Gasp!
A choke upon my own garbled breath
Am I a real man now?
Or am I just dead?
A look around
A brief pat down
I survived it
I lived it
I did it
I was it
I still am

Wheeze!
A choke upon my own weakened stance
Am I losing now?
Or just dreaming in bed?
A nasty dream
Pulled apart at the seams
I crave it
I’m late for it
I parade it
I did it
I was it
I still am

Cough!
A choke upon my own stifled laugh
Am I peaceful now?
Or still in the blood bath?
I wipe my brow
I’m better for now
I escaped it
I believed it
I couldn’t **** for it
I ran from it
I did it
I was it
I still am

And if you’re not careful
Soon you will be too

Well, I think you could my red wine.
My sweet decadence.
Or maybe you could be my sunshine,
My moonlight.
You could be my celestial dream.
In my heard is such precedence,
Such a hope sublime.
I hope that you could be my red wine.
In time,
My sweet decadence.

We tried it sweet and low.
We tried to step in time.
No one needs to know,
We own the sky.
We run too fast,
For everyone else.
We’ve got nothing else to lose.
We’ve got our strutting shoes,
Strutting down the lot.
And for all else, prepare the noose.
We’ll let them hang down low.
They’ll sink to the ocean floor.
We will be ourselves,
And nothing more.

Now harmony’s locked down,
Everyone’s looking out.
Don’t be too late for the show,
The best in Tinsel Town.
Deep water never drowns.
Our drive for all to know,
Our conquest of this contest.
Stand up tall and dress your best.
Pick your frame.
Write your name.
Glossy black and white pictures.
Love’s the greatest mixture.

This time’s for free,
So sing sweet jubilee.
Soft and sweet by design.
Sweet and low,
And it’s not for show.
You and me,
We can fly.
Dancing in one accord,
Just my type.

I said I’d return
Some time ago
Anticipating it was true
But broken matter surrounded me

Now it’s tantalizing heartbreak
Followed by whispers in the night
It’s like I lied
And I stole from you

Now I’m lost
I’m sorry I’m such a lost cause
I’m sorry I made you tremble

But the tantalizing heartbreak told me

That I forgot you tonight
Please stay so near
I’m crying and weeping inside
Don’t placate my fears
Nothing matters
Can’t you see
I don’t care

Tantalizing heartbreak
Teaching me whispers and lies
I did lie
And I stole from you

I’m so lost
I’m sorry I’m such a lost cause
I’m sorry I made you tremble

But the tantalizing heartbreak told me

I forgot you tonight
You’re not safe here
You’re crying and weeping inside
I placated your fears
Everything matters to me
Can’t you see
I still care

The tantalizing heartbreak
Lied

Tonight
I want to learn
How to cry
Let me see
How it feels
To burn my wings
I crave to hear those voices
In the dark
Let me see how it feels
To be insane
Letting it out will be a sin
So I will keep it in
Teach me now
Then disappoint me again

Wake up to find it’s gone
It’s gone for good
The old way is gone
It’s a new neighborhood

Nothing’s quite the same
Same old rules
New twisted game
No feelings save for hate
No love to contemplate

I’m blind without what I need
Without it I’m all alone
I don’t feel safe
Can I learn to call you home?

A child,
Yet still a man,
Last at deep sea.
His hands
Such rust.
His feet
So clean.
He did not know
When he screamed,
I heard.
Through his tears,
I sneer
For I am awake.
Dangerously near
Yet far, far away.
Dangerously near,
Centimeters away.
But you can’t see me.
I’m tricky that way.
I love you.
I love you.
And my love will,
It will,
Yes, it will.
It.
Will.
****.
The white-hot death
Frozen in a scream.
Never shall you leave
My embrace,
For I long to forever caress
Your face.
You’ll never know my true name
Though I am the source
Of your deepest shames.
The Red Man is gone,
Dead by your blade.
Perhaps it’s time for Blue
To stake his claim.
You won’t see me coming,
When you do it will be too late.
I’ll be having my fun.
When you see my wicked face,
Run.

