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Britney Lyn Nov 2017
You were a storm on my heart.
Your gusts of wind took me aback with each breath you let go,
Your words like thunder pounded at my barriers until you came flooding in.
You shattered the windows, tore down my walls and left me with nothing.
Nothing but you and your shallow waters.
3.5k · Sep 2017
This Is My Letter
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
My name is Britney. There were about 5 of me in high school so you would always have to ask which one. They were all spelled different because we were different.
Brittany and her boyfriend were the perfect couple, she was prom queen and she had a killer body.
Brittanie was short, longest hair in the school and a smile that lit up a room.
Brittney was a volley ball player, she ran track and was more like the boys than anything else.
Brittani was quiet, she read books and took a lot of art classes.
Me, I was sad. That's all anyone knew about me.
I would stare at the floor stuck in thought, cry almost every day and have mental breakdowns in the bathroom.
But no one knew why, only me.
I want to die now. I want to end my story while every one else's goes on.
I want everyone to know that I never stopped being sad, and when they hear the news that Britney died, everyone will ask which one but no one will remember me because I never left a mark.
I'm sorry I was always the sad girl. I'm sorry ai never stopped.
3.0k · Dec 2016
Things Change, People Change
Britney Lyn Dec 2016
Do you ever just miss the way things used to be?
Miss how close you were to somebody you never talk to anymore?
Miss the way you felt about somebody in highschool, or the way you thought about things a year ago?
Ever miss the familiar faces of the people you no longer know, or the happiness of being surrounded by people you loved?
Being comfortable?
Do you ever miss the skin you grew up in only to look in the mirror today and ask “what happened?”
That is, after all, the big question isn’t it? I know I miss it.
Every feeling I felt, every laugh, every tear, every hello even though I knew someday it would be goodbye,
Yet in denial that things can stay constant.
But goodbye came, and our only excuse is that things change, people change,
And all we’re left with are memories we want to forget or hold onto forever.
Maybe I miss so much because I’m not really living anymore.
Or I miss so much because things changed in a matter of months that felt like minutes.
Oh and I do miss so very much.
But hey, things change…people change.
2.2k · Feb 2017
Those Who Follow
Britney Lyn Feb 2017
And I feel like a shadow following submissively a long.
Unnoticed.
I make no sound, only repeating the motions I have been equipped to follow.
My manual, just empty pages because I'm not even my own person or am I?
I have no story to tell, just watching, waiting for you to write so I can follow suit.
And I follow you, everywhere you go, but every time it gets a little dark in this room I disappear.
Because you no longer need me, you no longer want me.
You just want sleep.
So I leave you to dream those dreams and I simply blend into the background.
You never notice when I'm gone and hardly at all when I'm there.
It hurts my feeling, or are these feelings yours?
The only difference is you shine bright and I don't shine at all.
You lead I follow.
And even if I wanted to lead I’d always end up falling behind again because I'm just a shadow, and shadows don't get to lead.
Am I your shadow?

Because I don't want to be...
Late night thoughts creeping around in my head before bed. Sorry if it's ****** I literally wrote it down just now with no edit. Possibly fix it later. Goodnight.
1.6k · Sep 2017
Closer to Closure
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Tell me that you still look for me in a crowd out in public. Tell me I live in your mind, that I don't just cross it.
I wrote down the times that you were eating me alive. The times I couldn't breath the times I did more than cry. I wrote about the passion, the love, the hate. I wrote about sidewalks, the movies and cake. I miss the moments we would meet eyes, I miss the moments we went on nighttime drives. I think about details like the curls in your hair, the way you stared. Your eyes lit a fire I have yet to put out. A fire that's destroyed me So just tell me you understand, this way that I feel. I need the closure so maybe I can heal.
Please let me heal.
1.6k · Apr 2017
I Am (Not) Okay
Britney Lyn Apr 2017
I'm not okay, but if somebody could even bother to look past my smile and ask, I would lie and say I'm fine because that's what I do. i deal with my problems by not dealing with them at all. I hide, I run, I lie. My mind has always gotten the better of me and let me tell you, it's such a bully to my heart.
And how many more times can my heart get beat before it stops beating?
1.6k · Sep 2017
Stop
1.4k · Jun 2017
Words Can Hurt
Britney Lyn Jun 2017
Nobody can hate me more than I hate myself so say what you have to say. Just understand this, if you tell a fat girl she's fat and she already knows, why tell her again and make her feel worse? If you tell a suicidal girl to **** herself, she just might. Words trigger actions, and words are beautiful. So don't use them to hurt people.
Be kind
1.3k · Jan 2018
Purple and Blue
Britney Lyn Jan 2018
Cannot sleep, all these memories are haunting me; purple and blue, a gift from you.
