Today was the first day back to my bland life since coming back from a home I think could potentially change my life for the better.
Eating hay and roaming around brown large acres, cows were seeing this place as paradise.
Waking up in a home where a young, bright, happy and loving family echoed through my grey, empty, depressed and lonely room.
I witness the happiness of what to most people see as a chaotic and complicated lifestyle.
But from what is perceived as chaotic and complicated, is an enamoured and warm little family.
Something in which was to be my future if I had stayed with a particular person.
As some people say, Things are simply not to be.
But is that really true?
Leather and cowboy boots were in every sight.
Pulling up to stores with 'Now Hiring' signs and seeing beautiful open homes for cheap prices, intrigued my thoughts throughout this trip.
Should I or should I not?
Even now, I still contemplate it.
Now, sitting in my home,
Getting ready and preparing a party I promised to plan,
Now feels almost too artificial.
Texas life seems the Holy Grail.
I can picture my small but open floor plan that is to be a 2 bedroom 2 bath loft.
I have a small kitchen in which I only use to bake a frozen pizza and keep gatorades only in my fridge.
I have eucalyptus and ocean scented candles everywhere you look.
Boho to french to witchty decor is cluttered all over my home of a confused style in which I still have no idea how to decorate my home.
My 'going out to the store' to 'professional but ****' clothes are the ones hanging in my closet while my 'staying home being lazy' to 'going to Target for some toothpaste' are in my drawers.
My oldest dog is playing with his many chew toys, while his new sibling is eating his newly opened canned food whos flavor is turkey dinner roast, is all over his chin.
I have no future besides a futon couch, a large tv, tv dinner tables, and a queen size bed with drawers attached at the bottom is all I have.
Little funiture so that my sons aka my dogs can have a big open space to play in.
My life is comfortable.
I get to see my sister, in which god didnt give me for a purpose, and my goddaughter everyday for dinner.
I go to work with no problems and get home to watch The Office with my babies.
I see it.
Now my vision is fading.
All I see now in front of me is my hot glue gun and the party decorations all over the dining table.
I'm just a guest in my own home.