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Mar 2016 · 958
The Girl That Forgot Me
Thomas EG Mar 2016
I spend months
Silently admiring her
All from a distance

I finally see my chance
And so, I take it
And insist this

"We should be friends"

1 new message
She welcomes me
Casually, into her life

We talk a lot and
She remembers, but
It is no longer night

And so, I let it end
New friends ✨
Feb 2016 · 1.0k
Meaningless Seasons
Thomas EG Feb 2016
I am changing with the weather
Transitioning with hopeful eyes
Yearning for a positive outcome
This time

Sometimes with the sun on my back
Others with the wind in my hair
But this thunder forever remains
In my chest

Sunshine won't change how I feel
Cloudy thoughts still steam up inside
What a way to go through life, eh?
All alone

Seasons mean nothing in Ireland
It rains more in summer than not
Colour me pink but I'll still be blue
Deep down
(Small talk)
Dec 2015 · 1.7k
What Could Have Been
Thomas EG Dec 2015
I notice the symmetry in your face
You look in every direction but mine
We rush and crash through the night
Across traintracks, through tunnels

I admire the strong structures
Glowing beneath these festive lights
You are hiding insecurities behind
A temporary mask of excitement

Could-have-been tragedies
Become appreciative victories
We are mere trembling bodies
Amongst a crowd of confidence

Relief pours over us, flowing fast
Reducing our uncertainties
Reusing forgotten identities
Recycling mistreated potential

Relaxing, finally in tact...
03/12/15
Nov 2015 · 833
Laughing At Me
Thomas EG Nov 2015
Two rights will never fix a wrong
But neither will a poem nor song
So I will say that I'm happy
Just laugh with instead of at me
A short drunkenly-written poem
Nov 2015 · 589
Philosophy
Thomas EG Nov 2015
The same old routine's dragging on
Our zombied bodies slump along
We philosophise more and more
Making our forgetful brains sore

For we are rotten, we are gross
But isn't that just how life goes?
We all will fall, we all will die
Nothing matters so we ask why

We have to live, we have to be
We have to pretend we're happy
Because in actuality
No one lives for eternity


So what's the reason for our race?
Is it for love or for disgrace?
There is no clear answer just yet
Or else there was, but we forget
(We regret and then forget)
Nov 2015 · 3.3k
The Cruelty
Thomas EG Nov 2015
I lay here and wonder about
The cruelty in our world today

People will judge and hate you
Before giving you a chance
And you won't have any say

They'll make assumptions
And laugh in your face, or worse
They might spit as you pass by

Yet all that we can do is lay here
And hopelessly wonder why
Why?
Nov 2015 · 2.5k
Plan B; Let's Go
Thomas EG Nov 2015
Peppermint sigh
In the calm twilight
The moon yawns
And stretches, over the sea

Glowing, beyond the extent
Of vision, of knowing
Slowing, down now
Freezing, right where it is

One big mystery
Forever left unsolved
We get away with it
Time for Plan B

I clutch my chest
My heart beats quickly
Then hesitates before
Stopping abruptly

It's nauseating
Noise-consuming
Time-consuming
We are waterproof

Cheap bystanders
In the headlights
Not the headlines
If only vision were clearer

Closer, stronger
Hold on to me
Loosen your grip
On reality

Let go
I'll always be here, for you
Let's go
I'll always be yours, my dear
Composed: 09/07/15
Oct 2015 · 563
Ghosts
Thomas EG Oct 2015
My vivid imagination dreamt up
Ghosts in my eyes, in my ears.
I did not leave my home that day.

I could feel the children staring,
Could hear them screaming at me,
But I could not tell you why.

I tried to listen, to help them out,
But they were out of sight before
I could confirm anything at all.

