Anthony Mayfield: Poems

Anthony Mayfield Aug 2018

…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
You don’t have to leave
…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
…Wait
That’s not ok with me
I can’t live if you leave
…Wait
…Wait
Wait for me

That dreadful moment of desperation when your significant other holds all of the emotional power over you.

#wait #for #me #unhealthy #unstable #relationships

War of the Blue

Anthony Mayfield Jul 2018

War of the Blue

The Monster With Blue Hair
Jeers as I cower in the corner
But she’s coming
He’s won
I’m done
The Other will be happy
They’ll be fine and dandy
But she’s coming
And she has her Blue Shield
And a Sword forged for intense war
War on a Blue Field
The Monster With Blue Hair
Will die
Someday
Like His wicked brother of Red
She’s here now
He’s fled
She saved me
Now it’s time for bed

#war #of #the #blue #monster #hair #red #sword #shield #bed

War of the Reflection

Anthony Mayfield Jul 2018

War of the Reflection

It started out as an innocent fall.
A folly to solve something inside.
It burned me.
It hurt me.
Now I die when I’m awake.
Feels like my livelihood’s at stake.
How can I be a man
When the mirror brings me down, jeering…

Don’t fight it,
Learn to love it.
I saved you,
I built you.
I raised you

You try to save the day for yourself.
You try to hide the pain for your health.

Now to the mirror with the reprobate frame of mind,
I hold the hammer that shatters you and your kind.
I won’t hide,
But I will cry
If that’s what takes me home.
You won’t win,
I’m up again.
Broken shards to atone.

When the mirror shows you your darkest self...

#war #reflection #mirror #depression #dichotomy #shame #guilt

When It Rains

Anthony Mayfield Jun 2018

When It Rains

When it rains,
It pours.
Cascading down,
I guess I’ll go home,
And stay there,
To hide.
Forget about my prior notion.

I guess I'll go home, and stay there to hide

#rain #cascade #down #problems #hiding

Where Monsters Are

Anthony Mayfield Feb 2019

Where Monsters Are

Run, run, run, run
He stalks in the night
Where children have fun
Run, run, run, run
Be urgent
Take flight
For a monster comes tonight

Run, small children, and hide
For monsters have come
To cast you aside
A mere fairy tale?
Just some old folklore?
No!
No!
Much worse
Much more.

Upon your hopes
I bring my scar
You're where monsters are

Pin the doors
Sharpen your steel
A beast approaches
A new hunter poaches
To feed on children's cries
Place your fears in the front
Lock your hopes in a jar
You're where monsters are

If you can, save yourself

#monsters #fear #trauma #ptsd #depression #regret #shame #defeat #guilt #children

Where You Want To Go

Anthony Mayfield Jun 2018

Where You Want To Go

And there is nothing,
Nothing at all,
Separating us from internal storms.
There is nothing,
Nothing to say,
It's all been said.
Now there's nowhere,
Nowhere to fall,
Nowhere left to sail.
Down that beaten path,
A lane to fail.

Where you want to go
Is a place I cannot see.
Where you want to go
Is a place I don't believe in.
Where you want to go
May as well be a nasty dream.
Where you want to go
Won't include me.
It's a place I cannot stand.
There, you can't hold any hands.

I regret all of it.
Do you?

Because I'm still right here,
Scarred from your sorrow.
Where you want to go
Will leave you hollow.
So no.
Please no.
Don't you dare dig this hole.

You'll be buried.

Little and broken

#broken #family #dad #please #dont #go

White Wolf

Anthony Mayfield Jan 2019

White Wolf

Go.
Pounce now.
Trap your prey
In jowls of fanged, dangerous mercy.
It's brutal.
Yet a kindness.
Your coat of reflection,
And piercing blue eyes of trepidation,
And legs of boundless lightning
With a voice of deep white thunder.
The envy of it all.
You stalk and watch,
and sing
Such a song.
Haunting.
Pure.
A calling.
Calling to home.
Lost in the snow
To the naked eye,
But not lost at all.
The cold greets you.
Like you, sweet and cruel.
Take form.
Take chase.
Claim the Winter Kingdom to rule.

Wolves are royalty in their own right

#white #wolf #winter #kingdom #home #royalty #nature

Winter Wings

Anthony Mayfield Feb 2019

Winter Wings

I was born yesterday
Blinking eyes in the Cape Divine
Divinity was my riot
Divine was I
Glorious
With wings whiter than snow
A span for miles
Higher than Heaven
But...
I fell
I fell for a love without voice
And a reach without arms
It spins me around
And slaps me on the ground
My winter wings are gone now
I died today
And tomorrow
It will happen all over again
Who knows
The full extent
Of the fool I have become

I died today. And tomorrow it will happen all over again.

#white #winter #wings #love #loss #regret #guilt #shame #hurt #depression

Words

Anthony Mayfield Jun 2018

Words

I have nothing to say.
No words to write;
My brain is blank.
No rhythm to recite.
Why?
Why can’t I talk right now?
I’ve got so much to say.
And yet, I can’t say enough.
The old words have no meaning.
The new words have no value.
Besides...
Words can’t say much;
Actions talk so much more.
And words today have no final say,
Actions stage the show.
But I know you’re too close.
You’re too close.
What can I say to make my heart stay?
I really don’t want to know.

Words can't say much...

#words #actions #talk #speak #writersblock #stay #acknowledgement

You Need To Love Me

Anthony Mayfield Jun 2018

You Need To Love Me

Why do you hate me
Only to hurt me
You’re incapable of painful feelings
You need to love me
You need to need me
Convince yourself that I’m the love you seek
You shouldn’t see me
You shouldn’t know me
Like the earth you quake as you’re shifting
You need to want me
You need to need me

Because

Your broken soul
Has become infested
Don’t force your way close to me
Just because you’re
Socially rejected

No?
Yeah.

You’ll never hear me
You’ll never steer me
You parasite
Without me, you’re nothing
But you’ll never forget me
And you’ll always regret me
For I’ve become a better you

My private war that I wage against myself continues...

#love #hate #hurt #pain #need #feelings #want #dichotomy #depression #betterment

— The End —