It's 3 am,
everything feels like it's falling apart.
Self belief is fading,
heart is aching, mind is raging,
colors are fading,
self esteem is deteriorating,
and I am here expressing.

Writing to reunite the broken pieces
into words and art
so it feels like i am not break and falling apart.

Some people are a part of your history
but not a part of your destiny.

Sometimes, it gets to you,
no matter how hard you try not to care.
No matter,
how many times you deny it doesn't hurt.
No matter,
how many times you reiterate that it doesn't matter.
It hurts.
It hurts because it still matters,
and at times the thought of it mattering
hurts even more.
Sometimes all these things add on,
and you begin to break.
That's when you finally accept to yourself,
It hurts.

Aching void,
what do you crave?
What will satisfy
the emptiness that expands
and throbs?

She stared with blazing fiery eyes
teeth sharper than blade itself
words sinking far more into the flesh,
piercing the heart.

How surprising
for those same eyes were once soft,
affectionate, compassionate and innocent.
Those teeth used to pull into a content smile,
words ever so gentle and kind
exist no more.

I dressed in long dresses,
pearl necklace around around my neck.
Applying bold lipstick
on my pursed lips.
Wearing high heels
on tiny feet.
Carrying a hand bag
like a diva,
pretending to be an adult.

But now that it is no more
pretend but my reality,
I wish it was easy as playing
dress up.

Do you not realize
she left even though she still loved you?
She doesn't message anymore
because she fears
to be hurt at your hands
and broken by your words.

You are alive at night,
dancing in my dreams.
For our love thrives in my heart,
when it's dead in reality.

Sometimes,
I don't need your advices.
I don't need you to tell me
sunshine and rainbows.
I don't always need you
to tell me the positive side
and what's better.

Sometimes I just want you understand
my pain as it is - raw and painful.
I just need you to acknowledge my pain
for what it is
and let me feel it.

Because sometimes,
all I need is
an understanding heart
patient ear
and support to hold onto.

Alluring was her beauty;
sweet as the roses that intoxicated the air
and soft as the petals that caressed their skin.
But look deeper
to the roots
you’ll see the thistle she hides;
For if you get to close
you’ll see a different side.

A message from you
and my mind is spiralling
on the road of overthinking.

Wanting to embrace you
even at the risk of you deserting me
once more.

They aren't just poems,
but my vulnerabilities stripped
onto a page.
These words are the rhythmic song
of my heart,
the lyrics of my mind
These bare words
having an insight
beyond the skin.
To something more vulnerable and deep;
An entry to my mind

When she is hurt,
her anger acts as her defence.

Thoughts eating away at my brain,
mouth drying away,
lips sealing my shrieking soul away,
tongue stuttering away,
heart palpating away,
lungs having no air,
muscles fidgeting away,
fear crippling my soul away,
nails chipping away,
stress rushing to my brain,
vision blurring away,
tears streaming down my face,
body trembling away
as anxious nerves take me away.

When we don't receive attention
from someone,
we search for it in others.
But rarely choose to look
for it in ourselves.

By losing herself in her passions
She found her authentic self

An autoimmune of a nation,
why are you letting your wrath
stemmed from crisis
burst open like lysosomes?
Why do you digest
yourself and one of your own?
Don't you take pride
when the one who has the same
nation weaved on his skin
uplifts the wavering flag of your land?

Why would you mute
and suppress them
rather than water them,
like the beautiful nature that
blooms from your own ground?
Why would you steal
and harm your brothers and sisters,
letting your mentality succumb
to toxic-narrow confinements?

You have a voice,
that is powerful.
for it can spew hate
or spread love.
It can tell the truth to save
or lie to manipulate.
It can heal,
It can ****.
It can bring comfort,
and it can bring pain.

Your voice has potential
that can strive for something greater.
It can suppress segregation,
arise integration.

So choose wisely,
with how you tone it.
Amplify it,
express it,
for you can make a difference,
a better difference.

A curtain drawn on the sun;
A summer storm pouring down.
Gale of winds brush past
making you lose your breath.

Emotions start to rile  
Thoughts start to pile
letting your words become vile
as tears start to flow down.

The fog settles
as the mind rages
and bones
start to feel uncomfortable
in your skin
as the swallowed air
seems to be too thick.

During those days
some just want to curl up in a ball,
take cover
and watch laughter evoking shows
to get you through.