Will they stay? When will they fade?
To die like the happiness that seems to have left me, oh so heavy.
Take this heart, stomp out all the little pieces you created, all the pieces that you hated.
Hide my face away from the hidden, show me only to the blind.
Trust is not something that is easily given, especially from this heart of mine.
Lying on the ground, where you struck me down; battered, betrayed, I pray for the day.
Someone save me, for I am too shattered to do so myself, someone save me from this life that is my hell.
Help.
I wrote this piece 6 years ago today.
1.1k · Feb 2017
The Life Inside Me
Britney Lyn Feb 2017
My grandmother always said I look more beautiful when I smile but never thought to ask why I wasn’t smiling. My heart could only bring myself to smile back at her in return. I would spend every summer day I could at her house, swimming in the lake, basking in the sun, drowning my sorrows and letting them sink till I couldn’t see them anymore. I thought maybe they would stay at the bottom with whatever else was lost in that lakes depths. But I was only a child, and we think such foolish thoughts. I guess you could say my sorrows came back like ghosts with a vengeance because nothing was scarier than ghosts and nothing haunted me like my sorrows. I was thirteen years old and scared of the dark because it looked like silence felt and I was so overcome by it I hardly got any sleep. Then I asked myself what is sleep? Are we all just stuck in a nightmare or a dream, stuck in an infinite loop, a broken record, repeat. I wanted to scream as loud as I could but I didn’t dare wake the beasts in the next room in fear that I’d get beat. Emotionally, physically it was all the same to me because what’s the difference between visible scars and a broken heart, they both hurt. Sixteen years old and I’m staring at a rope tied in a knot, representing the hold my sorrows have over me. I tried for hours to untie that knot in hopes it would magically cure my problems. I cried in frustration and finally took a knife to it, determined to be free but only for a moment because the knot was me. I made a masterpiece out of the flesh I had come hate, trying to find some beauty in it but all I felt was sickness, pain. So I tightened that rope around my neck a hundred times, saying goodbye and I’m sorry a thousand more, ready to end my life when all I really wanted was someone to notice. And if that makes me selfish than at least I’m something more than a disappointment. But don’t worry I’ll still see you in the morning because I never could bring myself to commit. Eighteen years old, a legal adult and my only friend said he couldn’t love me if I couldn’t get better on my own. Said it was too hard to be with someone so far away even though I could reach my hand out and close that distance. He broke my heart and walked out of my life and the next day he didn’t have one. That day I came to terms with my life. No one could destroy me because I destroy me. And my worst fear is no longer ghosts, the dark, or the silence. My worst fear is one day, being as oblivious to my child’s suffering as my parents were to mine.
More of a story about my life than a poem but I still think it's poetic :)
1.1k · Aug 2017
He Was Change
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
The first time I met him he smiled at me awkwardly, as if my presence bothered him.
Of course he was too kind to ask me to leave, or maybe he was just trying to figure me out.
The second time I made any interaction with him was at our high school formal.
I wore a blue dress that flared out at my hips and gave a definition to my waist in which I loved.
He told me I looked like a mermaid and I swear I must have blushed.
The third time I was at my lowest of lows, hand on heart, wanting to rip the ***** out.
He came running from miles away to make sure that I was okay, to save my heart from anymore breaking.
We were friends after that. I was somehow connected to him emotionally. As if I owed him something maybe.
We had classes together, we joked around, and I fell.
I fell so hard that when I hit the bottom I was a puddly mess of emotion.
I want to believe that he fell too, even if it was just further away.
I want to believe I'm not just sitting her two years after he left writing about him for no reason.
I've tried. So **** hard. To let him go because I cannot find him.
Some days I'm convinced I have released my grip, that i can finally be content or even happy.
But on days like today I think back on all the good times we had and it's as if I've fallen all over again, only to relive the heartbreak.
I was always afraid that he'd leave, find someone better.
I was always afraid of change, and he was.
I write about you in hopes that by pouring my feelings out I'll be closer to getting over what we had. Because what we had feels like nothing at all anymore.
952 · Dec 2018
Corruption
Britney Lyn Dec 2018
I’m so tired of begging for romance in things that are less than romantic by nature. I refuse to get on my knees and plead to the tune of your hypocrisy. Affection and appreciation in the slightest would subdue this mind that consumes my worth, but second thoughts plague this waking body and fuel your comfort upon thy throne. Disappointment comes easily to a girl who simply picks flowers for their beauty when that is truly all they have to offer. Petals falling with her patience and wilt with her happiness. Good riddance to the man who took for granted a warrior in flesh and basked in the tears that filled his cup. Good riddance to prideful acts that pedestal his motives in the shame of any female who dare fall victim to his cause. Righteous is he who puts himself above others, a victorious smile smitten in vicious tendencies.
