spending time with u today made me realize how terribly terribly i’m gonna miss u. i already knew i was, but not quite this bad. i didnt want to let go of our hug, i thought maybe if we held on long enough, itd feel like i was never gonna leave, like we were never gonna let go, no matter what. when i held ur hand and i couldn’t speak, this is what i was thinking of—i thought about how much i wanted to get closer to u. i think the reason i seem mysterious is because i hold back from saying these things, and i think of them so often. i think of u so often. i’m attached. i’m sorry.
I'm so bad at letting things go. Whether it's a kitten, a friend, or even the last snow. I don't know and I will never know, why in my life I just can't let things go. I can't let things go; I hold on too tight. Because in my heart, letting go just isn't right. I can't say goodbye, I'm too scared; I'm too shy. I can't let things go, I get too attached. And every time I try to let something go, my heart gets a new scratch. But I'll keep on trying, even if it hurts. I'll keep on trying, with all of my effort.
I can't let things go. I just simply can't. it hurts me so much when I have to, but I just can't. I've tried, and I'm still trying. And I'll keep on trying, because my heart can't take much more.
and probably why i do not want anyone to be friends with me is that i know they can't handle me, i am always too much. i am a handful of uncontrollable messㅡshattered bones and pierced soul. because at first, they would think i got my life together, that i am the most stable person ever. then, when my veil rolls down, you'll see the horror in their eyes. they'd back up, slowly walking away from my ruins for they are afraid to touch my broken glass edges. no one's too brave to stay with me with my broken parts shown. people always leave. so as soon i have someone starting to be around me, i prepare myself for the worst, for their leaving, for my loneliness (yet again). and maybe this is why i do not want anyone to be friends with me: they'll make me grow attached to them, almost trusting them with my shattered pieces when in reality, they're afraid of it. they have always been afraid of me.
this is me trying to justify why i ghosted youㅡi was afraid, too.
You made a visit For a tidbit That couldn't be called a date And your portion was low rate Like the unkempt hair above your lip What the **** was that ****? Inside is your invasive tongue's home This is my mouth get your own They're all connected to your ****** brain That doesn't entertain All this to say it didn't go well And I'm searching for a way to tell
I'm so desperate for love It seems absurd that I'm rejecting anyone But that's the odd situation I find myself in While searching for light and yours is dim I have to deal with the frustrations Of both of our expectations And regret my instigation While experiencing deflation From a needless iteration
I say there's no spark You call me a shark You call me a farce You keep calling of course Calling from your high horse I call the police to enforce A restraining order By explaining sort of Our brief exhausted history How you weren't a fit for me They heard my story Then gave you glory For being rejected You're viewed sympathetic While I'm stuck in jail For my ******* fail
I said I'd give it a shot You thought I was caught This is why I had fought The ideas you brought For a love you sought I hope a lesson was taught But I suspect that it's not You just hate me instead You didn't hate me in bed But now that it's done And we've had our fun You resent me for not being your possession I tried to let you know that wasn't my intention So now I resent you for not learning your lesson
We go our separate ways Both living in a hectic craze I begin to naively call my loneliness freedom After I convince myself that I don't need them So to avoid a future locking latch I start to say no strings attached
Duct tape... My heart is like Duct tape My love may seem Feeble Minuscule And very unnecessary I am a tool That seems to have no use Till you need me Then I become an adhesive I can hold you together Spiritually, mentally, emotionally And if you’re lucky... Physically But then... You will complain... I don’t match your swag I’m worse than a Band aid My grey color bores you Now you’ve ripped me from you... Duct tape... As strong as I’ve been Holding onto you... Is as strong I’ll be Once you remove me from you... And I will NEVER hold onto you Again So every time you fall apart Spiritually, mentally, emotionally And if you were lucky Physically You will want my adhesive to return But it won’t... I won’t I never return I am nothing more than duct tape Feeble Minuscule And unnecessary Till you see my love Holding onto someone else