She will find you
She hunts for you
She will make Him pay
His atrocities
And ferocities
Will fall to her gall
And for the first time
He will know pain
She promises
He will know pain
She swears
Nothing in the world
Can hurt what soul is hers
And yours is hers
She loves you
She will find you
She will hunt for you
And if need be
She will **** you before he can

In the dark of the night
I go to bed
And feel purgatory drawing me in
Say no more

      In the dark of the night
      I don’t trust myself
      Alone with my hand
      When I should stand up to Him
      Say no more

            In the dark of the night
            The storm drain overflows
            I should really get going
            So I don’t drown
            Say no more

                  In the dark of the night
                  I call all angels
                  Take me closer to Heaven
                  And farther from Him
                  Say no more

            In the dark of the night
                  In the alleyway running
                        Please forgive me
                              For not being brazen
                                    Please forgive me
                                       For not being brazen
                                             I will say no more

Roses, bullets, and a Bible
Guided my life
A shine for my light
My happiness was never trifle
My smile was bright
My heart was kind

   Roses, bullets, and a Bible
   Blind my light
   Pervert my sight
   Not prepared for Blue
   Not by a mile
   But lost, through and through
   Youth's too cruel
      
      Roses, bullets, and a Bible
      Broken shards
      Build my scars
      Happiness is only trifle
      But maybe I'm still good
      I hope I can still be good

Or maybe the current can take me away.
For upon this stiff plane,
I don’t know where I’ll stay.
The path is familiar,
Yet still it is long.
A recluse come true.
A lonely man’s song.
The trees aren’t foreboding,
They welcome me home.
This is the real peace that I’ve longed to know.

Help

I'm falling

In falling water

The lie is cold

And drives my soul

Sick irony takes a stroll

Down the black

I'm alone

In this winsome hole

That leads to the fall

To depths of icy gall

Monsters are at the bottom

They'll eat me

They'll maul

Help

I'm writhing

In the ice of the sun

But to me

It's a glacier

The falling water ends here

Oh no

I'll freeze

This is where I die

No


Longer



Me




Goodbye
I love you

Gather near
Young and old
A story of Winter to be told
The Blue-Haired Monster smiled at me
Then stole my soul with wicked glee
He knows my name

Gather near
Boys and girls
The Blue-Haired Monster’s tangled curls
Warned me of the danger
Yet stuck in the remainder
It knows my name

How dare you
I was majestic once
Pure
Complete
Strong
Angelic
But ow
Now in the nettles of Nevermore
I am lost
I had direction
Pious protection
And spoke in such glorious dialect
But now
I am ensnared
Because I never cared
Yet you took me
Let me in
please
I'm lost
Won't you let me in?
The wolves are coming
I won't last long
I swear I'll forgive
If you just let me in
please
Please
PLEASE
Let
Me
In
How dare you
I will die
You won't cry
You don't care
But I dare
To stare down
The King of White Death
Cry if you want
But unless my tears are pure
I will cry no more
The monsters are here
I'll pass on this night
The monsters have me now
You've killed me
Goodnight

Excuse me, Good sir
Excuse me, Kind Lady
But a piece of me is gone
Have you seen it lately?
I can't describe shape
Nor for
Nor feel
Without it I'm lost
No steering
No wheel
Perhaps you have it some
Though not quite like mine
Everyone has it
To avoid dark decline
The darkness is friendly
Now that I've lost it
I don't like it
Yet I do
Bittersweet like dark chocolate
But wait
There it goes
How it's flown so far
To catch up to it
I must collapse like a star
I guess then they'll see
I guess then they'll know
What happens when you lose
The untouched part of your soul

In denial of the homicidal
In my mind

Who did I ****?
Eternally enveloped in ectoplasmic ethereal Blood
That’s not really there
It returns to the air
There’s no body here
Oh no
I’m empty I
I
I
Wait
He didn’t die

What did I ****?
I can’t possibly be aroused by empty notions
That’s not really true
It remains in the air
And the pieces are here
Oh no
I’m full I
I
I
Wait
Those aren’t mine