916 · Oct 2018
Connected
Britney Lyn Oct 2018
It’s been obvious for awhile now that we’ve gone our separate ways.
But I can’t help but bring you to the front of my mind every day I wake.
The urge to check up on you, make sure you’re okay, is unbearable to say the least.
To know if you look the same way you did nearly a year ago, or did you change?
To hear that laugh that used to make me sing.
To feel your touch graze my arm, caress my cheek.
All that keeps me going is the saying that everything happens for a reason.
Maybe fate will bring us together once again, even just as friends.
I look up at the sky and smile knowing you’re seeing the same as I.
The perspective might be different but you see the same moon, see the same clouds, feel the same wind.
Even if we have no future, we are all connected, whether we want to be or not.
And maybe that’s enough for me.
840 · Dec 2016
Depression
Britney Lyn Dec 2016
Growing up as a child I only saw the best in everything and everyone around me.
I saw the world in colors and smiles, laughter and love.
I never thought that when I hit middle school the darkness would consume me and swallow me up.
Depression.
It used to be a word I thought I’d never understand.
A word that people around me joked about,
A symptom that isn’t even real.
You see, depression is this constant feeling of dread, failure, sadness…
Like you’re stuck in a pitch black pit of despair that feels as simple as a coffin.
Where you're not only cut off from the world but you’re cut off from yourself.
A ghost inside a body that just wants to lay there and rot.
I used to be scared I could catch depression as a child,
As if someone could sneeze on me and I would immediately become infected.
All of my happiness slowly being devoured.  
Depression is a battle and sometimes we’re out numbered.
Sometimes the fight is fixed.
820 · Jun 2017
I Want People To Know
Britney Lyn Jun 2017
I want people to know I'm suicidal.
I don't want to talk about it. I don't want people to tell me it gets better or to get over it.
I just want people to know because maybe taking that weight off my chest will finally allow me to breathe a little. Maybe people will be kinder.
I want people to know I'm suicidal because I want to be honest.
I want people to know that when I wake up tomorrow, I barely survived yesterday.
I want everyone to know that I want to **** myself because when I finally do, I don't want people to think that I was happy, that I had a good life.
I want people to see the deep **** **** I push down each day, the thoughts that literally eat me alive and push me to the edge.
I want people to know that when I'm in the bathtub I hold myself under until  all my air runs out.
I want people to know when I'm opening cardboard boxes at work with the box cutter I think about sliding it down my wrists.
I want people to know when I get in my car and the road goes two ways or into the lake I want to choose the lake.
I want people to know when I go to sleep at night I resist the urge to down all the pills in my house.
I want people to know that I want to break my mirrors and slit my throat with the shards.
I want people to know I'm suicidal.
And it's ******* killing me.
I'm not the happy girl you think I am.
798 · Sep 2017
I Want To Live There
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I still love you.
But only in my dreams do you truly love me back.
Please, if you haunt me dreams do not wake me. I cannot face the reality of us.
774 · Feb 2017
Heart and Soul
Britney Lyn Feb 2017
I am a tainted heart with a replenished soul.
I wonder when the shadows will take a hold and pay the toll.
I hear screaming in my head with the silence of the night.
I see the future in my way without a guiding light.
I want to hide from the reflecting emotional troll.
I am a tainted heart with a replenished soul.

I pretend to be the hero but I’m really in distress.
I feel like fitting in with every girl but I’d like myself even less.
I touch the darkness where it meets the light, when the sun becomes the moon.
I worry about the vicious fight, the princess verses the goon.
I cry when my heart becomes a weak unreachable hole.
I am a tainted heart with a replenished soul.

I understand the melody that’s rising with these flames.
I say I love who I am but I’m tired of the games.
I dream about a man but I can never see his face.
I try to find the puzzle piece, one that fits in place.
I hope to be the diamond, not the unfavorable coal.
I am a tainted heart with a replenished soul.
Wrote this in high school, thought I'd share.
743 · Sep 2017
Wish
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
For every shooting star I see I wish you felt the same about me.
Tonight was beautiful, I hope it never ends.
702 · Aug 2017
The Dark
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
Loneliness lives in the dark, where even your shadow leaves you.
700 · Dec 2016
Memories Never Fade
Britney Lyn Dec 2016
The roses that he gave me are now wilted and dead.
Like the memories of how we used to be together.
The words that he spoke of, I love you is what he said.
He promised me he would be here till the end, forever.

Farewell my angel, a kiss goodbye, went on his way.
He lay in bed that night and thought of what he would do.
That was the last time she saw him, it still hurts this day.
Walls tainted with blood, the reason not even a clue.

Dressed in black, a pale white face; tears streaming like a river.
