last time i was hurting over you it felt worse
and the new cycle of sad songs that remind me of you
are happier somehow
someone told me something that made me realize
i've (on average) loved you harder than you've loved me
it was one of those painful reminders
that i've put a human on a pedestal and called them god
i came to realize
that people won't love each other simply, as we wish
you were neither the religious nor romantic solution to death
people won't love each other simply, as we wish
they can depersonalize a body
and spitefully ******* to your best friend
when they're ******* done with your apprehensiveness
and your sick brain that didn't let you love
your parents sick brains
that they each gave you half of
i am always carrying your name under my tongue, in that small place under my tongue and i don’t think i’m ready yet to loosen my lips and let you slip out and leave me forever because thats a scary thought, thats a **** scary thought. I’d be more comfortable cutting off my own arm or going blind or being spat into the middle of the ocean because that’s just physical, that means nothing, i have another arm, and i have my memories, and i could probably swim enough to reach some kind of island or strip of land or even just let nature take control and pull me into the arms of the big blue babe and she’d kiss me and show me her shiny shells and dead bones of fish collected in piles on the floor and i’d live down there forever and i would crawl out of my weight and leave it in a collected pile on the floor and i’d float through the air and i’d breathe deeply full of water and i’d be water and she’d be water and we’d be water and it wouldn't matter if i love you or if i’m just afraid because i’d be water and you’d be bones and blood and brains and i’d just be water, and you can’t confuse water with anything else but water but bones and blood and brains are messy and thick and runny and easily confused with things like spaghetti and red paint and death and i want to be water. clear and unmistakable.
but i’m not water, i am also bones, and i am blood, and i am brains, and i’m not one bit clear.
are The Same size as mine
can Hold so much more
than My feeble instruments;
my arms however
can lift your Heavy Body
higher than the twisting tendrils of Strong vine
stretching themselves up and out into the sky
on a ten foot trellis
your hands Tight they grab my arms then
Together They Melt into a wild new assist
hands hold fingers touch brains know hearts must
It slipped into my fantasies
a forbidden kiss upon a brow,
tenderness that longed for passion
without the threat of tears.
I fancied myself a courtesan
and dared my dreams to yawn beyond.
Centered on an intriguing glint
no brooding skies would dare chance
a pearl of rain.
My cheekbones hollowed
flush with expectancy.
A heart gaunt for liquidity
I darted like a dawning gale
and flared my skirts petulantly.
Never so intriguing was a pout
that didn't tease for something more.
If I were a bird I'm sure
I'd have feathers for brains.
Another self cynicism bit..
eyes glazed, passing...
streaks of green...
an ever changing blues...
a sudden crackling in synapses
erupting through the real!
a pale iris gaining
a meaningless menagerie
collapsing into an expanse!
within this little slab of goo!?
Shadows or shadows of shadows?
And the night the night
Gets a tinkling of inkling
And big brains and cupped hands
To catch whichever stars decide
You can pretend
That the black gloss
On my lashes
Will glue my eyes shut-
Make me blind to truth;
To ‘true knowledge.’
That my red-painted lips
Only spout nonsense.
It will only make it sweeter
When my wing-lined eyes
Give you whiplash
as I walk past you
To get my degree;
Maybe if you’re ‘nice’
I’ll buy you an ice pack.
© KMH 2018