I sit and shine
With a smile inside
Fat with the deeds that abide
So say it
Shout it
Scream

I killed myself

Double homicide
I can’t deny
It’s not what you think
The old me long dead
The new me is too
The only me is now
Morning
Night
And noon

There it is
Can’t you see it?
It’s shadow sits
The moon to see
A house so grand
None can reveal
The glorious splendor
Not one can steal
It’s pristine white
I lived here once
Then I took flight
Cowardice love
But who’s to say
That through my forsaking
I can’t love it more
Yet still I am aching
Don’t know if they’ll greet me
I’m scared of the door
Is love still behind it?
Will it find me once more?
It was here where I lost it
I fell down to red
Sweet like white chocolate
Yet lifeless and dead
Can this house revive me?
Do I still have a soul?
Just ring on the doorbell
One ring then you’ll know

Wait
These aren’t my hands
These can’t be my hands
What are they doing?
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t do it
He didn’t do it
Who listens?
It glistens
The pearl of sin
Nobody wins

Wait
Those aren’t my eyes
They can’t be my eyes
The horrors they’ve seen
Never gazed on by me
Surely not
Look away
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t see it
He didn’t see it
Who scoffs?
It stops
Time itself
Puts lies on the shelf

Crash!
Who’s there?
With torn hands
And vile eyes
A terrible stare

     Drink
What?
     Drink.
No
     Drink.
Please
     Drink.
It’s poison
     Drink.
I’ll die
     Drink.
Why do you want me to die?
     Drink!
I want to live
     Drink!
     DRINK!

     Drink from the broken cup
     Filled with lies I spew while you sup
     Now you know the cruel tale I spin
My love, I hurt
     Such a cruel
     Cruel
     Whim

There is a monster
Inside of my head.
It’s not in the closet,
Or under the bed.
Us two locked in combat,
Soon one will be dead.
War is peace
For this monster and me.
The arrow,
The notch,
The sword in the sheath,
It stops.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Blood.
Is it blood?
Have I spilled the beast’s blood?
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Perhaps it’s water,
Please give me water.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Tears.
They are mine.
Streaking white across my face.
Fate is truly divine.
Fate is truly divine.
No monsters in the dark to fear,
For my monster is always a mirror near.
Drip,
Drip,
Slay.

Tonight
It comes down
The rain
The steel crisp blue rain
Puddles block my journey
The ground now laced in murky mud
One slip
And then that's it

Tonight
Pain comes down
DIsdain
Self induced rage pain
Lays me on life's gurney
To the hospital of broken souls
Mine's shattered
And that's it

Tonight
He comes down
The Blue Haired Monster
To revive pain for longer
I don't think I can keep swimming
Away
That's it

Tonight
Somebody loves me
The rain
The disdain
The Blue Monster's pain
They're all gone
No they're not
They'll always be there
But someday, they'll be smaller
And that's all she wrote

Burning glory,
Of such I’ve never seen.
Warmth,
Of which I’ve only dreamed.
Such light,
To shine upon the sins.
Thick smoke,
To choke the loss to win.
Who wins?
They win.
White ash,
To remind of your decay.

Crows fly,
Their carrion play.
They clap,
A murderous parade.
They bleed,
Yet they don’t so who’s to say?
I say,
You say.
Who wins?
They win.
A pause.

The next day is still.
Marrow,
***** upon the hill.
Who knows,
What happened on that day?
The monument,
To remind the price to pay.
We’ll pay.
They’ll pay.
I say,
You say.
Who wins?
They win.
They always win.