This is my fault, repeating in her head, the words true.
She speaks her words and looks her last, she tries not to quiver.
The images in her head swirling around like new.

I lost a friend that night, I miss him too much to say.
I love him, he stole my heart, one day I’ll be okay.


Dedicated to Drew
688 · Nov 2017
Good Girl
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
I don't like being called "good girl" anymore.
Not because I don't like the way you say it, or why you're saying it. No.
I don't like being called "good girl" because of a man.
I met him at a party, my friend ditched me.
I was watching everyone around me relax and have fun, but I was so tense.
He must have picked up on my weakness, like a predator to prey.
He handed me a drink and kept me company, he said I looked nervous.
He told me to relax and to take a hit off his joint.
I didn't want to be there anymore, but I tried to take his advice.
We sat on the floor near the double doors and he told me I still looked nervous.
He said I had no reason to be that he'd never let anything happen to me.
I just laughed because he only just met me.
Next thing I remember I wasn't feeling too good, my head was dizzy...no cloudy, and the floor was the ceiling.
I remember his eyes on me, so hungry.
I remember his hands on me, whereas mine were incapable of moving.
He couldn't meet my eyes and I couldnt remember where we were or how we got there, but it wasn't by the double doors anymore.
I remember noises, the dim lighting around us, I tried to focus on anything and everything else.
I was screaming, but I don't actually know if the noise came out.
I remember the hot tears that slid down my face as he slid over my body.
I was a toy, I couldn't do anything, I was a puppet to his whim.
He stoked my face occasionally and said I was a good girl, that I didn't need to be nervous, that I was a good girl, to just take it.
I remember wailing, his hand covering my mouth, my lips bruising, my body throbbing.
I haven't seen myself the same since, there wasn't anyone I felt safe with, not a hand that didn't feel like his.
I get sick at the thought of him, at the thought of that act he forced me to commit.
I didn't know his name but I knew his face because it haunts my dreams.
I scare easy now, I want to hide but sleep can't even save me.
I didn't want to be a good girl, I never wanted to be a good girl.
So please...please.
Don't call me one.
I don't think I'll ever be able to read this poem again, it's too much for me.
670 · Sep 2017
Brown Eyes
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
And your brown eyes are still the brightest part of my future, even if they do not rest upon me but instead continue looking.
669 · Oct 2017
You Took
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
I can still feel your hands on me,
The way they took, the way they gripped at my skin until I screamed.
You liked hearing me scream but you held a hand over my mouth just in case there were ears nearby.
You bruised my lips with how hard you held my face in place, I could barely breath.
Your hands they took, savagely, selfishly
Your eyes trailed my body with a tenderness that you couldn't possibly possess.
They humiliated me, for I was open, helpless.
Weak.
You took and took, and you ******* took!
I cried, I kicked, I begged, but you were all about finishing what you started.
I can feel your hands, everyone who has ever touched me has your hands.
I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying, somebody help me, please stop, no more!
I want to feel pretty but not like this.
I flinch at the unexpected embraces.
I awaken in fright when I should be at peace in the night.
You took.
And you couldn't even look me in the eyes because you knew.
You knew
...
But you still took.
Can you please take the memory with you too?
666 · Dec 2017
Nothing Bright In My Eyes
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
The sky tonight is grey, starless, and a little foggy; just like me.
646 · May 2018
Overthrown
Britney Lyn May 2018
I won't dare write your name, the letters no longer plague my mind. I haven't spoken its language in so long, that I have finally rid my tongue of it's captivity.
I write this because you were once amazed by the memories held timelessly onto the paper my pen met. You told me to never stop writing, and why would I? Why would I allow you to rid my life of something else I love?
Listening to you was easy, because that's all I ever knew. Wrists bound to metaphorical chains, but even bound I trailed ahead. Remember, I do not belong to you, I never did.
I made up your apologizes in my head, the simple sorry's you never said. But how could I have forgotten, you never do anything wrong. Up on your throne, you were the king of "everything", but the day I walked away that all changed. For you ruled over me no longer.
You built up lives, more than just I, and burnt them down until we became the fire, yet our flames were only few. I refused to be tamed as if a beast trapped inside the rib cage in you.
Our lives were intertwined, but not knotted together. We were two forces too great. I broke out of those chains, and escaped your heart forever.
I am a queen that bows to no man, and a ***** that will wear no leash.
The wolves have been hunted by the pawns they call their sheep.
645 · Nov 2017
Heartless
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
You lit a fire underneath my frozen heart.
The ice began to melt, my heart became warm to you.
The kind of warmth I had longed for.
But the flame never stopped, it burned.
It turned my heart a brittle black, a mistake you tried to fix.
But at the slightest touch it turned to ash, and beat no more for your words and affections.
