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Oli May 19
writing poetry is a way to exist, to attempt to emulate the beauty of the me that I'm not yet but the me that's inside of my head, and it's all spontaneous, nothing planned or rehearsed because rarely does anything come from it

listening to music is a way to exist, I reside somewhere in a line I interpreted to refine an alternative image of this body that I refuse to accept

dissociation is a way to exist, cause the loudness of my own ambitions and dreams and goals, or rather delusions, can distract from my own nightmarish self image, but only for a moment

self harm is a way to exist, as I hope that the me that I imagine is stronger than I am and can tolerate far more punishment inflicted by either myself or my fellow human

******* is a way to exist, cause the lust I experience is never more prominent than when there's truly nothing left for me and I've exhausted every other method, and there is nothing to do but give in to the most worthless way to feel a sense of purpose

Emorie is a way to exist, because she's an exquisite reflection of the life that I've always wanted, and what I wish I could see instead of what I get when I look into the mirror and see dead eyes and unfamiliar flesh.
yeah, it's my life. in my own words, i guess.
Jay May 3
No matter how many times I'm called beautiful
or pretty, of gorgeous, or any other comment,
I will always cry when I hear the name
You try to call me adoringly...

It is dead.
I bury it here
In the words.
I write its tombstone.
Jay Apr 26
Pain wracks my fragile bones.
Everything hurts me,
So please, please don't
Come close or touch me.

I can't look at my body
Because it isn't what I want.
I know it's selfish, you see,
But it's a paper without a font.

My skin is a tapestry of
Beauty and pretty and all
In the perfect girl you'd love,
But guys: absolutely appalled.

Nothing matched on me-
I'm the missing left sock,
My bones' rattle is all I'll be
Until I take the final walk.
Just another day of being awake at 0300 and being unable to go back to sleep... Dysphoria knocks to the ground my mortal frame, shaking and quaking with power (or lack thereof).
Quill Apr 18
I sit inside a body in blood that isnt my own. There are voices calling out a name, a name attached to this vessel. It's not mine.
I am conscious of my state, this sentience pains me.
I know what's out there. I know my potential, what I could be. This barrier of skin and blood prevents me. It hurts.
I'll sit in this shell of a body to be perceived by those who happen to pass by. Wading in blood that isnt my own, with skin like marble begging to be carved into, and I won't mind.
This body isnt my body, my body is inside.
I wrote this inspired by a nightmare I had once, where I was trapped in the shell of a plastic gargoyle, sitting in blood that I knew wasn't mine. Looking back on it, my brain was probably trying to make sense of my feelings, but the nightmare has stuck with me.
How am I supposed to react
When inside my own body
I feel so trapped

I'm expected to be what I present
But that doesn't reflect me
And this person you see, I've began to resent

Her pronouns don't feel like mine
And they haven't for a while
But changing them has helped over time

Sometimes it feels okay
Others I can't take it
Because how I feel changes day to day

The girl you see who wears the skirts
Who wears makeup to be confident
Isn't a girl at all, and feels like dirt

When you call me beautiful
I don't know how to feel
It feels so unusual

My body doesn't feel like mine
It belongs to a woman
If it didn't maybe I'd feel fine

My clothes don't reflect me
Neither does my makeup
This isn't who I want to be

I'm scared I'll never look neutral
Maybe you'll always see a girl
It just feels so brutal

The person you raised
Isn't who I grew into
I'm a new person today

I've never came out
But it's because I'm still so unsure
And if I told you you'd feel doubt

You raised a girl
Not someone doesn't feel right
A child who'd grow to wear dresses and pearls

I was always your princess
Never your prince or neither
But I've never felt secure in a dress

I'll never feel feminine
Not how you perceive it
But how I feel it is relevant

The tiara never fit my head quite right
And the long hair felt wrong
I wish I could change overnight

One day you'll know
I'll explain it all to you
But until then, I'll continue to grow
Ren Sturgis Mar 28
****.
This *****.
Voice dysphoria is a *****, they weren't lying when they said that second puberty really hits.
Every time I try to sing it cracks and ****.
Wake up every morning sounding sick.
I just want a deep voice like corpse.
But instead I just sound like a pony, a little hoarse.
****.
This *****.
Nov, 2020
Josie Stewart Mar 19
Shimmering, calm at the surface.
A gentle ripple emanating outward.
The taste clear and quenching.

Clouded, disturbed within.
A single drop of lye enters.
The bitter sharp and revolting.

The delicious overrun by an acrid moment.
Hannah Noel Mar 1
I've become so convincing in the role of myself,
I'm starting to believe it's actually me.
Leah Carr Feb 19
I often find myself wondering
asking
what defines me?

Is it the ugly face that stares back at me
when I look in the cracked and ***** mirror?

Is it my body, so weak and useless
that I can't take a single step?

Is it the people that surround me
their toxicity and bitterness?

Is it the memories that haunt me relentlessly
every day and every night?

Is it the marks on my arms
the souvenirs of my past agony?

Is it the hours I spend doing nothing at all
not even attempting to benefit humanity?

No.

It is how I've dealt with all these things.
It's how I've not allowed them to define me.
Ghost Feb 10
I look in my reflection
And in the mist I see
A completely unknown person
To which the world calls “she.”

Her long hair a dark brown,
Eye color? Hard to tell
Her chest fully unbound
Says she’s doing well

I grasp onto my face
Staring into hers
The world has picked up pace
And all my vision blurs

But her face is not mine
To the mist I’m not confined
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