I am forged in a ceramic kiln, and the sweltering heat embrittles me. their withering stares set the kiln ablaze, expecting me to stay rigid and brittle. I attempted to constrict and be good, but the fire slowly cracked me. the heat still scorches my pieces, but each piece inches closer to the outskirts of the kiln so I can find the sticky glue and put myself back together.
Escapril Day 20! Prompt: trying to be good. I had a few ideas for this poem, but I wanted to use one major theme. I hope you enjoy this one! I loved writing it.
The fairytale of America is dead to me Killed by a ******* in horns Maybe my veil has simply been lifted Long has it been so for others while still others never knew its comforting shade A reverence as meaningful now as that for Santa Claus Was my faith so brittle so ignorant Is it still Seems so **** I don't know I need to visit those stones again let them speak through the cold They were never silent but maybe now I won't be deaf to their story maybe now I'll listen maybe now
I forgot how it felt to be hungry How your bones rack for crumbs on the bottom of your heart My bones feel like brittle; ready to break at a gush of wind But Brittle is candy Candy is a sweet delicacy of whom people like me refuse to have Candy is what I believe I can be Only if I change into one of those target plastic models Perfect and pristine, standing as if they are mocking me Making fun of my creatures in the dark And my not-so-ideal summer body I just want a summer body I want to see what other people see in me I want to be all that I could be if I was pretty So I start dropping things off of my menu, drop by drop First a side dish, then my sugary drink That drink should go to hell for how much weight it makes me gain I reach down my throat until my regrets come back up Reminding me I cannot be pretty the way other girls get to be Ducking to the restroom after a meal Anxiety overwhelming every ounce of me as soon as I eat There is beauty in pain, right? Or beauty is pain? Either way, they are correlated That is good enough to allow me to turn myself in who I want to be I was over this, I thought I was over being hungry But then a man stared at me while I was walking to Walgreens I do this to be beautiful for just a moment But I also do this to disappear Don’t look at me like that flesh of meat that day on that broken night I want it to go away even if it means my bones shake on a sunny day Even if my soul weeps at night Even if my friends pick up on what’s wrong Oh, please don’t pick up on what’s wrong Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? Let me be in control of my body Watch me clatter to the floor and please don’t help me Let me shake and quake Watch me wear a heavy sweater and get out of breath walking Let me substitute food for sweet vapor in my lungs oooh it tastes sweet like brittle Let me disappear Please just let me disappear.
Trigger warning! This is a personal experience so please be nice :)