This was separate from the occasion
On which they helped us both out.
I guess it's a love-hate relationship.
Halloween is coming !
Oct 2015 · 1.1k
Two Years
Thomas EG Oct 2015
I am two years clean today
Two years sober, if you may
I don't understand how I got to this point
I don't want to quit, nor disappoint

I once dreamt of getting to seven
Or else failing and going to Heaven
Instead, I got to 3-6-5
Twice and I am still alive

Alas, I do admit that I miss it
And I do still wish to inflict it
Upon myself, upon my body
Yet I have no new scars upon me

I have achieved something great
It is something to celebrate
And I have been torn many times
But never in vertical lines
It's not my best, but I wanted to write something to mark this accomplishment.
Oct 2015 · 863
Stable
Thomas EG Oct 2015
I do not recall what it's like to be emotionally stable
Even now I'm dreaming of cracking my head off the edge of this table
If only I had the courage, yes, if only I were able
Then I could end it right here and now, destroying my false label
Help
Oct 2015 · 771
Loneliness
Thomas EG Oct 2015
Loneliness is better in the company of others
Loneliness is better when I'm not alone

Loneliness is better when surrounded by loved ones
Loneliness is better when I am not home
Inspiration: "Loneliness is better when you're not alone" -Hello Saferide
Oct 2015 · 754
Goodbye
Thomas EG Oct 2015
I have to say goodbye to children I never even got to greet
And let go of somebody so dear before we'd got the chance to meet

I need to rethink all the decisions that I swore I would pursue
But, in doing so, I have to also close the door on birthing you

I don't know if I could ever gather the words to express my woe
Because my body will change and it will then refuse to let you grow

My heart will break and it will not return to its original self
And, although you'll certainly forgive me, I shall not forgive myself
(regarding my future hysterectomy)
Sep 2015 · 2.5k
Love poems for pretty girls
Thomas EG Sep 2015
I've wasted far too much time
Writing love poems for girls
Who could not have cared less
If I had moved to Neverland

And now I sit here, alone
Thinking to myself that maybe
Those words could have been
Better written, better spoken

About someone who truly
Cared for me, rather than just
Another pretty girl who simply
Acknowledged my existence

But not everyone does
So I will take what I can get
And I will understand if
I receive nothing at all
I'm moving to Neverland.
Sep 2015 · 1.9k
Body
Thomas EG Sep 2015
It usually goes a little like this:
Intro, body, bridge, body, body, outro

The body is the most important part
Or at least so we think at first hearing

But personality and words are equal

And your melody is lyrically smooth
As your tempo bounces along my stave

And my vocal chords strum into crescendo

You are my ****** note

Ascending to my neck
Descending to my heart

I yearn to be someone's hand to hold

Someone's ostinato
To transfer into a lower key

If I could be your vibrato

Shake me, shake me, shake me
I love you

I rise up out of my seat
Out of my body

As I make my way towards the outro
And scream:

"YOU DIDN'T KEEP YOUR PROMISE!"

But kiss you, anyway
Because honesty was never your forté

And I love the words that escape your lips
And I love your body

**I love you
Another intoxicated poem :-)
Sep 2015 · 1.2k
Birthday Cards
Thomas EG Sep 2015
See a familiar name on a birthday card
My parents hand me one that I soon discard
They didn't write a thing on the envelope
But that's better than giving me false hope

Their envelope is full of lovely gifts
Not an empty gesture, at least I don't think (so)
Because they know that she's a memory
And I am grateful but that won't stop me
A snippet from a song I wrote last night :-)
Sep 2015 · 941
A Poem For Leon (II)
Thomas EG Sep 2015
"I am so proud of you."
It's been a while since I've heard those words directed towards me.
I am truly touched.
I walk away, with a confident grin stretched across my face.
I'll seeya tomorrow buddy!

The truth is that I am proud of him for even being around to stand there and say those words to me, *as cliché as it sounds.

I am also incredibly grateful that he took the time to share his secret with me.

He is one of my best friends, regardless of everything that's been happening lately.
I know that he will be there for me in the years to come, as I will be there for him.
What's two years of difference with a connection as strong as ours?