Perfectly imperfect
I’m that kind of man
Happily unhappy
That’s how I stand
Chaotically peaceful
That’s my jam
Jovial anger
Is that what I am?
Obedient resistance
It’s time for a renaissance

How dare you
Pillager
Plunderer
Robber
Vandal
Thief
Lover
Mine
How dare you reduce me to rage
White hot and safe
Safe for my plate
From which I consume mounds of animosity
For the atrocity
For on that afternoon
I died
And I'm still not alive
Because of you
Because you were mine
You were my lover
My thief
My vandal
You robbed my heart
But then plundered my dignity
And pillaged my sou
How
Dare
You

Drop the lock
Gate's open
Go
NOW!
run, Run, RUN
Into the white
Into her sight
She's beautiful
Flash
Emerge, O child of mine
Spread your newly christened wings of glory
Flitter and flutter
To hither and yon
She'll adore your colors
She'll sing your song
Flash
Submerge, O tender heart
The deep is cold
But you'll catch your start
Free from those who try to gain
Free from all the surface pain
She waits at the bottom for you to stay
It's silent down here
But that's ok
Flash
She's right in front of you
She's fighting for you
She's waiting
She is singing
She shows you her colors
Her glorious vibrant colors
She is
She is
Go to her
Find her
Save her

Save
Die
Repeat
The null and void reclusive love who we seek
I was a man once
Deceptively strong and meek
The world won't be inverted by me

Shame
Cry
Repeat
The painful resurgence of romance so bleak
I was a boy once
Innocently sweet
But internally soured

Love
Lie
Repeat
The patron of matrimonial glee
I am dead now
I'm married to death
A lonesome loving grave
What a shame

So long, my heart, so long
If lies could heal
Spoken English would ****
Telling the truth
Never lasts for too long
Maybe someday you’ll try
And learn how to cry
Like you really mean it
Feel how I need it
It only lasts for so long

So long, my love, so long
If hands could heal
Calluses would ****
Emoting for you never lasts for too long
A hug
A kiss
Feelings I miss
Is it asking too much
Just to feel a real touch?
It only lasts for so long

So long, my trust, so long
Though you’re almost gone
Your shadow won’t linger
Next to me anymore
It’s been faded for so long
Return beyond
Throw in the towel
Never come back
For this day, I’ve been prepared
For so long
You’ve been gone so long

The Blue grave is inviting
But I don't want you near
You think there's room for one more
But I hear your fear
The Blue is no place for lies

You've been on holiday for some time now
You've been gone so long
State your claim
With classic poker face
Push my love aside
You'll never see me cry

My cries are locked deep inside
I don't know what to do
I don't...

I hurts to know
So soon after saying "so long"
Though you're back
I should be saying "goodbye"

Don't blame me
Don't hate me
Regret me
I'm lost in the Blue now

Mayday
Mayday
The storm is coming
Arriving today
Evasive action
Run with traction
Pack your essentials
And escape
Before it stops
A pitiful refrain
For those who remain
But here comes the rain
Drowning the gain
The slow can't hide
But I have my shelter
Slam on my brakes
And tonight I will pray
For brighter weather

And on that night he learned
Never look towards the storm
Unless you're ready to give your fiercest battle cry
And charge right inside
And **** it through its eye

Give me a sword,
And I’ll slay the world.
The dragon I’ve known,
My friend so old.
A star watches the fight.
It sees,
It shines,
It cries.
Then the warm whispering wind...
She sweetly flows in.
Her warrior fierce,
Her warrior pierced.
With the arrows of the world in
His soul...
In my soul...
In our soul...
Though the world fights back,
And the world fights hard,
I have my sword
And the wind and stars.

They’re just walking by
Idle sticks and logs and twigs
Wayward trees passing to and fro
In their forests of isolation
The birds don’t sing there
If they do
Then each tree hears its own tune
My tree is cut
Just a stump
Just my luck
I have no birds to sing anyway
Accept for this one wayward jay
It’s less of a song
More of an ironic cackle
Laughing at my stump
Chained to this rusted shackle
There used to be a song
Sweet like sugar
Bitter like sole cinnamon
But harmonious
Lovely
Divine
Mine
Now I’m just walking by
An idle stick
A log
A twig
A wayward tree stump
Just my lonely luck

I am somebody’s son.
Isn’t that just
Unfortunate.
That I can bear the weight of,
The sins of,
The cries of,
A father,
A mother,
A sister,
A brother.
Someday, I’ll be something else.
Forgotten, perhaps.
Or remembered as a martyr.
How ironic;
Through my freedom,
My crisp clean kingdom,
I am trapped.

