They cut me open without a sound
My corpse lied there, cold and bound
Inside was a black hole filled with secrets
They called to the people I’ve hurt like a beacon

They’ll find a borrowed heart, it was never mine to begin with
For it only pumped static through my veins
And when they lift out my liver, they can see it was charred by grief of losing a lover
They’ll toss out my kidneys, damaged by my deceit
My anger was never meant to be sweet

I was a sea of innocents turned monsters
In all my short years lived, I felt like an imposter
To see through my clouded eyes
You’d think that I planned my own demise

I was torn from the inside out
The doctors claimed they’d never seen anything so chaotic
So washed out and demonic
How sad, I was just a child

Still, I lied there
White as a ghost
I had no recollection of what I hated or loved the most
They harvested me, storing my life away inside plastic
I think I was meant to be here
The morgue is my castle

So you see, I was just a body
Begging to be somebody
To know my life, you’d have to crawl inside my mind
You should be wary of the creatures you could find

In the end, I was never responsible for what was done to me

You notice the
bruises of many hues
painted across the ****** canvas
reflecting through the shade of mood.

You ask what happened?
But this question
would require me to break open the surface;
permeate my skin
for you to dissect,
explore the source
analyse and
do the autopsy of my past.

But I am not ready to show you
more than the bleed
that is close to the surface
threatening to break.

Your soft skin is pale and transparent
A no longer beating heart is portruding as if it was so to say: let me finish this.
There wasn’t a chance to finish, you left undone
Your skin still so translucent and clear
Your blue lips sealed as if they were to say: Please be gentle.
You shot yourself in the chest so that your face will remain beautiful
And yes – you’re beautiful as you’re lying there on a cold metal table
Soon scissors and knives will rip open your abdomen and examine what you left behind
Maybe your liver will tell them the stories of how we met at a bar and how you loved drinking too much wine
Maybe your lungs will reveal that – sometimes, when you were mad at me – you smoked cigarettes
Maybe your mouth will speak about that one time we kissed at the cinema for the whole film
Maybe they will forcefully open your eyes to see if you’re still watching
I hope that when they sew you up again, they’ll leave a tiny crack in your chest for your soul to leave
Let it fly out the window and watch sunsets with me

Yesterday I had someone clean your room
The police came and took some things with them
They took your suicide note with them, for the file they say
You’re a file now
They asked about the ****** blanket
And I told them you wrapped yourself into it so that your ****** torso wont make a mess
Which is kind of funny because the mess really just started when they took the blanket and left me there, alone, in an empty room.

I walk into a hospital and the hospital is a graveyard. A doctor stands with his back to me, performing a ballet autopsy on a bluish barbarian. A single salty droplet falls from the  bluish barbarian's head and there is a tremor in his hand. "He is alive" I whisper. "Stop doctor, stop," I say but the doctor doesn't listen. I keep shouting louder and louder until I am making a huge racket. A skeleton nurse shushes me. I scream and the doctor jerks, his graceful movements broken. He turns to me and his glacial eyes take over my mind, stripping away my layers until I am barren, exposed. He speaks but his voice is a wolf's voice. A wolf's voice isn't like a human voice, it is *******, harsh. "Look what you've done" he growls. "Now it's impure. It's weak." I watch as the bluish barbarian becomes dozens of tiny screaming beetles. Then he is dust and the graveyard is an urban labyrinth. "You stupid thing," says the doctor but the doctor is now an ant. I laugh and walk into the labyrinth but the doctor-ant follows me. "Shut up" I say and I laugh and I cough and I walk into the phlebotomy lab and break my skull on a glove. "I told you" says the ant and it walks away and I cry.

i want you to rip off my skin
and lay waste to my sin
pick of my insecurities
peel back my sorrows
peek inside my secrets
and maybe then
i’ll let you in

*(r.e.)