He inspires me, he flatters me.
He makes me feel better about myself, in my moments of weakness.
He supports me, he cares about me.
He embraces me, in multiple ways, so I hug him right back...
And, suddenly, I don't feel all that weak.
I love you man x
I will gladly write poems for other friends, when the inspiration comes to me.
Sep 2015 · 4.3k
13 honest stanzas about you
Thomas EG Sep 2015
The poems that I used to scribble
Were fickle, were fictional
I had no raw words to write
Until I fell in love with you

Until I fell in love with your dimples
Including the ones on your back
Until I fell in love with your heart
And how you fell in love with me

Your brown eyes
Your hands poking out
Of my oversized hoody
And your hand in my hand

Your small *******
How they felt in my hands
And in my mouth
How I felt when your ******* went hard

The way you felt in my mouth
When we would kiss each other
And our lips would not fully meet
But our tongues would still play

I would bite your sensitive lip
And you'd give out to me
Until I would kiss it better again
And you would kiss my neck

And my chest
And my stomach
And all over my thighs
Oh, how we teased each other

We would share our mints
Through kisses
We'd sent ***** texts
***** pictures

We were only fifteen
We had a lot of ***
And now I'm seventeen
And you are my ex

And I don't miss you
But I wonder about you
I wonder about your dad
I wonder about your wrists

I wonder about your lungs
I wonder about your music
I wonder about whether
You wonder about me or not

I feel your stare burning me
More often than not
But my anxiety forbids me
From checking if it is true

Your laugh is ******* adorable
But your muttering makes me want to
Throw a table at your face
Leaving it as raw as this poem
Eight months together, twenty months apart.
Sep 2015 · 2.7k
Roots
Thomas EG Sep 2015
And after all you've gone through
To obtain respect from your roots
You must tell your younger branches
That this is just the way it is...

You have to mislead the youth
And continue to hide the truth
For you cannot blossom just yet
You need to wait for the sun to set

Now now, empty your watering can
Do not nourish the flowers' minds
Thoughts of drowning scare the man
So you should let them droop behind

And when they ask you why
The tree's vocal chords have changed
You will lie to their green eyes
And say *"it is only a nickname."
(Family tree)
Sep 2015 · 1.6k
Salt & Vinegar
Thomas EG Sep 2015
You are... Vinegar
Rather strong, for some
Not always in a good way
But I like you
I mean, I'm salt
I know that too much of me
Is just no good
But you and I, together
Oh, we are the dream team
For some, anyway
I wouldn't call us a cup of tea
In front of some friends
But I know that I love us
And maybe I don't want you
Every single time
But I will always come back
Because I need you
And we do make a good team
In the end
Another one from my drafts
I don't love it, but I may as well post it
Sep 2015 · 724
Figure You Out
Thomas EG Sep 2015
Flash flash
Surround me with your body, your soul
Let's rest here, right here
Tell me more
My lips are sealed, I swear
Only you have the power
To unlock my lips
To unlock my mind
You amaze me
You are a maze to me
I simply can not figure you out
I don't get it
I don't get you
But I still love this
I really, really do
It's casual
Perhaps not quite so mutual
But so what!
I'm happy, you're happy
We're not hurting anyone
(No one important anyway)
We try and we succeed
Well, I'd consider this a success
But that's just me
You're so ******* beautiful
I love your lips
I love your lips so much
Let's just stay here
I love here so much
Spending time with you
Spending time outside
If only we could run
Then we'd be okay
We'd both be okay
But I guess for now we shall survive
And survival is key
Let's just let go
I guess I do like you
But I know that I must love you
As a friend, above all
Only I adore your passionate lips
I mean come on
I really want you
We really need to figure this out
I need to figure you out
I will figure you out...
Eventually.
Yeah man alright alright

Just found this in my drafts... I was definitely drunk when I wrote it.
Sep 2015 · 1.3k
Sun-kissed Smiles
Thomas EG Sep 2015
Our sun-kissed smiles
From the summer time
Wave goodbye, wave away
The rest of the sunshine

We accept their departures
And trudge on, to arrive
On depression's doorstep
In this sweater weather

The rain pours down
The curtains are closed
The windows steam up
Either way

We pull up our covers
Pull closer our lovers
And make our own kisses
We can make our own smiles
Autumn has arrived :-)
Sep 2015 · 982
Yet To Forget You
Thomas EG Sep 2015
Your eyes brighten
I watch you smile
It's a poignant reminder
Of what we once were
Why do I feel such melancholy
At the sight of your joy?

