With you, I had no sight
I was left blind
When you whispered the words
"I love you"

The careless kisses you gave
left a scar on my lips
feeling only pain
when another kissed me

The gentle touch of your hand
left a burn on my face
to only flinch
when another strokes my face

But my love wasn't real
nor was yours
it was just easy to say "I love you"

Hiding how you feel isn't lying.
In fact, for some people,
It's a form of surviving.
It may not be the healthiest way to heal;
Ignoring the pain and feelings
To the point It's not real.
But do whatever it takes
To see tomorrow.

The door in the attic is peculiar
Sometimes I am lucky enough to find it cold
And I will stumble inside and fall
Far away from here
It's like a dream, a new life
You must look around and above you
And then you will see it
Above, up there, high, far away
There it was, I saw the hole
Through my fluttering eyelids it was always grey
But when I say so
Mother starts to weep uncontrollably
From here I can only sit and watch and ponder
Where it starts and where it ends
And if there is a castle of wonder
I'd like to see it one day
Even if I am old and empty
And I have lived forever
Even if I am all bones and dust and dead
But I'm still alive and my pulse is fascinating
I stand up and run, maybe if I run fast enough
I will start to fly
Yet all that comes of it is a dizzy heart and burning eyes
Sometimes, the Big Grey will ask me,
"What are you searching for?"
I don't know yet, I just want to see past the shadow
What is it like, where dreams are told,
Where dreams are sold?
On the days that she sits me down
And tells me what's real and what's not real
I wish I could give Mother a dream too
Because the lines on her face make her look so tired
And that's when they start fluttering again
Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. Close.
Open.
When will I know what dreams are like?

There are days when my emotions
are a small gear being turned
in my brain by a small man
with quick ideas and a sole
purpose to manufacture
he goes away when
rage comes to stay,
the only true connection to
my nervous system
the most familiar face
I finally spoke to it out loud
I never learned love
without pain or sacrifice

I picture the small man
going on vacations
these days I feel
and feel and feel
I am convinced this is the
true nature of how
my brains favorite number is 2
always loving both extremes
boys who are mean and
girls that just do not need me
as much
as men need me
to be sweet and fill their shoes
all shoulder and still
nothing to cry on

It's okay you be silent,
You've done enough with my number violence,
It's okay ignore me,
Seems like I've been rude more than an enemy,
I take this sin,
But wait please never break our strings.

In the couple of days
I didn't know what to feel
I can't think any other ways
If all of this is real

Just ignore the emptiness I feel
Just going to tell myself this isn't real
My heart breaks because of you
Just gonna wait for you to say ''I love you''