Some want to
fight through the storm
trying to hold on to
the bleak of glimmer
that maybe there.

Some find comfort
in the presence of others
letting them be their crutch
and drink their potion of love.

Some just want to
cry a river nile
letting sadness trail down their cheek
to let it all out.

Some remain in the
black silences
falling apart to the rhythm of solitude
as the black matter multiplies
and they implode
falling back into the abyss.

- Beautiful Sensitive Soul

Maybe,
I never felt deserving
or enough
for love.
So, I let
my mind break my heart,
before you get a chance
to break it.

Her roots are growing upon your being,
waiting for the warmth of your presence
and the drops of your attention.

As it grows,
she begins to demand more
her appetite to sustain grows.

But slowly you’re furthering away
your radiation no longer reaching
upon her bare skin
as the trail of your shadow is left behind.

Just like the rest you’ve furthered,
leaving her parched and left to thirst
the reservoir that has stopped flowing.

Grief tastes like fear,
for attachment is the synonym of fear.
To be intertwined and interlinked,
to give and expect —
but to receive less
with the passing days.

The experience of the past
harbors fear,
tremble at the feel of attachment
that is ripped away
to leave her bare.

Before you leave
Before you detach
She will leave
and disentangle herself.

You came in my life
with the words “I love you at first sight”
I should’ve known better for you had a hidden bowie knife.
Would you blame me if I believed in fairytales?
For I was so young and naive.

I did not reciprocate those feelings back,
Did you take it to your ego,
and decided to play that game?
or was that your intention all along?
Because you wore me down with kindness and care,
till I was soft and vulnerable.

Weaving your beautiful lies,
you got me to entrust my heart and soul.
Glamouring my vision over the months,
you wore down the walls
and got past the borders and guards.

You decided to take of the mask
and drop the truth like a bomb,
when I was defenseless, weak and unarmed.
For the caring and affectionate person I knew was all a facade
under which laid a deplorable and cynical soul.

Wearing me down till I was unfortified,
was a part of your maneuvering all along.
You reeled me in with care,
just so you can hurt me with a smite.

You broke my vision of what is all good in this world;
where kindness and care isn’t always itself,
but a way to get past the walls.
You made me taste the bitter after taste of those sweet words.
and scarred my innocent soul.

You broke her,
for she no longer sees kindness and care the same,
but fear the ones who show her kindness,
will do the same.

Planted with love,
watered by compassion,
fertilized with the light of our presence.

But it was all an illusion,
for the it was planted in betrayal,
watered with disappointments,
fertilized with lies
and maintained by fakes.

Our roses were red,
but now they are dead.
Weak and brittle petals,
crumbling beneath my feet.

A day you look back
to see how much you’ve grown and bloomed.

A day you reminisce all the lovely
and memorable memories made over the year.

A day you are thankful for all
your blissful ups that integrated themselves
as memories in your mind.

A day you're thankful to the people
you have met over the year that made
an impact for the better.

A day you're thankful for the life lessons
learnt that made your become a better,
wiser, stronger or simply given you a an
edge that you never had before.

The day when you let your ego
be glorified by the wishes and compliments.

The day you feel extra dose of love
and attention from the people around you.

The day you are grateful for the life you have
and look forward to growing, progressing,
creating more memories.

Because birthday to me is all that
and spending the day with gratitude for
your existence and being around the people
who make you feel like your existence is meaningful
and you are beautiful.

Absorbing the pain
letting nothing spill.
I feel the alluring darkness
enwrapping me with its wings.
Overriding my words
by the whispers in my head;
making me push people away
to keep them at bay.
I guess this is how darkness wins
by telling you to keep it all
to yourself.

You notice the
bruises of many hues
painted across the ****** canvas
reflecting through the shade of mood.

You ask what happened?
But this question
would require me to break open the surface;
permeate my skin
for you to dissect,
explore the source
analyse and
do the autopsy of my past.

But I am not ready to show you
more than the bleed
that is close to the surface
threatening to break.

Oh my dear bumble bee
She said as she caressed
her soft honey colored hair.

Stay humble
through your flight so high.
Emerge with a special glee
Of bustling-buzzing excitement.

Let your golden stripped wings
Carry you to scope lands for enchantment.
To collect those dusty pollen
and transfigure them to honey
for you and others.