I have a sudden urge
To engage
In conversation with you
But as I try to step forward
I freeze
And fill with rage

You stare at me...
You never did anything
To deserve avoidance
I simply associate your glee
With painful memories
Of my own

I wince
As it reminds me
Of our past, of us
I just hope you know
That I am yet
To forget you
Some thoughts from today :-)
Aug 2015 · 769
Friends
Thomas EG Aug 2015
My eyes
They feel tired
My lashes yawn, quiver
I am weak, as I lay down
I enjoyed myself
It was good, it was nice
Everyone was so nice, to me
I dream the friends back to me, now
I pull them closer
But, really, there is no one here to pull close to me
So, I readjust my body parts
My external organs
And trudge through the emotion
The thick over-exaggerated feelings
I rest myself
Then hold my head up high
I am not afraid, tonight
Foolishly, I joke about them
Your new "friends"
For they do not know you
(Not like we know you)
It's just not the same, nowadays
And yet I had a nice time
I had nice company
Your aura was sweet
As were your lips
Foolishly, again, ours meet
And I am calm
And I am glad
That we have each other
That we are friends
I had a nice night :-)))
Aug 2015 · 723
Help
Thomas EG Aug 2015
I go to a party.
You ask to come along.
You join us, you make a mess, we leave and then return...
I try to help.
I always try to help.
I have to take you home, in the end.
You apologise profusely, but I deny your apologies.
I am happy to help.
I feel useful, for once.
Comforting friends is one of the few ways in which I manage to feel useful.
You get home safe.
I'm relieved.
But then she saddens...
She tries to laugh it off, as she says that she's not okay.
As soon as I let her know that it's okay to not be okay, she loses it.
I hold her.
I hold her so tightly.
I rub her arm and pull her body closer to mine.
She feels warm, but I can only imagine how cold she is on the inside.
I make an attempt, but I have no clue how to cheer her up.
If I'm honest, I don't think that she needs to be cheered up at all.
She needs to feel this pain.
She is so incredibly strong and I know that she should let herself feel it.
She needs to accept that it's over.
He's gone.
It's terrible, but he's ******* gone.
"It's sore, it's so sore," she tells me, through her sobs...
I pull her closer still.
I won't ever let her feel this hurt again.
I love her.
More and more friends gather around us and they all love her as much as I do.
As much as he should.
That ******* ****.
We cheer her up, temporarily, and she moves back onto the dancefloor.
They all dance and I go for some air.
They tell me that I am a man in their eyes.
I thank them, and I mean it, yet I can't help but feel sort of off...
I cherish their words, of course, but it shouldn't have to be like this.
I need a distraction.
Whether it be blood trickling down my arm, or smoke filling up my lungs, I want to **** it.
I want to **** this dysphoria.
This feeling of being wrong.
I'd love to feel right, for a change.
Why am I such an outcast?
I don't stand out, because no one sees me, but I definitely don't fit in...
I just want to be myself, inside and out, but I don't have the consent to do so.
They should've realised by now that this is what I need.
I need help.
I need more than just beautiful friends and family and alcohol and pain...
I need reassignment, not just reformation.
I need medical help, not just therapeutical.
I need love, not just care.
Love...
True love.
Sure, the thought counts, but I am in need of one ******* gesture.
One in particular.
I need it to be consensual.
You give me consent to kiss you.
I argue.
YOU DON'T WANT ME.
But you swear that you do.
"I don't want you to feel things," you admit, with tears flooding down your face.
Well, neither do I!
But I can't ******* help it.
I should really sleep, but now I need to feel things.
Something.
Anything.
Even if it is just the tears that I'm crying.
At least it's something.
But sometimes nothing is better than something.
I think we both need to remember that.
So forget your apologies.
I apologise.
I can't feel anything anymore...
I just want to feel euphoria.
I wrote this after a party last night. I wasn't in the greatest mood. (Trigger warning: self-harm.)
Aug 2015 · 816
Seasick
Thomas EG Aug 2015
Your ocean's waves wash confusion up onto my shore. I lap you up eagerly, without hesitation, but quickly become seasick.

The lust for an aid to quench my thirst has led me to such disparity. Who would've thought that I'd be poisoned by one of my own kind?

