i inhale until the ashes turn white
like the pure once driven snow
now muddled gray
my lungs scorched black
cannot bloom
no flowered prose
can escape my lips
dry and cracked earth
i want to rest
and let these embers die
crackle and go out
but they hold on to my labored breath
trying to ignite again.

Today I woke up,
and I realized,
that I hadn’t been sleeping,
and was grief paralyzed.

All that had happened,
all the ****** up nightmares,
all the loathing and anguish,
were all laid out and bare.

It took me a second,
to finally find my breath,
and when I did, I screamed,
and simply wished for death.

Take it away,
the agony that I feel,
I cannot bear this,
there’s no way to heal.

There was no answer,
as I lay on the ground.
No yes or no,
absolutely no sound.

I finally thought,
enough is enough.
I’ll fix it myself,
all the things I ****** up.

But before I do,
I’ll fix myself,
because you can’t fix what’s broken,
with something broken itself.

Today I start with me,
and I took a footstep.
One followed another,
even though I still wept.

I never looked back,
so I didn’t see,
what I left behind,
on the ground, was me.

One step at a time
One punch at a time
One round at a time
One fight at a time

And when life throws
all it has at you,
all at one time, then
every step
every punch
every round
every fight
that leaves you standing
is a win

and every time
you hit the ground
only to rise again
that is a victory
that is worthy
of the champion that you are.

Ultimately, I love me more.
I'll no longer blame myself for my own disappointment. I'll cherish me more for the perseverance of me.