How can I not hate you all
You all live normal
Happy lives
I'm a victim
Of a monster's lies
A monster with blue hair
Led me to his lair
And in return
Desecrated my tavern
I thought I was free
But that monster he...
He...
He
Stole
Me
And took my liberty
I was free
Darkened yet happy
Now I am taint
Brittle dry paint
And you have the gall to be happy
But it's not your fault
You don't know a monster stole me
And you never will
I don't hate you

I envy you all

If the beat of the drum
Is the rolling thunder,
And the lull of the flute
Is cheap defense,
How does the music keep me
Asleep inside?
Perhaps the conductor
Is a wicked protector.
And the orchestra summons
The wayward ******.
So look me in the eye
And sing the songs.
My own civil war was right all along.
Because only on the inside,
War is song.

Whoosh...
Whoosh...
That dastardly devilish deviant wind!
It blows on my face
Without my permission!
How can I humble my mediocre mission,
When I have no space?
**** this horrid wind!
And then int he tunnel I choke!
I'd cry but it's dry.
There's no way that I can cope.
All I can do now is mope!
Or maybe I could just rescind,
And live in the name of the wind.

She deserves to be spun around at a ball.
She deserves to be treated like the queen.
She deserves to be gazed upon as regal.
She doesn't deserve ridicule and tease.

She tries to see the good in others' minds.
She tries to be the good girl next door.
She tries to be happy, not for show.
She deserves to be a princess, brave and sweet.
She deserves to be the heroine who saves.
She deserves to be the one you smile at and greet.
She doesn't deserve lonesome misery.

She tries to smile through the pain that haunts her eyes.
She tries to hide the clouds that block her sky.
She tries to act mature and sassy all day.
But at home she knows life won't go her way.
Someday, not today, I see her getting married.
Someday, not today, she'll start a life to lead.
Someday, not today, she'll see life isn't always high school.
Someday, I hope today, she'll be the woman that she needs.
The woman with the brave heart I see.

But on this night, she will go home crying.
But on this night, her dreams went down in flames.
Her lover lied, now her feelings need a restart.
Another sad victim from a colony of lustful hearts.

So...

If you love her, stay.
Don't abandon her in shame.
She's no toy to play.
Hold her heart steady.
Treat her like royalty.
Don't **** with her feelings.
She's no toy to play.
Hold her heart steady.

Not because she needs a white knight.
She doesn't.
All she needs is what every other human being needs:
Support.

They think I'm rich
They think I'm wealthy
They think I'm a saint
That I'm healthy
They think that they know
What it means to be me
Oh no
No they don't understand me
Not at all

They think I'm lost
They think I'm drifting
They think I've no cause
That I'm sinking
They think that they can see
What it means to be me
But they can't even see me
Oh no
No they don't understand me
Not at all

If you believe in love
You will stay
No abandonment
No shame
Hold your heart steady
People aren't toys to play
Royalty to be seen
Treated like kings and queens
Putting troubled minds at ease

Ding ****!
I’m home!
Let me in!
Out here, it’s cold as sin.
I’ve missed all of you.
Hello?
I see you...
You can’t hide through!
Ding ****!
Ding ****!
It’s cold out here...
Clouds come from my mouth.
I’m sorry I’ve been away.
I’ve been gone
So long...
But I’m back now!
Ding ****!
Ding ****!
Ding ****!
This isn’t funny anymore!
This game has quickly turned to bore!
This is my home for
goodness sake!
I see you all in there!
Why can’t you...
Can’t you...
You can’t.
You can’t see me.
You can’t hear me.
You forgot me.
I’ve been gone
So long...
But I’m back now!
I’ll help you remember me!
We’ll be reunited family!
Ding ****!
Ding ****!
Ding ****!
Ding ****!
Wait…
Oh no…
It’s him!
He’s found me again!
Behind the rock!
Behind the tree!
The Red Man still follows me!
He’s staring at me!
You can’t let him take me!
I lament for all the wrongs
I’ve wrought.
I repent for the false treasures
I’ve sought.
I’ve been gone
So long...
But I’m back now!
Let me in!
Save me from HIM!
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****!
This house is so pristine.
So perfect clean white.
And I the lone smudge as the first
Sign of blight.
But if you’d open the door...
Just open the door.
Save me before he comes!
I can be clean!
I’ve been gone
Too long...
Oh no he’s coming!
And I can’t keep running,
Running from red.
Don’t leave me to waste.
Please open,
Make haste!
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****
DING ****!
DING –
…
..
.
gone