A swarm of emotions comes buzzing towards me and I have no clue how to feel. Is this even real? I find hallucination to be one of the finest forms of hope. It is the true personification of mind games.

Saltwater, saltwater, steer clear of me... I am quite damaged, but plan on soon mending. Stranded and alone, you would've thought that I'd be elsewhere by now.

Well, the truth is, that I have nowhere else to go... No one else to go to... So, I sit here and remain one with this confusion.

It is the most loyal company that I've had the fortune of owning, in all my years of experience, my tears of impatience, my fears of temptations...

I'm doing well! I still exist, at least. Perhaps I will have a different outlook next year, but for now, my survival is going according to plan.

I must remember to thank you for that, for it was you who led me here in the first place... It was you who taught me how to swim... And it was you who kept me afloat.
I wrote this over a month ago, but I just edited it, so here's the newly edited version. I hope you like it.
Aug 2015 · 691
Courage
Thomas EG Aug 2015
Remind me
To find the
Courage to
Talk to you

About things
No one brings
To me when
I need them
Someone remind me to talk to my parents as soon as possible.
Aug 2015 · 1.2k
Weapons In Your Eyes
Thomas EG Aug 2015
I can see weapons in your eyes
You wish to cut so many ties
I must tell you so many times
To stop with all of your white lies
That you tend to internalise
Take a moment to realise
That this isn't change but surprise
And yet you still reach for the knives
Two friends inspired me today and this came to be.
Aug 2015 · 8.0k
Judgement
Thomas EG Aug 2015
They'll judge you for your colour
They'll judge you for your lover
Praise you for one thing
But **** you for another
Possible song lyrics??
Aug 2015 · 969
Hope
Thomas EG Aug 2015
Hopeful fingers reaching out
Searching for more than we need
Greed exists within us all
Without denial, without a doubt
Hope, hope, hope...
Right beneath the surface
Another one from the journey home!
Aug 2015 · 708
Home
Thomas EG Aug 2015
Meeting friendly people, in knowing
That friendship was never an option here
Slow journeys, with heavy eyelids
Wondering when home will return
For home is not a location
But a mere fly on the wall
I wrote this at the end of my trip, on the bus to the airport.
Aug 2015 · 1.1k
Worship
Thomas EG Aug 2015
Hands up
Eyes shut
Back straight
Relief

Pink sky
Warm air
Honest words
**Peace
I just got back from a Christian camp in Germany. After my first night of intense worship, I sat outside with my journal, saw how beautiful the sunset looked and wrote this.
Jul 2015 · 2.3k
Whisper
Thomas EG Jul 2015
Cherry-red lipstick
Cautious fingertips
Chocolate-chip irises
Whisper "I love you too"

New star-lit romance
Just one more slow dance
With shy wandering hands
But eyes forever on you
Jul 2015 · 747
Labels
Thomas EG Jul 2015
Labels... They are completely unnecessary. If you want something, then go get it. If you want someone, then go get them. If you love someone, then go be with them. Find out if they want to be with you too, or spend your speechless life wondering.

Find out, or die trying to kiss them. Maybe they'll kiss you first. Maybe they'll insist on having a platonic relationship anyway. Maybe you'll be right, maybe you won't, but it will be an adventure regardless.

Cut all abusive figures out of the picture. This is your picture. Decorate it however you want. Decorate it with whomever you want. With whomever wants you too. I mean, I want you... I really want you.

Could I be the cherry on top of your pretty please? Could I rest on the tip of your tongue? Could I have just one taste of your tongue? Could you hesitate to pull away first? Could you take hold of my hand again? That was really nice...

Maybe you'd surprise yourself. Maybe you'd surprise me too. Well, I know how to surprise you. How to survive with you. How to stay by your side, too.

Could you stay by my side? Could you survive with me? Now, that would surprise me... Will you be my surprise? Because I want you.
Wrote this one the other night! My friend said he liked it, so I figured I'd upload it here :~)
Jul 2015 · 1.0k
No Means No
Thomas EG Jul 2015
I may not be the perfect man
But at least I can understand
That no means no, it's simple as
Don't worry, it's all in the past
It's not as if I expected a yes
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