Thorns dig in deep,
stabs of bitter pain,
testing what it will bear,
was it ever meant to last?

Fragments scattered about,
spilling tears and sorrow,
the end looming near,
basking in darkness and despair.

A faint glimmer of hope,
like the sun bursting through the clouds,
within its renewed embrace,
love stands strong and proud.

love has broken limbs,
yet it stands tall,
piercing through sorrows,
it breathes free.

I wish I could write something
That pierced the wool
Pulled over your eyes.
Your depression, your nihilism;
The things keeping you coupled
To the miserable lense of your life.
Cause there are so many things,
That are just perspective.
And everything else,
We could work through together.
I fear you can't imagine, what
It would be like, to improve.
Walk the world afresh, renewed.
Just so long as you're comfortable,
It doesn't matter if you're happy.
We could be something wonderful,
But you can't see.
That's the real tragedy

Dew
Early morning
Grace like rain
Renewed day by day
Tranquility




Mark Toney © 2021

I search for him,
he who would take my pain
and carry it as his own

even just for a moment,
so I that I could feel what it is to breathe without this weight on my ribcage.

They walk
through
my gates

through my garden,

and see the ugliness of my pain
holding court in the center,
and would flee in fear
and disgust.

And each time I sat next to
my pain,
holding its hand
and
letting my tears nourish the earth around
its deep roots
that wind through,
because nothing and no one else
dared to go nearer.

I sat, the only company my pain
has ever known
and told it with damp eyes that watch
the abandon,
that they are beautiful
just as they are,

and that men that can't see
beauty
in pain,
are simply boys
playing.

And each time,
my heart bleeds a little less.

And so I sit in wait
with the only real company
I've ever known
and hope for more,
tomorrow.

I'm sad.
And that's okay.

This heaviness in my heart
is not mine alone,
I carry it for my mother
and my father
and his mother

I carry it for her husband

who quickly became
the demon
sleeping in the
shadows
that then became
a
stain
who's faint edges
still linger.

Deep and bruised
like my heart
after that day
confused and
oh, so green

I was already shedding
my innocence,
but you stole
hers

in one moment.

And for this
she
starves
herself
of nourishment

of unadulterated
joy

her body,
something she feels
shame
about

all because you thought
every
body
was yours
to be played
with.

Thrown against the wall
fragility will not find home in my bones
I have picked myself up from the hardwood
more times than you could understand.
the moon has traced my tears
as they fell down the golden, cracked
floral and lace, carefully absorbing them
into its tides. a controlling force in itself —

I became her.  

This time, I say hello to you in a different
light. a light that is my own as my strength
shoves through you in waves… a power that
sweeps you off your feet.

straight for a moment
winding again
aching for atonement
a silence of zen

can you understand me?

if you die in your dreams
you die in real life too

i never thought I'd be in the morgue
free of college loans
free of troubled relationships
free of daily struggle

you could at least take my clothes off
as i gorge my body in eternal slumber
let my life energy dissolve
and slip through the casket cracks

my sparkles of matter
seek a fresh host
most compatible
with my reincarnation

they flicker in nothingness
to suppress the inevitable
afraid to begin life renewed

my cells linger in shame
alone in the void of will
free of responsibility
free of choices
baptised in pure utopia

but they know their true purpose
unpermitted to resist
if a decision cannot be made
one will be made for them

do they accept the ease
allow the decision to be made
and alleviate anxieties

or do they determine the best host
for their misfortune

"What's your birthstone?  
I don't know, Oh, I know--it's rock."

Black rocks baking in the sun
dot this beach
Like chocolate chips in the dough
They call to us
Come climb,
Come hop on us
Find treasures hidden behind and between
All our dark shadows,

Lying as still as stone
A large rock shape,
Oh, it's grayer
and duller,
and there's sand sprinkled on it,
And it's moving!
It's Living Rock,
The monk seal napping
from its morning meal.

Yes- we watch others walk right by him
caught in their words,
Unaware of the living amongst the rocks,
Living Rock doesn't care
His belly is full

Gray sleek shape
massaged by the wind
with feast in your belly,
So mighty tired!
You taste your sleep for days,
Clouds cover the day's starlight you seek,
Your body begs for light, and yet
Nobody can wake you from your slumber
Not even the high pitched voices
of children playing
nor the fishing lines in and out of the tide

What of your dreams
Oh Large Gray Rock
Do you dream of the ocean tossing
Fish  into your mouth?
Or of the warm sun coming
to bake your skin?

The salt water dances up your nostrils,
You lift your head in mild protest
Then let it rest on your
Ancient bed of coral and shell bones
My feet love to dig into your bed

No insomnia for you sea creatures,
Maybe I should count monk seals
Instead of sheep when I want to sleep,
Your body clock measures time
Not in days or hours
But in meals, in hunts
In fullness, in emptiness
Your sleep is well earned
My friend

We can learn from you.
You bask, dream,
Then awaken renewed
To taste your ocean again,