Blank
Dark
Path
Silence
Where am I?
What is this box?
It’s black
Black as pitch
Yet with a mounting sense of dread
I can tell its true color is red
Red like Him
Help me
Somebody help me
Please

Yesterday you took the morsel not for you
Only now do you see your mistake
Underneath lies years to recall your fears

Blank
Dark
Path
Can I be forgiven?
When by sin I am smitten?
The Red Man
On his Red Throne
Laughs and scoffs
Taking no pity for me in this box

Listen close, my son, and know
Indeed there is one true way home
Take the sins left in your wake
Take the faults you try to forsake
Lift them high above your head
Enable your soul to no longer be dead

Blank
Dark
What’s that sound?
The box is closing in
The Red Man’s wicked grin
Frightens me to know
This box is mine and mine alone

Flee this place and never look back
Only a deep few have realized their lack
On this my voice you’ll be free of this place
Learn your lesson or stay in Red Space

Blank
The Red Man’s vile smile
His face inches above mine
In this box
I can’t move
I can’t cry
But I do

Silence
The silence is broken
By my woeful wails
Forgive me, my family
I deserve this Red Jail

Path
I can see it
The path’s been made clear
The Red Man has lost
I’ve beat him this year

Dark
The box shines
The Red throne turns to glass
The darkness is gone
The Red Man is last

Blank
Blank
Blink…

… I’m free
The box is no more
The Red Man unseen
On this luminous path
I travel along
There’s room for me now
So I travel in song

I’ve been gone a long time
Wasting the sunlight
As it glowed on me
I’ve been losing track
Of the path
That the moon herself delivered to me
I’ve been slack in seeing the way
Not everything can turn around
I forgot to love
At the speed of sound

Now I love the way you’re there for me
The way you’ll always remember me
The way you touch my dreams every night
You lead me out
And I win the fight
Now I know it’s not just you
It is you
To you
My home
I return to you

I will return
Please don’t wait around
Just listen for that sweet sound
Just play me that sweet come home music
That makes my heart and soul
Step in time
There’s nothing keeping me from coming
Home now
Just to see your face is all I need
To survive

You’re all I need
You’re all I need
You’re all I need to survive

On this pathway you’re the light
That shines in every daily plight
Remember that I’m only a traveler
When you call I crave to hear you
I can see you
Though the lights dim
I won’t forget where I’ve been
Or how I’ve been
All I need is this sweet return home music
Found inside of you

I just want to live that love song
Play it loud as I press through this throng
I’ve heard it all my life all along
It lights my way
Shows me right and wrong
And I see you
All of you
Inside
Waiting to welcome me home

Sweet, sweet come home music
Makes my soul
Feel strong and whole
Singing and dancing
Long past the woe
In this house
There is room for one more
I love you all

I'm not a man who understands,
In fact, I fail all the time.
But there's peace in the pond.
I stare,
I shouldn't dare.
I hate to offend.
I'm a mortal man.
Yet still I gaze upon her unbroken soul.
She greets me with calming breath so soft.
Eternal bliss in her blue loft.
It's calm.
She welcomes me home.
There's peace in the pond.
I don't want to leave her;
Too many wonders unseen.
Her invisible hands caressing lush green.
Her mighty soft breath tingling me.
So here's to peace in the pond:
Fly, my angel,
To wonders unseen.
Fly, my angel,
May your Heaven stay free.