A little prose
“Dear you, I don’t really know where to start and I also don’t really know where I want to head to. But I’ll try, since in the end, it is all I’ve ever done with you, isn’t it?”
So ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you a story. It isn’t a story about love, or grieve, or passion, or death. It won’t make you feel better, or sadder, or fuller, or emptier.
This is just a way for me to communicate. With you. With the person in the story. With me.
So this is a story about a girl. A bit broken, a bit fragile, but very deep, and hopeful. And caring, loving for the world about her.
Just as it happens every day, this girl fell for someone.
Just a simple
A crush at first. And just like all crushes, there was hope, and the excitement that added up with it,
But there was also fear and pain, that, in a way,
this flame shall be wrongfully turned off.
Not to mention it,
but that is what happened.
More or less.
Because as this girl, as fragile as she was, thought that she would find in him the strength she was looking for, the protection she had long lost and the safety she needed,
Little did she know,
That this boy was nothing
But a similar
Copy of her.
He was a bit
And a bit
And still very deep
[as opposed to her]
He was hopeless.
That was their difference.
So when the girl thought that he might finally accept her for who she was
that we would find in her the dream he was looking for
he struggled to do so, not because she wasn't enough
or wasn't good enough for him
not because he didn't fancy her
he thought she would end up hurting him.
Just like her
He too needed protection
She might have been the one
The one who’d stand with him
No matter what, the one who’d support him and his ideas and
take care of his monsters
He never thought she’d bring him down
He just thought,
that just as simply,
He wasn’t going to be good for her.
That she deserved better.
Just as simply
What she thought instead
Was that he wasn’t going to want her,
That she deserved better.
And the boy
Without having a memory of them together
Without taking the time to create any memory
Without developing more profound feelings
learning to fall in love.
So now they are parted.
A passive smile or a hello when they cross each other
Stopped talking about the other to friends
Stopped believing in the idea that somehow,
They were the soulmate they were looking for.
Thus as one of them now thinks
“Maybe he just didn’t want me”
the other thinks
“Maybe I should have told her I needed her when I had the chance”.
One is convinced
He’ll never want her back
And the other that
She doesn’t want him anymore.
And both of them,
Without even knowing it
Were meant for each other,
But lost it.
So this is my story. I was the girl. I still think he never really wanted me in the end. That I was never what he needed. After all, he always knew that I was ready to commit to him
And be there for him
And stand by him
I don’t know what he believes
If the things I think he thinks
Are really there
Or just in a dream of my mind.
But whoever you are,
If you need someone,
Please let them know,
If they tell you they need you,
If they prove it in every way they can to you,
Please believe them.
I feel there is nothing more painful;
Than watching your effort
Go to waste.
This is once again very messy. But it's, like always, very raw. Thoughts of this person have been consuming me and they never stop. It is become difficult to "move on", but at least I pretend I have already. I am, just like you can read above, hopeful. I will never stop being.