622 · Jan 2017
Trapped Inside Myself
Britney Lyn Jan 2017
It’s much like being stuck in a daydream
A nightmare just waiting to break free.
I never thought I could end up this way
Frozen in time but the places still change.
Barely living but my heart is beating fine
Breath comes in but out goes the will to fight.
I keep fading in and out of these dreams
Taken under the water, a memory in the sea.
Feeling vacant in this vessel
Powerless and vulnerable.
I just couldn’t speak to tell anyone any news
Couldn’t lift my hand, go to the bathroom, move.
So I blink and I blink to communicate my thoughts
I keep sinking and sinking to the depth that haunts.
My life, a glacier breaking, falling apart
Melting into the waters that I will in part.
I want to die, I will not cry
The diving bell and the butterfly.
Response to the movie The Diving Bell and The Butterfly directed by Julian Schnalbel.
Britney Lyn Mar 2017
I understand now that I am like a plant. You loved me but you always gave me too much water and it was killing me. You thought by doing this you were reassuring my health so that I would stay beautiful but it was just washing me out. You put me in the sunlight as much as possible even though I required low light so my leaves began to wilt and in turn you kept me in the sun longer thinking I wasn’t getting enough of its shine. Eventually you gave up and left me there, giving me water whenever you remembered and I was parched. Because it was either too much or not enough with you and your love. You never paid attention to my needs, only yours. You saw my flowers bloom and admired their beauty but I was never in bloom for long. For once my petals started to drop you were less than interested in me. Was it because I wasn’t as pure? As lovely? Maybe you just couldn’t see down deep enough into my roots to understand what I was really all about. Because I only flowered once every year and honestly I’m surprised I haven’t died yet because you took such poor care of me. The sunlight scorched my greens into a color of brown and as I grew older I finally died and you tried to bring me back with all the care I once needed but it was too late. Not that you really care though considering the only think you miss are my flowers in the spring. So on to the next one you go, and I’d feel bad if I wasn’t already dead inside because the next flower you pick won’t last as long as I, because the only reason I chose to stay alive is because I thought my life was worth living till it didn’t feel like living anymore.
It's always winter here, I shall never bloom again.
520 · Sep 2017
Breathless
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
You make me breathless, but please put your hands around my throat and choke so I can at least enjoy you slowly killing me.
Your hands are all I've thought about today.
520 · Jan 2018
Gateway
Britney Lyn Jan 2018
He really was the devil, a devil in disguise.
He treated me like the queen I longed to be,
He had these brown, shadowed eyes.
They held some sort of affection, it seemed only for me,
But underneath that darling smile there was no soul to see.
The gateway was open, for what seemed like forever ago.
Something had happened, to his once beautiful soul.
Lucifer loved; he loved, and he lost.
He loved so much his soul it would cost.
His wings were torn, he cried, he fell.
The devil before me, didn't love me I could tell.
A trickster he was, the fool he made me out to be.
He cast me out as he once was, alone for eternity.
500 · Dec 2016
It Isn't Normal
Britney Lyn Dec 2016
It took me awhile to realize it isn't normal.
It isn't normal to be okay with getting hit by a car while crossing the street.
It isn't normal to be okay with not eating for days just because you didn't have time.
It isn't normal to wake up upset because you glanced at your body in the mirror.
It isn't normal for your dad to beat your mom because she didn't make the eggs right.
It isn't normal to bottle up your feelings because the bottle will become full.
It isn't normal take a blade to your wrists willingly so you feel a different pain.
It isn't normal to only get five hours of sleep at night because you can't shut your thoughts out.
It isn't normal to throw up your food in that public bathroom because you think your fat.
It isn't normal to sleep all day unless you're sick and throwing up from a flu.
It isn't normal to drink every night just so you can be sane for awhile in the meantime.
It isn't normal to let boys you don't like touch you so you can feel accepted.
It isn't normal to let that girl you're dating hit you because you said no.
It isn't normal to hate someone prettier than you because she didn't do anything wrong.
It isn't normal to want to die every time your heart breaks.
But it is normal.
It's normal to those people who live it everyday of their lives.
It's normal to those people who wish they could catch a break long enough to catch their breath.
It's normal to those people who regret everything in life to live for a moment where they might get to be proud.
Because our scars aren't only physical, their mental.
It isn't normal for everyone to understand.
But for those that do.
I hear you.
500 · Jan 2017
Baiser De La Mort
Britney Lyn Jan 2017
Roses of pure enchantment rest in the hands of the bride.
The red of the petals matching the crimson lips,
where tongues and lies collide.
Where there is an eclipse of hearts and darkness has fallen,
each thorn will pierce true.
Hands so pale, hair so black;
a sickening beauty she tries to prove.
