm sorry, And I miss you.
x
Asonna Mar 5
Music, she soothes me. Keeping my calm before any storm.
Her swerves and curves to the melody enchants me,
Keeps a hurting heart to a hum.
Eyes closed to a still composure, inhaling sweet composition.
She listens to how I feel, when I feel it.
Touching my body and soul.
Music, she knows me. Tailored to emotional perfection.
Tell me about your broken heart, the things you have lost
because I know I've lost it all too.
Eyes open, living in slow motion, everything's lightning around me.
But when i listen to her story, her journey to tell
She takes me away, breath and all.
Asonna Mar 3
Warm on the outside.
Cold on the in.
Walls that develop enclosure.
Segregation of a compassionate soul
Torn to a mind set of old.
Aches beat still of a damaged heart,
Effort isnt in control.
Motivation at wonderland speed
supressed by depression and tolls.
Asonna Feb 19
Fields of the evening, Long grass in the breeze
and a river down her face.
Dark flecks in the sky, it's all a blur,
the magpies all fly home.
Black trails linger down her arms,
Smudged and damp to the touch.
Hyperventilisation with every scarse breath,
And realisation begins to creep in.
She can't go home..
She can't go home...

         ... I can't go home.
Asonna Feb 13
Pick up a pen, spell your words
line your ink with temper.
Tear out the page and burn it still,
Happily ever after.
Asonna Feb 6
Baby, you're a lady.
you're meant to be dainty,
swimming in seas of purity.
Baby, be a lady
Perfect, trim & proper.

Baby, what's a lady?
no really, what's a lady?
Consumed by rivers of **** and sultry.
Baby, i'm not your "baby"
but let me tell you i'm **** well perfect.
Asonna Dec 2018
Paranoia..
You've got me figured out.

Paranoia..
Come now, you're much too loud.

Paranoia..
Too hard to live without.

Paranoia..
Spelled out with capital letters.

Imagine..
It starts to get louder.

Imagine..
Your body talks.

Imagine..
It shakes, it rattles your bones.

King..
You're Methodical, sleuthed in silence.

King..
You've got me figured out.

King..
Check mate.
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