A honey comb of a heart
Resides in you my dear
So allow the honey to drip from your tongue.

And when science tries to prove
With their theories and mathematical proportions
that you can not fly high
Let them taste the sweetness
Of your hustle
and the sight of your flight.

A masterpiece of intricate mosaic,
a beauty underlied with chaos.
She lets them see,
what she wants them to see.

She is chaos and beauty entwined
hiding and blending
behind the delicate roses;
thorns are her guard
for no one can take away
the veil that conceals her.

Your thoughts are far from the ground,
Like cumulonimbus clouds thundering by
And pouring rain. 


Life seems to pass by, scattered and wispy 

with the sound of the wind like a whistling train playing
as you stare at the elusive silver lining.

The pit patter of Peter Pan being lost
dwells heavy in your heart,
As you revise the sequence of the cumulus memories.

Life paces
As you ignore the malice and bantering of the crowds
Sticking your head above up into the clouds
half-deaf to reality in the room.

You have a foot in a fairy tale,
And one in the abyss.

Her demons wiped away her fear
They made her fall in love with them
and dance with them
For they were the only comfort
when she was alone

We were similar,
we still are.
We used to understand,
and support one another.
Stripping vulnerability,
over vulnerability.
Our friendship was deep,
our trust rung strong.

But then you grew thorns,
that would *****
when I would come near.

I just wished we helped
one another bloom rather
than let our insecurities
strive us to compete
as to who will bloom
better and faster.

A smile masked on her face
concealing the grief that poured
out of her face.

I don't understand
why are we concealing our heaviness
our heartaches
our blues
behind laughter.
Packaging them as humor
and art with a ribbon on top
when it's dark raw and pain
I don't understand
why we aren't talking about it.
Because it is just becoming worse
for you, I everyone.

I had to put boundaries
when it came to you
to avoid being myself completely,
because for you I was
too deep
too emotional
too attached.

I was either “too much”
or “too less” in your eyes.

It felt like I was confining
my ocean in your river.

She unrolled the blueprints
that she had designed.
Building from the wreck that was left behind.

She salvaged the rubble and ruins
and cement of broken promises
granulating and churning it to nothing more than sand;
allowing it to form the foundation of her own future.

She raised one naked agony brick after the other,
cementing it with love and care.

Planting seeds of melancholy,
she watered them with her tears
and watched as the sun's warmth let them bloom
and the moon that let them rest.

She weaved curtains
and plastered the ruins.

She became the gardener,
the architect
and the nurse
of her own self and life.

- Beautiful Sensitive Soul

Small talks are refreshing,
Intellectual talks are mind stimulating
and deep talks are soul enriching.

Like the rose was our love,
watered with the best of selves,
soaked in the light of our presence;
flourishing and blooming.
But now memories are crumbling
and our love is withering and fading.
A dead rose is the only remainder
from a life of beauty and admiration.
Now we love in the shadows
and stolen whispers
of the weak and brittle petals

My darkness has more depth
My shadows are much taller
My reflection is merely rippling sand.

Dear anger,
my blood boils
my heart screams
as you make my rage active
and pain passive.

Dear anger,
you put me in danger
for you make me a stranger.
You need to get a grip,
because you make me flip.

Dear anger,
you make everything look so flammable.
Luring me to set my problems on fire.

Pain, insecurities and fears,
I burn it as fuel
to rage you.

I want to believe
that I am still sweet inside,
eventhough I am sad and tired.

But you make me believe
I am someone who inflicts pain,
is cold hearted and fake -
for she is unknown to me.

Oh, how my heart aches when you say that. To know someone else had engraved their name when your name was all over mine. But the name feels nothing more than wounds and scars. For I am not your person or your first. I was merely a single line when you were my complete book. I was a single lyric when you were my entire song. I was a drop of water when you were my entire ocean. I was a star when you were my entire galaxy. You were the moon spilling light over my thoughts and breaking through the dark days when I was merely the darkness. You were the sun in my life, offering warmth and clearing the night sky when I was merely the blue sky. My heart aches and breaks and bleeds and I can not tell you how much it hurts. For I am speechless as the tears scrape my cheek and leave me gasping to breathe. I am grasping nothing but smoke. For the memories are rewinding and altering as my heart bleeds through the fracture that was plastered with your love. You were an ordinary mundane who revolutionalized my world, loved me into loving myself. You were the person who’s arms I found comfort in, where my skin felt comfortable in. My soul felt like it was home when I looked into your eyes. But sadly, the house in your heart was an illusion. For my love could seep not deeper into your heart but remained on the shore of your mind.