The trees surround her mystic display,
the air choking like a noose.
When the sunlight returns the shadows will creep,
my beauty there shall be no truce.
Her eyes the color of jade,
such as a black cat on Halloween.
The soul that lay behind them,
so lovely yet tainted, unclean.
Her body that of an hourglass,
but what happens when time runs out?
Each grain of sand, each faded memory;
will fall to the bottom no doubt.
Yet here you stand just inches away,
from the women that will cause your death.
No matter the place, when the bond is sealed,
my friend you’ll have nothing left.
Say your vows and exchange the kiss,
barely able to breathe.
She slips the poison into your glass,
you still think it’s meant to be.
494 · Dec 2017
Candy Hearts
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
My heart dissolves with the impact of your words
Like cotton candy to the saliva that drips from your mouth,
With the formless promises that crash against my ribcage barrier.
I, made from sugar, forever meant to be your sweetness,
Clinging to you with a candy coated grip,
I melt against the warmth burning from within you.
Your heat has shaped me into another, your lies not meant for mine.
I wish to make you sick with wonder, sick with love.
But my sweetness was made for so much, and you my dear were never enough.
467 · Jan 2018
Nothing's The Same Anymore
Britney Lyn Jan 2018
And the worst part about letting you go is I had to let go of everything you ruined. When I listened to my favorite songs I could no longer enjoy the rhythm or get lost in the lyrics, no. Instead I got lost in the way your lips sang along with the words, the way your eyes lit up when I decided to join you. I could no longer just drive down the road because every time I happen to glance at that passenger side, I could see glimpses of you. I could hear you from a distance laughing at the jokes I told. I could no longer walk down my hometown street without feeling your hand in mine, or go to the grocery store without relieving those moments in our favorite late night spot. I couldn't bare going to the park and listening to the leaves in the wind or watching the stars at night because you took that away from me too. You ruined the things in life that made me smile, that made me happy. My sheets are in the form of your silhouette and reek of your soul. I cannot wear my favorite top, I cannot view another sunset... because of you. I don't wear my hair the same way, I don't speak the same way. I cannot bare the loss of you. But I need to.
I wrote this about a month ago but didn't think it was perfected enough to be shared.
After going back to it recently and fixing it a little, I am still not happy with the final product but maybe this poem is supposed to stay imperfect, because the relationship behind it never was.
465 · Apr 2017
Her Paleness Possesses
Britney Lyn Apr 2017
I admired her paleness.
It was like the bitter stillness of the winters landscape.
Or the soft, fragile feathers encased in my bedside pillow.
No color amongst those perfect pore-less cheeks.
Her lips a crimson red; a rustic brown, stained her teeth as she smiled.
I never thought I’d bestow my eyes upon such beauty, a goddess among the earth.
A wolf among mere sheep.
I wanted nothing more than to lift my hand and graze that face but I mustn't.  
Because she shined so bright against the rest and I refused to dull that shine.
My muddied hand was not worthy of such perfection.
I wanted no other to lay eyes on her skin, hair, body.
I would sooner gouge out my own eyes than loose sight of what I am seeing before me.
She will be my last vision, oh but what a vision she was.
I had multiple takes on this poem as I went along in its process. First I was thinking from a mans point of view to see such a beauty even he knew he could not have her. Then I thought how I could make it personal. So it became a piece about a women staring at herself in the mirror and loving what she sees. A women of perfection and never wanting to let that sight go. You are beautiful!
457 · Apr 2017
Purification
Britney Lyn Apr 2017
And all of her flaws caught fire by the sun burning inside her.
I know it's only a line but I figured I'd still share it with you all.
Britney Lyn Jun 2017
Tell me that you see me in the rain.
Not when its silent or when it's a mere mist,
But when it's pounding towards the earth, in all its frustration
Tell me you hear my screams when the wind catches on itself,
Or when my howls of agony are as loud as the tears that fall from my face.
442 · Dec 2016
Reliving The Pain
Britney Lyn Dec 2016
Carve the name of the one whose kiss has tainted you into your skin to relive the pain of the memory.
A reminder of how pathetic you were to think anything more could become of the two.
So you bleed and cry, grow exhausted and hungry, with each passing day wanting nothing more but the simple closure that you lost the second you let him in.
430 · Apr 2017
I Still Loved You
Britney Lyn Apr 2017
I’m having a hard time coping with the fact that you’re no longer in my life. ******* for making me feel this way when I shouldn’t feel a ******* thing! Someone said your name the other day and I pretended to be okay with that fact that the sound of it still broke my heart. Every memory that I had suppressed found its way back to the front of my brain trying to remain there in fear they’d one day be forgotten. I wouldn’t care if I forgot though, because maybe then I could move on with my life and think about things that are important now instead of back then. Because you left. No note, no text, no call, not even a sorry, goodbye.
