it’s during the numbing hours of the day
where time lingers the longest
it’s the moments where you can’t quite ever
flee to certain solace
you’d stay some place, nor in or out
and cling to proverbial silence
but as you grasp, and stagger, and shake
you’ll never find it timeless

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the girl:  help me feel. teach me how to feel. i want to feel.

She whispers in my ear
Why don’t you be so bold as
I Slip into my seat
I start to Sink into disarray
Nothing can fill this void
Not even your hollow bones
She’s so cold to the touch
These lips talk of toxic thoughts
Go ahead drown yourself no one would even know
And wake up dead
A numbness far from control
A shiver of chills
It’s haunting to know
This voice will be
The death of me

there’s a loop
a loop of anger, despair, and nothing. numbness.
feeling numb is probably the best part, though feeling nothing gets lonely.
aching to feel something, anything.
the anything usually then turns into despair, and feeling so desperate makes me sick.
i’m tired of this endless cycle of agony, the static of feeling nothing, the ache of despair, the fire of rage.
i don’t know how to break out of it — how to break out of this hell.
i feel as if I’m drowning and the only thing i can do is hope i’ll float, no matter how fast i keep sinking to the bottom. staring up at the water blurred sky, stars blinking out and the moon becoming invisible as i begin to lose the breath i had been holding in.
the burning in my lungs soothe as water fills them, though the panic setting in makes my limbs thrash as i desperately heave for oxygen, getting nothing more than the cold liquid.
then it goes dark.
that part, is what i’m waiting for now. after the final panic.
the release.
i just want to be free.
why can’t i be free?

Pain is better than numbness,
because at least I can feel
my life not just move through it.

i slice my heart with strokes of pen;
blood flows as ink onto the page.
when i share my writings with my friends
they hold my life force in their hands.

now
words only sputter and spurt;
suddenly it hurts to hurt.
writing exhausts and reading consumes
over my head numbness looms.
words ought to follow each place i go
yet now i find them falling short.
i'm clinging to Your rays of light
fighting paralysis, reaching for Sight.

As the day seems to fade,
My numbness does too.
All the darkness comes to surface

Hello, hi.
Remember me?
I’m Miss blue,
hiding in the corner of the room.

Did you miss me?
You know, I missed you.

The giggles evaporated to knives
Now all pointed at me
They cry of piercing noises in my ears

Cruel words is all i can hear
Convincing that this is me.

The whispers in the back of the room,
now screeching, like nails on chalkboards
Expressing what they want me to believe.

Here comes the feeling, I know all too well.
Not being able to breathe.
Throwing my pennies in the wishing well,
Wishing for love
Wishing not to feel’

Once again, a new perspective pushes through.
Everything is always changing, therefore these times will fade too.
So for I know,
this feeling, won’t always be stuck to me
Like glue.

But then I wonder,
Do normal people fantasize about their funeral too?
Sweet whispers of a beautiful tragic, spread through the room, “Gone too soon.”
Or “ I wish I would have knew”
Better cut those thoughts,
Before they consume you.

Nights like these, familiar in taste.
Unpredictable
And lonely in soul.
Screaming in spirit, for a place called home.
Uncontrollable emotions. Release it all.

Cry on the floor, if that’s what you need to do.
Just know, your spirit will rise through,
Your soul will be cleansed once the storm is over
And your eyes will see anew.

You will see past the old truth that you once knew
From a different perspective;
Yet the same point of view

Crying so much, my eyes start to bleed.
And they plead;
For love, for warmth.
For eyes that I adore.

Somewhere this must exist,
Far away from here.
Or maybe I can find it
Residing within myself.

We create our own kind of hell
or permanent bliss.
It depends on which you want to hear.

Well i’ll start with this,

Here comes the reaching upward of the soul

I hope you will believe, even as the light turns to dusk

The same light that shines from the sun
And illuminates the moon
Exists within you, too.

The magic starts with this ☆
Right now, right here
In this mirror

As the honey drips from his lips
not a sound
only guilt
as he felt
his emotions
slip away.....