She dresses in black,
smudging eyeliner on
her soft eyes.
Applying dark shades of lipstick
and leave her black hair to be caressed
by the ice cold wind.
She wears a cold attitude
and turns her kind heart
to stone, all to resonate intimidation
just to avoid being hurt.

Pupils beamed with radiance,
and naive genuineness flowed
as the illusion of love came her way.

But behind the tugging of strings
was a skillful maneuver
with his foxy intentions.

As the strings were played
back and forth,
emotions began to be strangled
and the cords that were struck
created a melody
to the tune of his accordance.

The fortress began to whither
but he was tired of his own maneuvers
that he gave into dispelling his intentions
before the frontier guarding her heart collapsed.

Though the barrier to intimacy
did not collapse completely,
the intention of ones kindness broke,
the illusion of ones amiable action broke
as it became the an act
just to open the gate of letting one in.

Trust withered,
but hope seemed to still be lingering
as the good in them, she always saw.

But after multiple tries,
of her heart being played with.
It was locked,
to the ones who would come along.

My mind makes me believe something
other than my reality.
I am surrounded by loved ones,
Yet I feel so unloved.
I deserve to be happy,
yet I am convinced otherwise.
You see these chemicals in my brain,
the thoughts that are generated
make me believe and feel
everything other than my reality.

Detached;
My strings have detached
Like the vowels and constants I speak detached.
I watch the world
Through eyes not of mine
And live in a body
Living a life that doesn’t feel mine.
My chest feels empty
And my tone sounds vacant.
I am floating
Further from conscious
With no one to ground me
Everything seems not to be mine
To feel to touch
No matter how much I try.
For it merely feels like mist
Through which I pass my hand through.

Did your body not warn you
before you were wrung dry?

The day you found yourself depleted,
the nights that lead upto it became fragile,
your cell heavy as they were heaved onto the bed.

Did you not listen to your body,
when you woke up with a heavy chest
and your body begged you to sleep?

Did you not acknowledge your heart
when it had become
a black hole the night before
as it ****** you out in.
Your bones like gravestones
prominent among the barren skin.

Did the suffocating dark matter
not ring louder
as you gasped for air with burnt lungs.

When you stood there overworked,
with signals mixed and sensitive
rewired and tangled
did the response fit their norm of you?

Did your voice not thud,
with the lump in your throat?
Did your heart not pound
against your ribcage,
your stomach not curdle
with that war in your chest,
as your mind raced
and your chest pressured as you tried
to clutch that breath?

Did your hormones
not muddle with your thoughts?
Did they not drown them in depths
and set them on fire all at once?
Did it not ache your muscles
before it all turned red?

Did your body not scream
when they came near?
Your feet cemented,
as your body froze?
Did your gut not twist
till you felt nauseous?

Did your toes not curl
when the feeling sunk
through your spine,
sat in your bones
like an unwanted guest,
and you like an unwilling host?

Did you not feel the chill
shiver down your spine
as terror spread across your face
and painted it white
before the quake came?

Did you not acknowledge
your body is the vessel
that you kept giving and pushing
depleting it of the right to rest
rather than opening
it to the abundance of love
it was surrounded by.

Your body became over extended,
your mind became forgetful
a body that is now a red flag;
travesty.

Like the delicate rose
She disclosed all her sins
to the ones who got close.

It doesn't matter
if other don't believe in you,
what matters is
do you believe in yourself?

I basked in the light
Of the present moments sight
But all of a sudden
Your words triggered a bitter memory
And now I want to visit an infirmary.

But oh wait this can’t be bandaged to heal
For it is a resurface from a wreckage.
It crawls from the breakage
With a clinging message
that causes landslides
and scrapes my insides.

My thoughts collide
as my emotions become tide.
My lips become sealed
As I no longer want to speak.

But then I’ll lose my mystique
And become invisible;
Vincible
In the hands of my shadowy past.

Lazy she may seem
But how does she explain she is hurting
She is wounded
Bruised
Energyless to do even the simplest of tasks
For she wants to be alone in her own world,
shut the world out
and write