I wonder every now and then if you’re happy with your life because I question if I’m happy with mine. Things aren’t the same anymore and I guess that’s okay because if they were I might get bored of the constant but I wish you would have been a constant in my life. I think my mistake was never having the fear of losing you because when I did I wasn’t ready for the blow I took when I fell and you weren’t there to catch me. I realize I’m not much of anything, not even worth a few words or minutes of your time. But I just don’t understand how someone can go from caring about you, really caring about you to not even recognizing you when you walk by.
My days felt like years and every year I grow older but I haven’t seemed to die yet, at least not on the outside. It’s cold most days and that’s completely okay because the warmth reminds me of you and those nights we’d count our stars and count the hours before the sky became lighter and swallowed the moon. I rather liked the warmth then, like the time it was raining and we walked to a bench but the breeze cut through my clothing so you hugged me tight and wrapped me in a blanket I stored in my trunk. I can’t even walk down my own hometown streets because we used to walk on those sidewalks and that marked the best day of my life because it was the first day we really spent together and the first time I actually felt something other than this terrible sadness.
I think about the moments when my best friend and I were dancing like ballerinas in the kitchen and the moments where we stayed up all night playing that stupid Dance, Dance, Revelation and you’d sit on that couch watching us just laughing. I miss that sound you know. The sound that always brought me back from the hole I’d always manage to sink into. I ponder the times when we’d go on those late night drives just to get away from everything and be alone with the stars, and on the nights the stars refused to show we’d go get doughnuts and talk over your coffee and my hot chocolate. We’d talk about life, whether I was happy or not, what I could do to help you out, all of our problems we faced together. I remember leaving that shop one night at 3am with you, and you smashed that doughnut into my face and I chased you for what felt like an hour. Or the time you bought a cake for me because I was turning 19 but when I was unlocking my car you yelled for me and I turned around in a panic only to have my face land right into the middle of it.
I was so angry at you, but you said it was cute. I must have yelled at you for hours because my hair was all matted and my clothes stained with that sickly sweet frosting but you said I looked so beautiful and that it was a good look for me. We did so much together and I remember every ******* detail. Everything. I never thought moments like that would keep me up at night, bring tears into my eyes that were already made of too much sea.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though it’s been over a year now and I’m happy with someone else, I still miss you. Because whether you were my first love, or second I still loved you.
And there’s no getting over that.
Please just let me sleep tonight.
423 · Feb 2017
(In)Sanity
Britney Lyn Feb 2017
No matter how hard you’ve tried, their spells have been cast.
Now you fear only of the future, present, and past.
The glass has shattered, the sidewalks have cracked, the room painted white for insane.
The lights are dimming and the promises burning, in a picture perfect frame.
Whispers of the wind telling you their secrets of the night.
The reflection you see in the water, becomes a monstrous sight.
They make you crazy, sanity has left, your mind you begin to loose.
Eternity lasts forever, but a life like this, your fate is yours to choose.
Forming a masterpiece of who you were and who you have become.
These voices inside your head, try to figure out where they come from.
A corpse wearing the scent of death, it’s just a twisted lie.
And that flower that almost bloomed, slowly fades and dies.
A limitation to perfection can only be pushed within the lines.
Roses are sweet, but your caught within the thorns and vines.
Struggling for freedom but held back by your own creation.
Your beauty only outside, and that of fake presentation.
Sticks and stones have broken my bones, try to run and hide.
Nothing can help you now, you are forever lost in your mind.
Reaching out to grab for something that is not even true.
They keep on telling you what you can and can not do.
The taste of copper filling your mouth, crimson running down your face.
From your eyes and from your pores, the illusions you can not erase.
The screams you cry get louder and louder, but you can not hear your voice.
The things you see, and the things you hear and not at all by choice.
Waking up in the padded cell, the straight jacket keeping you restrained.
All the voices in your head, along with all the images remain.
You’re one of them, they’re all around, fighting to be sane.
But now that you have joined that path, you are no longer humane.
419 · Aug 2017
Angels Can Fall
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
The only reason the devil's still alive is because you keep protecting him.
He may have been an angel once but then he fell.
But not for you.
You're my devil. The evil I have to face every day.
390 · Sep 2018
Safe Haven
Britney Lyn Sep 2018
He was the one who held me in his arms while I was curled in on myself, weeping. Literally gripping my heart, trying to keep myself from completely falling apart. Watching it seep through my fingers like the sand in our lifespan hourglass. He was there to wipe away the tears that never stopped pouring. He was there when I believed myself to be utterly alone; at my worst when I was cruel to anything with a beating heart because I was oh so tired of mine getting broken.
