It’s been so long, why am I scared though?
Heart racing, I can’t handle the screams.
With a bang, I hear screams.
I thought it would be fine, they won’t make me cry.
They won’t make me scared.
As I reassured myself yet another bang resounded making me run to the corner.
All the screams, are they my imagination?
All the cries, this must be real.
It’s going to happen again isn’t it, and I’ll fail to do anything.
And again, I’ll act the victim when the truth is bare.
My thoughts mix together making me unable to think anymore.
I’m on flight mode, I just want it all to go away.
Back to the old days, filled with sorrow and despair.
Forced like a zombie, more of me started rotting away.
I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t see.
Are my arms falling off? Has my head rolled?
What’s going on, it just hurts.
It hurts, why am I forced to be this way?
Am I really forced?
I can easily walk out of this cage I made.
With all the faulty holes, I could fit right through.
Just walk, just leave.
It’s seems so simple, yet I can’t do it.
I can reach my hand out, but that’s it.
Is that really all I can do?
How pathetic, how miserable.
Why can’t I do more, why didn’t I do more?
Maybe if I did more less people would have fallen.
Maybe I should die, since that’s all I can do?
Can I die, it would make up for what I did.
But it’s too late for that option, I have to live on.
Do I really?
I’m not sure, however living on will only add to the despair.
Yet dying would be another mistake.
I’ll have to go back to those days again, those were hate and sorrow remain.
I have the keys to the chains that hold me back, and yet I still can’t stop myself from going back.
Why is that so?
I’m not forced to remain the puppet yet I still do.
I wonder, when will the day come when I’ll be free?
When will the day come when I’ll be able to play with everyone else?
When I’ll be able to laugh with them?
My hope is that it will soon happen, though who truly knows anymore.
I truly do not know.
Hello, my name is Tiful and this is a poem I made about CPTSD. I hope you’ll enjoy it.