You're still so far away I don't know where to start,
How hard it rained the day I left
And the pain driving into my heart,
I remember her sitting there, staring at me,
A lump in my throat, it was near Halloween,
Her short hair, her brown eyes so keen, so sharp,
Like she could cut right through me,
Like that day you broke my heart,
And only I know who you really are,
And this empty dryness still wont leave,
I don't expect your loving me although love is free,
Don't forget though that my love has always been near,
I've always been watching and waiting year after year
It's just a little bit farther, reach for the sparkling stars,
It can all be over soon, but I'm still not sure where to start,
The suffering in your life and your pain can all end soon,
I'll be in your arms just call me, find me, I'll be waiting for you.

I sat there in thoughtful repose, a fixed stare into
The crystal ball, wishing for a response or a voice,
Truly I've never received anything more than
Silence, as though there even was a magical point.

A ghostly will I have in mind, is that in the end
I can be buried right next to a willow, so that maybe
If the mid-morning rain falls upon my grave,
It will offer only a melody song of wind chimes,
Just a note of tranquil soft rain, a bell ringing
Off in the distance, tolling like the golden days.

Perhaps there will be an answer somehow, perhaps
There will never come an answer, but what's the point?
This train I am on goes where the commoners please,
Is this life just an endless toil, a festering disease?

*Somehow I'll find it, the fantasy dreamt fairytale answer.
No magic. Period. A lifetime of stress, work, and now cancer.

I am not what you think!
I am a door to unparalleled joy,
I am a wild tree that grows,
I am green even in winter,
For all the world even knows,
Many are my "faults" but none see
What the future brings,
Obedient to the path you follow
That you're told to isn't the right thing.

I am a golden feather, a magic coin,
I float upon the streams to be found,
I can answer you with only this logic;
You are tomorrow, you are the future,
You are going to find your way,
Even if you did so with engel "magic,"
Yours is what you seek. But please remember:

Most importantly,
I am an open door through which you can enter,
Cast off all of your fears, your death and disdain,
Start over, be yourself, leave, come back, go free,
Forget your bitterness and despair,

*...or hold on to all of your anger, your pain...

A painting of the future, a grandiose world of adventure
Awaits us all beyond the call of the mid-morning
Blackbird, filling with the sunlight of ages past,
A dawn of a new era approaches. Her voice heard.

The air, a scent, camp fires of the joyous years of our youth,
Of when we all used to run and laugh, puffy clouds, skies blue,
The sight of such clarity, yet to be mistaken for another
Dream, it will light the path that we used to follow, in truth.

Sky-full of color, drowned out this filth! This city curb with
Alcohol and drugs and needles pouring down into the
Hideous dredges below through a crack, it's disturbing,
Like a tumour, a world of wicked witches, fear, and lack.

Let the scientists try to explain it away, the myriad of colorful
Hues balancing and bouncing off each other in the skies...

Sterling silver the moon, her crescent to become
Full-like a white-gold orb, the backdrop sparkles star dust,
In the light there is a vibrant halo, delicate and full,
Explain it away! The earth is waking up, eventually...**

She will again be whole.

Loneliness...

Before supper I have to go and end it,
He's tall with brown eyes and curly hair,
Halfway through the day you stare at me
A solemn silence in the thick cold air,
He's got olive tan skin, below the lips a scar,
Just at the chin sharp as one who's fallen,
Somewhere below sub-par, not too far,
He's a born fool, I made myself the victim,
At best he must just be a beady eyed guy,
Now he just stares up at the colorful sky,
Things could have been groovy but why,
Why oh why do *I have too much time?
He always wants to have more,
I live for you, he's born to wine,
Time for parting so close the door.

...and I've got to end it, although I've lived alone,
He's the only person I've really ever known,
The only one here in this blank walled room,
If I have to I will make sure it's done soon,
The time has come to bid them adieu,

I've known him all of my life until this afternoon...

Her body calls to me like metal,
Like an air plane, like a pale cold beach,
Mid-morning dew right next to
The peach with blossoms and tea leaf.

The sharpest razor cuts into the neck,
It glides along slowly, shark in the dark,
I blink and try not to think of it's cold
Surface, like rose petals in a greying park.

It's a lost cause, but still I've gotten
Somewhere in ranks, the banners, the tanks,
All along the border the steely birds that prey
Are lined up, for the lost lives we give "thanks."

Building this wall, we've got to support some dream,
It's a popularity thing, it's about being disposable,
A quick fix in a time of uncertainty, of loyal dogs,
We look great spattered in red, this is encourage-able.

It's a fine line between do or die, we've just found
A way to make it seem like we are in the right,
Give the peaceful natives and hippies a "clue" of what is true,
We'll make "reasonable sacrifice," bring death with "Gods light."

The lakes and streams filled with natures goodness,
Skys eerie and filled with only questions,
The lilting laughs of the young playful women,
And the prompting for springtime suggestions.
I was always laughed at then, ridiculed, a joke.
In the mornings I would bring with me as always
Oats and honey for breakfast. Your beautiful doe
Eyes always batted at me. I was youthful, bearded face,
Strong lean body. My friends had all but abandoned me.
Everyone said we were evil, poisoned fruit from a tree.
The bon fire lit agains all of our faces, sparks flying into the sky.
The woven basket filled with dates, nuts and rice,
My work never finished, speaking of kindness, of life.
They thought I was there to ruin them, to give them over
To the authorities. My dream was to inspire them and give
Them a better understanding of innocent philosophies,
Never once did I mention eternal suffering or grief, let
Alone the way a life without pain. I was there to enliven
Their lives with music, with fine art, wild unruly entertainment,
I never quite respected the forceful authority figures or
The scorn of those who wanted us to "behave,"
But for one reason or another, everyone sought to clean
Up each of my statements.
But you were there, amazon lady, with such strength,
And I your effeminate match, how could it be that I'd found
Such a catch? Our story would go on to be silenced,
Bound with lies, why? Because when they found
Out the truth about us, they sought to change
It to something popular, so they could sell it.

I live with a pain greater than love can bare,
But I look around and it seems nobody cares.
I live without sustenance of some proper lot,
But I have nothing more to need
For painlessness is not.
Life is cruel some say but others have never seen another way.
Life is pain some think, but really it's pleasure mixed with ink.
I have seen myself only once in pain so great I couldn't live,
I have a wish I could have sometimes known
What some just cannot give.

I hope I understand, Nicole.

I was a dog, I was a plane, and then I became insane,
I blew my top, a volcano as a prop, and found out
There awaits a train. It took me places far and wide,
It showed me mountains, what's inside, It gave me
A place to go each year, and it left me Mad ness
Mayhem, and fear. I'll never outgrow my random poem,
Bit by tidbit you should be careful, I'll warn you of this
Only once, you shouldn't EVER read it all alone!

Quiet misty twilight peace,
Cooling summers breeze,
A smooth brown floating leaf
Falls from a tree to green grass beneath.

Orange and golden sunset's light
Brimming until night,
And falls browns and oranges
Are nearly winter messages.

Icy blues and snowy whites,
Tip top mountains greatest heights,
Floating white clouds on high
Are in the crystal clear blue sky.

Green vast endless fields grow
Flowers painted by rainbows,
And a clear stream gently flows
Toward the lake that gleams and glows.

And as if in a dream
With these waters glistening,
Leading me right to your side
For I am in love...with brown eyes.