387 · Jun 2017
2:30am
Britney Lyn Jun 2017
It’s 2:30am, I’m taking a bath, sinking into the water and I get a sudden wave of depression not even 5 minutes into it. I don’t fit, there are pieces of me sticking out, I can hardly bare to look at the everything that is me. 2:50am I decide to drain the tub and take a shower. I never like hot showers but I take one and yes it burns but I enjoy it. Because the physical pain is easier to cope with than the mental. I want it hot, so when I get out the mirrors will be so fogged over I can’t see myself. I want it hot, so I can focus of something else other than my self image. Tonight I share my thoughts because I am in a low and dark place. I’m sharing my thoughts because I know there is someone who understands, there has to be. I’m sharing my thoughts because I’m alone, when everybody said I never would be.
381 · Aug 2017
Scorned
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
If you burn our bridge, I will not waste the time or energy to build another. Goodbyes are forever.
The fire that once guided our love has now consumed and destroyed us.
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Last night you told me you loved me.
That's all I've wanted to hear for the last year.
But something seemed to come over me, and I panicked.
I wanted to believe those lovely words but my heart wouldn't let me.
Because I'm enough for the moment, but I'll never be enough truly.
I never am.
And I'm sorry i never will be...
352 · Sep 2017
The Evolution of Love
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I never imagined a love so passionate.
We would kiss each other endlessly every night.
You were everything I wanted, never needed to fight.
I never imagined a love so overpowering.
We stayed awake for hours just looking into each others eyes.
You were my wings and with you I could fly.
I never imagined a love so gentle.
We cuddled for hours under the blanket of stars.
You kissed my wrists and all my scars.
I never imagined a love so comfortable
We could talk to each other or watch the telly.
You even made breakfast to fill my belly.
I never imagined a love to challenging.
We bickered about bills and fought about time.
You made me feel like my loving you was a crime.
I never imagined a love so toxic.
We once were a spark that turned into a flame.
You burned me alive and handed me the blame.
I never imagined a love so lost.
We could never settle in one place in life.
You and I were bonded but I was cut off by your knife.
I never imagined a love so dead.
We saw each other sometimes but refused to even smile.
You tried to come over and say “hey it’s been awhile.”
I never imagined a love like this.
We started out strong but ended in fists.
When sparks turn to flames, both of us will burn.
342 · Sep 2017
Puppeteer
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I'm so tired of fighting the demons in my head, but how long will it take before I realize you're controlling them.
330 · Nov 2018
Icarus, Forbidden Love
Britney Lyn Nov 2018
So you've left all ties to this life behind.
I'll search, I'll search for your eyes.
But staring at something that shines so bright,
Will surely make you blind.
For those who soar too close to the sun,
Must feel it’s burning lies.
The biggest star in all my sky,
I’ll fly, I swear I’ll try.
Oh beauty in this flame of mine.
Burning light, sun kissed sight,
Eternal fire, a bid goodnight.
The moon; a better friend.
A broken heart I’ll never mend,
A life without you, I’ll try again.
In the morrow I’ll repair these wings,
To fly the sky that starlight brings.
No fire to scorch thy pride,
Only moonlight shall be my guide.
A day away, from blistering fate,
The star that could never be mine.
327 · Dec 2017
December Heart
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
You broke up with me on a cold winter night.
Each word hitting me like a speeding bullet, not one missed.
And I remember watching the breath leave my body,
My ice sculpture heart shattering in that stand still moment.
A song I have stuck on repeat, singing the haunting song of forever,
Into ears that never once believed another word from the boys with beautiful eyes.
The world looks like December, bitter, and always in the landscape of you.
326 · Sep 2017
What If I Can't Forget
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Last night I had a dream that I saw you, standing amongst a crowd of people whom I could not identify. You were leaning against a wall like all those cool kids used to do in the movies and you were talking intensely with someone else, you didn’t notice me.
I walked right up to you and wrapped my frail arms around you in an embrace. I didn’t have to say anything, I just marched right up to you mid sentence and hugged you, burying my face into the scent of your old leather jacket. You wrapped your arms around me and the people around us disappeared and we just stood there, no words needed because all I needed was your warmth. The warmth I haven’t felt in months.
When we let go, I asked you if we could go down to the pond, sit in our old spot and make fun of the people passing by. But before you could respond I woke up.
They say that when you dream of someone they are either your biggest fear or your greatest desire. And I know it’s strange but I’m still trying to figure out which one you are. And as much as I miss you we were always meant to fall apart because I loved you more than I could ever love myself and if that’s not destruction I don’t know what is but at the same time you were my breath, my heartbeat and let me tell you you’re not really living when those get taken away. I don’t know when I’ll stop missing you. But I know it won’t be soon.
From a couple months ago.
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