I don’t know who I’m supposed to be Who I am or who they want me to be The answer’s not so easy to see Not well known There's an uncertainty Knee-**** answer is to be wholly free I'll explain in detail Paint a picture clearly A tutor's not needed No need to study No higher degree With candor I’ll speak
Let me tell you about so-called “un-pleasantries" The list is quite lengthy A few; maybe three Gonna rattle them off What's been mentioned to me Not the worst of mistakes but a category May irritate some To others ‘let be’ Saying that’s who I am and as such accept me A minority group not the majority and by far and by few They are lost in between
Some say I’m intense and can be quite chatty Loquacious a talker ‘Verbose’ tendency Don’t deny what is true But not always guilty The day in and day out doesn't constantly stream Not sustained They can change Just like who we will be Not robots Not copies or placed on CD Live a life of routine but not one on repeat Even still I must say there are worse things to be
Empathetic and kind I give generously All I have My last dime Will donate each penny I'm not searching for credit Approval don't seek Like to make others happy Inside, I’m complete When I focus on others No discrepancy I’m not dwelling or thinking of my tendencies Please don't offer your pity or give charity Try to bend; compromise don’t perceive me as weak I'm the chivalrous type Will get down on one knee Not walled off or closed up Bare my soul Give freely But there's more locked inside So when time comes to speak It’s a flood a deluge There's an intensity Give too much Give too quick Try to stop inside keep I can bottle it up but sometimes it still peaks Little may trickle out Suddenly it will seep If an access is given Explodes in a heap When I love I dive in You may think I’m a freak The emotional type Tug heart strings and I’ll weep Not a blubbering fool my emotions run deep A calm hand I can sooth Situation-ally In a crisis I’m strong This unfortunately is something that I know But don’t wish on to speak Life presents me two roads With both closed off to me Feel locked up in a cage while I look to be free
A locked door Here I stand desperately for the key Wanting answers Assistance A new found decree Need a mantra A mission That systemically affecting systems The true stem of what’s me Fundamental My core Sprouting roots from a tree Happiness from the Sun or beneath canopy Not about getting answers Away goes the fee Hamlet asked long ago If 'to be or not be' I know that it's different Just work with me please My point is the question In life, what to seek? A life that’s authentic or society We conform and adapt What they want us to be If like me you're unsure It can drive you crazy Take a chance? And be pure Live a life that's taint free In return you'll endure Side remarks and critiques Is the juice worth the squeeze? Be like them or unique
you don't quite fit slightly askew yet, relatable.
I see You. A person revealing herself to a soceity of weak wolves You are curious; a truth-seeker asking questions that make others squirm You have a deep desire to connect through expression a need to be seen You wish for transparcy paired with acceptance You want to tear yourself open and scream "Look!" "This is Me! Please, see Me!" "In all my beauty and in all my ugliness. This, is, Me. Unfiltered. *****" "Please, please accept me." I know this because it is Relatable.
Relatable. The only way you would know this is if I told you. For I have found a way to blend in with the wolves. I hide behind a careful wall built of cloth and filth. You can only see Me when and where I allow it.
My face is usually in plain view, for society has told me this is OK. (Ironic that is my only bit of skin that can change expression, unwillingly)
My other skin is hidden by clothe that I willingly bear. A winter coat and gloves for the environment unknown. (possibly hostile. it's better not to risk exposure) A T-shirt and jeans for the familar (stragically covering vunerabilities) A bathing suite only for the most trusted
And *****? Rarely do I allow this, even around myself. Because when I am ***** all I see is the bruises from past abuses. When I opened myself up and was rejected Rejected by society and myself.
All the bruises bring me to bear cloth But I will sincrely root for those who walk around *****.
If I were to draw me If I were to paint me If I were to create a physical representation of me me
I would draw a dancer One who seems in control Like she has it together Like she has full command of her movements, of the floor, of her partner, of the music She knows what she is doing and she is doing it well Her partner trusts her The floor trusts her She does not trust her She is making it up as she goes But she knows she is making it up wrong But they can't know that.
I would draw a child full of insecurities Full of rebellion Full of doubt - in herself; in the world A black hole for love A vessel of fear But they can't know that either
I would draw me as a kind warrior. A commander as I step into an imaginative reality that is aided by games, by friends. I am confident there. My mistakes are large, but there is nothing real to lose - we can always try again. My compassion is a rare gem, noticed by any who get close enough to look (mainly jagged rocks are seen in these seas) The friendships are Real. And I am too.
I would draw myself as a child. At least, that is how it would look at first I would be standing next to a man, my dad. Upon looking closely, one would realize the man is the child. And the child is the adult.
I would draw myself as a mom Picked by her kids. Chosen. Looked up to. Seen as cool, wise, infallible. A great mom. One full of love. They would only be right about that last part And they would only be right about that last part sometimes
Darkness encampeth the soul Light so scant that can't be found Drowned into the depths So deep that self is entangled Masked up whole in the black Left blindfolded to the time frozen Not a chance for escape For the soul was imprisoned Lost the thrive to exist But along came a message A voice that led back Back to the foundation ,so authentic Yes, you've been called by higher.. The ones above Don't crawl back to the trash Before banishment consider warning Lest you fall into the darkness ever
A life to be lived by not turning back to those you shouldn't.